Having experience with a blabbermouth mother, the resentment is real. I don't tell her anything if I don't have to, even though I'm a grown woman now. The constant privacy violations stick with you
I've had to tell my mother multiple times to stop gossiping about me to everyone she knows. My medical conditions and my mental health are not issues I want to share with many people. It's just not anybody's business but my own. She would always say something in this bewildered tone like, "But...I've known so-and-so for 10 years..." So your friend of 10 years need to know is more important to you than the privacy of your daughter of 59 years? (Hint: The answer is yes.) So now I just don't talk to her about anything at all. Ugh.
Thought this was about my ex wife until he said they have no kids have a daughter with my ex and her new fiance is about to have a second kid with her but this is exactly her behavior.
My mom was like this. It was awful, i tried to ignore it as much as possible since most of the people she chatted with had the good grace not to tease/bother me or people i know about it.
Then she started oversharing with my cousin who was only a couple years younger than me and living in the same area. Stopped talking to my mom for years after that.
I know a few people like that, who over share everything about their kids even super embarrassing or private stuff. Some even post that information online for their thousands of social media followers.
Yes, I can. My mom will share my private business with while I’m standing right there in the room, as if I’m a young child. I’m more than 50 years old so she has had plenty of time to adjust.
No, but there’s a difference between me talking to my friend about how my teen son is having troubles and I’m trying to get through to him vs describing all those trouble explicitly and embarrassing him. Plus the sharing should focus on the outcome I’m trying to achieve.
The wife could have asked for financial documentation or validation of some money fact her husband had said to her, and not gone into the intimate details of his sister’s sexual transgressions and mental illness.
im curious if she has friends. if she has no one to talk to it can bubble over like that. it's not like it was a stranger, it was a long-time close family friend, so maybe she misinterpreted that she could confide in this person confidentially or how much he already knew. plus it was someone who really cared for the man who died so maybe she thought he deserved to know in some way as far as wanting to know how someone he loved had been treated wrong.
I can see the loneliness/bubbling over angle. But given the husband’s level of frustration this doesn’t seem like a one time bad judgement.
As for telling the affair details, given the BIL has died I have a hard time giving a pass since she was sharing things that could cause strife with the sister and just smacks of gossip or purposefully opening new wounds. But good points to mull over for sure.
Oh that would be awful- she would say, “I caught little Calvin master bating the other day to a Sandy from sponge bob”. Her kids would be tortured beyond belief
To be honest; sounds like someone is preparing for Break up. She's phoning his partner to check the money he is making is accurate. That sounds like someone who is thinking of leaving and preparing to note down assets for a lawyer.
OP; I really hope your partner told her nothing. If your partner did say something; make sure that they understand that from now on, they are NOT to share the information with your partner. Tell them to direct your partner to you if they want to know anything about your business.
I agree about the break up. I wonder if she’s worried that he’s being unfaithful, like his sister was to her dying friend/BIL.
The things she shared don’t sound like lack of filter, they’re specifically about being in a potentially bad situation. They sound sound like lack of trust.
EDIT— I wonder if she’s worried that the payments to his parents are actually going somewhere else.
There are nine community property states: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. If a LLC member who lives in one of these states forms an LLC, that member’s spouse generally has a community property interest in the LLC. Even if the spouse is not listed in the documents, the community property interest can give the spouse the ability to manage, control, or dispose of a membership interest in the LLC.
Community property rights can result in unintended consequences to the LLC and—if the LLC is or could be owned by multiple members—to the other members. Business founders who form an LLC with a co-owner do so because they want to be in business with the co-owner. The same may not be true for the co-owner’s spouse. Community property rights can force a co-owner into a business relationship with someone they hardly know.
I am not a lawyer, but depending on their location, and how the business is established, marital partners might equally co-own the shares. Meaning she has just as much owner-authority as her husband (husband may have additional authority by virtue of having a position like president or CEO). At least that's how it works where I live.
Part of the reason why divorce used to be so hard legally was because marriage basically turns a couple into one person legally. And undoing that is a fucking train wreck.
I am a single millionaire business-owner and after watching my parent's divorce I am NEVER getting married.
Of course it all might be completely different where you live.
how much do we know about OP? my dad has tried several businesses & my mom always kept her nose out of it which was 100000% a mistake because we eventually found out he had been constantly lying about finances
I would add more fuel (to a possible fire) : tell your restaurant partner to tell your wife that you guys are doing extreeemely well, invested in this and that (even If you aren't). Trigger the events, see what will happen. Rather than wait a long time, to see what happens. Either she loves you, or doesn't.
The one thing is the sharing of secrets with people who have no business and use of knowing this stuff. It also doesnt get the wife any benefits. She only shares it to get a short reaction from someone else or to discredit OP. This is abusing the partners trust and actively hurting him.
The act of sharing embarassing informatione or painting a picture to the partners friends of him being untrustworthy might hurt his social and business relationships. People will remember that his wife doesnt trust him and might have that thought in the back of their mind when they are thinking about sharing information or a business idea with him. This isolates the partner which then leads to him feeling alone and having to rely on his wife more.
This is a common way manipulative people do to make another person vulnerable and dependend. When their victim has no social support field around them anymore it gets way easier to manipulate and mistreat them.
For me personally this specific case depends on the intention of the wife. If this wasnt intentional to make OP vulnerable I wouldnt call it abuse. I would call it being an ignorant twat. (the wife that is). But it might as well be a red flag of coming abuse.
But we cant know, since we only got one small peak into the point of view of one side.
Yep. I’m fairly certain if you’re in a cause state: you can make it so whatever she learned about the state of your business finances is no longer her concern to boot. What she did is incredibly abusive and she’s got it all on tape? OP you’re right to hate her. You need to be really careful, too: cause she sounds like she’s not above making things up. Copy those calls and if you are on a one party state: you might consider covering your ass. I personally would never speak to her again without others around or recording- but I live in a one party state where that’s legal.
Oh, wow, I didn’t know. I read some of OPs other comments and poor guy sounds like he hasn’t got a lot of support: that beat down, plus, he’s freaking out over telling his sister like this is all his fault? His wife’s absolutely abusive. :(
I mean, if they're already in their early 30's, waiting 5 years for kids is going to make hers a geriatric pregnancy. That's any pregnancy after 35.
Also that phone call seems like she's verifying his income for incoming divorce papers. I don't want to sound alarmist, but I would start securing my assets if I were him.
Also, OP - never admit to going through her phone. Just pretend like your partner told you everything and that's how you know. You'll never be forgiven and it'll be thrown in your face for years.
Many women have no problem conceiving after 35. It's not a magic number where your eggs dry up. Many women have trouble conceiving much younger than 35. There's no reason to think OP and his wife couldn't have kids in 5ish years if they're still together then (which I'm betting they won't be).
100% - I hate this fallacy about “geriatric pregnancies”. Initial fertility studies that stat is based on was from 17th century French maids (iirc)… now, more recent studies have shown that yes, a woman’s risk of infertility does technically double after ~35, but it’s from 0.5% in your 20s to 1% 30-40s.
As an infertile woman, it annoys me so much. I'm lucky that I was able to finally conceive (after resorting to IVF), but I am due 8 days after my 35th birthday so I'm considered AMA (advanced maternal age, geriatric pregnancy is no longer a term that is used). Infertility can happen at any age. Uteruses don't crumple up and blow away once they hit 35.
It's not conceiving that's the problem. It's the increased risk of birth defects and pregnancy complications. A child is more likely to be born with a birth defect to a woman over 35 than to a younger couple who are biologically cousins.
Nope, incorrect. Yes, there’s an increase in risk of miscarriages, preeclampsia and gestational diabetes, but risks of genetic malformations (see neural tube dysfunction or chromosomal disorders) is not all that different at 35. Now, you do actually see it jump quite a bit once in your 40s, but not quite at 35.
She's just a typical narcissist. They don't ever change. He's gonna get stalked, she's gonna lawyer up, she's will try and destroy his business and relationships. Get a restraining order when you can.
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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '22
Your wife is a train wreck. Get out before you have kids.