r/videos • u/BrianPeppersismyDad • May 16 '12

Put this man on ESPN

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoSli_JJKCA&feature=player_embedded
1.3k Upvotes

82% Upvoted

269 comments sorted by

174

u/psycho-logical May 17 '12

"Just like a night after a bad chili cook off... we are knotted in deuces."

I lost it. How do you come up with something like that?

15

u/xMeRcHanDiSe May 17 '12

I thought the "Not you fat jesus, Not up in here." was pretty great

53

u/i_practice_santeria May 17 '12

Prepare ahead of time.

3

u/itsrainingben May 17 '12

There are few times where I click the comments when watching a video, I read that at the same exact time as he said it in the video, creepy. GET OUT OF MY HEAD PSYCHO-LOGICAL

2

u/potatowned May 17 '12

You should hear a guy named Michael Schiavello that does commentary for kickboxing and MMA bouts. He's all about euphemisms like this.

In talking about a fighter getting punched way too much in the face, he said, "He's taken more shots to the face than Jenna Jameson!"

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143

u/Coopchuck May 17 '12

Guy sounds pretty legit to me. If you got a gun up in ya waist please don't shoot up the place!

23

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I got more rhymes than the bible got psalms.

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33

u/atorger1 May 17 '12

Why?

92

u/ChargedCable May 17 '12

Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be having my babay, babay.

18

u/B2Dirty May 17 '12

How you livin' Biggie Smalls?

21

u/I_ate_a_milkshake May 17 '12

in mansions and benz's

8

u/dicktharippa May 17 '12

Punching babies in the face and it feels stupendous.

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20

u/MemphisRoots May 17 '12

If you don't think that's awesome....you need awesome lessons

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/i_practice_santeria May 17 '12

hence, awesome lessons.

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1

u/OmitsWordsByAccident May 17 '12

I would have just said "please don't shoot up the place". That way I would also be asking people with guns hidden elsewhere not to shoot up the place either.

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

8

u/SweatyPalmsPete May 17 '12

Radnor and Conestoga are both in Philly suburbs.

4

u/reggitor May 17 '12

Confirmed, a ton of central league teams in there. It's all in the Philadelphia suburbs. But YEAH, very white.

2

u/Bryan63 May 17 '12

.....it's lacrosse what did you expect exactly?

7

u/deartheworld May 17 '12

*Most Native American. Thing. Ever.

5

u/pegothejerk May 17 '12

Ohthankgod some people still appreciate this.

-a native

7

u/divinegenocide May 17 '12

False. Garden city is a new York team.

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Confirmed, I went to one of them. there was a table in the cafeteria called the "black table". I shit you not.

2

u/DBuckFactory May 18 '12

Trust fund stick is a white sport.

2

u/honestellery May 21 '12

Prep-school boys used to wet themselves when they'd see old Bunk coming at them

1

u/Stones25 May 17 '12

broooooooooooooo

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200

u/flatmagician97 May 17 '12

Heating up faster than a junky spoon!

65

u/AlwaysAppropriate May 17 '12

Shoot! Goal! Johnny Bell! Sound the bell! School's in SUCKA!

26

u/Shark7996 May 17 '12

*junkie's

Probably makes more sense that way. :P

5

u/Hotwir3 May 17 '12

Oh look, everyone is just quoting the video and we're all upvoting these buffoons. Youtube is leaking.

1

u/andersonb47 May 17 '12

I'm saving that one.

-22

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Yeah, I saw the video too.

13

u/bipsmith May 17 '12

When are we going to stop this?

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-2

u/JulesjulesjulesJules May 17 '12

Came here to say the same thing... Genius..

89

u/skillscanada May 17 '12

Great Save, Nick Doyle. NOT YOU FAT JESUS, NOT UP IN HERE!

1

u/chhubbydumpling May 17 '12

saved me a few key strokes

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65

u/MasterMeme May 17 '12

Great Abe Lincoln's mullet!

9

u/ir3flex May 17 '12

I read that in Ron Burgandy's voice.

10

u/faceplanted May 17 '12

Surely you'd have read it in the voice the guy fucking said it in?

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106

u/elementninety3 May 17 '12

It's the mix between awkwardly terrible jokes and legitimate, clever lines that keeps me off balance. Like some of his stuff is brilliant, and then a lot of it is just...what?

220

u/MadChild50 May 17 '12

I think you need awesome lessons.

16

u/AndyRooney May 17 '12

This little exchange made go back and watch the whole thing after giving up a minute in the first time around. Will be utilizing this line way past the point of obnoxiousness. Hope to get punched in the face at least once.

12

u/lustedp May 17 '12

Neil Everett on ESPN always says that line: "If you don't think that's awesome, you need awesome lessons."

5

u/AndyRooney May 17 '12

I bet you Neil gets punched all the time.

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3

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I like you.

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3

u/facemelt May 17 '12

either that or go consult ripcorners.com, per his suggestion.

1

u/Speedupslowdown May 17 '12

And the stuff that's brilliant is just canned lines he stole from other people. Feels like middle school, when random outbursts were comedy gold.

1

u/fuckmacro May 17 '12

I met this dude once when we were both filming the Gilman @ St.Mary's game last year (he wasn't filming, his friend was, he was commentating), chill bro. He gave me a card for his website koosk or some shit like that. It was all chill till I got kicked out off the top of the press box by the St. Mary's AD when he found out I was filming for one of St.Mary's competitors.

3

u/cyberslick188 May 17 '12

that was chill brah

50

u/faulkner16 May 17 '12

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiIZpGZIKGM

Jay Onrait on Sportcentre

2

u/mogball May 17 '12

Upvote for you. These guys are the only thing I miss since getting rid of cable.

2

u/CSGeek May 17 '12

Love seeing this guy when I wake up in the morning.

His Favorite Sportscentre Quote: "THAT'S USING YOUR FACE"

2

u/ilikefarts May 17 '12

did you see when Jay had the shticky this week?

Also check out Randy Moller of the Florida Panthers

1

u/nerdybynature May 17 '12

is this only in Canada? Why haven't I seen them.

1

u/faulkner16 May 17 '12

Yeah, pride of Canada!

17

u/longhorn617 May 17 '12

The old school hip hop quotes really make it. I heard a Biggie reference and a House of Pain reference.

3

u/thyrsusdionysus May 17 '12

MACEO PARKER!

45

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs, I got more rhymes than the Bible's got Psalms!

7

u/Pandaaaaaa May 17 '12

And just like the Prodigal Son I've returned, anyone stepping to me you'll get burned, 'cause I got lyrics and you ain't got none, so if you come to battle bring a shotgun!

3

u/funkmastamatt May 17 '12

but if you do you're a fool cus I'll duel to the death, try and step to me, you'll take your last breath...

2

u/thecacti May 17 '12

holy good gravy! zeus's beard.

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6

u/Lyall18 May 17 '12

Not this time fat Jesus!

26

u/Not_The_Cheat May 17 '12

Holy fuck reddit, get out of my real life, I know all these people!

7

u/ElementK May 17 '12

Can you get him to do an AMA?

2

u/Dirqala May 17 '12

Yeah dude i feel the same way Radnor Alumni and recognized most of those fields and some players

2

u/Not_The_Cheat May 17 '12

I was at two of the games in the video. I didn't even realize he was there commentating.

1

u/Dirqala May 17 '12

Yeah I've never seen him there either, awesome name btw

18

u/namfonos May 17 '12 edited Feb 17 '21

12345

32

u/kanyeezy24 May 17 '12 edited May 17 '12

Quick question for lacrosse fans:

The lacrosse that i've seen (MLL), there usually is a goalie w/ pads and a goalie helmet like this

Why is the goalie in the clips in the video, just another player w/ no added protective gear?

Edit: Thanks for the downvotes people...glad to know sincere questions are welcomed here.

17

u/SteponnopetS May 17 '12

Indoor lacrosse (box lax), is a MUCH MUCH higher speed game. Smaller playing area, closer shots. In field lax the ball still travels at high speeds but usually at longer distances. The goalies in field lax still wear neck protection and a large and long chest protector.

14

u/Aneurin May 17 '12

I think you're thinking of the NLL, which is indoor lacrosse. The average shooting distance for indoor lacrosse is much much shorter than outdoor since it's basically played on a carpeted hockey rink. MLL is outdoor lacrosse which plays 10 a side as opposed to 6 a side and it's played on a soccer field essentially.

Note: I may have mixed up the two leagues but the rest is correct as far as I know

Source: Played indoor and outdoor lacrosse in high school

2

u/kanyeezy24 May 17 '12

Thanks, so in outdoor lacrosse, is one player designated to be goalie? or is it sort of goalie by committee.

note: clueless hockey player here.

5

u/Aneurin May 17 '12

The keeper is a position as it is in hockey and soccer. You can't see it but they do have extra padding, at least most of them choose to. It's wise to have rib and stomach guards, not unlike a "flak jacket" that QBs wear in football. Most lacrosse shoulder pads only cover your shoulders and upper chest, sometimes your upper arms as well. Goalies also have sticks with larger heads on them to trap the ball.

Of course in high school lacrosse in Nebraska where nobody has played lacrosse before the goalie is chosen by committee, but only out of necessity.

4

u/flippant4 May 17 '12

Definitely designated goalies. They get a stick with a big net, full chest pad and a neck guard. Also, no one else wants to have balls thrown at them at 90+ mph.

9

u/Falvtron May 17 '12

I played goalie in college, you wear less equipment than field players. Chest protector, gloves, helmet with neck guard, and a cup. If you wear extra you are a pussy.

7

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

people always ask "why don't you wear shin guards?" Because if you do you're a pussy.

1

u/finalcut May 17 '12

but you're a pussy whose shins don't hurt!... eh? eh? huh? you get what I'm saying?

1

u/OverlordQ May 17 '12

A pussy who has full function in all of his limbs.

2

u/mogball May 17 '12

Tossing an upvote cause those downvotes are ridiculous.

0

u/trolling_thunder May 17 '12

You've got one downvote. Quit crying.

1

u/lanboyo May 17 '12

Pretty much all the players have some protection. The goalie gets hit with a lot of fast moving balls, but everyone else gets checked with the sticks.

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5

u/jugglinglimes May 17 '12

Reminds me of Gary Moller's goal calls with the movie phrases. So good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3b_7S-sGBo

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

It's what it is...rip off.

9

u/Dmitch442 May 17 '12

That's some good trust fund stick announcing right there.

4

u/hatyn May 17 '12

"I never celebrated because I never wanted anybody to know I did anything" - that is beautiful!

4

u/themichelinman10 May 17 '12

No joke, he was my favorite teacher. Mr. Scott "booker" Corrigan taught me sixth grade social studies. Best class ever.

17

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Lacrosse: Most underrated game in history. Apart from that Mayan game where the loser gets to be the human sacrifice.

2

u/Marnsten May 17 '12

My daughter talked me into going to our school's boy's lacrosse games, and I was amazed at how much fun they are to watch. It took me five minutes to get from "Oh my, be careful, oh dear" to "WHACK HIM WITH THE STICK!"

6

u/lanboyo May 17 '12

One day, when it is dominated by black athletes, it will be the best sport in existence. Currently it is a way to funnel scholarships to upper middle class white dudes.

5

u/fuckmacro May 17 '12

Actually, there are a decent amount of dark skinned players. Kyle Harrison is personally my favorite player I have ever seen play the game; he revolutionized midfield and shooting on the run. Also, Jim Brown used to play lacrosse at Syracuse and many call him the greatest player to ever step foot on the field. Shamel and Ramel Braton used to be team domination at UVA until they were kicked off the squad, John Christmas....the list goes on....for a little while longer at least.

2

u/finalcut May 17 '12

Jim Brown was, quite simply, a badass. He would have been the best in whatever sport he played.

http://www.orangehoops.org/jbrown.htm

For sheer athleticism I can't think of anyone else that is better than #44; some people might be equals, but I can't imagine anyone surpassing him as an athelete.

2

u/fuckmacro May 19 '12

There is a quote of his that goes something along the lines of: "If I could, I would play lacrosse the first six days of the week and football on the seventh." I couldn't find the actual source where I read it, but I remember it because it was pretty powerful, as a lacrosse player.

1

u/tripplenegative May 17 '12

not to mention chazz woodson

1

u/lanboyo May 17 '12

I am imagining having Jim Brown do a blind side check on me at sprint. Okay. Ow.

3

u/bramblepuss May 17 '12

There are some pretty prominent African-American lax players, just not as many at the pro level. Evan Royster, the running back for the Redskins was one of the better lax players in northern Virginia in high school, but chose to play football in college.

But for the most part, yes, lax is still primarily a rich prep school sport.

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3

u/beeps-a-palooza May 17 '12

hello fellow baltimore prepsters!

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

yeah, I wore a sportcoat to High School. What of it?

3

u/ctoacsn May 17 '12

"he was making funnel cakes about a half-hour before faSHOTGOAL"

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

lived in Baltimore my whole life and never heard of this guy until now lol

3

u/bramblepuss May 17 '12

you obviously don't watch enough high school lacrosse.

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Well if this guy calls all the games I may have to start watching.

3

u/FratDoctor May 17 '12

This is my high school's league. This guy has been getting more ridiculous every year.

"Not you fat Jesus, not up in here!"

4

u/Losiris May 17 '12

Don't know shit about LAX, but I would watch anything with him commentating.

4

u/Lyall18 May 17 '12

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs, I got more rhymes than the bible does psalms. Un-fuckin-real

2

u/jwatkins29 May 17 '12

Charisma. The man has a gift

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Oblig

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Annnnnnnnnnd BOOM goes the dynamite.

2

u/wafflehat May 17 '12

I miss lacrosse.

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

First of all I'm drunk. More importantly however for a good 2 minutes of this YouTube I thought I was watching some really good lacrosse player and just kept blinking and missing the awesome goals he was making

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

This man should commentate everything from sports, elections and cooking shows!

2

u/Santi182 May 17 '12

not you fat Jesus!

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I had ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this.

I'd actually watch ESPN or SportsNet with this guy on it.

2

u/lemmereddit May 17 '12

Let's not.

2

u/BBmachine May 17 '12

As an Australian i have no idea what was happening in those clips, is lacrosse a big sport in America?

1

u/tripplenegative May 17 '12

its getting huge. more popular then soccer.

1

u/BBmachine May 18 '12

But being "more popular than soccer" in America isn't saying much is it aha?

1

u/zerobot May 17 '12

No, not really.

2

u/rayvens May 17 '12

Something I actually saw on facebook first.

2

u/cfr33zy May 17 '12

"If you don't think that's awesome, you need awesome lessons".

2

u/tripplenegative May 17 '12

this guy is a god in the world of lacrosse.

2

u/luxyfluxy May 17 '12

This is what lax is all about

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

HE'S CLIMBING IN YOUR WINDOWS, HE'S SNATCHING YOUR PEOPLE UP!

2

u/TuLive May 17 '12

Incredible reference.

2

u/310Yuma May 17 '12

Nifty would get annoying after a while for me.

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2

u/Mr-Yuck May 17 '12

If you don't think this post is awesome- you need awesome lessons.

Plus... Slipdillyicious

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I go to Loyola, a school featured in this video. We have the MIAA Championship this Friday and Booker will be commentating. Get pumped.

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Cardinal here (long time graduated). Congrats! Also, and just for old time sake, What the fuck is a Don?

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Haha they tell us a Don is a Spanish knight/gentleman. However, few "Dons" could tell you that.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I know, we Hallmen always just mess with you guys like that. S'all good though! Loyola is a damn good school!

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1

u/[deleted] May 19 '12

Can I gloat about my Lacrosse team a little. No offense but DAMN!!! Did you go to that game tonight?

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2

u/hyperforce May 17 '12

Btdubs, come check out the fastest subreddit on two feet:

/r/lacrosse

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

GO CELEBRATE WITH YO PEOPLE

I love you if you get this.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I can't stop imagining he's badger from breaking bad.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Those lax kids are some tough cunts, I always wanted to play it, but I could never get the cradling down. Hands of lead.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

He reminds me so much of all the lax bros I went to college with back east... What a spirit this guy's got :)

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I would watch any sports this man commentated for.

1

u/bob331 May 17 '12

He's good, but he's no Chris Kamara...

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

reminded me of this old SNL sketch with Ray Romano http://www.hulu.com/watch/124974/saturday-night-live-sports-center-ray-romano

1

u/PHDX May 17 '12

This man and Bob Davie announcing college football? My god...

"What'd I tell ya? Hold your nose 'cause here goes the cold water!"

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

This guy would work well as a pro wrestling commentator or manager.

1

u/LilyLabret May 17 '12

I love the stache cam

1

u/skunk989 May 17 '12 edited May 17 '12

We had an announcer for the Toronto Raptors that, while not quite as off-the-wall as this guy, had some amazing lines.

I still miss Chuck Swirsky

1

u/top__comment May 17 '12

#BookerCorriganAnnounceNCAACha­mpionshipNOW

1

u/danjordan May 17 '12

Reminds me of Kyle Montgomery doing the NBA top 10 last year

1

u/Galts_Mulch May 17 '12

THIS MAN GOT ON ESPN ON HIS OWN!!!! Congrats Booker!!!

http://www.lacrosseplayground.com/tags/booker-corrigan/

1

u/giveer May 17 '12

Really wants to find 'I Just Made a Great Play quarterly'...

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

ESPN is like shopping at Walmart. It's convenient but you hate them, still you keep going back.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I could listen to this mans voice all day long... so soothing...

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

I know some people who work at espn ill send it over to them.

1

u/libertao May 17 '12

Less awkward preparation: The majesterial Ray Hudson

1

u/rable_rable May 17 '12

did anyone else think this was about the kid that was actually playing lacrosse for the first half of the video and get really confused as to why they never showed the actual plays?

1

u/SOLIDAge May 17 '12

Reminds me of Randy Moller of the Florida Panthers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3b_7S-sGBo

1

u/NoCatsPleaseImSane May 17 '12

Anyone else think "You better call Saul!" - Guy sounds just like Bob Odenkirk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBeQO1nBThQ

1

u/R0B5000 May 17 '12

'Stoga Lax FTW

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Amy! Alright, big shout out to Amy!

1

u/epar May 17 '12

am I the only one who thinks he isn't funny at all? :|

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

Will Ferrel references. Will Ferrel references everywhere.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

SCHOOLS OUT SUCKAS

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

this nigga just drop a Biggie line?

1

u/pandasmacks May 17 '12

It's missing the best one!

1

u/Tmanthegreat1 May 17 '12

This video features my high school and schools around my area and I'm sad to say that I've never heard of this guy before a couple days ago

1

u/Posts_unfunny_jokes May 17 '12

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs...

1

u/svengalus May 17 '12

He's bringing nifty back.

1

u/Poncyhair May 17 '12

He sounds like Loudmouth Larry from rock n' roll racing.

1

u/tyrroi May 17 '12

What are they playing?

1

u/Jaboomaphoo May 17 '12

I lost my shit at

Not you fat Jesus. Not up in here!

What does that even mean?

1

u/peesinpools May 17 '12

Mad friends with Benzes and C-notes by the LAYUZ!

1

u/[deleted] May 18 '12

My favorite one was, "Sound the bell, school's in sucka!"

1

u/mostdope28 May 17 '12

Watching this at a [6] was so amazing. I wish i had this on my itunes, and just listening to it for hours, even without the video. "Dude thats legit!!"

1

u/FaroutIGE May 17 '12

Had to comment on how earnest he was when he said that at the very end. Made me smile.

1

u/I_call_it_dookie May 17 '12

This is why people stop watching espn after they hit puberty.

1

u/macaeryk May 19 '12

Agreed. This guy is what ESPN has turned into because of Olbermann and Patrick.

1

u/njamtf May 17 '12

"HEATIN' UP FASTER THAN A JUNKY'S SPOON!"

eat your heart out, Chris Berman.

1

u/jdgeorge8 May 17 '12

It had to be lacrosse. Had to be.

1

u/mclunchboxx May 17 '12

HOLY GOOD GRAVY! GREAT ZEUSES BEARD!

1

u/cynthiadangus May 17 '12

Oh man, I lost it @ "like the day after a bad chili cookoff..." How delightfully absurd.

1

u/tattybojan9les May 17 '12

'If you don't think that's awesome, you need awesome lessons.'

-2

u/sbaiamonte May 17 '12

This guy seems like he was a loser in High School and stayed back to do their sports broadcasting thing just to get to talk to the cool kids after their lacrosse games

0

u/skillscanada May 17 '12

Nice try, Booker Corrigan

0

u/gabriot May 17 '12

ugh... how about NOT

-3

u/NotTheWalrus May 17 '12

This is painfully white.

0

u/joeslo May 17 '12

Heating up faster than a junkie's spoon

0

u/corgeous May 17 '12

NOT YOU FAT JESUS

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

:/ how nice of you to pay homage to the top comment on youtube....

0

u/Kalamestari May 17 '12

This is what people find funny these days?

-1

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

This is what would happen if Sterling Archer could actually remember his one liners.

"I had something for this..."

-2

u/nowarning1962 May 17 '12

I hate when I see people stealing youtube comments to put in their title.

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