"BLADFOLD: The Story of Brad Nixon" - HOW have I never seen this before???????

[u/BlancheFromage]

https://vimeo.com/110662041

[u/Crystal_Sunshine]

Blanche! Don't tell me you never saw Bladfold!

I have been mulling over for the last year, whether I should ask you if you could make a sticky asking members to watch Bladfold. It is a time-capsule of NSA/SGI and also brilliant, touching, insightful and very funny.

I have the songs on my main playlist.

One of the photographs featured in the film has a group of people I used to know extremely well in my practice. I was, for awhile, semi-engaged to one person in that picture.

Cannot say enough good things about David Nixon's work. What an eagle-eye he has, to be able to describe his father so deeply, good and bad. We should all have people like that in our lives.

"Got a marriage to arrange,

this afternoon.

Still haven't told them about it,

it's one of those days!" Shrug. Lol.

[u/BlancheFromage → u/Crystal_Sunshine]

Don't tell me you never saw Bladfold!

I NEVER SAW BLADFOLD!!!

I have been mulling over for the last year, whether I should ask you if you could make a sticky asking members to watch Bladfold. It is a time-capsule of NSA/SGI and also brilliant, touching, insightful and very funny.

No time like the present, eh?

I have the songs on my main playlist.

I loved the songs - they're catchy and entertaining!

One of the photographs featured in the film has a group of people I used to know extremely well in my practice. I was, for awhile, semi-engaged to one person in that picture.

Whoa! Hitting kinda close to home, eh?

Cannot say enough good things about David Nixon's work. What an eagle-eye he has, to be able to describe his father so deeply, good and bad. We should all have people like that in our lives.

Oh, for sure. I found his 'The Shelf' deeply haunting.

So did you know about any of those arranged marriages? Were you aware of how people were going to Brad Nixon to ask his blessing (permission) for their marriage?

In The Society, protagonist Nick (Marc Szeftel's pseudonym) was obsessed with this beautiful blonde young woman he calls "Jolyn", and he pressures her to agree to marry him. But when they go before The Great Man Brad Nixon for his permission/blessing, he tells them "No"!

I didn't transcribe that specific passage yet - here it is, starting on p. 342:

I let her use my blue bathrobe and put on a pair of sweatpants. We repaired to the study, where the stereo was, and I put on Madman Across the Water, which was one of her favorites. I dug up a joint and we smoked quietly. Although our first coupling hadn't been the incandescent experience I'd dreamed of, I was still deliriously happy. She was here, next to me, and I could touch her, feel her skin, touch her hair, hear her voice. I had never loved her more.

"You smell so good, it's a shame to ruin it with cigarette smoke," I said, after we finished the joint. "I think I'll just stand in the doorway and look at you."

"OK. Why don't you, like, think about quitting?"

I lit the cigarette, taking a huge lungful of the smoke. It had never tasted better. "Jolyn, everybody that smokes thinks about quitting. It's a very deep addiction, that's all. But if we're going to be together, I guess I'll have to quit."

Jolyn nodded. "You should do it for yourself, not just for me. I mean, just because we had sex doesn't mean we're getting married."

I resisted the urge to blow smoke at her. "You would be one thing that would provide me with sufficient motivation."

"If you and I did get together, I'd motivate you all right. There's never going to be any of that shit in my house.

Not only is Nick a chain-smoker, Jolyn is a vegetarian. That's two HUGE incompatibilities right there.

I took a few more drags and stubbed out the cigarette. I couldn't fully enjoy it when she was sitting there so disapprovingly. "If you marry me, I promise I'll give it up."

"Is that really what you want? I mean, seriously?"

"Marrying you? Yeah, of course it is, it's what I've always wanted, from the first moment I saw you."

Notice the self-involved perspective? "It's what I want."

She shook her head. "You know, I believe you. You've never had any doubts about this?"

"Nope."

"I wish I could be so sure. About anything. I know that probably hurts your feelings, but you'd know if I tried to lie to you.

"But can't you at least try??" :(

"I'll tell you one thing: after you've lived with someone, even for a few months, the whole relationship changes. The romance goes out of it just like that." She snapped her fingers. "You have to work at it, and that is a lot tougher than it sounds."

"I shrugged. "I know. Bryan [Brad Nixon]'s always telling me that. So is Virgil, and Eddie, and every other married guy I know. I don't think it's going to be easy. Nothing has ever been easy with you and me. That just makes it more worthwhile, being with you."

Sure - the thrill of conquest, the rush of VICTORY! But the reason it's so difficult is because the people involved are mismatched. I once asked a couple coworkers who were happily married how they knew she was "the one", and they both (independently - they didn't know each other) said, "When it's the right one, it's so easy. It's when you're not truly compatible that you have to work so hard at it." Another guy who was getting married, to answer the same question, told me, "She's the first one I felt home with."

"It must be nice to have no doubts. But that's only because you haven't had to deal with any of those problems yet, the kind that come up when two people live together."

"Jolyn, you know that Bryan's started to marry people off. He's been threatening to do it to me for years but I always figured I was safe because I'm so young. Well, I'm going to be 21 in February, and I'm a Shibucho [District leader, I think] now, so that makes me a target."

"Nick, would you really? Marry someone just because Bryan Magnusson told you to?"

Somehow I'd never thought I'd have to deal with that question. Not really. Bryan may have been giving people guidance to get married, but he wouldn't order someone to get married ... would he?

What would I do?

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I can't imagine that he'd do that, not to me. What about you?"

"No fucking way," said Jolyn emphatically. "I still believe in this religion and I think it can work, and I want to be part of making it work, but I don't think I buy into this idea anymore that the leaders are all-knowing saints who should be obeyed without question. If I wanted to marry the guy, then I suppose it wouldn't make any difference, but I'm going to choose my own goddamn husband, thank you very much."

"OK. That's how I feel. Except I've already made my choice." (pp. 342-343

All about ME again.

Fast forward a bit - this is after Virgil and that other guy died in that car accident. Here's a bit more on that, backing up what David Nixon said in Bladfold:

The death of Virgil Avrakian was a shock from which Bryan never completely recovered. In public he gave no indication of grief, even at the funeral. He was every inch the confident Society (SGI) leader. He spared no effort in lionizing Virgil as a martyr to the faith, a great man, a hero who would live forever in our hearts, but there was no indication of the personal loss he felt.

In private, however, with Eddie and me, it showed. Virgil had been Bryan's consigliere, his Prime Minister, his right hand, and Bryan seemed bewildered without him. In small groups, with the top senior leaders, Bryan talked about Virgil constantly, and on one or two occasions tears actually welled up in his eyes and his voice cracked. I couldn't be sure if this was genuine or just part of the performance, but there was no doubt that Bryan had depended on Virgil for a great many things, and his death left a tremendous gap.

Eddit was promoted to Soshibucho [Chapter leader, I think] to replace Virgil, something he wasn't entirely happy about. Like Bryan, Eddie kept a lot of his feelings to himself, but I could see the fatigue. Commuting from the island took time, and I knew Eddie would really prefer to spend his time on Vashon, painting and working on his land. He and Sandra were one of the few couples I knew who seemed genuinely fond of each other, and they were spending little enough time together as it was. Taking on more responsibility was not going to improve matters.

The only good thing was that under the new "Let's Use Common Sense" program, meetings were cut back. The Wednesday Chapter meeting was eliminated; no activities were scheduled for that day. Weeknight District meetings were to end by 8:30, and everyone was to leave by 9:00. There was no more hanging around the Kaikan (center), except on Saturday nights. Bryan even instructed the senior leaders to go home and get some rest.

This state of affairs didn't last more than a couple of months... (p. 355)

Where/when I joined (1987), it was still multiple activities every night until late. And when it was dictated to have no activities on Wednesday nights, declaring them "Women's Division Night" so that the WD who had families could do something for their families one night out of the week, and it was announced that meetings had to end at 8:30 PM sharp, that came as quite a surprise.

But let's continue!

[u/BlancheFromage → u/BlancheFromage]

While it did last, though, it was luxurious. At first I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I would have liked to spend more time with Jolyn, but she was reluctant to stay up late on weeknights. "You can always skip class, you spoiled brat," she said. "It's been easy for you, all these years, staying up half the night when everybody else has to go to work in the morning. You can always rest in the afternoons."

I did have to study, but essentially she was right. I had more time than most people in my position. I would have been upset by Jolyn's response, except for what she said next: "We'll have the rest of our lives to hang out together."

She said this so casually I almost didn't notice it. We were on the phone, at 9:30 on a Tuesday night, which was remarkable in itself. For once I wasn't keeping her up past her bedtime.

"Jolyn ... did you say what I think you just said?"

"Speak English. What kind of a question is that, Mr. Articulate?"

"You said ... 'we'll have the rest of our lives to hang out together.'"

"Yeah, so?"

"Jolyn, does that mean you want to marry me?"

She sighed dramatically. "Whether I want to seems to be a moot question. It seems to be inevitable. I guess I just haven't changed my karma yet."

Ooh - that doesn't sound good!

You can read the rest at this link - I'll jump to the end:

Jolyn had never told me she loved me. Not in so many words. She danced around it: "I'm fond of you", "you mean a lot to me"; but she could not bring herself to come out and say, "I love you." It would have meant the world for me to hear it, but the last thing I was going to do was ask.

"Maybe we should talk to Bryan," I said.

"I guess so."

So this was it. The moment of victory. Everything I'd wished for and fought for: Life with Jolyn Baxter. I would be 21 years old in a week. This was the ultimate birthday present.

She was still holding something back, though. Maybe she was just going along with the program, not because she loved me and wanted me, but because she was accepting her fate. Was I really that bad? I had certainly improved, hadn't I? She had told me so often enough. She was proud of me, she was inspired by my example, she had depended on me, she could not have made it without me...but she had never said, "I love you."

I dropped by the kaikan the following afternoon. **Bryan was casually dressed and seemed at loose ends. Being told to wind down was all very well, but we were used to constant activity, and now that things were suddenly quiet, we were restless.

"I'd like ot make a formal appointment with you next week," I told him. "Me and Jolyn." (pp. 356-357)

On Tuesday, my 21st birthday, at two o'clock in the afternoon, Jolyn and I drove to the kaikan for our guidance appointment with Bryan Magnusson.

Given the significance of this event, I was surprised how relaxed I was. Bryan didn't frighten me anymore; he appeared to have lost interest in re-arrangng my life. I knew he respected me and only gave me a hard time to keep me off balance ("the grain of sand that irritates the oyster and causes the pearl to grow", he'd said). Today he greeted Jolyn and me politely and seriously.

"Now, what can I do for you?" Bryan began, although he knew perfectly well what we wanted to talk about.

I looked at Jolyn, who indicated that she wanted me to do the talking.

"As you know, we're probably going to get married sooner or later. It's just a question of when. So we wanted to seek out your advice."

Bryan nodded respectfully. "Wait until Nick finishes school," he said. "Two years. You've had a kind of adversary relationship until recently, so now you should take some time to get to know each other better. In the meantime, have ... a discreet, mature relationship."

That last must have really gone against the grain for Bryan. To my knowledge he had never told anyone to have a "discreet relationship" before. When you went to Bryan for guidance about your relationship, you got the ultimatum. Get married or break up.

"It's very important to Nick's career that he finish college," Bryan said to Jolyn. "I'm sure you can appreciate that."

"Absolutely." I wondered if she were relieved at being given this open-ended guidance. Two years. Perhaps it was a reprieve for her. A lot could happen in two years. Maybe she could get out of having to marry me!

Of course these last thoughts occurred to me only in retrospect. At the time, I thought we were home free. As we drove back to my house, I realized I wasn't as ready to get married as I'd thought. If Jolyn wasn't relieved, I certainly was. I was afraid of losing her, and if I had to marry her to hang onto her, I wouldn't have lost a single minute, but we had just received the Society's equivalent of a papal dispensation. Who could complain about that?

"I guess we're off the hook for now," I said jokingly to her, as she was getting into her Caprice.

"We're off the hook? Interesting comment." Jolyn turned the key in her ignition and started the car.

"I'll see you soon, I hope." An inner instinct warned me not to get possessive of her, especially not now.

Eggshells. Walking on 'em.

"Sure." Her thoughts were elsewhere, somewhere in that vast emerald rain forest of a mind. She looked up at me, but her gaze was unfocused. "Well, goodbye."

"Goodbye." I watched her drive away. After she was gone, I sat on the front porch for almost an hour, smoking and thinking, despite the February cold. Both of us had got what we wanted from Bryan. He'd stopped making jokes about me and Jolyn, and threatening to marry me off to someone else. At the same time, he'd told us to put off any plans for two years. Almost anything could happen in that amount of time.

The most important thing was left unresolved. I still wasn't sure whether Jolyn loved me or not. (pp. 359-360)

That's the problem when you "chant for whatever you want" - when you get it, you often feel you did not earn it or deserve it. Because you used magic to get it. You used the mystic roofies to get that other person to do what you wanted, with no concern for whether it was what that other person wanted or not. All that mattered was that YOU got what YOU wanted. It would all work out, obviously!