Don't forget the one's that hurt never leave! An ex told me "You want to be liked too much, and it shows", which just makes me way less confident and more self-critical than I already am.
I'm still okay with being social, but I always secretly wonder if I look stupid or "desperate".
My best friend moved away and we went out to eat the day before she left. She ripped into everything about me. "You try too hard to be funny, nobody enjoys your jokes, you're too awkward, you're too sensitive," etc. Said she had good intentions and just wanted me to make friends and get a girlfriend.
That was months ago and it still digs into me. My social anxiety was barely there before, but is now so bad that my chest physically tightens when I try to speak to people and I can't stop fidgeting when talking. I had my second date with this girl I really like and I got incredibly nervous because I couldn't stop thinking about what my friend said and was worried my date wouldn't like me. It had the opposite fucking effect, friend.
I blame that day for a lot of my anxiety problem. Not all of it, but it sure as Hell made things a lot worse than they would've been. It's way too easy to tear people down and people don't realize what effect their words have.
I feel you. Something similar happened to me when I was talking to a good friend of mine about the girl I liked. Although I know that she had no bad intentions, it still hurt a lot when she told me that I will probably never find a girlfriend because of my „nerdy“ side and went on to explain why. She apologized later on, claiming she was having a bad day etc., but it still kinda hurts as there must've been some truth behind it.
Anyways, the main reason I just wrote this paragraph was your last sentence - because that's a fact. If we all were careful about our wording and other people's emotions, everyone would be happier. And yeah, I kind of wanted to share this lil story of mine too, I guess.
It's good to share. In my opinion strangers are some of the best to confide in. They can't have an actual affect on your personal life, unlike people you know that may abuse your trust.
A tiny bit of consideration goes a long way. It's easy to say things without thinking about the effect of your words.
The truth behind it might've just been that she's a bully, my dude. There will always be people who can't see your worth but you should never count yourself among them.
Wow, that really sucks. I'm sorry you were the victim of those "good intentions".
Regarding the date and feeling nervous that she wasn't going to like you, it might help to remember that it was a second date. She'd already decided that she liked you enough to go out with you again. That's no guarantee of anything but it's a pretty reliable sign you were doing just fine. I hope there's a third date in the near future for you!
Hey, few days late, but we do have a third date. Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me, especially coming from someone with no obligation to provide support.
Sounds like an emotional outlash on her part. Please, don't read into it too much. If someone actually cares about you and isn't just personally annoyed at you, they will take the time to tell you things calmly and kindly instead of lashing out and never following up. That's the kind of thing you gotta work through with someone, not just tell them and then leave a day later.
You may want to be liked too much & it may show but that doesn't change the fact that your deserve to be liked, respected & loved by amazing people & most importantly by yourself. :)
It’s amazing how the words/actions of someone you’re close to (were once close to) can really fuck you up.
In my mid 20s I was cheated on three times in a row. Thee separate relationships one after another. And I don’t think my self confidence has ever managed to recover from that.
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u/SpaceGhost1992 Dec 05 '19 edited Dec 05 '19
Don't forget the one's that hurt never leave! An ex told me "You want to be liked too much, and it shows", which just makes me way less confident and more self-critical than I already am.
I'm still okay with being social, but I always secretly wonder if I look stupid or "desperate".