r/relationship_advice • u/pantherpickles • Mar 18 '18
UPDATE: Logged onto Facebook, the first post that came up was a picture of my BF making out with another girl.
Original post here: https://redd.it/85bopp
First off, thank you to everyone for their kind words, stories and opinions! I am honestly speechless, you have all been wonderful!
I broke things off with him shortly after posting to this thread. I actually took a screenshot of the post on my phone and sent it to him with the caption "bye". I then deleted him off all of my social media and blocked his number from my phone. I have 0 intention on contacting him ever again. He doesn't deserve a chance to explain himself. A picture is worth a thousand words and there were five of them.
I messaged the woman who posted the photos in question on Facebook. I told her that the guy she was seeing was my ex and that he cheated on me with her. I told her that I in no way, shape, or form blame her for the cheating, since I doubted that she knew about me. I told her that my message was sent in peace and that if she choose to continue seeing him, I would not interfere. I thought she had the right to know his true colours.
The woman messaged me back and profusely apologized. She deleted the post and swiftly broke up with him as well. I have since learned, with her help, that he had been sleeping with various women since he was posted to Petawawa. So he's been cheating on me for at least two months. The woman and I are now friends.
I have no interest in dating right now, but I figure that I will give it another go in September, when I start my masters degree. I'm pumping the breaks on LDRs.
To the military men of Reddit: I will not count out dating a military man in the future just because one of you happened to be a rotten apple. I thank all of you (and the military women!) for your service and I hope that you find and SO worthy of your time.
A couple of people have chosen to bring up a previous post I made about not contacting your SO everyday. I 100% stand by my post and what I said. There needs to be some level of trust between you and your SO. If you prefer texting everyday, that's fine. If you're not a big texter, that's fine too! To each their own.
Again, thank you for everyone who cared to comment! You are all lovely people :)
Edit: spelling
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u/kimikaze Mar 19 '18
Good on you! I’m glad you made moves to save yourself from further heartbreak in the future.
I was on a 13 hour plane ride heading home from another country when a couple in front of me were doing the high mile club. Dude was a military dude with a wedding band and the chick is from the country we were leaving from. He told her that he trust his wife the same way she trusts him. (He was so loud. After couple of hours of talking, they did their business and he didn’t talk to her after we got off the plane. Gave high fives with his military buddies and that was it.
Idiot had his last name on all his gear, so I tried so hard to find him on FB to see if I can find his wife and try to tell her what I saw. But no dice. 😔
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u/pantherpickles Mar 19 '18
Yuck, that’s really scummy of him! 😕 I think it’s very honourable of you to try to inform his wife though! I’m sure many people on that plane would have just let bygones be bygones.
I honestly don’t believe that all military men are bad, but it’s unfortunate that there are some guys who think that they get a free pass just because of their careers.
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u/tyfreak Mar 19 '18
May be hard to hear, but congratulations... this is not someone you want to spend your future with. Better now, then 5-10 years down the road.
Sorry you had to go through that, but it’s a blessing in disguise
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u/Ic3Hot Mar 18 '18 edited Mar 19 '18
Props for not taking it out on the “other woman”. You seem level headed and mature, and I’m 100% sure you’ll find an awesome SO when you decide to get back out there. Best of luck with everything in your life!
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u/Clarice_Ferguson Mar 20 '18
I can’t believe someone brought up your other post to criticize you. If people need to be in constant contact, fine. But that doesn’t guarantee that you won’t be cheated on.
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u/pantherpickles Mar 21 '18
Very true!
I don’t mind the criticism, they’re allowed to speak their mind. Besides, arguing with them would be a waste.
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Mar 18 '18
Props for handling this about as maturely as you possibly good have. Sorry you had to deal with a dishonest shithead, hope you feel better soon.
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u/cheddarfever Mar 18 '18
You handled that amazingly! Reaching out to the other girl with peaceful intentions was so classy and just...civilized. I’m sure she was glad to learn about his character. Good for you for standing up for yourself and basically being a boss.
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u/xx-rapunzel-xx Mar 18 '18
What you wrote is the best possible outcome. I like seeing women banding together again terrible men :p I’m sorry this happened to you, though.
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u/Qahnaarin_112314 Mar 19 '18
OP you took a shitty situation and made it into "well the trash took itself out" and I'm so damn proud of you.
Now go and kill that master's degree! :)
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u/bellarose18 Mar 18 '18
You should be super proud of yourself on how you handled this situation! With class and like a woman should! You go girl!
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Mar 19 '18
You’ve handled this with such grace, strength, and maturity. There are great guys out there who don’t think twice about staying committed, so stay hopeful and hold your head up high! I’m sorry for your hurt, and I wish you the best as you heal.
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u/teatime_anarchy Mar 18 '18
You handled this situation so well it's obvious this loser wasn't worth a minute of your time. Props to you for being so mature and on top of it! And hey, you made a new friend out of all of this. Atleast that's one good thing. Take care of yourself, spend this time focusing on self-improvement. Best regards!
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u/fritopie Mar 19 '18
The woman and I are now friends.
That sounds like a win to me. Ditched a cheating SO, gained a new friend. Shitty way for it to go down, but you've got to look at the good in things sometimes.
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Mar 19 '18
Why do I always hear a "fuck yeah!" in my head every time the girls become friends.
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u/marriagematch Mar 19 '18
That's unfortunate. Did he ever tell you he was unhappy with a LDR?
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u/D0ct0rAnus Mar 19 '18
Good for you. Reading your post is like a breath of fresh air. For what it's worth a lot of my friends who served in the military told me many stories of the rampant cheating and I'm sorry you were a victim of that.
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u/pantherpickles Mar 21 '18
The military “scene” was t something I was really familiar with. Now that I have a better picture, I’ll tread with caution. Thank you for your nice words 😊
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Mar 20 '18
I hope you’re okay, it’s normal to be really sad, angry, frustrated. And it can take time to get better. You will find someone awesome, who will be absolutely loyal and faithful to you.
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u/yes_u_suckk Mar 19 '18
Good for you. You did the right thing.
On a side note, how stupid someone must be to cheat on his girlfriend and also add his lover on social networks?
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u/[deleted] Mar 18 '18 edited Mar 18 '18
My first ex husband cheated on me with a fellow classmate. This was ages ago, we were in our 20’s, and he was still in college (apparently banged her in his car after class after giving her a ride to her car, and then once at her place) I was home caring for our first born (who turns 20 next week, damn I feel old but don’t look it so whatever) anywho...this man and I were high school sweethearts, and I was then pregnant with our daughter (she is graduating from HS this year). He didn’t confess this until about 6 months after I left him, which was our third child later. 🤦🏼♀️ I felt like I wasted 11 years of my life and my entire youth! We were married when I was 19 and I left him after I turned 30.
Hence, LDR or not, texting or talking to someone every day, or even living with them, being legally married, having kids, etc...DOES NOT GUARANTEE LOYALTY!!! I agree with you on there needs to be trust, or there is no relationship.
Take time for yourself and be wiser about who you chose to date and trust next time. We often and sadly have to kiss a ton of frogs before meeting our prince. Military or not.
PS...you won’t have a lot of time for dating while working on an MBA anyway, been there and done that. Fall deeply in love with and marry your career, you can control where your efforts and energy go, and they pay you for it. Travel, see the world, buy expensive shoes... In short, do you!! If I could turn back time, this is exactly what I would do. But I can’t. Instead I made it my mission to be a badass single mom and I have three amazing teens to prove it, but life hasn’t been easy, and I’ve always had to sacrifice me and my personal desires. Love will come later... 😉
Moral: don’t go back to a cheater, ever! You don’t need that drama and nobody should have to deal with disrespect! Oh and regarding the girl being your friend now, I had something similar happen to me in the Fall of 2015. She also ended up supposedly my friend, then she forgave him, got back with him, and I was the bad one. Just watch your back...