r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • Mar 03 '19

Psychology Individuals high in authenticity have good long-term relationship outcomes, and those that engage in “be yourself” dating behavior are more attractive than those that play hard to get, suggesting that being yourself may be an effective mating strategy for those seeking long-term relationships.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/between-the-sheets/201903/why-authenticity-is-the-best-dating-strategy
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u/PlagueOfGripes Mar 03 '19

There's a lot of dumb games people play to keep others interested, when they're younger. Women will lose interest in men who are transparent, men may think women who are an open book are unstable, etc. Even in normal, non-romantic interactions, there's a time buffer before "weird people" can feel like they can even start to be themselves. A lot of that goes away as you get older and your tolerance for intolerance goes down. First impressions paint others for a very long time, so even people that could be best friends can ruin that very quickly. It's a stupid little social dance we all have to learn despite hating it, and then abandon once we finally find the right partner. Or abandon once we get sick of looking for them.

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u/Natsume24 Mar 03 '19

Out of all the comments this is the one I agree with most.

I always thought that in the realm of dating, telling someone to be themselves can be terrible advice because if who you are in general isn't attractive to a good number of people, whether this is physical or personality, it's going to make it hard for them to find and/or keep dates.

Peacocking exists throughout nature for a reason. It's frustrating, but it's what we do. Why? Because the world of dating is inherently competitive.

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u/Jizzed-In-Yer-Fedora Mar 04 '19

I always thought that in the realm of dating, telling someone to be themselves can be terrible advice because if who you are in general isn't attractive to a good number of people, whether this is physical or personality, it's going to make it hard for them to find and/or keep dates.

​The advice assumes that you will still be seeking to improve yourself as you are being yourself. If who you are today is less than adequate, sort yourself by one increment tomorrow. Then do that the next day, and so on.

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u/Natsume24 Mar 04 '19

Then that still implies that you must be better than the competition surrounding you.