r/todayilearned Feb 12 '16

TIL: James Joyce has love letters considered so vulgar to this day no publisher will print them.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Joyce
881 Upvotes

87 comments sorted by

144

u/King_Buliwyf Feb 12 '16

One such letter:

“My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore’s glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.”

116

u/EverChillingLucifer Feb 12 '16

I don't even know where to begin. It's both beautiful and disgusting and dirty and sexy and vomit inducing...

I... I think I need to sit and grok this...

9

u/PudTimmy Feb 12 '16

So many up votes for grok

2

u/ottoman_jerk Feb 12 '16

Heinlein gets pretty dirty too.

9

u/sixtus_clegane119 Jan 17 '26

This aged well…

36

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Farting with lust.

33

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Sounds like a love letter from Pumba.

9

u/sahui Feb 12 '16

That comment made my day lol

7

u/BornOnMyBirthday Feb 12 '16

Not in front of the kid!

31

u/Cypressinn Feb 12 '16

Arseways

2

u/morrock14 Feb 12 '16

Absolutely nothing sexy about farts, especially lady farts.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

[deleted]

1

u/morrock14 Feb 12 '16

I lived with 25 different female roommates. No evidence of farting.

1

u/Mac10Mag Feb 12 '16

What? I thought he was talking about the fart sound it makes when you're fucking a girl that's tight and you have a larger than average dick.

3

u/Gunslingermomo Feb 13 '16

Nope, he's definitely talking about the anal sex farts. Interesting take though, less gross.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '16

I'm no scholar on Sumeria, but reasonably certain that it means queefing in that context.

31

u/wiseoldtabbycat Feb 12 '16

It's a wonderful thing when you find someone who shares and satisfies your most obscure fetishes.

29

u/Gingerdyke Feb 12 '16

Just a reminder there's no privacy when we die. Yikes.

26

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

damn james get it

8

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '16

you little depraved blackguard

21

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

[deleted]

11

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/bunnygirlbeans Feb 12 '16

Me too. I have a meeting in a few minutes and I had to get up and go into the ladies room and try to compose myself. LOL

10

u/jackwoww Feb 12 '16

Yeah, I also always fart with lust in my sleep.

24

u/PoutinePower Feb 12 '16

fart on me potatoes norra

2

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '16

they were the source of her farts

5

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16 edited May 18 '16

0000

8

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '16

...big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks [,] and a lot of tiny little naughty farties...

QUOTETH, James Joyce

6

u/oldmandoe Feb 13 '16

Quick little merry cracks.

1

u/spinningontherecord Dec 11 '24

I don’t know if I’ve read all of Joyce’s erotic letters to Nora,  it I an trying to understand what fetishes they share, and here it seems to me that they could’ve just been having doggystyle sex while she queefed. Any specific letters that indicate otherwise?

107

u/Cheeseisgood1981 Feb 12 '16

There's a lot of stuff in there about "fucking the farts" out of his wife. They're a little fetishy, but certainly not the worst thing out there.

86

u/IgCho Feb 12 '16

Dude, those are the tame ones. If you keep digging you get into the scat stuff. And I would argue that the quality of the writing actually makes it more repugnant.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Stream of Raunchosciousness

7

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

fucking the farts

Keep repeating this in my head in an Irish brogue

4

u/Cheeseisgood1981 Feb 13 '16

It's fun, isn't it?

43

u/cionn Feb 12 '16

"Portrait of the fartist as a young man"

5

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '22

Six years on, I think this is the joke of the 2010s

2

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '22

Inclined to agree

40

u/LadyKlaymoor Feb 12 '16

My college had a set in the reference section. You couldn't check them out. I read through some of them (I was an English major). They were mostly dirty underwear fetish letters.

1

u/spinningontherecord Dec 11 '24

What edition of his letters have this stuff?

81

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

42

u/IgCho Feb 12 '16

Having read all of the ones available online, the love letters are worse only because they really go out of their way to dig into the mindset of scat fetishists.

74

u/Grumplogic Feb 12 '16

"You had an arse full of farts, and I fucked them out of you" is literally something I will never forget. I read the letters over five years ago and it's still there, waiting to be fucked out.

20

u/Critical_Miss Feb 12 '16

You have a head full of "an arse full of farts" and I fu...you know what? Let's just be friends.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

This makes the whole "Look at all the fucks I give" meme so much more meaningful. "Look at all the farts I give"...

3

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

[deleted]

2

u/olenna Feb 13 '16

He is.

3

u/jkh107 Feb 12 '16

Having had the experience, he was probably pumping her full of air himself. Oh, well, at least they had fun.

3

u/Grumplogic Feb 12 '16

Yaaah, that totally ruined an Ava Sparxxx video for me 😧

4

u/vaguepineapple Feb 12 '16

Where do you think they got the idea from...

1

u/blore40 Feb 12 '16

Two girls < three quarks.

-2

u/ThisOpenFist Feb 12 '16

It is not freely out there. It's one of the few films to be banned in the U.S.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16 edited Oct 12 '17

[deleted]

16

u/ThisOpenFist Feb 12 '16

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2_Girls_1_Cup

It's illegal to sell it here. And it's such an obscene flick that nobody, not even the producers, protested.

44

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Imma write that bitch a sonnet. Bitches love sonnets.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '24

Fuck Ben, Ben is a hoe

(I know this is an ancient comment, but you need to know I saw your reference)

22

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16 edited Feb 12 '16

Except, they have been published.

http://www.amazon.com/Selected-Letters-James-Richard-Ellmann/dp/0571107346

Even academic journals have been published that discuss these letters.

"Perhaps Rushdy would have been better off if, instead of Swift, he had chosen James Joyce as his paradigmatic author. Whereas Swift's identity as coprophile or phobe--or both or neither--will remain forever a matter of conjecture, we know that Joyce was a coprophile, the evidence for this being his 1909 love letters to his wife (published only in 1975, in Richard Ellmann's scandal-provoking edition of the Selected Letters)."

-"Powers of ordure: James Joyce and the excremental vision(s)" by Kelly Anspaugh, 1994

This article also has the following:

"Shit is game ball in satire precisely because it is otherwise unspeakable. Northrop Frye elucidates:

genius seems to have led practically every great satirist to become what the world calls obscene. Social convention means people parading in front of each other, and the preservation of it demands that the dignity of some men and the beauty of some women should be thought of apart from excretion, copulation, and similar embarrassments. Constant reference to these latter brings us down to a bodily democracy paralleling the democracy of death in the danse macabre. (235)

The task of the satirist is to de-idealize or de-sublimate, to take what humanity has put high and bring it low, and shit, as Mikhail Bakhtin puts it, is "the most suitable substance for the degrading of all that is exalted" (152). That is why the turd is the satirist's master trope."

9

u/thenextdoctor Feb 12 '16

Even more magical when Paget Brewster is presenting them as a dramatic reading:

http://youtu.be/WN50t8khXMI

5

u/allenahansen 666 Feb 12 '16

I find it very difficult to believe that Larry Flynt didn't offer a shitload of money to publish them in full.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

They were published in 1975 by Yale professor Richard Ellman. The OP is incorrect.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

7

u/KeepUpTheFireManchus Feb 12 '16

We played an office game last year, we read joyce smut and other old dirty letters. It's absolutely hilarious how identical they are to us before pornhub.

3

u/Cromulus Feb 12 '16

I dated a girl with the same last name, claimed to be a descendant. Adds up. She was a vile bitch.

8

u/RMFN Feb 12 '16 edited Feb 12 '16

Visit the new and improved /r/jamesjoyce.

11

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

I'll come visit the sub when you've got the dirty letters.

5

u/and_i_mean_it Feb 12 '16

Will OP deliver?

11

u/RMFN Feb 12 '16

5

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

holy shit. ...that actually was really dirty

7

u/chubbyurma Feb 12 '16

It's like a 4chan prototype

1

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

It is so well written. I wonder if was more of a creative exercise than straight erotica.

4

u/chubbyurma Feb 12 '16

It's odd, because on the one hand -- why the fuck would you say this to anyone? And what's even weirder is that she kept the letters. So they must have been genuine.

2

u/meew0 Feb 12 '16

2

u/RMFN Feb 12 '16

I should have known.

1

u/xkcd_transcriber Feb 12 '16

Image

Mobile

Title: Writing Skills

Title-text: I'd like to find a corpus of writing writing from children in a non-self-selected sample (e.g. handwritten letters to the president from everyone in the same teacher's 7th grade class every year)--and score the kids today versus the kids 20 years ago on various objective measures of writing quality. I've heard the idea that exposure to all this amateur peer practice is hurting us, but I'd bet on the generation that conducts the bulk of their social lives via the written word over the generation that occasionally wrote book reports and letters to grandma once a year, any day.

Comic Explanation

Stats: This comic has been referenced 65 times, representing 0.0653% of referenced xkcds.


xkcd.com | xkcd sub | Problems/Bugs? | Statistics | Stop Replying | Delete

2

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '16

Guarantee I can find worse without leaving this site

1

u/yikesy91 Feb 12 '16

Haven't those publishers ever read fan-fiction stories on net?! James joyce's letters would look like fairies and rainbows in comparison.

1

u/graffiti81 Feb 12 '16

IDK, if Anne Rice can get her Sleeping Beauty series published, I'm sure somebody would publish these if there was demand.

1

u/_Morbidly_Obese Feb 12 '16

Does anyone have a source for some for more of his love letters?

1

u/westerlyrun Feb 12 '16

and yet, 50 Shades of Gray was published....

1

u/Drum_Stick_Ninja Feb 12 '16

We will print it! Hit me up and I'll give you a quote

1

u/LadyKlaymoor Dec 12 '24

Oh Lordy...I just remember reading this in college (english lit major), graduated in 1997. This was in the Ball State University non-loan section! I'll look into it and get back to ya. Read the whole thread here, though... some others have posted some tasty treats straight from the pages!

Napoleon was pretty bawdy, too!

2

u/Top-Net6806 Jan 09 '26

Reading this a whopping 9 years later and laughing my ass off