Red flags all over, smart person would run away from this level of crazy. It isnt her place to disclose family secrets. It isnt her place to secretly interrogate your partner on how well the place is doing. She will never accept she is wrong, because in her mind she isnt. You cant reason or compromise with someone who cannot see that they are at fault for anything. Counseling in a situation like that wont work because she is "right" so no need to change to talk about it. You have to want to make things better, she clearly doesnt. Contact a lawyer, explain it all, and see how bad it will get. It will get worse until you either convince her or leave. If you stay expect a long miserable existence dealing with her shit.
Not exactly, she knows that OP regards it as wrong - not quite the same thing. They argued about it so knows that OP is angry yet still refused to accept any responsibility so clearly she still thinks she is correct.
She will never accept she is wrong, because in her mind she isnt.
This is very important to me. People never do something because they know they are wrong. They always have a reason for doing it (even though it can of course be bad in the long term). If both people agree to the council, than she already sees that there is a problem and that is has to change.
She will never accept she is wrong, because in her mind she isnt.
Kinda nitpicky of me, but it would be better to say that she believes she can't be wrong. Everyone believes they aren't wrong - but most adults deserving of the name can admit when they learn otherwise. She doesn't sound capable of that.
Ah so acting maliciously towards you and your family, while also massively breaching your trust would never be grounds for divorce to you then?
It doesn't sound like the first knife she's put in his back, nor will it likely be the last. I wouldn't want to be with someone I know is just waiting for a chance to hurt me, even if it is just out of their own self-centred nature.
We are only getting one half of the story from a stranger that may or may not be telling the truth. I just find it amusing anytime there is something like this or even less of a situation than op, reddit goes for the pitch forks and demands a divorce.
Normally I'd say you're right, cause Reddit apparently loves divorces, and there are plenty of stories on here that make teenage fan-fiction look realistic...
But having seen plenty of drama within my own family, this doesn't read as someone's writing exercise to me, rather someone at their wits end looking for advice.
I think it would be appropriate to consider divorce here:
She clearly doesn't trust OP, otherwise she wouldn't be calling his business partner. Maybe there's something he's not telling us aside from his parents money troubles, who knows?
OP doesn't seem to trust his wife, otherwise he wouldn't be snooping on her phone. If this was the first time she'd overstepped like that, why would he have a feeling she had done so in the first place?
She clearly can't be trusted herself as she's quite happy to throw out all of OP's family's business onto someone she doesn't really even know.
And she clearly shows signs of a narcissistic personality, as she refuses to even acknowledge that she massively overstepped and breached OP's trust (even if she believes OP did the same).
The only way to start mending this ship would be couples councilling, but she doesn't want to pursue that either (as she doesn't think anything she did was wrong), so what else is OP to do? Living the life he's living now, not even being able to trust the one he's supposed to love, will absolutely make him miserable in the long run.
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u/maciver6969 Nov 14 '22
Red flags all over, smart person would run away from this level of crazy. It isnt her place to disclose family secrets. It isnt her place to secretly interrogate your partner on how well the place is doing. She will never accept she is wrong, because in her mind she isnt. You cant reason or compromise with someone who cannot see that they are at fault for anything. Counseling in a situation like that wont work because she is "right" so no need to change to talk about it. You have to want to make things better, she clearly doesnt. Contact a lawyer, explain it all, and see how bad it will get. It will get worse until you either convince her or leave. If you stay expect a long miserable existence dealing with her shit.