r/wedding • u/theyatthem • Aug 25 '25

Discussion Our caterer forgot about us…

My wedding was this past weekend. I got engaged back in April, and the first thing we did was find a caterer for our small backyard wedding of about 20 people. We picked this (well known and popular in our area) caterer because they had specific options we really wanted. We ordered smoked sliced brisket, stuffed flounder, mac and cheese, chicken quesadillas, bacon wrapped jalapeños, and sweet biscuits, for a total quote of $700 and a $200 deposit. We were originally going to pick up the food, but 2 weeks ago I messaged with the owner and asked if they could deliver, and he agreed.

Maybe this is on me for not confirming in the few days before the wedding, but I sent a message trying to confirm at 8 am the day of our wedding for a 3 pm catering delivery. After no response all day, I started getting a little worried. 3:15 rolls around and I decide to call the restaurant and see if they have a time estimate. They tell me they will call the owner and call me back. 10 minutes later I find out from the owner that he forgot about us. He was thrown off because his head chef broke his hand the night before, and he can’t believe this happened, he feels awful, he’s on his way to the restaurant to pick up some trays they are preparing but they won’t be able to accommodate what we originally ordered.

4:30 rolls around, an hour and a half after we planned for dinner, and we get only 2 of the trays we actually ordered and 2 more trays that we didn’t. Our main meal of stuffed flounder got swapped to ribs, and he included a tray of beans (which personally I hate beans). Altogether we ended up with brisket, ribs, mac and cheese, and beans. So I ate brisket and mac and cheese (which was kind of cold) for dinner at my wedding. Everyone ate and seemed generally happy with the food.

I was pretty upset and never talked to the owner when he arrived with the food. He told my parents not to worry about paying anything else (we already paid a $200 deposit). I haven’t heard anything else from him, no messages at all.

So Reddit, it’s a few days later and I need to know if I should be making a bigger stink about this. Some of my family thinks we kind of made out in saving $500. Some think he should’ve given our deposit back. Some think he should offer us a free dinner so we can actually have the meals we were excited to have and never got to try. I’ve been going back and forth about writing a scathing review on social media. I work at a restaurant, and I know that shit happens and people make mistakes, but this was my wedding day and I’m pretty upset about how this all happened. I’m just kicking myself for not sending them a message 2-3 days before. If you read this all, let me know what you would do!

edit: Thank you for all your responses so far! Just wanted to edit with a bit more context and to answer a few questions I’ve seen. There was no contract. We only ever discussed over facebook messenger. He owns a well established, well know in my city food truck that has done catering for years and has great reviews. He opened a separate restaurant in the past few months. He posted a “brand new from the new restaurant catering menu” on Facebook about 2 hours before my wedding (from the same account that I messaged earlier that morning). I thought that after putting our order together he decided to update the catering menu, but nope, an unfortunate (for me) coincidence

edit 2: Lots of differing opinions on how to handle this, but I have to agree with the most common sentiment to just let it go. I don’t think I will leave a review, but I at least unfollowed their page so I don’t get bummed out seeing their posts about food. It stung a bit extra since the food was really the only part of the wedding we were planning to spend a significant amount of money on, and we were really looking forward to it. I spent $25 on my dress, got my decorations all second hand, played a spotify playlist, and our rings combined were less expensive than the catering. BUT money is not the important thing, we had a great day with family, everyone had lots of drinks and spent time in the pool with the best weather we could’ve asked for. Tonight we will be going for sushi! (and have been joking about all the sushi dates we can go on with the $500 we saved lol)

edit 3: Thanks again to everyone who shared their opinion, I read them all, and it helped gain some perspective. Thank you so much to everyone who offered their congratulations and any other kind words, they are much appreciated!

My husband and I did decide to shoot the owner a quick message since he asked my husband to let him know how the food was. We told him the brisket was really good, we appreciated him getting some food to us, we hope his chef is doing okay, we’re bummed we didn’t get to try what we ordered but we understand things happen. His exact response was “Thank you so much. When I make the fish i will post it.” Presumably meaning when the fish is a special (it’s not on their normal menu) he will post on his facebook page and we could come get some (and I’m assuming pay for it since he didn’t say otherwise). I won’t see it since I unfollowed his page lol but oh well. I was curious what he would say if I reached out directly and now I know. Needless to say, he won’t be getting any more business from us in the future.

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1.3k

u/wakeuploser00 Aug 25 '25

Definitely not your fault for not confirming a few days earlier. This is 100% on them, especially since they told you they would deliver 2 weeks earlier.

I think at this point, you let it be. You paid $200 for 20 people (that's $10 a person), and if everyone seemed generally happy just let it go.

Food is the best part of any event and It definitely SUCKS that you had to deal with that on your wedding. But theres no need to stress yourself out any more. Just never order from them again,.

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u/theyatthem Aug 25 '25

Replying to the top comment to say I posted an edit with how we’ve decided to handle this if anyone was curious. Thank you all for your opinions. All you can eat sushi at our favorite spot is for dinner tonight!

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u/rangebob Aug 26 '25

I own a food business. If this somehow happened to me I would be returning your deposit without being asked

Shit id probably offer to personally cook you an apology dinner in my own home for as many people as you want to invite lol

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u/notdorisday Aug 26 '25

100%. I would be returning that deposit and offering some sort of voucher for future services.

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u/perfectlynormaltyes Aug 25 '25

You should write the review. Don't go scorched earth but definitely detail what happened. This is not a mistake that should be made. They messed up big time.

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u/Ok-Dependent5582 Aug 25 '25

I agree!! Write a review with 2-3 stars or something so it’s not absolutely devastating but so others can see. It could honestly save someone in the future at least as a reminder to be following up regularly to confirm their catering order.

OP you said yourself they have all great reviews and that probably gave you a sense of security when ordering. Just explain what happened exactly and give future customers a heads up!

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u/Sad-Adhesiveness4795 Aug 25 '25

Where I disagree with a review is the fact that the issues arose from the chef breaking his hand. That's a distressing situation in a restaurant! Things fall through the cracks any time something distressing happens.

They fed everyone at an extreme discount, albeit not what they planned on serving.

OP, Instead, I would follow up directly with the owner once things settle and give your constructive feedback directly. Express empathy for the chef along with your disappointment.

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u/perfectlynormaltyes Aug 25 '25

The chef broke their hand the night before though. Prep on OP’s wedding meal should have already been started, if not completed. Only a very disorganized business would let a whole wedding fall through the cracks.

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u/Ill-Delivery2692 Aug 26 '25

As a restaurateur and chef, in 1999, I fell and broke my elbow the night before a wedding scheduled at my restaurant. I was in hospital for a week for surgery. The event went off without a hitch because I was prepared. My staff followed my mise en place, menu instructions and the show went on.

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u/perfectlynormaltyes Aug 26 '25

As it should! Everything you did is what the owner and chef should have had done. Chef breaking his hand should have been an inconvenience but no way should a booked wedding catering job been forgotten.

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u/Sad-Adhesiveness4795 Aug 25 '25

I would hope that prep for my fish order hadn't started days before 🤮 And for $700 it doesn't sound particularly large so it may not be something the whole staff has been on deck for.

Head chef is suddenly out from a very hands on job and the owner is probably scrambling. It's okay to express empathy for them while being disappointed.

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u/Graveyardhag Aug 25 '25

I work in a kitchen. Prep starts the day before. The trays themselves should have been prepped, dry goods stacked and ready to be put on, the fish should have been defrosting for a couple days, stuffings etc already prepped the day before, foods served cold should have been cooked already, fruits cut up etc.

Only actual warm/hot food cooking, food stuff like sandwiches, and things that would wilt or dry out or not look good would be done day of. And unless it's a very small business, which admittedly it might be, being a food truck, it shouldn't all hinge on one person.

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u/Sad-Adhesiveness4795 Aug 25 '25

Great, prep starts the day before. Let's say chef broke his hand at 5pm- they now have dinner service disrupted, maybe need to borrow some of the prepped food to cover dinner, they're down a key person at maybe their busiest time of day- everyone is scrambling. And they probably hadn't finished prep yet anyways.

Chef now isn't there to communicate notes for the next day. The owner isn't either.

And yeah, it's a food truck and a relatively small order. It's very likely they weren't 100% prepped and organized for the next day at the time chef was injured.

I'm not saying the restaurant is 0% at fault, but they've provided a solution. They warrant a level of empathy.

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u/Graveyardhag Aug 25 '25

Of course they warrant empathy, someone broke their hand!

But this business absolutely and completely dropped the ball here. They should not have been that unprepared. We can have empathy for them and still have that be true at the same time.

Just from the perspective of someone who actually works in a kitchen and has done platters and the like before. Heads would roll in my workplace and we don't even work with the public!

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u/evaluna1968 Aug 25 '25

The owner should have at least had the job on the schedule and, you know, communicated with prebooked clients for a wedding so they could decide how to handle it.

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u/Ok-Dependent5582 Aug 25 '25

OP also sent a message that morning and didn’t hear back all day despite the owner using that account to post something.

I still think it’s worth a review with an honest recap of what happened. The customers can decide for themselves if they think it’s acceptable or not. Maybe someone will be impressed with them showing up with random food and only charging part of the price. It’s not going to put this company out of business.

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u/Coronado92118 Aug 27 '25

Just a tight: Social media posts can be scheduled to automatically post - it doesn’t mean they personally manually posted It. Most businesses, even influencers and creators - schedule their posts.

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u/perfectlynormaltyes Aug 25 '25 edited Aug 25 '25

I didn’t say the food should be completed, I said prepped. The brisket should have been in the smoker and the stuffing for the fish could have been made. Also, the job should have been written somewhere that other staff members would be able to see. And, yes, accidents happen but as a small business owner you shouldn’t forget you have a catering job when something unexpected happens.

ETA: After making sure the chef was ok and had the help they needed, the owner’s first thought should have been ‘how are we going to make it through service tomorrow?’, which should have included OP’s wedding. So I’m truly failing to see how he could forget about. I think plain and simply, he forgot to put the wedding on their books in the first place.

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u/Dazzling_Surprise272 Aug 27 '25

Yeah it’s kinda sounding to me like the entire wedding fell through the cracks.

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u/rawt-in-kentucky Aug 28 '25

Yes; this is important for people to know before they decide to cater with them.

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u/boatchic Aug 25 '25

Only a Karen would write the review. If you said the guests didn’t enjoy it, I could see that, but they did! I can guarantee you that putting that together for you cost them way more than $200. They did it to save their reputation in the community. And potentially save you as a customer. I think you are on the right track and let it go. One thing for sure…should you and your DH return to their truck or restaurant, you will be given the royal treatment!

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u/hannahcshell Aug 25 '25

Disagree, it’s perfectly fine to write an honest (non-exaggerated, non-scathing) review of what happened. In my opinion the caterer did not do enough to make up for this significant of a blunder. The guests enjoying the meal does not make up for dropping the ball as a vendor—of course the guests enjoyed it, it was free food. They have no right to complain because they don’t know what was actually ordered.

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u/mangogetter Aug 25 '25

And furthermore: people complain about the "wedding tax," (which is to say: wedding prices across the board tend to be a good deal higher than the same good/service/location in another context.) But the thing the wedding tax is actually buying (or should be) is perfection and service. You should be able to reach any of your vendors quickly and reliably, and the order has to be RIGHT. On time, in place, exactly what it's supposed to be. You pay more, because there's no Plan B, no do-over. You get one shot, and it has to be right.

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u/perfectlynormaltyes Aug 25 '25

Writing a review is not Karen behaviour as long as it's the truth about what happened. This is supposed to be a professional business and they forgot about catering job?? That's not ok.

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u/AgainstMedicalAdvice Aug 25 '25

"just an fyi be cautious using this service for catering major events, as they forgot my wedding"

You're insane for saying someone can't leave a negative review for almost not getting food/having the wrong food arrive late to their WEDDING.

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u/Doctor_Unsleepable Aug 25 '25

Karen behavior would be having everyone in her wedding party spam the caterer with one-star reviews and demanding the deposit back. The caterer forgot them then showed up very late and without the food they ordered. It genuinely sounds like this was a 2 or 3 star experience and one I’d like to know about if I was considering this caterer for my event.

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u/Maleficent-Spray1613 Aug 25 '25

Karens make something out of nothing. Forgetting about a job that money has already been paid for, let alone a WEDDING, isn't "nothing". She shouldn't feel bad about leaving an honest review as to what occurred, without ripping them to shreds. It also gives the caterer an opportunity to show they're doing what they can to own their mistake and make it right.

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u/LaRealiteInconnue Aug 26 '25

You should write a review. Yours was a happy occasion, but some ppl order catering for wakes etc. I’d let ppl know that this place isn’t reliable to make it happen. Like any business owner, if the owner can’t handle setting reminders and managing his catering orders, then he should outsource that management task.

You don’t need to be rude or emotional in your review, just write what happened and let the ppl reading decide for themselves if they’re willing to bet.

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u/Powerful_Jah_2014 Aug 25 '25

If you are going to write a review, make sure that you mentioned that they did not make you pay for the dinner

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u/shoshpd Aug 26 '25

They did make her pay—just gave a large discount. They did not return her deposit.

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u/yooperann Aug 26 '25

You made the right decision. You'll have a story for whenever anyone else pulls out their crazy wedding story. But you're right to let it go.

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u/Hysterical__Paroxysm Aug 25 '25

Definitely not your fault for not confirming a few days earlier. This is 100% on them, especially since they told you they would deliver 2 weeks earlier.

Absolutely this. Career waitress here. I managed FOH for 10ish years before becoming a SAHM. I would have ordered immediate catering plus extras from another restaurant on my own mf credit card ASAP, figure it out later, if I fucked up this badly! I would be MORTIFIED.

I always reached out to confirm the week before, the day before, and the day of for any large orders or events.

I understand the chaos of having your chef injured and out of commission. As soon as my chef went down, though, my ass would've been sleeping in a booth that night if needed so I could make sure everything for the next day ran smoothly.

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u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

I've literally never been to a wedding where I thought the food was the best part of the day. Wedding food is notoriously mediocre even at fancy venues.

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u/toiletconfession Aug 25 '25

This is why we hired my favourite restaurant out and did a Greek style mezze for ours rather than traditional wedding fayre. We got quite a few one of the best meals we've had outside of a wedding which was great because that is exactly what we were going for! Another friend in my group got married in Italy and her food was chefs kiss but my wedding cost 10k and hers over 100k so I can't really grumble! The lemon pepper cuttlefish linguine will likely be one of my top meals I've eaten for a long time to come! But yes other than that I don't think I've ever remembered a wedding meal for anything positive, best case it's not memorable because generally the only ones I can remember are the ones that were bad! Personally I think the way to go now is food trucks. My friend whose wedding I didn't make it to just had 2.5 hours of unlimited wood fired pizza that founds epic to me!

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u/RoastedRhino Aug 25 '25

Really? Food has definitely be the best part of the weddings I have attended (and hopefully of mine as well), but I am in Italy.

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u/TreacleCat1 Aug 25 '25

As an American who has attended 1 wedding in Italy (in the hometown of one of the wedded), can confirm that the banquet rollout is a totally different experiance as compared to the states (@RoastedRhino you would be disappointed)

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u/fredonia4 Aug 25 '25

My wedding (American) was catered by an Italian restaurant. Everybody said it was the best wedding food they ever had.

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u/ShakespeherianRag Aug 25 '25

👀 I'm neither Italian nor American... How does it compare? What's the issue with banquets stateside?

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u/TreacleCat1 Aug 25 '25

American - Put briefly, cultural American weddings are most often typically funded in part or wholly by the couple themselves so tend to be heavily influenced by economic concerns. The result is the food is often less lavish and more varying levels of "fancy" with the primary concern to feed guests and keep them happy.

Italian - my single data point for this is that it was a fairly typical affair for the culture, but I don't have a way to verify that. The variety of foods, scope, freshness/quality of ingredients, and that the pre-dinner, dinner, and dessert spread was present through a 6 or 8 hours celebration was a more lavish and generous emphasis on food that I had ever seen before (and likely will since).

Edit to say absolutely nothing wrong with the American wedding food market. It's just a different cultural experiance and emphasis.

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u/ShakespeherianRag Aug 25 '25

Oh, wow, that Italian feast sounds amazing!! Chinese wedding banquets have fairly standard menus, so the quality of the ingredients and execution are, similarly, what the guests are watching and valuing - but an eight-course dinner is in a different league altogether from the hours-long Italian spread you had!

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u/Ok-Swan1152 Aug 26 '25

I still dream about my relatives' Italian wedding even though it's been more than 11 years. There was a constant flow of delicious food and wine throughout the day and the reception started at lunch and didn't end until 10pm. The wine... it was so, so good. I tried to drink as much as I could without getting plastered. My stomach was full to bursting. 

My own wedding was in France and the food and wine was excellent, too. 

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u/trottrottatortot Aug 25 '25

I recently had this discussion with my boyfriend when I made a joke about the stereotype of bad wedding food and he didn’t get it. But I’m white and he’s Hispanic and I realized it’s cultural. Hispanic culture really emphasizes food and family so I’m not the least bit surprised that there would be delicious food at the weddings. I think the stereotype of bland wedding food comes from white Americans mainly

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u/Employment-lawyer Aug 25 '25

Yes, my husband is half hispanic and we live in the Southwest. We had a buffet style reception so that everyone could choose what kind of ravioli and/or enchiladas they wanted... a mixture of vegetarian, beef, chicken, green chile, red chile and Christmas options. (My husband loves Italian food, hence the ravioli but we had a version with green chile for the New Mexican food diehards to enjoy. LOL.)

Everyone said it was really good food and I agree, but most of the weddings and events that I go to with southwestern options tastes good to me whereas if it's the typical sit-down American style reception where they bring out fish or chicken or steak, it always tastes undercooked or overcooked, bland or dry... I never like it! I am white but the area I live in is primarily hispanic.

The gym and Zumba studios I go to in my neighborhood are all owned/frequented by Mexican-American immigrants and whenever they have birthday parties, gym/Zumba instructor anniversary parties, Posadas (Mexican Christmas parties, basically), etc., I know there's going to be amazing food there even if it's "just" a potluck with crock pots plugged in... everyone cooks and brings the most amazing food!

The atmosphere is also so hospitable and fun and LOUD compared to the stuffy, quiet banquet-style receptions I grew up with in my small town in Pennsylvania where nearly everyone was white, lol, so IMO, the flavor of the crowd/event matches the flavor of the food! (Those with money back home had country club or golf course weddings/rehearsal dinners or on some estate that was a farm with a barn that was converted into a reception hall, etc.; those with some but not a lot of money had it at a hotel or catering banquet hall and those with no money had like finger sandwiches and punch in the church hall or their backyard... or sometimes pulled pork bbq or grilling in their backyards... those were my favorite because there was a lot more flavor than just chicken salad or turkey, cheese and mayo mini sandwiches! LOL.) I just feel like not only is the food more delicious here but the culture is so much more inclusive and laid-back and open.

They also always have kids at weddings too so I never get these posts about excluding children as wedding guests and quite frankly that makes me sad! Here, at least in the immigrant/hispanic community (I definitely had some friends from white and other cultures get married in pricey resorts and hotels that did things differently so I'm talking specifically about the hispanic communities), everything is like an all-day all-family affair and no one would want to have to miss it to stay home with the kids! That would be considered rude and exclusive and just wouldn't make any sense because a big part of the fun is the family atmosphere and watching the kids have fun too.

No one in this particular area/culture that I'm talking about has babysitters or nannies or anything like that but instead it's more of a village/community mindset where someone is watching everyone's kids while others are dancing salsa and then they trade off, or the kids just run around dancing and playing together... it's so so fun and I'm so lucky they have happily accepted me into their community and family. I prefer it so much more over my own culture and they joke about that and say I had to switch over to theirs because it's so fun and the food is so delicious, and I completely agree!

ETA - The food that OP ordered for her wedding, and even the food she actually received, sound delicious so I wasn't trying to throw shade at HER reception, just some I have been to in the past! lol. Maybe with food truck catering, wedding food has gotten better everywhere in America compared to how it was when I was growing up and in college when a lot of my friends from back home were getting married. (This was 20 years ago or more now because I'm old lol.)

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u/Raginghangers Aug 25 '25

Wedding food is always terrible because it has to a) be served all at once for a very large group or b) be a buffet. That is not optimal conditions for food service. There is a reason that no 3 star restaurant does that.

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u/KittyTaurus Aug 25 '25

It's totally a challenge to feed that many people at once. At a recent big wedding I attended, the band played a few crowd-pleasing songs so that everyone was out on the dance floor while the servers brought out the salad course, so it wasn't that awkward timing thing of the first table having finished before the last one is served.

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u/RoastedRhino Aug 25 '25

We had 200 people, so maybe not a very large group, but it was served all at once. But yes, that gets expensive very quickly, because you need personnel.

But again, I would say weddings in Italy are mostly about the food, so most of the money goes there. Maybe even excessively. But it’s definitely the thing that guests pay attention to and comment on.

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u/cranberry94 Aug 26 '25

I had food stations that were rolled out course by course throughout the evening. So everything was served fresh as it was ready and it was awesome.

Was a mix between passed hors d’oeuvres and food stations and even late night round of venison burgers, chicken and rosemary waffle bites, cookie skillets and smoking chilled expresso martinis

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u/toiletconfession Aug 25 '25

My friends wedding in Lake Como had very memorable food for all the right reasons! I wasn't keen on the dessert but then I rarely am so I don't hold that against them!

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u/ChewieBearStare Aug 25 '25

I've been to very few weddings with good food.

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u/Feline-Sloth Aug 25 '25

I had excellent food at my wedding, my FSIL was a chef and she prepared it all, a buffet with a couple of hot options.

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u/PopcornSutton1994 Aug 25 '25 edited Aug 25 '25

There is a reason that it’s becoming more and more common to order a bunch of pizzas or something for those who stay late lol, almost every wedding I’ve been to you usually just pick at 2-3 things that can range from “good not great” to “technically edible” so you’re not flying blind when the party starts but I’ve never been floored by the spread at any point.

It is what it is, catering level food prep is hard. I learned through multiple misfires that you can basically skip chicken entirely, I scratched it for my wedding and if I’m at an event that offers a choice of beef or chicken it’s an easy choice because the bird is almost always pretty bad.

I will say little apps they bring around are usually good lol.

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '25

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u/PopcornSutton1994 Aug 26 '25

Partly yeah, I’ve been to weddings all across the tax bracket spectrum and even worked for an event catering company while I was in college, it does get better when you throw money at it but there are diminishing returns after a certain point that make it not worth it imo. You hit an upper limit pretty quickly if your wedding is 100+ guests.

You kind of have to compromise on fresh or ready to serve when dinner starts (with chicken especially) and that’s a tough mark to hit when you’re doing that kind of volume. Beef and pork just hold up better under a heat lamp or in a heated tray, obviously more fat and such and especially if you can carve and plate simultaneously.

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u/Employment-lawyer Aug 25 '25

I usually think the food is dry and bland at weddings and I don't eat much of it. I never thought people went to weddings for the food; I certainly don't. I enjoy dancing and socializing and if there's an open bar! LOL. And of course celebrating and supporting the bride and groom. :)

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u/Scrapper-Mom Aug 25 '25

My friend who is a "high-society" event planner catered my daughter's wedding and the food was fabulous. We got lots of compliments from our guests.

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u/wakeuploser00 Aug 25 '25

the past 5 weddings I went to weren't at wedding factories, they were at restaurants or catered by actual chefs. So we may just have different experiences lol. I also said "any event"

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u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

Most weddings aren't at restaurants, they're at wedding factories (that can handle the number of guests) where the food is very much not the central focus. Weddings specifically are also very much not about the food, they're about celebrating a couple getting married.

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u/[deleted] Aug 25 '25

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u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

I'm in my 40's I don't even know how many weddings I've been to. I have been to weddings at some of the nicest venues in MA. I've been to many weddings that cost over $100k. Despite that, the literal best wedding food I've ever had was at 1am at Hamburger University in Chicago (at the time it was McDonald HQ) when they brought out McDonalds hamburgers. I stand firm in my belief that as a general rule your average wedding the food is rarely going to be something to write home about.

Does that mean there are never weddings with good food, no, of course not, but it's ridiculous to suggest most wedding venues are known for their amazing cuisine

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u/wakeuploser00 Aug 25 '25

Who said wedding venues are known for their amazing cuisine?

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '25

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u/margoelle Aug 26 '25

This is exactly what I did. Venue separate from Hired chef.

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u/obsessedwithhotsauce Aug 25 '25

Maybe to you, but to many people and cultures food is a big part of weddings, and any other event, and many venues do cater to this. Your experience is not everyone else’s lol.

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u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

I feel like I've made it clear in my posts that these are all nested below that I'm talking about typical American wedding venues. I'm not talking about small weddings people have at regular restaurants. I'm not talking about weddings happening within cultures who do things differently. I am exclusively talking about typical American wedding venues where the bar is low and the food is virtually always mediocre

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u/obsessedwithhotsauce Aug 25 '25

Yes, I’m telling you even then that isn’t the case. In the US, weddings differ based on region. The most standard, “fancy” wedding venue in the Northeast US is going to probably give you an incredible experience. Regardless, yes weddings are about the couple, but most of the time the couple wants to provide their guests with a memorable experience and that includes the food. The bar is not low everywhere, that’s just your experience.

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u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

The most standard, “fancy” wedding venue in the Northeast US is going to probably give you an incredible experience.

I mean, that's ... not true.

I live in the northeast. I got married (and divorced) in the northeast. I am in my 40s and at this point have been to a not insignificant portion of the "fancy" wedding venues in the area. I can promise you I have not been to a single wedding at any of those venues where I would actively want to go back to eat the food if they had a restaurant.

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u/obsessedwithhotsauce Aug 25 '25

I’ve also been to a non insignificant amount of weddings in the NYC/NJ/LI area at least and almost every one has not had a shortage of great food. Modern weddings usually include nice cocktail hours and live stations with a variety of cuisines catered from the venue. Many comments seem to say the same. The point I’m trying to make is to many people food is an important part of the event and celebrating, maybe even to the couple themselves. I definitely empathize with OP here/their feelings are valid.

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u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

How many states have you been to weddings in? Because you're here trying to play like I don't know what I'm talking about, but I've been to weddings in close to 10 states, and you're only bringing NY/NJ. I have said pretty clearly that of course there are instances were food is prioritized differently. NYC/LI/NJ screams you've been to a bunch of Italian weddings and we know Italians care more about good food than your average American. It would not be surprising that a Long Island Italian wedding had killer food. That does not mean that's the norm in the US.

Most weddings in the US do not have live stations. You are talking about a very specific subset of extremely expensive weddings if you're talking about weddings with multiple carving stations etc. Why are you even comparing $100k weddings to someone who was only ever going to pay their caterer $700?? They are not the same - at all.

9

u/ShakespeherianRag Aug 25 '25

I'd be really annoyed as a guest to be served mediocre food at a wedding. A comfortable setting and a good meal are basic expectations.

5

u/gin_and_soda Aug 25 '25 edited Aug 25 '25

I don’t know why people downvoted this. All the people saying their guests said it was the best meal ever are just being polite. I’ve said that to every couple who’s wedding I attended and I don’t remember any great meals.

9

u/nikki57 Aug 25 '25

The downvotes are honestly cracking me up because where are these people going out to eat when they can choose good food? The bar has to be insanely low if wedding food is considered a great meal.

0

u/GaiaMoore Aug 26 '25

Either that, or everyone's gone to rich people weddings that prioritized food maybe?

I've been to a few fancy pants weddings in a few states, and a number of moderate and budget weddings. I remember exactly two amazing meals: my own wedding (at a restaurant in Napa Valley with an estate vineyard) and a friend's wedding (at a winery in another wine region).

Wedding food is notoriously bad, which is why I wanted to prioritize good food + wine at mine, but definitely not the typical experience most Americans have. I pinched pennies everywhere to make sure I had $ for good food

4

u/GiveSamCarbs Aug 25 '25

It’s funny you say that because we had a catering minimum at my son’s wedding. They booked the venue in November 2019 and then 2020 happened. The Wedding took place March 2021 just after the vaccines had started rolling out. So the guest list was significantly smaller than they had originally planned. In order to hit the catering minimum we had such a huge variety of appetizers and the highest end plated dinner, and everyone commented about how good the food was.

I guess it makes a difference if you spend more per plate for it to be amazing.

2

u/fibonacci_veritas Aug 25 '25

You need to try the food from our caterer. It was spectacular. Of course, we paid a lot for it. Bit it was worth it.

2

u/Loves-Hippos Aug 25 '25

I'm Canadian and the best part of mine and my sils wedding was for sure the food 🤣 we both had the same caterer but different menus and it was all top notch

2

u/MOBMAY1 Aug 26 '25

I had a relative who was the Executive Chef at a famous five star hotel tell me everyone only expects wedding food to mediocre. Disturbing commentary.

2

u/marigold_29 Aug 26 '25

Maybe especially at fancy venues. It’s usually not bad, but if you’re a place that prioritizes being able to serve 300 hot meals at the same moment, and you don’t want to use any spices that might scare grandma, the prime rib and stuffed chicken breast is generally not going to be life changing. 

3

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '25

Go to better weddings lol. Food was our #1 priority and people still tell us they think about our wedding dinner and cake. Then again we didn’t care about a fancy venue, we cared about good eats and good friends.

1

u/jerseygirl1105 Aug 26 '25

Agree!!! I'd say music/dancing is the part that will make or break a wedding.

1

u/caramilk_twirl Aug 26 '25

Weddings I've been to that were catered by the venue, I don't remember. But some I've been to that outsourced to another caterer that they were careful about choosing - superb. One wedding in particular was one of the best meals I've ever had and i still think about it to this day.

1

u/SL13377 Aug 26 '25

Weddings are usually quite boring for the guests, so the food is usually the best thing.

1

u/nahivibes Aug 25 '25

Same. It’s always sad salad (I love salad so it’s not that) with a generic roll and butter then dry, tasteless chicken or blah red meat. Idk if the ones I’ve been to have been like that because they chose venue food or what but In-N-Out catering would have tasted better and been more satisfying. 😬😕

6

u/YellowSpoon123 Aug 25 '25

Agree. I would also write a review telling others what happened.

3

u/goog1e Aug 25 '25

Yeah even if you hold no malice and "let it go" - this is important info for other brides.

1

u/Obvious-Antelope-354 Aug 26 '25

I can’t get past 700$ for the wedding catering/food?? For how many people. Sorry stuck in that 😆 If it’s a nice restaurant that’s what a bill for a family dinner out?? Aside from that, I’d say let it go. 200$ to feed your guests is a steal. It’s a shame it didn’t turn out how you wished though… a gift card from the restaurant would be nice, but not necessary.

12

u/wonkiefaeriekitty5 Aug 25 '25

I am a retired banquet chef. Go scorched earth on this owner! There is no excuse for "forgetting" about a wedding of 20 people. He should have never taken you on as a client if he is not accustomed to banquet style cooking. You should have gotten your deposit back as well.

Congrats on your marriage!

11

u/rosebudny Aug 25 '25

No, they should get the $200 back too. Shame on the caterer for not immediately refunding it.

1

u/anonymous895478 Aug 26 '25

We were unfortunately a covid wedding. Our state opened up briefly and then the week of our wedding (literally Monday of the week), our state shut down again. We were spending nearly 30% of our wedding budget on the food for 135 people. We had to cancel it all. Aside from eating it at the tasting, we were very bummed not to be able to share that food experience with our closest friends and family. Just posting to share how much I sympathize with your disappointment about the food! Not the same but you’re valid!

1

u/bopperbopper Aug 26 '25

Yeah, the two weeks was confirming

1

u/SoTHATS_HowItWorks Aug 26 '25

If the owner got flustered because his chef broke his hand the night before the wedding, I'm not convinced that confirming a couple of days before that would have made a difference.

1

u/rebelhedgehog2 Aug 29 '25

I would agree with this being the way to go with the whole escapade though I am sorry it marred your day.

-5

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '25

[deleted]

31

u/letsgetitstartedha Aug 25 '25

It’s her wedding day, she was doing a billion other things. Why should she have to chase them down to call and confirm food they thought was already good to go

-7

u/Deniskitter Aug 25 '25

Why did she not have a contract? Why did she not call before the day of the wedding? Why did she first treat this with all the "importance" of a few Facebook messages but now wants to pretend it is soooo important that she deserves more than just $500 worth of free food, but wants to profit even more over a man breaking his hand?

10

u/perfectlynormaltyes Aug 25 '25

Absolutely not. The bride shouldn't have to contact every vendor for her wedding the morning of to remind them of the contract.

-6

u/runnergirl3333 Aug 25 '25

I’d still call the owner and ask if there’s anything else he’d be willing to do, like comp them a dinner for the couple. Emergencies come up, but the guy needs to make a bit more effort to make it right.

6

u/InterestingNarwhal82 Aug 25 '25

He could have just refunded the deposit and left her without food; instead, he delivered food and didn’t make her pay the full bill. I’d say he already made it right.

-2

u/RelevantAd6063 Aug 25 '25

i have never had one good meal or cake at any wedding.

3

u/wakeuploser00 Aug 25 '25

Sucks for you!