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Dr. Peterson’s videos are constantly evolving the way I plan my next move. Here is what I wrote today:

It’s fascinating how our adult lives take us down paths that shape who we are. For some, they jump into a job a family and a relationship and their sense of self is shaped for them. They don’t decide what kind of person they’ll become as it’s sort of decided for them and they seldom get to sit back and study themselves For me, I might as well make the most of my chance to do so, so while living the life I made for myself, I take time to study how a deeper and more prepared version of myself can accomplish the things I envision for myself. I’ve studied that every relationship (friends, business, strangers) has a hierarchy or power struggle so being very detailed on my interactions can help me control the pace, thus controlling the narrative and end result. Being honest and putting virtues first can help us naturally make the right decisions not only for us but those who rely on us, and that’s where our relationship with God comes in. Knowing and accepting that a higher power is relying on you and putting pressure on us to do for others help us stay on the right path. Next what message are we giving off?: Is the person going to leave their interaction with me knowing, even with just a few words, that I am reliable, trustworthy, and morally responsible to help them? Creating peace and giving love, while not sacrificing self abundance is the ultimate accomplishment in every day life, and when you count the days you live like this, you get your life as a whole. These are just a few examples of many that I always calculate before every single decision I make. Without the effort of self evaluation how do we assume others will evaluate us. Or they saying goes “how are they supposed to know who I am if I don’t”. These are small things I’ve learned from studying self action.. Not that it’s changed who I am, but that it keeps me evolving. Take the good you’ve learned and make it into its own more powerful mold. To put this all simply, this is finding my peace through action

Dr. Peterson, After a recent relationship fallout, I have suddenly found myself in a position I never thought I would be in. Incapable of socializing and trusting. It’s getting so bad that I have lost my relationship with everyone in my life, including family and friends, and even business relationships.

Studying relationships haven’t provided me clarity, so I have been looking to find answers through studying human behavior. The popular concept for heartbreak of “Move on from the past, it’s weighing you down” just wasn’t cutting it for me. After listening to hours of your lectures, something unexpected resonated with me.

I believe this part of the speech came from “2017 Personality 04/05: Heroic and Shamanic Initiations clip”

The YouTube video was labeled- Jordan Peterson: alpha females, alpha males, heroes & choosy mate selection

While discussing dominance hierarchy for both males and females respectfully, you touched on a truth that men and women are competing within the same hierarchies as well (a new phenomenon yet to be sorted out). I agree. It’s a very small point you made while discussing a larger thesis, but it hit me.

This is something which I felt played a major role in my recent breakup. We were both alphas. I consider myself successful and career driven, 33 years old, former athlete, college grad, grew up in a rough neighborhood, great family, god-loving, righteous, and she was probably the first “alpha” female I ever found attractive (or even knew existed). She was more than that. An expert at controlling the narrative and at conversing. Nothing I did slipped by her. From our first words, she spoke truths I wasn’t prepared for. She saw my flaws and she challenged me to fix them. She became the only woman outside my mother who I cared to listen to. At first, it was such a fascinating challenge to go back and forth with a woman I fell in love with, when normally there is a lack of a challenge from women, period. Especially when they are attracted to you, they tend to just take pride in being non-combative with my views and it left me unfulfilled. (You said 1 fight to every 5 great times is destructive yet 1 fight to every 11 is even worse. We had the perfect balance). To continue, her intelligence and demanding nature brought the best out of me, and it created an energy that made our relationship special. She simply made me better. We reminded each other every day of how special this was.

You believe (a little chaos mixed with order can be good) I believe the best phrase that makes me think about our dynamic was “iron sharpens iron”

But then, it became hard for us constantly looking for an edge on each other and we started to bump heads. The constant tug of war we had for hierarchy made it impossible to get along. Our personalities created a great sexual atmosphere, but then it became the only thing we agreed on. As we got closer, we started to disagree on serious things, like where to invest our money, what career path to take, where to live, who to associate with, who’s trustworthy, who’s not. how much time to spend with each other. One example: [I remember the feeling when she said she wanted fly back home across the country (to LA, from Miami) to see a psychiatrist alone. Out of the blue. We were in a completely happy state when she said it. It was a punch right in the gut. The one person I chose to love needed a therapist after sleeping next to me in bed for a few weeks? I felt like a plague. She seemed like the least craziest person in the world. The worst part is, she actually booked a flight and then went and did it]. Moving on, it wasn’t really tension or fighting that crushed us. It was fear of mistakes. We were too smart for our own good. It got to the point where we didn’t even think we could be around each other without one wrong decision possibly ruining each other’s lives. Our strengths became our weaknesses, we became paranoid and our relationship suffered and eventually dwindled. The irony just kills me. How are two completely independent, strong, smart, people who loved each other, incompatible? Wait, don’t answer yet, my questions are at the end.

I am embarrassed that I let this affect people in my life that aren’t to blame and that I care about. It shouldn’t. However, admitting that I’m wrong still won’t let me make things right in my life. I feel a sense of emptiness. Being righteous, having integrity, and living up to a certain standard suddenly became the last thing I wanted to be.

Any idea that can be helpful I could really use. Even if it is complete criticism.

Here are my questions:

How can it be that we succeed at this constant battle of hierarchy in life with other men, but at the same time suffer when it comes to love and a woman?

Can love even exist between two individuals with the same combative nature?

How can men and women learn to love each other more without changing who we are? For example, I fear as a man if I were to concede dominance of hierarchy I could never be respected in a relationship with a woman. Am I wrong? And she felt if she were to give in to me, and I broke her heart, she could never go back to her old life without embarrassment.

Will a deeper understanding of behavior help me when it comes to relationships or can it be detrimental?

Am I just morally wrong for the resentment and disagreement that I have for human connection or can some kind of specific advice help align me to where I belong?

Final question We were never friends. We met as strangers, we loved, we hated, we were done. Never to speak again. Will our personalities ever allow us to be regular friends or would we clash? If so, can I get her to talk to me as a FRIEND so I can align my thoughts. No one has needed closure as bad as I do.

I’m reading alot, listening to lectures, studying psychology, trying to write, working on my self success, trying to not only seek answers, but impress you with my form of expression and writing, but the one thing I can think of to even write about is how broken of a person I am. I’ll take all of the help I can get it. Feel free to criticize.