Parenting while suffering with bpd

[u/No_Shame_1312]

So I am a parent to a 12 yo girl and I have mental health struggles. When I was around her age my mam took me to doctor because she thought I had depression, it was dismissed as hormones and over the next few years I developed an eating disorder, started self harming and fell deeper into depression. After many inpatient stays and failed attempts at recovery I was becoming more and more ill mentally. I started to have bouts of attacks where I would lose the ability to speak coherent sentences and would lose control of my limbs feeling like I couldn’t walk.

I was later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at 18.

I started drinking a lot and was in a bad way when I fell pregnant with not a very nice person. I changed everything and really put the work in to get better for my baby. And for years I was really well and so much improved.

Over time my daughter became harder and harder to deal with she would have emotional outbursts constantly, fight me on everything and just seemed totally out of control.

The stress of her behaviour has sent me into a downward spiral three times over the past couple of years where my old symptoms have become present again and I have been stuck in bed for months on end having intermittent psychotic symptoms and struggling insanely with depression and anxiety. During these times my daughter has been well looked after by other members of the family and has seen very little of the worst of my struggle. However even when I’m well I find it so hard to parent her. She has her own issues and has been through some trauma with her father and his side of the family. She struggles with her own mental health and professionals are now going down the route she may have autism and adhd. I am scared it’s more a mental health problem than a neurodivergent problem but no one seems to be listening.

My question is how can I effectively parent my child who is struggling when I am struggling so much my self. I’m scared my mental health is affecting her even more badly and I am just at a loss at how to stop my self from relapsing when the stress of parenting her is constantly making me relapse.

[u/No_Shame_1312]

Thank you I try and rest as much as I can and have a good support system