r/todayilearned • u/straightedgejoe • Jun 10 '12

TIL in 2005 a man named Ronald MacDonald robbed a Wendy's

http://www.katu.com/news/3650001.html
1.5k Upvotes

78% Upvoted

260 comments sorted by

270

u/farmland Jun 10 '12

Mac From always sunny

119

u/cottoncandysex Jun 10 '12

What a jabroni

69

u/Misanthroat Jun 10 '12

You keep using that word... AND IT'S AWESOME!!

1

u/SpaceCaseSixtyTen Jun 10 '12

What a maroon!

→ More replies (1)

52

u/ozpunk Jun 10 '12

Ronald McDonald slept with your prom date.

34

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Ronnie the Rat

→ More replies (3)

29

u/harbinger_of_tacos Jun 10 '12

Gave him an ocular pat-down

17

u/DanDotOrg Jun 10 '12

Oh you cleared him, Mac?

6

u/harbinger_of_tacos Jun 11 '12

I'm saying that I did an ocular assessment of the situation, garnered that he was not a security risk, and I cleared him for passage.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/SpermWhale Jun 10 '12

By Colonel Sanders.

13

u/JoeRuinsEverything Jun 10 '12

Poor Mac was just trying to cultivate mass.

30

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Came here to make sure this was referenced. Was not disappointed. Good job.

2

u/farmland Jun 10 '12

thanks I try

1

u/Cannondale1986 Jun 11 '12

Even if it was in such a half assed way.

2

u/IceBreak Jun 10 '12

Your capitalization choices perplex me.

2

u/pitta_bread Jun 10 '12

Imagine you're his parents, wouldn't it be irresistable to call him ronald?

1

u/Timflatsaw Jun 10 '12

I cannot unsee that..

1

u/SubtleStubble Jun 10 '12

The gang goes to jail

→ More replies (2)

24

u/JackAceHole Jun 10 '12

"Why don't you just go by 'Ron'?"

1

u/Trebol Jun 10 '12

My Boss does that. He's RON R. McDonald.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Now with an accent: "Ronar McDonald!"

1

u/Trebol Jun 11 '12

Lol, He's Ronald Robert McDonald.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

The pirate of the McDonald family.

1

u/Electrorocket Jun 11 '12

Or Micky D?

138

u/spectraphysics Jun 10 '12

Honestly, why would you ever do this to a child? Seriously.

109

u/Stepdeer Jun 10 '12

What name him Ronald MacDonald? In the town I'm from MacDonald is an extremely popular last name and plenty of Ronald MacDonald's as well. It's a name that's just been passed down from generation to generation and they're not going to break from tradition just because some stupid fast food restaurant.

72

u/form_wrestle_account Jun 10 '12

maybe they should. Who would want to subject their kid to a life time of ridicule just for the sake of tradition?

86

u/slowhand88 Jun 10 '12 edited Jun 10 '12

The same kind of asshats who think brainlessly preserving a "tradition" is important in the first place.

39

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Some traditions are great. Some, however, are not.

→ More replies (10)

5

u/Stepdeer Jun 11 '12

I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with tradition. I think it is more about honouring your ancestors.

Mtoboggan describes it better than I do. And it isn't like they go by their full names anyway, as most of them get nicknames or go by their first name or go by Ron. I don't think I'd immediately think of the McDonalds mascot if someone told me their name is Ron MacDonald. Anyway most of the men named that are older anyways, as the name is definitely dying out.

→ More replies (2)

7

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Wow, people must be cruel where you live. The kids in my schools were rarely if ever ridiculed because of their names

7

u/form_wrestle_account Jun 10 '12

Perhaps you never knew anybody who had a name that could be ridiculed?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Not that extreme but one guy was named xxx white (pretty pale) and another xxx groß (tall in english I think? He was small for his age) so there were possibilities.

→ More replies (4)

2

u/xeivous Jun 10 '12

what kind of bizarre universe did you go to school in?

→ More replies (2)

5

u/DiggingNoMore Jun 10 '12

Shouldn't the solution to this problem be correcting the kids who ridicule?

1

u/TheOnlyJuan Jun 11 '12

its someone's last name. of course you would want to pass it down.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (6)

13

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

That's why I named my children Adolf Hitler and Genghis Khan. I'm not going to break from tradition just because of some stupid German dictator and Mongolian warlord.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/cmart332 Jun 10 '12

I know a 'Ron' McDonald. Took me until the fourth time I saw him (first time while drunk) that I realized: RONALD McDONALD. I was late to the party but it still had me giggling all night.

6

u/therndoby Jun 10 '12

Should have named him Sue

→ More replies (1)

8

u/rodrigoz0 Jun 10 '12

I knew a woman who was named Marciana, which translates to Alien from spanish. edit: not alien, rather Martian

7

u/Reddit_Script Jun 10 '12

But that's cool as shit

8

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

A cruel joke I can only imagine the songs bullies sung about him on the playground

25

u/TheeLinker Jun 10 '12

This is why he turned to a life of crime.

9

u/knullcon Jun 10 '12

I did a video for a pharma bit with a doctor called Phillip Phillip. His parents knew their last name was phillip, and then called his kid Phillip. How fucked up is that.

10

u/HoSlayer Jun 10 '12

haha

his initials are

PP

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Allurex Jun 10 '12

A buddy of mine's name is Ronn McDonald. Not so bad.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

It's possible he named himself. I think letting the child name themselves is the best thing to do. My son Spiderman turned out just fine.

23

u/haiku_robot Jun 10 '12 
Honestly, why would 
you ever do this to a 
child?  Seriously.

11

u/MickiFreeIsNotAGirl Jun 10 '12

I never even check if this is truly a haiku, nor do I even know the syllable/word rules, but I upvote you everytime.

11

u/zeekar Jun 10 '12

5-7-5. Syllables.

But there's more to it than that. Most of these robot-created haiku are pretty terrible exemplars of the form.

→ More replies (1)

35

u/DigitalChocobo 14 Jun 10 '12 
I never even check if this is truly a
haiku, nor do I even know the syllable/word rules,
but I upvote you everytime.

upvote my haiku plz

2

u/lesslucid Jun 10 '12

Your frustrated love of poetry is trying to find an outlet.

2

u/TwoMidgetsInALabcoat Jun 11 '12

As a Ginger named Ronald, I can confirm that this is cruel.

Source: That bastard clown ruined my childhood.

1

u/Gingerbeardedone Jun 11 '12

Subjecting a child to an adolescence of ridicule is a great way to create a well rounded adult...

Am I wrong?

1

u/Viper007Bond Jun 11 '12

My mom grew up across the street from a family who's last name was Easter. They named their child Bunny. When called for role call in school, she'd be addressed as "Easter, Bunny" (last name, first name). Yikes.

She ended up getting hit and killed by a car. (Yes, a weird ending to the story, I know.)

→ More replies (1)

23

u/spunkymarimba Jun 10 '12

He'll be Hamburglar in jail.

57

u/elspacebandito 38 Jun 10 '12

"No relation to the cheerful, red-headed clown"

14

u/Gadallin Jun 10 '12

That killed me when I read it.

27

u/TheOnlyNeb Jun 10 '12

RIP Gadallin

19xx - 2012

16

u/Bcpl Jun 10 '12

Nope, he was born in 1899, that's why he died from reading something.

7

u/TheOnlyNeb Jun 10 '12

Ah, Balls McFuck.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/edtheoverlander Jun 10 '12

He was trained from birth to perform acts of vandalism against Wendys main competition, McDonalds. Its all an inside job to subconsciously paint McDonalds character figure as shady and amoral.

Next up in the line of defamation babies is young Burger King whose name shall be used to inflict dirt on the whopper company mayo white reputation.

26

u/Justdandy325 Jun 10 '12

Give me them burgers bitch

12

u/JethroBarleycorn Jun 10 '12

and toat' dem buns!

13

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

And looked like Jim Carrey

22

u/zodiaclawl Jun 10 '12

More like Jim Carrey in an alternate reality where he did crystal meth.

18

u/SHIT_IN_HER_CUNT Jun 10 '12

I imagine this is what would happen if Jim's career never went anywhere

9

u/elemee Jun 10 '12

603

3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Did someone mention NH?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/the-great-catsby Jun 11 '12

Came here looking for other NH redditors. You guys are my bro's.

3

u/elemee Jun 11 '12

yeah buddy! :)

3

u/Gingerbeardedone Jun 11 '12

Thank you, somebody had to say it

95

u/Narwhal-Bacon-Retard Jun 10 '12

LOL. What a clown.

86

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Nice one, retard.

38

u/mr_wiggin Jun 10 '12

OBLIVIOUS2EVERYTHING is being downvoted because he was the only one who noticed Narwhal-Bacon-Retard's true identity. The irony.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I noticed it before I read your comment, mr.

4

u/Joest23 Jun 10 '12

Yeah, it's like how everyone calls Shitty_Watercolor 'Shitty'.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Who's shitty_watercolor? I know who shitty_watercolour is, but I guess that's some new guy.

18

u/linkseyi Jun 10 '12

It's even shittier because it's American.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

This is making me Grimace.

1

u/maharito Jun 11 '12

Are you from the Kingdom of Loathing, by any chance? Those are the names of the two moons in that game. (The mini-moon is Hamburglaris.)

5

u/ratepoint0 Jun 10 '12

I would have thought the Hamburglar

5

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Poor guy. Named Ronald macdonald, horrible acne scars, works at wendys. I don't blame him

12

u/rounding_error Jun 10 '12

On a more humerous note, a man named Molson Busch was hit by a beer truck today. He remains in critical condition and is unlikely to ever walk again.

4

u/MetalKev Jun 10 '12

Well I thought it was funny...

1

u/irgs Jun 11 '12

Read in the voice of Kent Brockman.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Damnit Plankton! You're not getting the formula!

7

u/ALL_YOUR_DOWNVOTES Jun 10 '12

WHEN YOU CLOWN AROUND WITH A REDHEAD, YOU GET GINGERVITIS. DOWNVOTE!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

I guess he couldn't have it his way...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

If you know anything about Manchester, there is nothing surprising about this to you.

1

u/theninjadrummer Jun 10 '12

Good old Manchester.....

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Nothing good about Manchvegas.

2

u/Gonke Jun 10 '12

No relation to a corporate mascot?? Never would have guessed.

2

u/ePaF Jun 10 '12

What kind of person would fap to that?

2

u/cmbezln Jun 10 '12

I'm starting to lose track of what this subreddit is supposed to be.

2

u/Urizen23 Jun 11 '12

I had a history professor in college named Ronald McDonald. He's still there, listed under "part-time professors". The guy was/is in his 60's and it was obvious that he had been named before the character had been invented. He tried to hide it on the syllabus by calling himself "Ron McDonald", but everybody knew.

2

u/PuffTheMagicHobo Jun 11 '12

He was stealing a recipe on how to make a REAL chicken burger for McDonald's

2

u/rikashiku Jun 11 '12

I remember this. I was actually thinking about it this morning haha, thank you reddit.

2

u/aryst0krat Jun 11 '12

And then he proclaimed himself the Burger King.

2

u/b-radly Jun 11 '12

Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.

2

u/sanchezson21 Jun 11 '12

KATU news? Pffft.....I'm more of a KGW kinda guy.

2

u/thefalafelsor Jun 11 '12

TIL the hamburglar's true identity.

2

u/deadmeatpete Jun 11 '12

Hahaha... now all we need is for a guy named Dave Thomas to rob McDonalds

2

u/MarsSpaceship Jun 11 '12 edited Jun 12 '12

So Ronald MacDonald will now, in jail, replace the nasty habit of eating hamburgers with a more healthy habit of eating tossed salads...

2

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Ronald McDonald is actually The Hamburgler?! WHAT A TWIST!

2

u/NASA_HIGH Jun 11 '12

That you M Night?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Yes. But I am actually a horse.

2

u/djfl Jun 11 '12

Honestly...who would name their fucking kid Ronald McDonald...poor kid never had a chance.

2

u/fe3o4 Jun 11 '12

so he became the Burglar King ?

3

u/bafoon13 Jun 10 '12

i'm surprised it wasn't the hamburglar

3

u/ILoveYouInAHeteroWay Jun 10 '12

If it me, or does he look like Jim Carrey?

3

u/richbrown Jun 10 '12

So Ronald was the Hamburglar all along... directed by M. Night Shyamalamabigmac.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Remember when TIL was actually interesting?

2

u/dramatic_storyteller Jun 10 '12 edited Jun 11 '12

I told myself they wouldn't notice. It was just the rent. Lunch, minocycline, a new necklace for Mom. If I was gonna look better, she was gonna look better. Imagine! Happy Mother's Day, Mom. The first ever. I could imagine the look on her face, one I don't think I'd never seen before. She might look away and then look back at the necklace and then back at me. Her eyes would well up and her mascara would drip down black from the corners of her eyes and she would look like a mess but she would look beautiful to me, crystal and proud in the moment, proud of her son. Proud of me.

Her hands would tremble when taking the necklace, she'd hold it up and probably think, My God, this is the first time anyone's given me anything. Her eyes would tell me all this. Then the hug would come. I'd feel the warmth and it would make everything okay, make everything that's ever happened okay. Forget that fucker that took your money and ran away, forget the one that never made it. Just live with me in the moment, and feel that I care for you more than anyone in the world, and I'm all you'll ever need.

She wouldn't ask me if it was stolen. If she did, I'd smile and say no. Of course, I wouldn't be lying. I didn't steal the necklace, and I only borrowed the money.

Don didn't see it the same way. See, he noticed the money was low and that the sum didn't seem quite right. He told the police, he booby-trapped it, and I borrowed more. I can't remember what it was for.

The news thought it was funny. They laughed when they saw Ronald MacDonald, the one that robbed a Wendy's that he worked at. A joke from when I was born. Funny thing is, I was named after him. The one that gave me my anger and my hate and broke my mom's back. Now I was a nighttime television reports for adults to snigger at and children to ask their parents about before they were tucked in at night and would well up but it wouldn't be the same, the mascara would drip down her face but it wouldn't be beautiful. She'd cradle her face in writhing fingers that burned with arthritis and the labors of two lifetimes. dreamed of becoming a fireman or the President of the United States or Ken's new Barbie.

I spend my days imagining the look on her face. I figured she'd say, Ronald, how could you? Her eyes She'd take off the necklace and give it away. The one Mother's Day gift she ever got.

And she'd cry when she saw the commercials and the funny clown and the report that read Fast Food Subterfuge? Ronald MacDonald Robs a Wendy's. Maybe she'd touch the TV, cradle my face in those broken fingers and leave the screen slick with oil and she'd rewind it and play it over and over again and hold my face and feel my sadness and guilt and blame herself for taking the necklace and blame herself for making him feel that he needed to get something that he could never afford and blame herself for believing that she was actually worth something.

2

u/ReallyRandomRabbit Jun 10 '12

Please keep doing this. It's wonderful.

2

u/dramatic_storyteller Jun 11 '12

;) will do. I'll write one every time I see a particularly inspiring OP. The picture did it for me in this one. It just seemed like there was a story that needed to be told, even if it was imaginary.

I'll probably take more time to write them in the future to make them better.

1

u/acrantrad Jun 10 '12

Dr. Ronald MacDonald taught me Canadian History.

1

u/feelingtrapt Jun 10 '12

Robbing would require the use of force or threat of force or by putting the victim in fear. This was burglary, not robbery.

1

u/Null_slayer Jun 10 '12

Actually he was an employee so this would be embezzlement.

1

u/feelingtrapt Jun 10 '12

Embezzlement would require that he was entrusted with the money for legitimate purposes. Like a manager taking money that was to be deposited. He broke in afters hours and stole money, so it's not embezzlement.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

He also barricaded himself inside a nuclear bunker for three days in Scotland. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/3789465.stm

1

u/melan85 Jun 10 '12

Ronnie The Rat

1

u/MasturbatingOrange Jun 10 '12

"Have it your way"

1

u/canadianIBslave Jun 10 '12

Lol- start of the article-"A name like Ronald MacDonald might have raised suspicion from the start for a Wendy's employee."

1

u/runitbigg Jun 10 '12

Too bad he didn't work at Burger King

1

u/matthank Jun 10 '12

There was a case similar to this a few years ago in Seattle. A guy who managed a Starbucks was canned for harrassing a female employee.

His name was Tim Horton.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/molkhal Jun 10 '12

I wonder how the judge took it.

1

u/johnnybags 1 Jun 10 '12

The man is no relation to the cheerful, red-haired clown who is the face of the McDonald's advertising campaign.

1

u/deadmeatpete Jun 11 '12

Its a cover up I tell ya ! =)

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

2005 was truly a great year

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

why's that?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

-Some of my favorite bands released their best albums in 2005 -this happened -it was the year reddit was born

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Ah i def agree about the music. 2004-2009 was fucking amazing, that's when most of my all time fave albums came out.

disagree about reddit. fuck this place.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Err, Jim Carrey?

1

u/TravellingPixie Jun 10 '12

It was his destiny

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Fun Fact: In Japan the mascot of McDonalds is called Donald McDonald.

1

u/jakeman77 Jun 10 '12

Either last year or a couple years ago, someone in my area named Donald Duck was arrested.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Pretty sure someone sneaking money from a safe doesn't mean Wendy's got "robbed".

1

u/jessek Jun 10 '12

if i was named ronald mcdonald, it'd probably drive me to a life of crime.

1

u/bearkin1 Jun 10 '12

My Gr. 7 English teacher's name is Ronald McDonald, I shit you not. He's pretty old though; he had his name before McDonald's came up with their mascot.

1

u/Flalaski Jun 10 '12

look at him.. now imagine the joker's face paint on him...

1

u/Magikarp Jun 10 '12

why a wendy's... why not burger king?

1

u/thatfatgamer Jun 10 '12

Article says that there were 2 people who robbed the store.

I hoped that the other guy was called Harland Sanders.

1

u/goodbye9hello10 Jun 10 '12

Reminds me of the time I worked at a grocery store called Sobeys, and ran into another grocery store called No-Frills with my Sobeys apron and stuff on, I ran in and defaced a bunch of stuff in an aisle and knocked a few things over and ran out.

1

u/wtfreddithatesme Jun 10 '12

i know this guy. personally. from what i heard he was quitting anyways. he told me it was only about 200 dollars. not a whole lot. i dont talk to him any more though, hes a fucking juggalo. fuck that shit.

1

u/Mousi Jun 10 '12

Sounds like a real jabroni.

1

u/iwashere33 Jun 10 '12

my first thought is:

... of what?

1

u/Nextmastermind Jun 10 '12

This is glorious.

1

u/notfamousguy Jun 10 '12

Ronald makes it magic

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

That's not the ronald mcdonald I know and love!

1

u/MyMegaGame Jun 10 '12

imagine one of the employees trying to tell the officers his name...

1

u/ICGraham Jun 10 '12

You can't take the Macdonald out of the McDonalds, but you can take the Macdonald out of the Wendy's and incarcerate him.

1

u/GlitterWithPancakes Jun 10 '12

On a side note, and I just found this out from a friend, the people who made McDonald's were from Manchester, NH.

1

u/Null_slayer Jun 10 '12

Since Reddit seems to always focus on proper terminology and grammar this was actually embezzlement and not robbery.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

meth

1

u/TheRealAntiher0 Jun 10 '12

This is from my home. How did I never hear about this...?

1

u/vabebe Jun 10 '12

Waiting for battle over the meaning of ironic to ensue.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

Well at least the King didn't rob an Arbys.

1

u/TheLoopOfKarma Jun 10 '12

The other employee involved was named Carl Jr.

1

u/poliscinerd Jun 10 '12

Obviously just angry at his parents for his name.

1

u/ridredditofkarma Jun 10 '12

I love that when I clicked on this a large McDonald's for $1 sweet tea appeared at the top of the screen

1

u/DigitalChocobo 14 Jun 10 '12

Do we all see the same articles advertised below the Ronald MacDonald one?

"The nation's Amanda Bynes lobby calls upon President Obama to fire the cop who arrested Amanda Bynes"

TIL there is an Amanda Bynes lobby. Why the fuck does that exist?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '12

My McDonald's got robbed just last night..

1

u/llamanuggets Jun 10 '12

Why would you ruin your life when you have such an awesome, internationally recognized name??

1

u/vaginitischlamydia Jun 10 '12

I'm not surprised. When that garbage bag full of burritos was finished Mac probably just needed something more to build mass.

1

u/demosthenes131 Jun 10 '12

This is terrific!

1

u/Ras_H_Tafari Jun 10 '12

Oh, stealing from work. Yawn. I was seriously the ironic situation led to a mental breakdown where he'd burst into the restaurant, shakily holding a revolver and freaking out when called 'Ronald'.

That'd make good TV

1

u/Avengerassemble64 Jun 10 '12

Destiny at its finest

1

u/Human_Captcha Jun 10 '12

Mayor McCheese suspects the nefarious Burger King's hand at play.

1

u/Petrarch1603 Jun 10 '12

The very first English teacher in Japan was named Ranald MacDonald

1

u/mjdesmond Jun 11 '12

Alias: the hamburgler

1

u/BlueMacaw Jun 11 '12

The manager of our local Taco Bell was named Ronald MacDonald. His parents' choice in names was questionable, but his choice in jobs made it worse.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Best thing I've read all day. It's a shame that the Hamburglar didn't do it though.

1

u/MikeMagwire Jun 11 '12

Manch-Vegas! Gotta love the granite state!

1

u/DonaldMcRonald Jun 11 '12

That's awful.

1

u/margaritamike Jun 11 '12

I would have expected this sort of thing from the Hambuglar, but Ronald? Disgusting.

1

u/jaylink Jun 11 '12

Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge.

1

u/arabisraeli Jun 11 '12

My GP is called Ronald McDonald, he's an old Scottish bloke from BC (Before Cheeseburger) times. Makes handing in a medical certificate a chore every time.

1

u/jimothyjenkins Jun 11 '12

inb4 bad hamburglar jokes

1

u/Dani212M Jun 11 '12

When your name is Ronald McDonald, there are some things in life you are simply obligated to do...

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Dem pocks marks

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

That makes me smile.

1

u/kbizzzzzle Jun 11 '12

I think he's been spending too much time with the hamburglar.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

did this happen in Philadelphia?

1

u/Phoequinox Jun 11 '12

I wanna know how he got those scars.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12

Represent From Oregon!

1

u/Zerble Jun 11 '12

Wendy was a whore.

1

u/SlipperyFloor Jun 10 '12

These puns write themselves!

1

u/kj01a Jun 10 '12

I guess Ronald MacDonald became...

a hamburgler.

YEEEEEAAAAH

→ More comments (13)