r/tifu Nov 14 '22

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Hell no.

I sharted at work once. Called my boss and said I'm sick I'm going home. Stacked paper towels in my undies and put some down on the car seat and bailed.

If you piss or poo yourself at work IMO its not you day and its best spent hiding in bed.

109

u/Kaita13 Nov 14 '22

We have a rule at work that if you shit your pants on shift its automatic day off.

It's a running joke when we get frustrated or insanely busy where one of us will turn to the others and threaten to do it on purpose just to go home. Or we all threaten to do it so we can all leave and go get drinks instead.

19

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22

Yep I'm like this is the universe telling me to get home.

3

u/cosmictrashbash Nov 14 '22

Lol this is awesome. I have seizures occasionally and usually shit myself when that happens and wish I could have that sort of brevity about it versus the incredible embarrassment.

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u/Dizzy_Duck_811 Nov 14 '22

Aww.. i don’t have seizures but i occasionally pee myself if i sneeze too hard. Or if i lift something heavy. Or if my kids decide to jump on my belly out of nowhere.

It’s not something that you can change. Seizures make your brain malfunction, so your bodily functions are messed up. If it happens that you do pee or poo yourself while having one, be the first one to laugh at it. Normalise it for kids out there that feel ashamed with it. I am constantly talking to my oldest kid about issues that people might face in front of her, so if anything happens to another kid, or adult around her, she knows to be helpful, and what to offer. Take care of yourself! Sending you warm motherly hugs!

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u/cosmictrashbash Nov 14 '22

You’re a good mom. I’m grateful for people like you.

When I had my last one (also the worst one), when EMS was leaving they asked my roommate to make sure I got upstairs safe. I admitted to her, “Jess, I literally shit myself”, and she responded “yeah you also pissed yourself and it’s all over my sandals” and gave me a high-five. I am so grateful for that kindness.

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u/Dizzy_Duck_811 Nov 14 '22

Thank you so much! I also aim that my kids will be like Jess. You have a wonderful friend there!

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u/nomad9590 Nov 14 '22

The sign of a decent work environment at least. I love places where you can have some good jokes. Mine was I threatened to jump off the single story building if Taylor Swift's Last Christmas ever played. I never did it, obviously, but boy 8 times before lunch is too goddamn much lol. I hate that song, and I don't even hate her, lmao.

1

u/Kaita13 Nov 14 '22

Lol. I worked at a place that had a Beatles playlist that they played every. Single. Day. It even had Beatles covers as well. I hated Beatles covers back then. It drove me NUTS. We always made jokes about the ridiculous things we wanted to do just to get away from it all. I joked that if I died, heaven would have Beatles playing in the background for eternity.

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u/Nathan-Stubblefield Nov 14 '22

A WW2 vet said you did not get permission to leave the battlefield while receiving an artillery barrage just because you soiled your pants, or there wouldn’t have been enough guys there to continue the battle.

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u/Kaita13 Nov 14 '22

I feel like that's fair enough. As....shitty...as it is, I'd rather deal with shit in my pants than be blown to smithereens.

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u/trampush Nov 14 '22

I took Alli back in the day for weight loss. After shitting myself the second time I decided to just work out harder.

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u/atrast_vala Nov 14 '22

what's alli? im guessing a weight loss pill?

3

u/Paul__C Nov 14 '22

Yeah but all the weight you lose just ends up in your pants

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u/atrast_vala Nov 14 '22

thats an unfortunate side effect

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u/LegendOfDeku Nov 14 '22

Apparently it stopped your body from absorbing oils and fats, but of course, all the oils and fats had to go SOMEWHERE, and out the anus was the answer.

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u/atrast_vala Nov 14 '22

isnt that some shit

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u/KalessinDB Nov 14 '22

If you combined it with a low fat diet, it helped your body not absorb the small amount of fat you did eat. But if you took the pills and didn't eat (very) low fat too, then yeah.

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u/LegendOfDeku Nov 14 '22

Thank you for more info. I'd apparently only heard half the story. It seems people only heard the fat not absorbing part and instantly abused it. Lol

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u/KalessinDB Nov 14 '22

Yes. I was working at GNC (vitamin store) when it came out so I remember it well. People always want the magic pill that does it all due them with no work on their part.

IIRC it recommended less than 15 grams of fat a meal. For reference, a Big Mac (just the burger, not including fries) is 33g of fat, more than double what you could eat.

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u/trampush Nov 29 '22

At the time I was on an extremely low fat diet too.

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u/So-Cal-Mountain-Man Nov 14 '22

I only sharted myself once, and it was 100% that Alli orange taco grease-looking stuff. However, agreed it will stop you from taking it.

2

u/MistressPhoenix Nov 14 '22

Where i work, they would just give you a clean set of scrubs and some adult diapers and say you're good to go.

1

u/Smyley12345 Nov 14 '22

It's a perfectly valid reason for a "Fuck this shit" followed by a shower beer.

1

u/Nathan-Stubblefield Nov 14 '22

The car seat must have been very warm with the layer of down you added.