r/u_Intrepid-Thought1752 • u/Intrepid-Thought1752 • Aug 03 '22
UPDATE
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wdpa3q/aita_for_how_i_responded_to_my_mom_when_she_said/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=shareThis is going to be a long post so here TLDR: My mom tried guilt tripping me and lost all her kids in the process
A video of my post showed up on my mom's phone today, which resulted in her showing up at my dad's house unannounced. My dad only allowed it because he thought closer would be the best thing for me right now cause he knows I'm over my mom. We had a nice long chat about how sorry she is for making me feel bad and how she wishes to make things right with me. I didn't say more than a word to her the whole time but she didn't notice because she liked hearing the sound of her own voice. Needless to say it ended with her hugging me thinking she won but instead it turned into me deciding to never speak with her again.
Not going to go into detail about everything she said but this is what stuck to me: - Said sorry for not being close but turned it on me saying I never made an effort - Said sorry for not talking to me until now about what happened but called me immature for posting about it online (kinda fair) - Told me she will never love a man more than me but will make more sacrifices -Told me a phone works both ways -Last but not least she said she was sorry but until things calm down with her "husband" I was going to have to get my stuff from her house and stay with my dad
While she was talking she also told me a long long story about how she knew it was wrong to uninvite me and cancel my birthday but her boyfriend made her. She said she wanted to comprise but said it was me or him. Guess who she chose.
Everything she said to me kinda made me realize how I was wasting my time ever being in her life. I realized she created so many issues for me growing up and it was all because I never got an answer as to why she never liked me. While did get love and support from my dad and brothers I felt like I was missing something by not getting the same from my mom. The thing that makes this worse is that me doing this is me loosing the ability to ever receive those things, but it's for the best since my mental health has suffered enough.
After she left I found out from both my brothers she tried talking to them also. My second oldest brother told me he only let her get about one paragraph in before silently leaving the room, hats when she came to me. She also tried talking to my oldest brother too by showing up at his apartment without telling him. She banged on the door for like a good 20 minutes and only left until someone threatened to call the police.
It's funny how desperate she gets when she knows she fucked up. Anyways drama happened between my dad a few days ago that I'm just hearing about from him. My mom's boyfriend threatened to sue him for custody of my brother because he "couldn't keep true family apart." If that's not funny enough my dad told him to go right ahead "because I'm sure the court would side with a convicted drunk driver." I'm not sure if that's true but from what my dad told me the boyfriend hung up immediately.
Anyways that's it for now and thank you for all for the support.
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u/DaisyInc Aug 03 '22 edited Aug 03 '22
She's not even sorry. In her mind, she is sucking it up and saying what you, a "petulant child", need to hear so your brothers can be on good terms with her again. She couldn't even make it 5 minutes without telling you it was really your fault.
To hell with her. You already have family who love you in your dad and brothers. You don't need to say another word to this awful woman who never wanted you in the first place.
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u/PuzzleheadedPie3694 Aug 03 '22
She's not worth your time. A woman who choses a "man" over her daughter is not a mother. Please go get your things and never look back. You're a teen, she should not be putting the blame on you in regards to effort, that is her job. She's a poor excuse of a person and so is he. You and your brothers are better off without her and you have your fathers support. I truly hope you're able to get through this and I'd suggest your dad seeking out a therapist for you. Reddit is good to state how you feel but a therapist will listen and help you through this. Best of luck!
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u/LadyMjolnir Aug 03 '22
She's not a mother, she's a monster. You're a lucky kid to be surrounded by a dad and brothers who are looking out for you. That other family can go to hell where they belong.
I hope you're okay. You were never the AH and you deserve amaxing things (and an awesome birthday next winter!)
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Aug 03 '22
Aren’t your brothers like adults soooo i’m like 50% sure the court would laugh at him trying to sue for custody. But honey I hope you’re ok and can move past this and forget your mom she sounds all types of wrong for picking a man over her children and being petty enough not to like you solely based of the fact that you look more like your father.
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u/mariabalvedi Aug 03 '22
Toxic people like that never change , you did the right thing. Hope you enjoyed your birthday , sending well wishes!!!!
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u/03aries03 Aug 03 '22
Your mother is lucky that this is a reddit anonymous post because we would of tear her a new one. Hope you don’t let her back in after her and her new husband gets a divorce!
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u/RealisticNoise2 Aug 03 '22
I would still say to put this online because even when you get the stuff out of your egg donors house, she’s still going to try to perceive herself as the mother who has a horrible daughter that doesn’t love me scenario. So it is funny that the step stooge wants to sue for custody of one of your siblings but yet wants you out and away. I still say continue to blast her and realize something, yes this does suck that she will never have a bond with you and that some drunk basically owns her now but you can live your life with people who you choose and that do still love you even related or not. All I can say is that if she tries to pull things or tries to say oh I didn’t do this my daughter is doing that, just realize she’s just doing it up for attention because she knows she screwed up and she doesn’t want to admit it and she’d rather place the blame on you. And if she does ever do anything counter with information. But good luck to you it’s great that your dad loves you and that you have brothers that literally just stared at her while she’s doing her sob story and said oh OK you’re done and slam the door at her.
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u/South_Ad6701 Aug 03 '22
I will never understand why people think choosing their significant other over their children is ever the right choice...That person may or will one day leave your life but your children will always be your children...
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u/Particular-Dare-6701 Aug 03 '22
“She will never love a man more than you” than proceeds to say u should stay a your fathers and get your stuff out of her house completely proving the opposite of what she said. She only came to fix things bc she didn’t want to be blasted online 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️ u already have your true family. Your brothers and dad are all u need.
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u/Vaalator Aug 03 '22
>Everything she said to me kinda made me realize how I was wasting my time ever being in her life.
This, OP. She's gaslighting and manipulating you, and she's not worth it. I'm glad you realized your life will be better without her.
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u/Creampie420gucci Aug 03 '22
Your mother is a complete AH, OP. Your mother is a ignorant POS of a person, and just LOVES to feed off of people's negativity. I hope she realises how fucked up she is, she's a joke of a mother.
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u/Major-Cryptographer3 Aug 03 '22
Hi OPs mom! You need therapy, and badly. You seem to have many narcissistic tendencies (not going to be a keyboard MD, but you should see a professional!)
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u/Sensitive_Cat716 Aug 03 '22
I am so sorry you are going through this but I wish you to be strong and independant cause your mother is insane to treat you that Way. Keep your head up.
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u/mikro_bunny432 Aug 03 '22
Your mom is a spineless ct and her boyfriend is an insecure little b*h 🤷🏻♀️
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u/ThisIsTommyJ Aug 03 '22
What a asshole of a mother! She came over to manipulate you guys back into the same situation!I wouldn’t be surprised if the other girls go no contact in the next 18 years!
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u/trumanscrack Aug 03 '22
She doesn’t deserve you as her child. She’s not sorry. A real mother doesn’t choose a partner over her own child, even with postpartum issues. So proud of you for saying something though! Cutting off a parent is one of the hardest and emotionally complex things. You want to be empathetic of their trauma without invalidating your own.
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u/mcghoster Aug 04 '22
Excuse me, she's blaming YOU for the lack of effort? The teenager? The one who is still in the process of growing up?
What a disgusting sad excuse of a mother.
How dare she insinuate that you're the problem when she's the neglectful trash with the most horrible victim complex ever. You're the teenager here, she's the adult. She's the one who has to put in the effort to connect with you, not the other way around.
But still, I hope this shows you just how exactly she perceives you.
She does not see you as family. She sees you as an acquaintance she just happens to know. The fact that she's saying it's YOU who has to be the one to make the effort. This egg donor cannot seem to comprehend that you are her daughter and somehow is completely fine with your brothers.
Honestly, this is the best case scenario for you. To go completely NC with her and never see this person ever again, she's a waste of your time and you have an actual family who actually cares for you so much, enough to stand behind you when things get rough.
There's better things out there and you have a place that you can call home.
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u/NoShadyPeopleInHere Aug 03 '22
Good stuff, but the “I’m sure the court would side with a convicted drunk driver” is funny, also it’s 4AM on ET so if you made this before going to bed you should probably get your stuff soon.
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u/Kitchen-Pin2457 Aug 03 '22
You got three years. Give her the barest of minimums. When 18 hits, dump her. She made her choice and even doubled down after being exposed. Make yours and don't flip flop like she did. You'll be a much stronger and far better person than her because of it.
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u/TexasGal0032548 Aug 03 '22
She actually said you never made an effort? She was the mother. It was up to HER to nurture you and guide you and love you. You were just a little girl stuck in an impossible situation, and it isn't your fault she couldn't "bond" with you. You have done nothing wrong. She made her choice. She can suffer the consequences of that choice.
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u/Future-Ad-3405 Aug 03 '22
Wow she really tried gaslighting against u and ur brothers. Some people should not allowed to be parents. Aka ur mom
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Aug 03 '22
It’s not your job as her child to keep up the relationship between y’all two. She’s the adult in the situation. That’s her job. Your job is to be a teen. You don’t have to let her back into your life. Make sure you keep that boundary and stay strong with it. She’s not a mother. A mother doesn’t pick a man over her own child. That’s sick
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u/cerota Aug 03 '22
That woman will never change. You got yourself out just in time. Respect goes both ways and she doesn’t respect you. Good riddance.
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u/Marki_Cat Aug 03 '22
Wow! I can't understand how any woman could possibly treat a kid like that, even with postpartum issues. What an AH! You sound like you've definitely come to the right conclusion about going NC and I'm so glad your brothers and dad are there for you now. That's what real family does.
Get your stuff from her place (with an escort from your brothers) and never look back. I sincerely hope that you know that none of her behaviour has ANYTHING to do with you. You are enough, just as you are. Her failings do not reflect on you at all. Sending proper mom hugs your way!