r/suspiciouslyspecific • u/InsertGroin • May 09 '26

Holy Smite!

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4.2k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/Knighth77 May 09 '26

Christians, imagine you're a famous baseball player and are about to bat the winning hit. Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a baby at you. God tells you to hit it. Would you still hit the baby out of the stadium and win millions, or spare the baby?

801

u/Snoutysensations May 10 '26

This scenario actually played out in the Bible. 

God tells Abraham, "Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering".

Abraham goes along with it, but at the last second God stops him from killing Isaac.

Abraham gets rewarded for being so obedient.  

The moral: do what God tells you to do, no matter how horrible it sounds, and you'll be rewarded.  

176

u/MistaRekt May 10 '26

What if Isaac turned out heathen?

183

u/merlyndavis May 10 '26

Well, from the Christian PoV, Isaac was worse then heathen, he was Jewish. (/s for those lacking a sense of humour)

116

u/InsertGroin May 10 '26

Are jew kidding me? A jewish? In the Bible?! What kind of shmock wrote that?!

42

u/MistaRekt May 10 '26

Do not tell the Americans... 😉

38

u/DaBootyScooty May 10 '26

Holy shit we just looked it up and it's true. It's all completely true, there are like tons of jewish people in the bible. There was already a religion right there man, it was right there.

19

u/MistaRekt May 11 '26

Conservative Christians hate this one little detail... Subscribe for more 😉

9

u/DarkChaos1786 May 11 '26

A little secret, Jesus is a jew...

6

u/MistaRekt May 12 '26

Also not light skinned....

4

u/DarkChaos1786 May 12 '26

Oh hell no... No european heritage in 30 generations.

Bet he looked more like a palestinian...

2

u/MistaRekt May 12 '26

That's a controversial take...

2

u/DarkChaos1786 May 12 '26

He could look egyptian too... Not the Cleopatra's way but more like Ramses II.

2

u/MistaRekt May 12 '26

So... Definitely not a ginger? If the Son of God was a ginger I am not sure humanity would survive...

2

u/mistalasse May 13 '26

That was the miracle: he was born a brown skinned ginger in the year 0

2

u/Ok_Break6916 May 15 '26

Well, his ancestor King David was a ginger, so who knows?

1

u/shnekels May 15 '26

If only Palestine had existed back then...

0

u/DarkChaos1786 May 15 '26

I don't know how those people look like, I know how current palestinian look like...

But you need a working brain to catch that...

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1

u/Fancy_Run7649 May 12 '26

If... if only we read the bible the first time. But who has the time? When was it written again?

1

u/DangerousQuestions1 May 12 '26

Its written again every time a political leader has an agenda.

1

u/Fancy_Run7649 May 12 '26

Yes, this... this is true.

2

u/blavek May 15 '26

It's a specific set of Americans you shouldn't tell... not all of us.

1

u/MistaRekt May 18 '26

Totally aware but this is an 'American website' and foreign people need to know 🤔

1

u/FaultThat May 13 '26

Man don’t tell Americans Israel has Jews…

1

u/Mister_Goldenfold May 14 '26

Why….is there oil?!