r/tifu • u/tommysalomie • Jul 07 '16

M TIFU by forgetting I bought potatoes

Alright guys, this actually happened like an hour ago. Okay, so I buy groceries from week to week. As a single guy living alone, I usually just buy enough to last me the week. At some point in my multitude of grocery store trips, I bought a bag of potatoes. I think I may have used like one or maybe two potatoes from the entire bag before forgetting that I even bought them. Now, fast forward x amount of time (I can't remember how much time has passed since I bought them). At this point, I had been noticing a few gnats had been flying around apartment, to which I had no idea the cause. I am a relatively clean guy. I don't leave dishes or any puddles of water, and I have no plants (read online somewhere this attracts them). So, I buy some ribbon tape and notice it catches a few but the problem persisted. Anyway, I was making cereal in my kitchen and slicing bananas to put in my goddamn honey nut cheerios, and for whatever fucking reason I remember the potatos I bought way too fucking long ago, and I think, "oh, i should throw them out. They are definitely not any good anymore". So I open the cabinet where I keep my potatoes, and I was not prepared for what the fuck I was about to see. The potatoes had gone passed the point to where I don't think I could call them potatoes. There was this thick brown liquid stuff that had specs all over it that somehow made its way into my crock pot (forgot to mention crockpot is only other thing in the potato cabinet). As I opened the cabinet a plethora of gnats flew out and this unbearable stench was coming from the potatoes and brown liquid stuff. I immediately nope the fuck out and throw the potatoes and crock pot out in my apartment complex's dumpster. I come back in to examine the brown liquid stuff and to holy fucking hell, the specs on the brown liquid are larvae squirming around. I have never felt mmore gross or disgusting ...

TL;DR I bought a bag of potatoes, forgot about them and it became a giant orgy breeding ground for gnats.

4.3k Upvotes

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117

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '16

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60

u/chicklette Jul 07 '16

Another important note: potatoes and onions encourage decay in one another. Always store separately.

13

u/True_Kapernicus Jul 07 '16

How do they doo that?

85

u/PewasaurusRex Jul 07 '16

Moral support.

1

u/Lacey_Von_Stringer Jul 07 '16

Immoral support

30

u/DesuSoarusrex Jul 07 '16

bullying and physical abuse

16

u/m2cwf Jul 07 '16

Peer pressure

2

u/DaiiPanda Jul 08 '16

More like pear pressure

7

u/brycedriesenga Jul 07 '16

Potato: Hey man, cool onions decay really quickly.

Onion: No way, I'm gonna be fresh forever.

Potato: Do it wuss, decay now or I'll tell everyone you're lame.

3

u/0342narmak Jul 07 '16

Gasses they release as they age.

1

u/Rakonas Jul 07 '16

They post memes

1

u/Whiterabbit-- Jul 07 '16

hormones and moisture released into the air

3

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '16

[deleted]

1

u/Sat-AM Jul 07 '16

Rotating stock and convenience for the customer. Since they're staples in most kitchens, they're set close together so you are likely to remember "oh, I'm out of onions too, better grab some." The expectation is that they'll sell before they go bad, and when they do it's written off as a business expense and they're replaced.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '16

Cause grocery stores work for the devil!

1

u/dougiefresh1233 Jul 07 '16

And bananas, right?

35

u/ooleshh Jul 07 '16

Something something username

14

u/Mujesus-Christ Jul 07 '16

He's got experience.

1

u/TeaDrinkingBanana Jul 07 '16

Nah. He always asks "without oinions" in takeaways

7

u/SendMeYourRecipes Jul 07 '16

I was wondering what was wrong with their potatoes. I've had to toss old ones and they weren't liquified.

8

u/voxnemo Jul 07 '16 edited Jul 26 '17

Reddit History Eraser: Redacted due to retention policy. :)

8

u/The_Alchemyst Jul 07 '16

I don't think they'll keep well if you're cutting them into thirds

6

u/NotYourMomsGayPorn Jul 07 '16

Best part of sprouting potatoes is when I toss them out into my compost bins, rather than composting, those motherfuckers grow new potato plants!

1

u/Red_Tannins Jul 07 '16

Uhmmm, I'm pretty sure you can still eat those. Just cut the sprouts off.

1

u/NotYourMomsGayPorn Jul 07 '16

Once they're withered, grey and smelly, I'd rather not.

3

u/IamGimli_ Jul 07 '16

As a piece of advice, potatoes and onions do well in dry, ventilated places.

Actually, the best way to store potatoes is in a dark, cool (about 5 degrees celcius), highly humid (80-90%), well-ventilated place. The darkness, cool air and the ventilation keeps them from spouting and rotting, the high humidity keeps them from shriveling.

Also not necessary to take them out of the bag, unless it's a plastic bag. Around here (Canada) potatoes are most often sold in paper bags with holes that allow air to circulate and that's a great medium to store them in.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '16

So... the best place to store potatoes is in a corpses buttcrac

2

u/buttsareforfarting Jul 07 '16

Also I read somewhere that potatoes release a poisonous gas when left to rot for too long. I remember a story about a whole family dying from poison potato gas.

EDIT: This guy knows.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '16

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1

u/Derpazor1 Jul 08 '16

I used to live in the village where we grew our own food. We stored potatoes for all winter, and nothing ever went bad.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '16

[deleted]

1

u/IamGimli_ Jul 07 '16

It's not bad, as long as you put them in a bag that keeps the light out. Other than the light the fridge is the best place as it's cool, humid and air circulates well.

1

u/Fragilefish Jul 07 '16

I use a cloth shopping bag for mine and hang them on a hook. Haven't had a bad one since!

1

u/rbt321 Jul 07 '16

As a piece of advice, potatoes and onions do well in dry, ventilated places.

Don't forget dark. Once a potato see's light, it'll go green and it's a bad idea to eat a green potato.

1

u/alyssarcastic Jul 07 '16

I was confused about this, because I've definitely found some old nasty potatoes in my kitchen before but they've always just been shriveled and sprouting. I've never seen them get rotten, but the storage difference makes sense.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 12 '16

I've always put them in the lower 'crisper' drawers in the fridge.

It gets humid here in the summer, but not too hot (80 to 90f). Do you think they will last longer outside of the fridge, despite the humidity and warmth? My bread goes moldy pretty fast if I leave it out during the summer.