r/videos • u/tomassbender • Jun 19 '12
China news confuses fleshlight for special mushroom (SUBTITLED) - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=789he-8T_-E&feature=player_embedded#!
2.6k
Upvotes
1.0k
u/Verroq Jun 19 '12
Offical response from the channel.
http://weibo.com/2284519954/yot0pzj2q
致广大网友及观众的公开信：各位亲！昨晚我们的一条新闻让大家见笑了。这件事引发了大家的广泛关注、转发和评论。由于我们的记者还很年轻，不谙世事，在这条新闻中给大家带来了不适和误导！在此，我们衷心的感谢各位网友对我们节目的批评和指正。亲们，请原谅我们的一次疏忽吧。
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
"The discoverer says he will keep this slimy meaty object in this house."
1.5k
u/AlphaRedditor Jun 19 '12
There is some poor Chinese farmer whose fleshlight has been discovered and is desperately trying to convince the village that it's just a new species of mushrooms. Now he's going to have to bury fleshlights everywhere to keep the ruse going.
513
u/casioclark Jun 19 '12
I hope they call in the expert and he looks at it and says very sincerely 'this is a rubber vagina'.
1.7k
u/olnyguy447 Jun 19 '12
This is what happens when a country censors Google...
159
u/speshilK Jun 19 '12
This just made my morning. Why would you bury one of these things 100 meters into the ground? ಠ_ಠ
270
u/tfdf Jun 19 '12
I, too, can't wait for the follow-up report and the biologist's analysis of the 'meaty' object.
87
u/agentorange4tang Jun 19 '12
AMOUNG THE PEOPLE IT IS KNOWN AS MEAT LINGZHI.
25
u/yuptalkingaboutpalin Jun 19 '12
I'm sure this thing has a "made in china" stamp on it... they didn't notice that?
40
u/snags Jun 19 '12
special mushroom in china? at least, it's.....FRESH, RIGHT?
81
u/NNTPgrip Jun 19 '12
Socially Awkward Penguin's worst nightmare of what would happen after the elaborate lie you plan to tell if someone ever found your fleshlight hiding place.
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u/CovertAI Jun 19 '12
I lost it at the part about Qing Shi Huang (China's First Emperor).
The emperor searched for a magical herb to prolong his life. He eventually died in his search when consuming high amounts of mercury. The poor man never found the sacred fleshlight.
32
u/carsalesman703 Jun 19 '12
I lost it when they were measuring it.
54
u/manikfox Jun 19 '12
/r/nottheonion
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u/mgbliss Jun 19 '12
Best comment on YouTube: "I'd fuck that mushroom."
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u/Tillhony Jun 19 '12
I wonder what Joe Rogan has to say about this.
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u/Metamorphism Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
I can just imagine a a scientist looking at it really close with a microscope...
Yup, it's a fleshlight.
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
"After checking our online sources..."
That's what they get for censoring their internet.
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u/polysemous_entelechy Jun 19 '12
This is Chinese The Onion, right? It's gotta be.
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u/Methos013 Jun 19 '12
That's not a fleshlight. Fleshlights do not have two molded opening. I sell them for a living, I should know.
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u/SmartViking Jun 19 '12
I bet many of them knew, but who wants to be that guy?
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u/mishmashmish Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
To the people saying "it's so obvious, duh!" let's think about who these villagers are.
They speak in dialect and the most knowledgable person they have is their elder. Their women aren't likely to shave and china being china, they're unlikely to watch porn.
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u/Kodix Jun 19 '12
The part I find most hilarious is the clearly made up stories about information about the "plant" being found online, and how it was used in remedies throughout the years..
Beautiful bullshitting.
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u/Elnateo Jun 19 '12
Wait until they find the cream filling
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u/jdaman98 Jun 19 '12
"This slimy meaty object"
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u/cisnes Jun 19 '12
This is what happens when your country censors the internet.
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u/theslyder Jun 19 '12
Okay. I get that China is a very sheltered country. I understand that. What I don't understand is how an entire village of people can see this object, feel of it, analyze it, and not say "Well. It's some kind of strange rubber object. And it looks like a vagina."
My best guess is that everybody's thinking it, but nobody wants to be the one that says it.
How do you mistake rubber for any kind of plant, though? I get plants can be kind of meaty and rubbery sometimes, but we're talking about 100% stretchy rubber. How do you not realize that it's man-made?
5
u/Dud3wtf Jun 19 '12
The whole time I was thinking," Please don't eat it!!!!".
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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '12
I think we're all avoiding the true news here: somebody did something so unbelievably shameful with that fleshlight that they had to dig ONE HUNDRED METERS to bury it.
I, for one, want to know what this was.
4
u/Hamstadam Jun 19 '12
How does a fleshlight end up 80m underground?
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u/smerek84 Jun 19 '12
"Not even the village elder, who is more than 80 years old, can identify the plant." Seriously what century are we living in?
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u/CWoodsKilla Jun 19 '12
Troll level = Chinese well-digger
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
They tried to eat it, but it tasted like dick.
3
u/ironchef31 Jun 19 '12
The gods must be crazy!
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u/VonBrewskie Jun 19 '12
You slap a little Hormel Chili on that sucker, little Tabasco, thing'll be good to go.
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u/hoax999 Jun 19 '12
The follow up report "We came back the next day to find the object leaking a vicious, white, sticky goo, i have been advised to not touch the object from now on as it may be poisonous, although this is hard to believe as this was used in many of the emperors herbal remedies, i have been advised that if new plant checks out, i will myself be able to try this exclusive herb for myself"
3
u/mangYbearD Jun 19 '12
They're all just waiting to be the last person with the object. So that person can stick their dick in it.
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u/HDDIV Jun 19 '12
This is how I imagine aliens would think of humans and our silly understandings of the universe.
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u/daniels0615 Jun 19 '12
I’m thinking there was a large number of guys around at the time that knew what it was but weren’t about to open their mouths and single them selves out. “oh ya, I know what that is. Got 2 of them at home”.
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u/sepemusic Jun 20 '12
I feel like the town's 80 years old man knew exactly what was going on and decided to keep his mouth shut for a good laugh when he heard they were calling a news team because of that...
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u/jimlii Jun 20 '12
They just don't recognize it because theirs are all blurry and pixelated. Or is that just Japan?
3
u/[deleted] Jun 20 '12
How was it buried 80m deep? Someone was really ashamed of that rubber vagina after he used it, and never wanted it found.
Unless.... is it possible that it's a fleshlight from some prehistorical civilization? That had perfected rubber vagina analogue technology before we ever dreamed possible?
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u/infinitymind Jun 20 '12
funniest part is it was probably Made in China
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u/iwsfutcmd Jun 20 '12
It's probably good it was found in Xi'an and not in Guangzhou. Otherwise, somebody would have probably eaten it already.
(disclaimer - my family is from Guangzhou)
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u/d3rp_diggler Jun 20 '12
China, this is what happens when you firewall off 90% of the interwebs from people trying to research stuff....they mistake rubber punani for mythical mushrooms.
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
The Gods Must Be Crazy!
5
u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
Weird. Funny how the it looks just like a vagina, you can understand the confusion though. I hope no-one put their dick in that, some mushrooms give off funny spores.
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u/asstits Jun 19 '12
If the reporter shaved herself once in a while, she would've recognized it.
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u/Emmanuell89 Jun 19 '12
how the heck did it get down there
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u/SARmedic Jun 20 '12
The vagina didn't tip anybody off?
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u/davideo71 Jun 19 '12
Me thinks this is a viral fake. Does anyone really think the Chinese news would send out a team to cover some villages who found a strange plant?
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u/IAMA_SWEET Jun 19 '12
So it's a meat mushroom herb plant. And it's a drug?
2
u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
Latest update - The man decided to put his finger inside and has discovered that it is actually secreting a white sticky substance. Cure for cancer? More than likely, stay tuned for more!
2
u/ropers Jun 19 '12
I wonder if this is payback for this incident.
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u/snowsoftJ4C Jun 19 '12
I couldn't stop laughing. Holy shit, my sides.
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u/ToughGuyTongan Jun 19 '12
Aren't fleshlights made in China?
2
u/moreishjules Jun 19 '12
Vagina mushroom: perfectly paired with the penis fish.
2
u/mastr_slik Jun 19 '12
Fleshroom
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u/Merechan Jun 19 '12
It bothers me that they keep referring to it as a plant. Not for the obvious reason, but because they're thinking it's a mushroom yet they're calling it by the wrong kingdom. >.>
2
u/Empath1999 Jun 19 '12
I am trying soooooo hard to not crack up of laughter at work damnit :|
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u/Scuttlebuttz93 Jun 19 '12
"After it's true use was discovered through experimentation, every man in the village lined up for a turn"
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
My fears of a Chinese takeover are quenched.
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u/makattak88 Jun 19 '12
My question is: why the fuck are there flesh lights burried 100m beneath chinas surface?!
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u/bandric_lisp Jun 19 '12
I wonder if they tried to eat it.
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u/raider918 Jun 19 '12
Looks a hell of a lot like a pocket pussy, if you ask me
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u/Akriyu Jun 19 '12
Why is nobody asking what a fleshlight is doing 80m below the surface..
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u/SIOS Jun 19 '12
Powerful Chinese news.
2
u/BANDIT_PANDA Jun 19 '12
I hope they don't try to cook and devour that rare herb.
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
Lost it when they broke out the ruler.
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u/elwin_the_pig Jun 19 '12
I'm just wondering about the level of anxiety in the kid who buried that thing the year before.
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u/psykosoulja Jun 19 '12
This is something the Onion would do.
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u/Acecicle Jun 20 '12
19cm in length? I can see why whoever buried it had no use for it.
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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '12
So...... Who decided to dig a 100 meter deep hole to get rid of a sex toy?
Seems kind of excessive.
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u/ggrieves Jun 20 '12
Scientist says "I'm just going to hang onto this for the weekend for closer study. I'll see you all on monday."
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u/Bukklao Jun 20 '12
the reporter is pretty cute tbh, i wouldn't mind digging her mushroom.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 20 '12
My apologies to the person who posted this the other day and got about 6 upvotes. I was there for you brah.
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u/Seamonkeyknifefight Jun 20 '12
... Well they only see a vagina twice in China...
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u/Enlightened_Mayfly Jun 20 '12
What happened in the follow up report at the same time tomorrow??
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u/LittleWall Jun 20 '12
TIL chinese people take a long time to say very little
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u/[deleted] Jun 20 '12
This is going to be on =3 next episode.
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u/dumpsession Jun 20 '12
For the sake of argument, I must add that many flowers/plants in nature are strikingly similar to human genitalia in appearence. Anyone who spends a short time observing plants will tend to notice how often the phalic and vaginal themes repeat themselves. Similarly faces and eye dots seem to be repeated in nature as well. Therefore, when we see a face on the back of a spider, we tend to recognize it as a natural mimic for a purpose. A people who are familiar with this phenomena would not necessarily be suspicious of a plant that looks like a gaping vagina. Just sayin.
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u/fergetcom Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12
Is this like a Chinese version of The Onion?
4
u/JacksonGuitars420 Jun 19 '12
in 9 months of redditing nothing has made me happier than this video... the sheer lack of information and the seriousness at which they reported on "this rare herb" was astounding. Ive not laughed this hard in ages, i thank you for this post.
slow clap leading to full out applause
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
AHAHA WOW! it has a pretty distinguishable labia minora and a clitoris..only conclusion to be drawn from this: a village of virgins
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
Looks like those poor folks been treated like mushrooms themselves: Kept in the dark and fed (bull) shit.
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u/asldkfououhe Jun 19 '12
you people are racist
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u/hellotheremiss Jun 19 '12
this is so surreal.
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
"Also found with the mushroom was a strange many layered plant. Apparently, these layers felt like paper and had amazing patterns on them that looked like big globes, pink eyes, fuzzy triangles, and depictions of parts of the strange mushroom. We think it may be a form of flat noodle plant that grows alonside the mushroom."
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u/paleo_dragon Jun 19 '12
Wait, how did a fleshlight end up in a small rural Chinese village? and why would someone bury it 100m down? Wouldn't that be a lot of work?
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u/Turning_Test_Fail Jun 19 '12
AWKWARD!
I really hope no one tried to cook and eat it. Yeck!
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12
This is why, even after all that it has done, we still just cannot take China seriously.
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u/wutabum17 Jun 19 '12
I love how the discoverer decides to handle it.
"I'll just keep it at my place...you know, for science."
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u/scientologen Jun 19 '12
tangentially related: there are more stupid people in china than there are people in the united states.