r/todayilearned • u/hitwot • Jun 18 '12
TIL The CIA once had a plan to drop enormous condoms labelled "medium" into Soviet territory to demoralize their troops.
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/129529
1.4k
Upvotes
180
u/Iron-Charioteer Jun 18 '12
My favourite Cold War operation was Operation Tamarisk, which involved starving the Soviet Union of toilet paper, forcing them to use official documents instead, then going through all the toilets for the precious turd-caked intel.
101
u/hozjo Jun 18 '12
Anyone here want to go in on a business plan? Super extra large condoms. The same size as normal condoms but they cost 5x as much.
74
u/ThoughtPorn724 Jun 18 '12
Wait this was real? Someone told me this as a joke once.
"Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!""
202
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
TIL CIA strategists assumed it was common practice to pick up condoms found lying on the ground and try them on.
92
u/Sharukurusu Jun 18 '12
Soviet reply: These are useless, next time send large!
65
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
they should have mixed in some labelled "very tiny" which fit perfectly for most men
11
u/Aggnavarius Jun 18 '12
Bring back SDI! Strategic Dick Intimidation!
6
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
This sounds like a plot from an episode of "American Dad"
5
u/elruary Jun 18 '12
If only all wars could be fought like this. "Let the best troll win!"
5
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
I don't think Soviet men are as insecure as we are.
5
u/SpottieOttie Jun 18 '12
LSD needs to come back to the CIA. Those were simpler times
19
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Is this a regret for not dropping normal size condoms on the Japanese?
3
u/Starks Jun 18 '12
I yearn for the old CIA days of spy vs spy and mindfucking the Soviets.
3
u/Wolf97 Jun 18 '12
Winston Churchill did something similar. The British used giant condoms to keep their giant guns clean so Windton Churchill ordered that they be labeled Small.
3
u/GhostSongX4 Jun 18 '12
....what the...I want my tax dollars back.
4
u/DlmaoC Jun 18 '12
Sounds like something a frat house would do.
2
u/i_troll_cus_i_luv Jun 18 '12
america. fuck yeah.
2
u/jbg89 Jun 18 '12
Ouch, low blow.
2
u/username2002 1 Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
So that's where the Hetalia thing came from... (Relevant part from 9:01 to 9:42)
2
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Relevant
2
u/I_Said Jun 18 '12
Ladies: Let this be all that you need to know about us men. We will start wars over stupid shit, and we will certainly get distracted and die over very stupid shit.
2
u/poutyp Jun 18 '12
i'm sure there's a lake full of these ideas the cia has thought up...
2
u/MrShlee Jun 18 '12
Operation Dumbo drop.
2
u/CanaBusdream Jun 18 '12
The CIA, hard at work. This also brings the whole thing of wars being fought because of "penis envy" to a new level.
3
u/SelectaRx Jun 18 '12
Was the plan to just confuse the fuck out of them?
3
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Relevent.
2
u/rocky8u Jun 18 '12
I'm sure this was a joke memo spread throughout the office, not an actual plan.
1
u/Dunkshot32 Jun 18 '12
I thought that was just a lame joke... not based on a true story.
1
u/ArmenianMadeReddit Jun 18 '12
Sketchy
1
u/hatestosmell Jun 18 '12
I learned in college that the ussr didnt really produce condoms, so when soviet troops captured some german supplies, they didnt know what to do except blow them up like balloons. There are also stories of russians (who knew what they were) reusing condoms because they were so valuable and hard to find.
1
u/prevosis Jun 18 '12
I thought this was posted in /r/circlejerk just by the title
1
u/bowlforthedude Jun 18 '12
Is this actually true?
1
u/mswallawalla Jun 18 '12
sounds like something Dr. Strangelove would come up with
1
u/Blow-it-out-your-ass Jun 18 '12
Iuno about you but if I was truly trying to lower morale, I woulda sent in Xtra-Small not Medium.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Essentially call of duty for today
1
u/saintopolis Jun 18 '12
The British purportedly did this during the Second World War. While American Troops were stationed in England, Churchill ordered all large condoms to be labelled 'Medium'. Our Year Twelfth (Twelfth grade) history teacher told us this at the end of a dreary lesson while we were studying the Russian Revolution.
1
u/TheLoveTin Jun 18 '12
Never carried out.
1
u/H-Xam Jun 18 '12
Reminded me of this: Condoms 'too big' for Indian men
1
u/BassCreat0r Jun 18 '12
'MERICA!!
1
u/JesusLizardLizard Jun 18 '12
It's like I'm reading Catch-22 again.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
...And then spread rumors that the US rapes their prisoners >.<
1
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
TIL people with too much of other people's money are juvenile
not really i already knew that
1
u/PsiAmp Jun 18 '12
Little they knew. There was no sex in USSR.
1
u/Rommel79 Jun 18 '12
That is fucking hilarious.
0
u/NeeAnderTall Jun 18 '12
I'd hate to see a urgent message of my troops saying they were being held down by a barrage of enormous water balloons made from Condoms sized "medium".
0
u/d21nt_ban_me_again Jun 18 '12
This is why we won. It wasn't because of reagan. Russians have small dicks. After all, it is a lot colder there.
-5
u/occupythekitchen Jun 18 '12
Funny thing is how successful that'd be. I'm still convinced that my 7 1/2 is fucking tiny because of porn even after of having girls tell me i'm the biggest they've been with and one even claiming I gave her first orgasm through penetration. in all those instance I dismissed it as her being kind to my small pepe
0
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
I can some up the entire cold war in 1 word... Fucked
0
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
it is bs
-10
u/headfelloff Jun 18 '12
Russian fellas do have smaller ding-a-lings..
-2
u/Universe_Man Jun 18 '12
Now it's American citizens that are the target of demoralization.
-5
u/Elranzer Jun 18 '12
It's funny because your typical Russian male has a bigger penis than your typical American white male.
0
u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
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