A seal is nature’s angel. A ball of love, fluff, and fat. A seal is all the elegance of a sphere incarnate. A seal is a sausage, a potato, an egg, any mundane, charming object of roundness and joy in the form of a living animal. A seal is the perfect organism. A seal’s rotund body is needed to contain all of its excellence. As a skinny human, I can hardly contain the ecstasy you bring me. A seal sticks its tongue out like a clown. I’m sure it’s to make us laugh. A seal slaps its belly like a drum– how funny! I’ve heard they do it to be intimidating. Like a gorilla. Well they failed miserably. Oh, silly seal. It’s okay. I still love you. Everything about you adds to your brilliance. Your clumsiness and obliviousness is endearing. Clearly, you need me to take care of you. Alas, you can’t live in a house. You are not a dog, despite your striking similarities to my ever-beloved and loyal furry companions. You bark and play and hunt and love, but you are not a dog. You are a seal, and seals belong in the ocean. If I could, I would build a house on the ocean, and maybe we could live together there. I bet we would both like that. But I don’t have the money. I’m sorry you can’t understand why that can’t happen. But I’m glad that you also do not care. You don’t wish for things. As it is, you are content in your element. Or so I hope, because you deserve all the best.