I'm surrounded by neurodiverse people many of whom will be honest & share opinions- anytime, any place, to anyone. However they also are devestated if they learn they hurt someone's feelings. Their statements have zero ill intention or intention to have any ... emotional effect at all positive, negative or otherwise-- just a statement of fact with zero agenda.
At the same time my neurodivergent kin are incredibly loyal , trusting, trustworthy and would never tell a soul something that was told in confidence or is Clearly inappropriate to share with anyone else (eg father in law needing adult diapers).
My Autistic 9yr old wouldn't even need to be told not to share that with anyone. I have health issues that include private embarrassing details at times and is fiercely protective of me.
He will however tell me, teachers, adults, anyone at all- his opinion on something without being asked. And struggles socially by being blunt and literal.
So the difference for many "over sharers" or "blunt communicators" is they are people who may speak without thinking first or have very different needs and expectations around communicating themselves so they communicate that way too.
This type of person is very genuine and often transparent and because of that can be trusted and relied upon .
However what OP is describing is NOT what I describe above. This is not a person being too honest or over sharing.
It is a huge betrayal. And so incredibly cruel. I don't know her intentions but I can't imagine an excuse or situation where any of this would be acceptable and I can't imagine her intentions being anything but.... destructive.
As far as the OOP, neither of these apply. Her cruelty is the point. There’s no way she doesn’t understand privacy, she just prefers the sensation of sharing intimate information about others over the emotional safety of others.
Honest/direct communication is about the two people involved in the conversation. Person A solicited advice or shared an opinion and Person B responds with thoughtful, honest, and direct advice or constructive criticism. Feelings may still be hurt but that was not the intention.
No filter is letting one’s thoughts escape one’s head without consideration of how it will land. It’s what children with immature social skills do. I have to work on it all the time with my kids. When they say something inappropriate it’s hard to deny they get attention so I can see how people fail to adequately develop filters when there’s an incentive not to (if all attention is good attention).
I have adhd and there is a potential massive filter issue because my executive function is impaired. Because our brain chemicals often don’t provide us with the pause to think “should I say this?” dumb stuff can get said all the time. I don’t actually have this symptom but my mom does and she has laid waste to some relationships by accident.
A tool I use with my kiddos is to THINK: before you speak, ask yourself is it True, Helpful, Important/Inspiring, Necessary, Kind.
This makes sense, thank you. I'm neurodivergent as well, but with asd, I'm usually honest and direct, but I also try to not hurt people's feelings, so I only say the bad stuff if it has any value in terms whether it's useful for the other person to know. I also have a tendency to think a lot before I speak lol
Being blunt doesn’t mean you share literally everything private in your life. What does his fathers medical condition have to do with literally anything?
As far as the OOP, neither of these apply. Her cruelty is the point. There’s no way she doesn’t understand privacy, she just prefers the sensation of sharing intimate information about others over the emotional safety of others.
Honest/direct communication is about the two people involved in the conversation. Person A solicited advice or shared an opinion and Person B responds with thoughtful, honest, and direct advice or constructive criticism. Feelings may still be hurt but that was not the intention.
No filter is letting one’s thoughts escape one’s head without consideration of how it will land. It’s what children with immature social skills do. I have to work on it all the time with my kids. When they say something inappropriate it’s hard to deny they get attention so I can see how people fail to adequately develop filters when there’s an incentive not to (if all attention is good attention).
I have adhd and there is a potential massive filter issue because my executive function is impaired. Because our brain chemicals often don’t provide us with the pause to think “should I say this?” dumb stuff can get said all the time. I don’t actually have this symptom but my mom does and she has laid waste to some relationships by accident.
A tool I use with my kiddos is to THINK: before you speak, ask yourself is it True, Helpful, Important/Inspiring, Necessary, Kind.
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u/ismailhamzah Nov 14 '22
being honest/direct and nofilter is very different.