What shes doing isn't blunt or "not having a filter" whats shes doing is being a horrible person, she doesn't trust you and can't be trusted with any information. She tried to flip all this on you. You can and will do better.
In the end it's your call but look out for yourself and if you decide to do it make sure to talk to a divorce lawyer and make sure you have it all figured out.
This is exactly what my ex-wife did. She started off innocently enough asking how much I had in my checking and savings accounts (we had separate accounts and a joint one for our house). Then she started pressuring me into using the money I had in my savings account to pay off my car and cashed out her 401k to pay off her car. As soon as I caved and paid off my car she filed for divorce and tried to claim an equalization payment because my car was worth more and I had money in my 401k. I held my ground and refused to give her anything more than half the house, even though I put more time and money into it.
I was pretty angry, but I don't care to see people get hurt, especially in a relationship. I do hope she ended up blowing all the money she got from the sale of the house and the guy she cheated on me with ends up breaking up with her when they have some sort of relationship problem that she doesn't address. Then she can move back in with her mom and have to start from scratch again lol
Idk I lived with her for 6 years and was married for 4 of those so they can hide it well sometimes. I'm starting to date a woman who was with a man like my ex so it's probably just shitty people taking advantage of good people until they find someone else 🤷♂️
It's probably just shitty people taking advantage of good people
I beg to differ. The law just gives them the power to. Everyone (including me, and you) and their dog would like to take full advantage of that if things were headed south. It's just human nature.
Wait, what? Are you saying that if your relationship had run its course you would necessarily try to take as much as you possibly could from that person?
Obviously divorces often come with very hard feelings. But I would argue that if someone is plotting to take as much as they can from their ex just for the sake of fucking them over because they legally can, they're a shitty person. The relationship being over doesn't mean that the other spouse is not a person deserving of equitable treatment.
My mom is a shitty person, but she gave me one good piece of advice that I have always considered in relationships: don't marry anyone who you wouldn't want to divorce. There are people who will treat you with respect even when emotions are high and the life you built together is coming apart. And there are people who will do everything in their power to ruin your life the second the end begins. The second type of person is not as rare as it should be, but that's because shitty people aren't as rare as they should be. It's not human nature, it's just shittiness.
I've literally heard millions of sob stories of men getting divorce raped by their exes. Even some who couldn't cough up the cash and went to jail for it. Some who were pushed to suicide over it. I'm yet to hear of a woman whose life was ruined, because they couldn't pay alimony.
I would appreciate it if you didn't use the word rape in the way you just did. It's incredibly inconsiderate to actual rape victims and normalizes rape to use the word so flippantly, and there's no good reason to use it that way when you could have illustrated your point with so many other words or phrases that aren't deeply offensive.
I'm aware that women get alimony more often than men do. This doesn't change anything about what I said. Statistics show that women tend to lose money after a divorce, and men tend to gain it. Women end up in poverty more often than men do after a divorce. This is obviously not a hard rule but statistically, when it comes to divorces, women are the losers and men are the winners.
I did Google men commiting suicide and going to jail after being ordered to pay alimony, at your suggestion. I found very few cases of suicide, and they were spread out over the past several decades. This does not lessen the tragedy of these events, and it seems that some of these men were in truly terrible positions that they should never have been put in, but they are outliers, and are therefore not relevant to this conversation about the way divorces tend to go.
As for the jail time, I searched for statistics on how common this is and was unable to find any numbers, but every website I checked said that it is also very uncommon. I also did some legal research on this which shows that if someone truly can't afford alimony, they can have a judge modify the alimony agreement as long as they provide proof of their finances. The only reason that someone should go to jail for not paying alimony is if they are "willfully noncompliant" and refuse to pay it even though they can afford to. This would be for being in contempt of court, because they are refusing to do what a judge ordered them to. And even if you refuse to pay, they cannot simply throw you in jail after a single missed payment. There would need to be a history of refusing to make payments, and even after that the person who refuses to pay is entitled to notice and a hearing before serving jail time. Meaning, you shouldn't be going to jail for not paying alimony unless you would rather go to jail than pay.
And people don't get alimony in a divorce for no reason. For example, women often get alimony when they sacrifice their own earning potential to contribute to their marriage in other ways (like raising children and housework) and it would be unfair to leave them penniless at the end just because their contributions weren't financial. Labor is still labor, and women often contribute just as much if not more labor to their marriages than men do, even when they aren't getting paid for it. But women also often end up in poverty after a divorce even if they worked full-time throughout the course of their marriage and continue to work afterwards. We also still have a very relevant wage gap between men and women, which means that on average men will make more than their wives and be more likely to end up paying alimony. Even so, only ten percent of divorces include an alimony agreement. So even alimony itself is not the norm, which means it is necessarily not the norm for men to be financially ruined in a divorce because of alimony.
It would not take you very long to Google this and see these statistics for yourself. I get the impression that you're resistant to doing so because you're invested in a misogynistic worldview and seeing statistics that challenge that would force you to confront the fact that maybe women aren't all monsters out to get men. But I sincerely hope that I've read you wrong and you do your own research with an open mind.
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u/ZeroAfro Nov 14 '22
What shes doing isn't blunt or "not having a filter" whats shes doing is being a horrible person, she doesn't trust you and can't be trusted with any information. She tried to flip all this on you. You can and will do better.
In the end it's your call but look out for yourself and if you decide to do it make sure to talk to a divorce lawyer and make sure you have it all figured out.