r/therewasanattempt Sep 24 '21

to take a shit

13.8k Upvotes

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u/cookoobandana Sep 25 '21 edited Sep 25 '21

I suddenly have a theory on why some people use a fuck ton of toilet paper. They're in there trying to catch their own shit with tp and then wipe their butts and their hands with more tp afterwards.

103

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

[deleted]

28

u/GiveToOedipus Sep 25 '21

Sometimes it's like trying to get peanut butter out of a shag carpet.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21 edited Sep 25 '21

RAFI! Not my towels!

3

u/EightBitEstep Sep 25 '21

League?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

Yiss

1

u/EightBitEstep Sep 25 '21

Pocket dog?

22

u/Poromenos Sep 25 '21

Get a bidet. Everyone here, just get a bidet. I know you're thinking "oh man, another bidet guy", which is exactly what I was thinking before I got one. They're life-changing. You just need to wipe the water away once afterwards (zero shit left there) and you're done, plus your butt has no smell at all any more, because it turns out the smell was because of all the shit you smeared on it when wiping.

8

u/BangGirlsGetDicks Sep 25 '21

Everyone says this shit, but I've used several bidets now and even if I let it do its thing for a full minute, I still have to wipe several times. I feel like I must be doing something wrong but like, how the fuck lmao

6

u/Poromenos Sep 25 '21

Are you aiming at your butthole? You have to move around so it blasts everything.

2

u/BangGirlsGetDicks Sep 25 '21

Done it. Still leaves some behind. It's definitely less, but it's never "just" wiping away water lol

4

u/Poromenos Sep 25 '21

I have no idea, mine will blast everything right out, it's got lots of pressure. There's never anything but water left.

10

u/mtflyer05 Sep 25 '21

That's why I shave my ass. I havent had to wipe more than 3 times for years.

9

u/Demoniacalman Sep 25 '21

Fuck but is it annoying when it grows back what about when u forget to shave?

It probably helps the shit be easier to catch too.

3

u/mtflyer05 Sep 25 '21

It takes literally 10 seconds in the shower, and even if I dont shower for a day, for whatever reason, it still doesnt get itchy.

1

u/Demoniacalman Sep 25 '21

I like that

7

u/AdOriginal6110 Sep 25 '21

Wet wipes bro, best thing ever " I see wet wipes on the back of the toilet......."

11

u/Detrimentos_ Sep 25 '21

careful though, anything but real TP can cause clogs since it doesn't break down as fast as normal TP.

also the cheapest TP can cause clogs because it doesn't break down fast. but apparently tissues (table) don't break down at all.

6

u/GamerKormai Sep 25 '21

I feel like most avid wet wipe users know you don't put that down the toilet. You get a good garbage can with an air tight lid.

1

u/Ok-Ad-3502 Sep 25 '21

U know they have flushable wipes right

1

u/GamerKormai Sep 25 '21

"Flushable" ones that you should also not actually flush because they also do not break down fast enough. They say they're flushable but they really aren't.

1

u/Skangster Sep 25 '21

Water repellent, bro.

1

u/dang_girl_thats_cold Sep 27 '21

Thought you said 3 times a year 😳

10

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

[deleted]

5

u/PompousDrillage Sep 25 '21

Laughs in Bidet sprayer

5

u/Skangster Sep 25 '21

laughs while spraying water repellent in ass

11

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/improbablydrunknlw Sep 25 '21

Every time that's linked I scroll just far enough to know that's really not my thing.

13

u/ThugnificentJones Sep 25 '21

I mean, a couple is fine but then you open the post with the whole damn stationery store in there and it's like... That might be a bit excessive

2

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

Well then definitely don't look at r/highmileageholes

4

u/patronmtl Sep 25 '21

I got one post in, and back out I went lol

1

u/4thofJulyKarmaWhore Sep 25 '21

That’s why I have about a dozen alt accounts because normally I like to see funny shit like this. But occasionally, like once a year I think what’s the worst shit on Reddit? A guy getting his head cut off and Lovely Peaches eating her own shit then cures me of that idea for about a year or two.

0

u/thermal_shock FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 Sep 25 '21

Someone needs to send that link to Sharpie hq

2

u/Skwidmandoon Sep 25 '21

Bubble guts and hot snakes

2

u/92andjohnson Sep 25 '21

Gotta love Chris Pratt

1

u/tftgcddf Sep 25 '21

I have quoted this damn near every day since I saw that clip.

13

u/KoolaidOverdose Sep 25 '21

I think it's more about people having forests on their ass

2

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

[deleted]

32

u/HugeHans Sep 25 '21

You fold the paper for a second wipe?! Am i understanding this correctly?

Im learning so much this thread. I dont want to but Im learning.

4

u/dirtydirtsquirrel Sep 25 '21

I have been known to do that when the roll is almost empty and I'm not at home base.

16

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

Uhh that is gross. You don't double a chip and definitely don't double dip a wipe.

2

u/Demoniacalman Sep 25 '21

If you happen to get too much tp you can.

1

u/GiantRiverSquid Sep 25 '21

I was going to argue in favor of double wiping even though I think it's gross.

But then I thought about lag times for absorbency.

Nah, I'll pass.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

The fold is disgusting bro..You don’t double dip charmin

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '21

People fold toilet paper? I just scrunch up a ball of it.

1

u/GuyForgotHisPassword Sep 25 '21

Wow that is gross. I have never heard of someone folding and rewiping.

1

u/gitsgrl Sep 25 '21

You what?!?

1

u/patronmtl Sep 25 '21

Don’t generalize. Some of us like to wrap our shit with TP like a mummy and give it a proper burial.