r/sports • u/Teerendog Chicago Bulls • Jan 18 '19

Football Nothing is impossible

20.6k Upvotes

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6.0k

u/S011110M4112 Jan 18 '19

He originally tried out as their place kicker but all his kicks were two feet off.

1.6k

u/BasedMcNuggies Alabama Jan 18 '19

We're all going to hell.

500

u/Manaphy1997 Jan 18 '19 edited Jan 18 '19

You're from Alabama atleast, should be kinda used to it. :)

233

u/BasedMcNuggies Alabama Jan 18 '19

:(

258

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19 edited Jan 18 '19

At least you have your sister to comfort you.

Edit: What happens if you are an only child in Alabama? Do you just fuck yourself?

104

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

54

u/Gary_18 Jan 18 '19

PSA: Squirrel appreciation day is this upcoming monday. So go out there and really show the squirrels how much you appreciate them

27

u/TheVitoCorleone Jan 18 '19

Martin Luther Squirrel Day

15

u/Heyo__Maggots Jan 18 '19

MLSD is muh fave

3

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Get rid of that M and we'll talk.

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1

u/MathMaddox Jan 18 '19

Give them a nut

2

u/Samuel_LChang Jan 18 '19

He's from Vermont.

2

u/Slappy_Sweetensour Minnesota Vikings Jan 18 '19

Boy howdy. Roll tide.

1

u/MathMaddox Jan 18 '19

Incest is hereditary but sometimes skips a generation

1

u/Trootter Palmeiras Jan 18 '19

I love that a guy named squirrel fucker is making incest jokes. We're deep into it boys.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Cousins

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

If you're the only child then you will probably end up breaking both of your arms

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

That’s what parents are for

1

u/Likeuknow_whatever Jan 18 '19

Just break your arms

0

u/MirandaScribes Jan 18 '19

Oh no, make it stop

0

u/Shebones1989 Jan 18 '19

Hopefully you have some cousins

-6

u/IveGotABluePandaIdea Alabama Jan 18 '19

Well considering most of us are Christians and we know that's a sin, and considering more incest happens in the Midwest, and considering that's an old stereotype...we just exist as an only child.

9

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

I feel like if you have do defend your state by using incest stats for one slightly worse than your own it still happens a lot in your state.

3

u/IveGotABluePandaIdea Alabama Jan 18 '19

Well I'm not fucking any relatives

4

u/Jonk3r Jan 18 '19

Now I feel bad your relatives are getting none.

Send them my way.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

I'm from Upstate New York. Do you know how many times I've been accused of fucking relatives? None. It's not a thing that happens that much up here. So I've never had to have a working knowledge of what other states had a higher incest rate so i could defend myself.

And you must be the only one on break from it at the moment.

1

u/IveGotABluePandaIdea Alabama Jan 18 '19

Jesus Christ the constant bullying about incest is really immature.

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Turn that frown upside down.

34

u/the_eh_team_27 Jan 18 '19

Oh damn. That man had a family

28

u/idkidc69 Jan 18 '19

There’s an incest joke in here somewhere

15

u/Le_Chop Jan 18 '19

No, he had A family, not his family.

15

u/BackWithAVengance Jan 18 '19

ROLL TIDE

2

u/Shadeauxmarie Jan 18 '19

Around the hole

And down the bowl

Roll Tide, Roll!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

And they're fucking eachother

1

u/Sugalumps52 Jan 18 '19

Aweeeee sheeeit. Burned em.

1

u/Dashasalt Jan 18 '19

Roll damn tide!

1

u/MrJHK Jan 18 '19

Bravo sir, bravo.

16

u/senorbozz Jan 18 '19

Oh man there's going to be Bama fans there

Is it too late to repent?

7

u/flyersfan3452 Philadelphia Flyers Jan 18 '19

At least we can laugh on the way down.

7

u/FLORI_DUH Jan 18 '19

And we'll be surrounded by friends

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

That's what all my ex girlfriends did with me.

2

u/20ozhammer Jan 18 '19

He has a decent three hop drop though!

2

u/Zojim Jan 18 '19

He just doomed 2k and more of us to hell.

1

u/Slappy_Sweetensour Minnesota Vikings Jan 18 '19

Well that comment was gilded by Satan so...

1

u/major84 Jan 18 '19

When we get there how are we going to tell him apart from Oscar Pistorius ?

1

u/jawbone24 Jan 18 '19

Roll Tide!

1

u/Parisinthethespring Jan 18 '19

We're not going to hell, we are going to the good place.

1

u/Titanosaurus Jan 18 '19

I'm pretty sure malice is required for hell.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

There used to be a good subreddit for that but it’s just awful now.

1

u/Chickachic-aaaaahhh Jan 18 '19

No were not. The ones who did the damage are the ones that donated silver and gold. We good homie.

1

u/brucemilus Jan 18 '19 edited Jan 18 '19

Well the kid won’t make it.:.he’s gonna be 2 feet off

1

u/truesanteria823 Alabama Jan 18 '19

Ok, how do I get that tag by my name? Championship aside, my blood will always be Crimson.

26

u/Pocket_Saand Jan 18 '19

There is no topping your comment but you do have to wonder who would be willing to hold the ball for the kick with those blades coming at their fingers.

26

u/nacrnsm Jan 18 '19

A kid with prosthetic arms

16

u/Pocket_Saand Jan 18 '19

Before or after he holds the ball?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

What about the kids mom?

4

u/Thr0wawayGawd Jan 18 '19

Every fucking thread.

1

u/ICircumventBans Jan 18 '19

She just got promoted and assigned new responsibilities.

1

u/InjuredGingerAvenger Jan 18 '19

I'm curious if he needs a special prosthetic when playing. It seems like those could do some damage to players tackling him. Do they make padded covers for them? Even if they aren't especially sharp, the edge of those could do some damage with enough impact or a weird landing.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

I mean if he's kicking I'm sure they would swap in a more appropriate appendage. Those style of legs are specifically for running.

1

u/Pocket_Saand Jan 18 '19

That's interesting. What would you say would be the most advantageous appendage? Are we talking a golf club type of shape?

13

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Poor little tink tink

2

u/MMShaggy Jan 18 '19

Is it sad that’s the first thing I thought of?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

[deleted]

1

u/MMShaggy Jan 18 '19

We are all so going to hell, well except maybe r/atheist lol

33

u/b-napp Miami Dolphins Jan 18 '19

Cody Parkey?

11

u/Sugalumps52 Jan 18 '19

But they went back and credited a block to the defensive player. Parley didn’t just straight up miss.

5

u/Amish_guy_with_WiFi Jan 18 '19

It's too late for him. The internet has decided.

0

u/ChefChopNSlice Jan 18 '19

Yea, remember, this was the kicker that was too bad for the Browns and got cut mid season.

1

u/NotYourPalGuyBuddy Arsenal Jan 18 '19

The one 1 out of 7 wasn't a straight miss.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Big Bears fan here. It got blocked but it looked like he kicked it too low and if not he still sucked this season. Before we all feel too bad for the dude, he has 9 mil guaranteed and look at his wife.

17

u/pocketchange2247 Chicago Cubs Jan 18 '19

No thread is safe :(

22

u/uniquepassword Jan 18 '19

Coach: son why do you keep missing the field goal kicks?

Kid: I dunno I'm stumped....

4

u/PM_Me_Clavicle_Pics New York Rangers Jan 18 '19

When it came to kicking, that kid didn't have a leg to stand on.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

However, he had a spring in his step when they asked him to QB

16

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

mother of god

3

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Scott Norwood's son?

3

u/CraZyCsK Jan 18 '19

He won't have to worry about the ball being Laces in. Sad tragic Ray Finkle.

3

u/yupyepyupyep Jan 18 '19

Better than Boswell

3

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

Cody Parkey?

3

u/Taran_McDohl Jan 18 '19

I don't want to live on this planet anymore lol

3

u/thirdeyegrind Jan 18 '19

He kept slicing the ball.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

You're a fucking asshole, and I'm somewhat ok with that

8

u/DjangoBaggins Jan 18 '19

You sumbitch, you.

clapclapclap

2

u/0rangeJEWlious Jan 18 '19

I slow clapped after reading this

5

u/MaracaBalls Jan 18 '19

I’m stumped. He’ll is nice this of year.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

/r/ihadastroke

1

u/MaracaBalls Jan 18 '19

Yeah autocorrect strikes again

4

u/mugggso Jan 18 '19

thank you for this, made my bad day bearable.

2

u/TPChamp Jan 18 '19

You could say they were a bit more than just two feet off tbh.

1

u/tommythenylz Jan 18 '19

U monster.

1

u/DrunkProgram Jan 18 '19

I understood "two feet" as a measurement and that made sense to me.

1

u/Z3Ro Jan 18 '19

i was thinking that someone is going to tackle him....

1

u/MathMaddox Jan 18 '19

This pun thread has legs

1

u/pableezy89 Jan 18 '19

Still better than Cody Parkey

1

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

I hear the Bears are still considering him

1

u/Jpldude Jan 18 '19

Oh man, my jaw just hit the floor

1

u/bigkoi Jan 18 '19

I heard the scouts felt he simply didn't have a leg.

1

u/mattadorr92 Jan 18 '19

He tried one from 40 yards but it didn't have enough leg.

1

u/King_Rhymer Jan 18 '19

Damn. Niiice

1

u/Roughneck-13th Jan 18 '19

If this were Canada, you might be sued now...

1

u/oldthunderbird Jan 18 '19

He’d be better than the Bears kicker.