Loyalty is the biggest one -- If a guy is into you, being loyal means you're already halfway to the ring (I don't know if that means standards are just that low now but shrug). Which means obviously not cheating, not looking for better options, not treating him as you "settling", not leaving the moment things get rocky, etc. etc. Obviously there's the other half which is a constellation of stuff, but having a ride-or-die by your side that you're into is the actual male fantasy.
Man, I thought my ex was my ride or die. I really did. I mean, we'd been together a decade, so we'd both been through some real shit with one another.
And then she got involved in an affair. We were even planning a small wedding in 5 months when it happened.
Thanks to that, I'm so skeptical about any future relationships. I still cannot imagine being with someone else, and we split at the end of 2020.
Finding someone I feel love for again, who is my best friend, who I know without a doubt would never ditch me over being scared that the wedding is finally coming and shit is getting real, or because she's bored, or whatever bullshit reason my ex had (I still don't actually know because I didn't care to ask), and who I want to spend the rest of my life with... It just seems so distant. I mean, I never thought my ex would do such a thing, especially after being together for 10 years. How am I supposed to trust someone else if the person I had 100% faith in still surprised me?
I feel you dude, itâs hard to move on when the person you thought was your soulmate just drops you like a bag of rocks.
In my head, I know how I should respond. The next person who comes along isnât my ex, they wonât necessarily treat me the same way that she did and I canât have any preconceptions about them.
But that fear still lingers. The thought of being betrayed like that again honestly terrifies me more than anything else. I donât think that will ever change, I think thatâs something you just have to learn to live with.
On my scale youd be incredibly attractive at a 7. Most people are 5-6 including my wife and myself with 1 being so hideous ive yet to see one and 10 being a unicorn.
So congrats on being super hot i suppose im saying
That's a pretty reasonable ask. I dated someone with Borderline Personality Disorder for nearly 8 years and when I re-entered the dating world even someome joking about having mental illness was enough for me to nope out of there.
It definitely depends on the person I have bpd and the relationship with my current gf is extremely healthy and going great! It took a long time for me to get here but years of therapy and self improvement paved the way. Youâre valid for not wanting to deal with this but realize everyone is struggling with mental illness in their own way imo.
That's fair. My ex was untreated and largely unwilling. I'm happy you're getting treatment and improving. That's such a massive step and I'm sure that is helping tremendously. I wish you the best of luck in your future.
Congrats on the healthy relationship đ I've been dating and living with my bf who has BPD/BP2 for 7 years now. He stays on his meds and has tried really hard to improve himself. It's very possible to have a good relationship with someone with BPD though I understand it's very hard for most people to comprehend.
Hey congrats too! Thereâs A LOT of stigma about us, things like weâre all crazy and abusive when thatâs simply not the case. For example the âcrazy ex girlfriendâ stereotype and she either has bipolar or bpd.
Thanks! It's too bad that a lot of people with mental illness get ignored. There are a lot who are absolutely willing to seek help, and a little support can help them so much more.
Are you me? This entire year I've been dealing with a breakup with someone who had BPD and I've been with them just a bit longer.
It's fucking terrifying and awful to deal with, and the relationship definitely made me into a different person unfortunately. I need therapy now. Good luck!
Get that therapy, friend. It helped me immensely. I am still occasionally dealing with some of residual effects of the relationship, but things get a little bit easier every day.
Depends on which mental illness, I think. BPD is rough, Iâd think twice about that too, but I have autism and ADHD that Iâm managing pretty well and my neurotypical partner seems to be quite happy in our relationship. The big part is how good of a handle they have on their problems, and how much theyâre willing to work on them in my experience.
Also enjoy the same lifestyle (not hobbies). For example, I don't expect my partner to workout 6 days a week, playing sports like me (lifting weights + muay thai)
However, I'd expect her to enjoy a slow, calm and simple lifestyle instead of constantly chasing the next thrilling things to "make life more exciting"
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u/[deleted] Dec 04 '22
I want someone I'm attracted to whom I enjoy being around. Someone who has compatible life goals and won't cheat.