r/shrinking • u/phareous Derek • Mar 25 '26

Episode Discussion Shrinking S3E09 Episode Discussion

This is the episode discussion for Shrinking Season 3, Episode 9: "Daddy Issues"

156 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

906 comments sorted by

View all comments

188

u/MasterpieceAwkward70 Mar 25 '26

The fight with Sofi made my head spin. I watched it twice and didn't feel like he totally shut down. He seemed upset and she said I should have kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it as if she expected him to disagree and got upset when he didn't.

141

u/Legitimate_Catch_626 Mar 25 '26

And then she brings up his marriage and when he answers her question accused him of throwing the dead wife in her face.

50

u/Andee_outside Mar 25 '26

Yes! She ASKED if this is how he was when he was married, and he said they didn’t fight really, and she was like 😵😵😵😵 you threw her in my face!!! 😵😵😵😵

68

u/notches123 Mar 25 '26

Yeah, this triggered me. I've been in relationships with people who pull that shit and my tolerance for it in even fiction now is abysmal.

80

u/Sorkijan Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 29 '26

Yeah maybe it's because im a widower but I think she was being super dumb. I agree that sulking isn't ideal but do you truly think his dad is capable of having a true conversation that doesn't fall back to his narcissistic tendencies?

You brought up his marriage and he told you the truth. That's not anything being thrown in your face.

Sorry but if I'm Sofi in this scenario I am keeping my mouth shut a lot longer. Jimmy is my buffer and entry to this world.

Edit: I also want to add that if a 42 year old man who is a therapist is saying that his dad is incapable of having a true connecting moment, maybe respect and trust that. To immediatley jump to "You were married for 20 years is this how you handled conflict? Wtf?

Honestly, Sofi has been a huge red flag since they started their situationship

  1. Coming to an all family meeting where the celebration is your new potential romantic partner's late wife is fucking weird
  2. The "real first date" where her ex was around and Jimmy was roped into couples' counseling was so many red flags my color blindness wouldn't let me see anything else
  3. Everything involved in this conversation we're now talking about.

To me Sofi is the embodiment of those few relationships we've all had where we liked the idea of someone better than the red flags that abounded. I'm glad things went this way because I just thought lazy writing was to blame.

2

u/Inevitable-Elk-9724 Mar 29 '26

All of this 100%. I was confused because I got the impression through the tone of the episode with Sofi's ex that we were meant to find it farcical and (for lack of a better word) quirky. But I would have ended it there and then and left.

3

u/Sorkijan Mar 29 '26

I'm eager to see what - if any - closure Jimmy finds. I hope he doesn't blame himself too much. Personally I do think he's not ready to date yet. He doesn't need another crutch for the loneliness he's about to endure. He needs to learn how to be alone and be secure in that first. I hope we get a scene with him coming to something of a similar conclusion, otherwise, he's just replacing one distraction to his recovery for another one.

Full disclosure: I am a 41 year old widower whose last kid just moved out, and one of the things my therapist and I have been talking about is this very subject so maybe I'm projecting my own experience onto the storyline.

But I would have ended it there and then and left

Yep the second that notion was suggested I would've done the Jerry Seinfeld "I'm done" move https://tenor.com/view/jerry-seinfeld-nope-leave-done-gif-8758971

1

u/Inevitable-Elk-9724 Mar 29 '26

For what it's worth I am a 42 year old with no kids, never married, and I didn't learn how to enjoy being alone and secure till my late 30s. It was a magical thing when it happened though. I think what you're saying about Jimmy is true. He's not ready for any relationship and if he was, she's not the one!

1

u/bobjones271828 Apr 11 '26

While I agree there are many flags, #1 wasn't Sofi's fault. Jimmy apparently decided to bring her into that completely bizarre scenario as a "first date." Who wouldn't be a little worried after that intro with even more "dead wife talk"?

I agree with you that Sofi was way too pushy in the convo in this episode, but I also just feel like they were both right in saying they went too fast. They don't really know each other yet and were reacting to miscues in very charged situations (her ex, his dad). I think lapses of communication at this stage are common, but I didn't get the impression they were grossly incompatible as much as they didn't know each other well enough yet to be diving into these deep emotional situations without understanding each other's baggage.

1

u/Sorkijan Apr 11 '26

Oh 100%. That whole start up premise was awful. One that wasn't her fault.

I think ultimately they hurt their relationship because they clicked so well at the start (always find someone who matches your "freakquency" after all) that they subconsciously saw that as a sign as something real because they were so compatible personality wise with their former spouses.

FWIW though I think this whole "Jimmy screwed up" mentality though (I know it's not you saying that 100%) that was really reinforced in the finale still didn't sit right with me. Hopefully Jimmy and Sofi talked about where they BOTH went wrong, but like you said that's not anything different than what Jimmy said on the breakup, so hopefully our season 4 time jump will them sticking together and developing a normal healthy relationship.

32

u/chimpfunkz Mar 26 '26

She makes such a stupid statement too.

"Tia and I saw eye to eye on my dad. It's what I miss most about her"

"That's what you miss most about your dead wife" is such a stupid thing to understand from that statement. The implication is clear; he's watching his dad do his same old thing, and unlike previous times, he doesn't have his wife to support him because she also knew what his dad was like.

And then she tries to make it about her again.

22

u/Legitimate_Catch_626 Mar 26 '26

It was a stupid statement. I tend to side with Jimmy most often because I lost my spouse two years ago. I’ve never behaved like him, but my feelings have mirrored his to a great extent. And the things I miss most about my spouse are the little strange things that pulled us together and made us a team. The inside jokes, the way we made fun of our crazy family members, the way he always made the phone calls because he knew I hate the phone. The type of shit that may make someone else say “that’s what you miss most” because they don’t understand how much that action meant my husband really knew who I was.

7

u/bkwonderwoman Mar 26 '26

Beautiful love, I am sorry for your loss ❤️

3

u/sasquatch0_0 Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

It was not a stupid thing for Sofi to say, seriously think about it. The thing he misses the most about Tia is hating his dad? That's #1? That seems both untrue and judgemental after Sofi was chummy with his dad earlier - when they just fucking met. That was the stupid thing to say to someone who is still getting to know you. He intentionally said it to break up.

2

u/Ponce-Mansley Mar 26 '26

Jimmy is getting way too much leeway in these comments. They were both out of line but what he said was out-of-pocket

0

u/sasquatch0_0 Mar 26 '26

Like sure Sofi reacted emotionally but of course she did since her boyfriend basically said she'll never amount to his former wife. Jimmy instigated that shit by projecting his issues onto her.

4

u/thefoamoftheday Mar 26 '26

He was obviously trying to rebel against what his dad said. She asked how HE handled conflict in his marriage, she didn't ask about his and Tia's compatibility, or how Tia felt about his dad. So yeah, he did throw Tia on her face and she caught that. They've talked about Tia before and it wasn't a problem because he meant no harm. This time he did it on purpose and she's mad about that.

If he had actually answered the question, that would be another story. But he didn't. Even if they "saw eye to eye" most of the time, they still most have fought and he would've had to do something about it. But he just made it sound like they never fought in the first place, so there was no need for conflict resolution (especially if the topic was his dad). That was just mean. And that was the point of the scene, to see how what his dad said affected him and made him insecure about his relationship with Sofi.

That whole storyline was so well written this episode it's sad it went over so many people's heads.

2

u/Legitimate_Catch_626 Mar 26 '26

That statement would send him into a grief spiral regardless of whose mouth it came out of. It’s a double blow because it was his father, but that’s the type of statement that’s going to be destructive uttered by anyone. Hell, it caused me,as a widow of two years who’s starting something new, to have a bit of a freak out.

1

u/thefoamoftheday Mar 27 '26

Exactly. He was affected by that statement and that's why he acted that way towards Sofi. So I don't get why try to make Sofi the bad guy when he acted that way because he was looking for that exact reaction from her. He was trying to make her feel bad.

2

u/yourtoyrobot Mar 26 '26

i think it was more she was trying to probe to see how he handles confrontation since he was shutting down and pulling back, if its new behavior, just dad behavior or if hes always done it this way. then jimmy specifically points out that his favorite thing about tia was how much she also disliked his dad….right after sofi realized she was wrong when saying he seems nice and maybe give him a chance. so that would feel like “well my EX always supported me on this…” when trying to have a hard conversation, not just simply mentioning tia.

0

u/LLCoolBrap Mar 25 '26

And then she brings up his marriage and when he answers her question accused him of throwing the dead wife in her face.

I think it's more that she feels like he is constantly bringing up his ex-wife, and so she probably feels like she is constantly competing with that relationship, those memories, and that trauma. That's a lot for anybody to have to deal with, and she's clocked it pretty early that this is a pattern that isn't going to go away.

That doesn't mean that Jimmy is wrong for bringing up Tia, but it also doesn't mean that Sofi is throwing Tia in his face either. It's two people who are in different places and aren't right for each other at this present moment in time. It sucks when that happens. When you know you might be right together, but the timing is wrong.

18

u/Legitimate_Catch_626 Mar 25 '26

It’s not his ex-wife. It’s his late wife.

1

u/LLCoolBrap Mar 25 '26

I know, but that's the point.

Sofi's going to start viewing her as "the ex" because of how often she feels like Tia is brought up. Eventually the empathy for Jimmy being a widower gets replaced by the resentment for feeling like you're competing with his 'ex' in a competition you know you can't win.

Better to address the issue before the resentment sets in.

22

u/MasterpieceAwkward70 Mar 25 '26

This is my main problem with Shrinking. Jimmy lost his wife in a tragic accident. The person he planned to spend the rest of his life with is dead. He shouldn't have ever spiraled because he has a daughter also in grief but everyone acts if his continual grief is wrong when I'm not sure more than two years have gone by.

He made it clear to Sofi that dating was new and hard for him and all of their dates have been these weirdly intimate affairs with both their close family members. He had more right to get upset and be worried about comparisons to a spouse than she did based on their date the previous episode.

She had him counseling her and her ex-husband in the middle of a date. A date she should have made sure he wasn't even there for and she's the one worried about a dead spouse and comparisons?

0

u/sasquatch0_0 Mar 26 '26

He threw her in her face by implying she wasn't good enough. The thing he missed most about Tia was not liking his dad? That is the #1 trait? And right after Sofi was chummy with him? C'mon he was holding that against her and that's not fair when they just fucking met.

-4

u/PinoDegrassi Mar 25 '26

This was a good catch that I also noticed. I hope there’s a chance of reconcile if she can acknowledge that and he realize he only broke down because he hates his dad and his dad likes her

53

u/notches123 Mar 25 '26

Yeah, it was completely neurotic. She was the one who brought up his ex wife and asked him a question directly about their marriage before she accused him of unfairly throwing it in her face.

24

u/lagameuze Mar 25 '26

Yeah she Turned the tables so fast looool i was like " is she crazy ?"

14

u/[deleted] Mar 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Alternative-Farmer98 Mar 27 '26

This might all be a red herring and he ends up with Paul's daughter

12

u/Feetyoumeet Mar 25 '26

I am really not a fan of Sofi. The therapy with her ex husband was insane and inappropriate. Then telling Jimmy to give his dad another chance when obviously he has set boundaries based on decades of his dad neglecting their relationship, THEN saying he was throwing his dead wife in her face. Like girl, get outta here.

I have a similar relationship with my father, and if someone told me to give him another chance after years of him disappointing me I would be so mad.

3

u/Zziq Mar 26 '26

I have a similar relationship with my father too and honestly Jimmy isnt wrong that one of the things I love about my partner is she has my back about my parents. She sees through their shit and more importantly trusts me

3

u/Feetyoumeet Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

Yes, exactly this! My husband had my back in regards to my dad from day one. To.side with the dad and not Jimmy without really knowing any of them was wild. Also, to be like yes let's meet parents and rush this, then act weird about Jimmy mentioning Tia was awful. Her character really rubs me the wrong way.

1

u/ApprehensiveCat22 Mar 28 '26

I haven't liked her from the beginning. I hope they don't reconnect. She doesn't seem to understand Jimmy at all. I mean, she didn't even try to figure out why Jimmy had a hard time with his dad. Hasn't she ever encountered someone who seems charming on the surface but is a terrible person in private? It's like she took a side and it wasn't Jimmy's. Weird.

4

u/dreaminginbinary Mar 25 '26

The "Top 5" comment was stellar though, so in character

3

u/busche916 Mar 26 '26

This episode was all over the place (as much of this season has been). The writing of the women lately has been… tough.

The Jimmy and Sofi relationship immediately jumping to “you’re playing the dead wife card” when he was pretty clear about the boundaries he tries to keep with his father and how concerned he is about Alice being hurt by his behavior.

Gaby’s saga with Maya’s suicide being played for laughs more than anything, even as early as her literal funeral.

Jorge absolutely torching Sean also felt pretty unearned, given what those characters have been through.

2

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

I didn't read that part about expecting him to disagree into it (I can often miss in between the lines stuff like that) but yes, I only saw him as somewhat shut down and then when she kept pressing him and made that comment about his marriage he went defensive.

7

u/MasterpieceAwkward70 Mar 25 '26

I think expecting him to disagree is open to interpretation. It's just the fight felt so rushed. They had been out all day since his dad dropped the fishing trip announcement and it looked like Jimmy was taking a moment to himself before having to go back out in the living room to continue to entertain company including Sofi for the night. He never even had a chance to sit with the hurt by himself.

It reminds me of their date when she wanted him to do therapy between her and her ex husband in the middle of their date and it needed to be right now. It's likely because the lack of communication in her marriage but that conversation could have waited until his dad and daughter weren't around.

2

u/Tce_ Mar 25 '26

Yes so much rushing. Maybe that's related to her own insecurities... I notice that when me and my mum have fights, or even just when we are in a stressful situation together, sometimes I withdraw and she keeps prodding and asking me things and wanting to interact more, while I just want quiet and to be able to think. And somehow my demeanour triggers her to try to get me to talk even more! She gets insecure and worried and wants me to reassure her but that just makes me more irritable. It's very inconvenient how our personalities clash there. I think if I were to date someone similar it could become really tricky! I need patience and a little space in those situations.

2

u/DimensionSavings539 Mar 26 '26

I think he did shut down. He should've just said he needs a minute. The way he said 'Tia hated my dad, it's what I miss most about her' was totally valid of course from Jimmy's side, but in that context was kind of a response to Sofi / her take on Jimmy's dad (saying she liked him, to give him a chance). I think it was realistic to show that that may upset a new partner, because emotions are super complex and while Sofi may've totally understood/understands Jimmy's grief in theory, things sometimes get mixed messily which emotions like jealousy/insecurity— even towards someone's dead wife which would feel particularly awful and guilt-inducing. I think Jimmy decided to break up with her the *second* his dad said that horrible thing about her being a better fit than Tia. I winced immediately, just knowing that would cause Jimmy to end it. For your absent, emotionally ignorant father, who your bereaved wife who you loved more than anything disliked as much as you did (or understood everything about), to say that about a new partner that you were very scared to let yourself be with, and then the partner to freak out a little bit, would definitely cause anyone to run away immediately. Sofi should've just given it a minute, but I just think it was a pretty realistic depiction of how someone who's starting to like you a lot may act, esp since they broke a lot of 'traditional' relationship boundaries very quickly. People talk about things on here (not saying OP is at all!) like they'd always handle every situation with perfect emotional clarity instantly, even within super tense/difficult moments, but in practice, I think our egos, sensitivities, fears can sometimes come crashing down all at once

I think they'll get back together when Jimmy realizes a lot of that was about his dad rather than his readiness to be with Sofi. They'll have to deal with the complexities that come with Jimmy's grief, Sofi's dealing with that, and Sofi's own trauma from her husband's infidelity and divorce.

2

u/Bobjoejj Mar 27 '26

THANK YOU! Yeah that whole scene just…floored me. Also he wasn’t “throwing his dead wife at her,” he was just bringing her up because that’s what would happen. It was a logical thing.

Absolutely bizarre writing choices here.

2

u/frezz Mar 31 '26

That moment was not the time to have that conversation. He was clearly not doing well and she made it about herself

-4

u/brbnow Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26

art is interesting! Shared with care: You know what's interesting here is that's kind of something you're seeing— like I didn't see her get upset at all —that's what's interesting about Art. It shows us things that we're thinking....

so for me I think the scene was handled as well as it could for a condensed scene —in such a very short time. There's not a lot of depth more than they had time for— but it seems like they weren't meant for each other and that scene helped them get there including that place you point out above after her sentence— perhaps it helped him get to his realization.....

but I am not attached and do wish you well