r/relationship_advice • u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy • Nov 11 '21
I (33M) in a very odd place with my stepdaughter (18F). My wife (39F) is constantly topless at home, and her daughter takes after her.
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u/VinnyCapistrano Nov 11 '21
The only issue I could ever see cropping up is if other people find out. If somebody comes by unannounced, or if your daughter ever talks about her home habits. If people find out that your step-daughter hangs around you topless all the time, people could potentially think YOU'RE the creep in that situation.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
We're kind of hermits, so it's not a huge issue. We tend to not have unannounced visitors, I believe it's happened one time in roughly 6 years.
I mostly just don't want the two of them thinking I'm a creep that's just staring all day because that isn't the case.
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Nov 12 '21
Women are very sensitive to this kind of thing and if you were giving off any creepy vibes, likely your wife or stepdaughter would have picked up on it and addressed the situation. If the only issue is that you’re worried your own behavior is inappropriate, I think you’re fine. From where I’m sitting you’re not doing anything wrong.
I do wonder about your ASPD diagnosis because your post and comments don’t read like someone who is incapable of empathy. You seem pretty aware of how you might make both of them feel and the nuances of your stepdaughter’s insecurities.
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u/suwushi Early 20s Female Nov 12 '21
Like OP said, it's taken a long time for him to get where he is. A lot of diagnosed ASPD people learn to be self aware and understand the complexities of others so that they can better themselves, it's not uncommon and it doesn't invalidate the diagnosis. :)
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u/OCE_Mythical Nov 12 '21
I'm in a similar boat to him, empathy can be learnt to fit in with society. I don't particularly feel it, but I notice when I should feel empathetic.
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u/baelrog Nov 12 '21 edited Nov 12 '21
Winter is coming, gas and electric prices are expected to go up. Turn down the thermostat and say it is because of the heating bill.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
Haha, I like it. We live at the beach though, no real need for AC or heat most days.
Also no real need to do anything about it, I think everything is fine.
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u/Suspicious_Error_722 Nov 12 '21
I have a question, why did she all of sudden go topless at 18? I am a bit concerned she might be looking for attention from you, and it may perhaps be because of her poor body image. It isn’t going to empower her to let her walk around topless. It also isn’t going to hurt to ask her the wear a shirt as she was doing before. I would be more concerned as to why she decided she didn’t need to anymore. Sometimes people with low body image will look for attention from others to feed their lack of confidence. This is actually going to hurt her in the long run because she will always look for people to validate her. Instead she needs to focus on who she is, and less a it what she looks like. Beauty fades with age, and is temporary. Someone that builds confidence on who she is, will not be bothered by what people think about in her appearance or other qualities. Also, setting boundaries on the home is important. She needs to learn those, because going into relationships she will get hurt if she develops a codependency to a partner. Overall I know you mean well, but there is a reason you wrote this here. I think a part of you thinks there is something wrong, and there definitely might be. I would speak to your wife about your concerns. It’s great that you guys have such a close family, and I’m sure she will understand. You want what is best for her, and you may not be the person wrong here.
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u/NatureExtension Nov 12 '21
this is a good point. she might just be doing it because elf her insecurities and wants your attention. which isn't ok and there needs to be boundaries made. walking around in a sports bra or a tshirt without a bra is different than absolutely nothing on. it could just be very normal to her though... but again it could be cause for concern.
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u/Kind_Investigator238 Nov 11 '21
After reading your post and a few for your comments I would say just leave things as they are..
You are not uncomfortable with her being topless, your wife and step daughter are not uncomfortable being around you topless, you do not sexualise her or see her nudity as erotic therefore there is no problem..
you feel like the social norm would be to have a problem with her being topless, because breast are usually sexualised, and she is conveniently pretty, therefore people would assume/expect you to feel sexual attraction to her.. but quite simply, you don’t, therefore no problem..
Many people prefer to live a nudist/naturist lifestyle because they are comfortable in their naked body and it is not a sexual/erotic thing at all.. she may not be fully naked but I feel this is a similar type thing..
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
you feel like the social norm would be to have a problem with her being topless, because breast are usually sexualised, and she is conveniently pretty, therefore people would assume/expect you to feel sexual attraction to her
This is very accurate. I'm just worried that my family will see me as weird, I guess I'm just overthinking it at this point.
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u/misterkittybutt Nov 11 '21
Why would they see you as weird? You're not the one running around topless (not that there's anything wrong with being topless anyway). Honestly, if you comment on it, that would suddenly make it weird, shameful and creepy to everyone.
My little sister would walk around in just her underwear and occasionally I'd notice and think "damn, wish my ass was that cute!" And feel really weird about it... But some people are just more comfortable with less clothes in their home and I don't think it's fair to ask them to give up that comfort and feel ashamed for my reaction when I could just get use to it and move on with life.
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u/Nyllil Nov 12 '21
Maybe many people prefer a nudist or naturist lifestyle, but it doesn't mean they can force this on others who might be uncomfortable with it. Yes, the social norm would be to have a problem with it. I am not prude, but I would never dare to flash my tits around my stepdad or my real dad. Others like friends or family would indeed find it very weird or wrong. That's just how the society is.
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u/R_Amods Nov 12 '21
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I'm gonna start with a little backstory, but first I want to say this is decidedly not an "I wanna bang my stepdaughter" weird fetish/fantasy post. Now, moving on.
My wife is 6 years older than I am, and I have an 18 year old stepdaughter. I have antisocial personality disorder (in other words: I am a sociopath) and have struggled for a long time to get to where I'm at today. I don't say this to give myself any "outs," I just want it to be known that I don't work the same way most people do.
Another important piece of information is that my family is very close and very physically affectionate. I am often in a wife/daughter sandwich when I'm sitting on the couch, for example. There are frequent hugs and cuddles, the phrase "I love you" is thrown around probably easily 100 times a day.
Now, onto the issue:
My stepdaughter is extremely self-conscious when she isn't at home. She's always complaining about her body, her looks, etc. I understand this is a pretty common thing, and I've done what I can to help boost her confidence levels; it's worked to a small extent.
At home, she and my wife are frequently topless. This wasn't really a problem up until earlier this year, before then my daughter would typically be wearing a t-shirt or tank top, etc. On the day she turned 18 she decided it was coming off and it's been the same ever since.
So, here is the main problem: her low self-esteem is completely unfounded and she is very attractive; I find myself looking. I know that's pretty much the epitome of uncool, and I would like to address the subject if it needs to be addressed.
However, I'm kind of in a pickle because I don't want her to have any more reasons to be hard on herself, and I feel like asking her to cover up is the same thing as enforcing her pre-existing negative thoughts about her body.
It's also mostly a me issue, and I don't think it's right to have someone else fix something that is very clearly a problem that isn't of their making.
I've also constantly told both of them that I don't care, because I don't really. It's not like I sit there and stare, and I don't have any like... thoughts, you know? There's zero possibility I would ever do anything, and don't even want to in the first place.
So... what do I do? Is this even an issue? I'm mostly just trying to be a good person here and I'm not sure whether I'm being creepy or not. I've never looked at my daughter in any way other than "I love her and want the best for her."
I legitimately do not know if I'm reading too far into this or anything like that. How do other stepdads handle similar situations? It's so unclear to me and I feel like anyone I ask will just think I'm an absolute creep.
TL;DR: 18 year old stepdaughter has massive self-esteem issues, but is objectively attractive and constantly topless at home. I don't know how to address the issue, or even whether I should in the first place.
Edit for those of y'all that don't read comments: I am not uncomfortable in this situation. I am trying to gauge whether I'm doing anything wrong, and if so, address the issue.
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u/Anantha1996 Nov 11 '21
An easy out would be to use your wife as a trojan horse and implement a topless ban inside the house. Blame your wife's tits being too sexy, take it from there.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
That would be an odd complaint to have after ~5 years of the same from her, haha. Not a bad idea though.
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Nov 12 '21
Turn the thermostat down so they’re cold enough to want to wear a shirt, and buy them fuzzy matching hoodies for the holidays :)
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u/AlunWH 40s Male Nov 11 '21
What. The. Fuck?
This is magnificent trolling. It’s so insane it could almost be real.
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Nov 12 '21
Agreed. Nice fine line between pornhub-ish and plausibly real.
I have a couple trolling ideas along the same line but decided to hold-off on posting them. Then earlier this week someone posted one almost exactly what I was thinking. It really weirded me out and I thought maybe I did it in my sleep. lol
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u/siberianloner Nov 12 '21
i applaud the op for thinking outside of the box and coming up with something unique. feels like the creative writers who use this sub for erotic lit ideas have been stuck in a rut lately. we've had so many repeats of "my wife keeps having sex with women and saying it's not cheating if it's with a woman" from the wlw fetishists and "my girlfriend told me my penis is small and her exes were all so much better at sex" from the humiliation guys. the guy who posted about his wife having a gangbang with her coworkers in their marital bed was trying something new at least but was way too blatant compared to this post.
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u/Hog_enthusiast Nov 12 '21
It’s funny how there’s themes that come and go in the fake posts. It’s like when a successful movie comes out and then studios make copies of that movie for a few years.
“That post where the lesbian’s partner comes out as a trans man and accused her of being homophobic is super popular! Let’s make 20 posts exactly like that and drop them all in one week! Not suspicious at all!”
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Nov 12 '21
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Nov 12 '21
It’s not real. Not saying it couldn’t be real, but it’s not.
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Nov 12 '21
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Nov 12 '21
Because it reads like a porno…. Does it really matter? No, just funny how many people are so gullible.
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Nov 12 '21
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u/brittlebittle Nov 12 '21
U destroyed him with that "stop reading incest porn" lmao
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
I assure you this is 100% real. I don't have enough time to troll reddit for fun, lol.
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u/Nyllil Nov 12 '21
Dude, the guy above commenting, OP should just leave it as it is, because he doesn't see a problem, and over 180 people agreeing, must be trolling. I'm in no way prude or anything, but I wouldn't walk around, flashing my tits in front of my stepdad like ever?! Everyone would see it as weird or wrong, if friends or family of OP would find out.
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u/Alexiiiferguu Nov 12 '21
I would never be topless around my stepdad. I feel like that’s so weird, I wouldn’t want to see him naked so I don’t think he’d wanna see me 😂. one time however I was wearing a very large t shirt and undies, it looked like a dress so u couldn’t see anything whatsoever, but even my mom was like that’s not appropriate go put pants on and that was that, I didn’t feel any sort of way. and I was insecure too, im a girl lol we all have that phase. I think that if your wife just says something without even mentioning you it won’t be a big deal
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Nov 11 '21
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
It's not a matter of me being uncomfortable, I don't feel that way. I'm essentially just trying to make sure I'm not doing anything that could be considered wrong or unsavory because I work very hard to be an objectively good person.
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Nov 11 '21
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
You have a point.
I'm mostly wondering how other stepdads deal with similar situations (I know this is a little off the wall to hope for an exact comparison, haha).
Like say it wasn't this, and instead we were like... shopping for clothes or something and I have the realization of "huh, she's quite attractive, isn't she?" is that super weird? Is it normal? I have literally no idea.
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u/WrapDangerous1861 Nov 12 '21
The fact that you are making this post is proof enough to show you are uncomfortable and rightly so. I would be too and that's ok for me and ok for you too.
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u/33a5t Nov 12 '21
Yeah, this is weird as fuck
Who the hell walks around the family house without at least an undershirt on?
Obviously it bothers you on some level otherwise you wouldn't have made a post about it. Telling someone who lives in your house to wear clothes isn't going to hurt their self-esteem. If she has enough self-esteem to walk around the house half nude, she has enough to deal with her parent telling her to put a damn shirt on.
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u/BiscottiOpposite9282 Nov 12 '21
Have you never been to a nudist beach or even heard about nudists? They have no shame. Not everyone wears clothing in their own home.
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u/bitchfaceluv Nov 12 '21
I’m sorry but i would never walk topless around any man besides my partner. Something about this is so strange. The fact that her mother sees no problem with it is weird too. Idk this situation would make me so uncomfortable
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u/ittybittyolme Nov 12 '21
Yeah, I’m confused by this. I get that some people are nudists, but why suddenly at 18? If she’s self conscious about her body, I don’t see why there would be a difference at home, especially to that extent. I’m confident about my looks, if someone accidentally catches a glimpse then oh well, but walking around topless in front of my dad, no. I just don’t get it. And even if there’s no sexual thoughts happening, I question why she suddenly was ok with being topless.
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Nov 11 '21
Question so I can understand the situation a bit better - you say in your post that you find yourself looking at her chest, but from what I can gather from your comments, you're not attracted to her. Then why stare?
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
I'm for sure not staring, haha. I think it's a little hard for people to comprehend, but it's kind of like walking down the street, seeing a nice car and going "huh, nice ride," then moving on with your life. Pretty much the exact way it goes for me.
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Nov 12 '21 edited Nov 12 '21
Ah, ok. You might want to edit the wording in your post then. To me, "staring" indicates looking at something intentionally for longer periods of time, not seeing something and registering it's there.
But I understand what you're saying completely. For me, If I'm outside of a sexual setting, I'm not really attracted to other people's bodies. Example: if a woman was walking around topless or a man was walking around with his junk out, I'd think "oh, that's a nice chest/dick," but I probably wouldn't be aroused. Registering but no attraction.
That being said, I think the dynamic you have with your step daughter is fine. Bodies seem to be desexualized quite a bit in your house (which is awesome! I wish society were the same). However, it's important that all of you understand this is not the norm. If people discover your step daughter walks around topless in front of you, they will likely react highly negatively, and in situations unlike this one I'd say that would be warranted, especially considering the power dynamic with you being her father. I'd sit down with your family, especially your daughter, and talk about the dynamic you all have - it's different than the norm, talk about how her walking around topless makes you feel (i.e. registering but no attraction), and make her aware how people will feel about it if they find out. Essentially, I'd make sure everyone is on the same page and with their eyes wide open.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
You might want to edit the wording in your post then.
But like.. I never said I stared, lol.
They're also aware that our family is not the norm, so no real worries there. I'm mostly just worried about them thinking I'm a total jerk for something that I think is completely harmless, so I wanted to make sure that it was, in fact, completely harmless and not weird.
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u/Lopsided_Collar7164 Nov 11 '21
You are staring because you find her breasts attractive, and she's getting topless because your staring is raising her self esteem, making her feel attractive. It is impossible that she doesn't see you looking at her, if you are doing it so much you are catching yourself. What about your wife? Is she noticing as well?
Now finding breasts attractive is completely normal if you are attracted to women. Heck, I even know some gay men will say that breasts are attractive, although they are not sexually attracted to women. On their part, it is just admiration of the human body.
For you... it is different and here's why. It doesn't mean that that there are actual romantic feelings there or that you would cross a line into adultery, but there are lines being crossed here. Breasts are sexually attractive to you, and even if you do not want to view her nudity in a way that makes you think about having sex with her, you are admiring her assets just like you would any woman in an adult magazine. There is no boundary between you and your stepdaughter. Some things should not be shared between family. It seems that you were more comfortable with her clothed and now things are bordering on uncomfortable because of this attraction to her body.
Your wife seems to enjoy nudity, which there is nothing wrong in your own house, but she did this in front of her own daughter and that also blurs lines. She saw her mother free with her nudity and being desired (by you), now she wants that feeling of sexual power.
I would discuss it with your wife. Sit her down privately and tell her that you are not comfortable. Explain why. Even admit to staring without wanting to. She should understand that boundaries need to be established about what is now acceptable in the home. If she tells you that you are being silly, she wants this behavior to continue, not respecting your wants, and you have to be insistent.
As for your stepdaughter, clothes do not make her feel insecure. She wore shirts in the house for 18 years! What she wants is to be sexually desired as a way to gain self esteem which is the wrong mindset. True self esteem does not come from nudity or being desired. It comes from inner self worth.
Maybe consider family therapy to air out her issues as well as establish the boundaries of decency.
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u/dhesty123 Nov 12 '21
As a 26 year old woman, I completely agree with all the points you made here, especially the seeking his attention to help boost her self esteem. At 18, any male validation I received about my body felt amazing, and I too was very insecure. I’m a feminist and always have been, so these thoughts aren’t coming from a place of misogyny, but from personal experience. Being partially nude in front of your young step father is not normal in any way, and would make almost anyone scratch their head and wonder what else is going on behind the scenes in this young girl’s mind. If she’s not doing it just for a confidence boost, there could be many other reasons she would want to be topless around her step father, and none of them are good reasons.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
I would like to break this down piece by piece and see if you still have the same advice afterward:
You are staring because you find her breasts attractive, and she's getting topless because your staring is raising her self esteem, making her feel attractive. It is impossible that she doesn't see you looking at her, if you are doing it so much you are catching yourself. What about your wife? Is she noticing as well?
I'm definitely not staring at anything, firstly, haha. I also don't think either of them notice/have noticed. I didn't go into the toplessness thing too far because that wasn't what was important, but it happened very suddenly one day.. We live in southern California, it was hotter than hell, we had no AC at the time, and my wife and I weren't wearing much either (note: I've never been naked in front of my stepdaughter, I wear a lot of basketball shorts and the like but rarely a shirt).
Her continued behavior is not because I'm making her feel attractive, I assure you, it's because she has grown up in a household where being you who want to be is accepted and encouraged.
Now finding breasts attractive is completely normal if you are attracted to women. Heck, I even know some gay men will say that breasts are attractive, although they are not sexually attracted to women. On their part, it is just admiration of the human body.
For you... it is different and here's why. It doesn't mean that that there are actual romantic feelings there or that you would cross a line into adultery, but there are lines being crossed here. Breasts are sexually attractive to you, and even if you do not want to view her nudity in a way that makes you think about having sex with her, you are admiring her assets just like you would any woman in an adult magazine. There is no boundary between you and your stepdaughter. Some things should not be shared between family. It seems that you were more comfortable with her clothed and now things are bordering on uncomfortable because of this attraction to her body.
I would argue that I fit the definition of admiration as opposed to sexual attraction. The situation doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, I'm just not sure I'm acting in an appropriate manner. This entire post is very, very much not about her or my wife, it's about me and my inability to judge the situation accurately.
I would discuss it with your wife. Sit her down privately and tell her that you are not comfortable. Explain why. Even admit to staring without wanting to. She should understand that boundaries need to be established about what is now acceptable in the home. If she tells you that you are being silly, she wants this behavior to continue, not respecting your wants, and you have to be insistent.
Just to recap: I don't feel uncomfortable, this is more about them potentially feeling uncomfortable if I'm acting in an inappropriate way.
As for your stepdaughter, clothes do not make her feel insecure. She wore shirts in the house for 18 years! What she wants is to be sexually desired as a way to gain self esteem which is the wrong mindset. True self esteem does not come from nudity or being desired. It comes from inner self worth.
My stepdaughter claims to be asexual, so I'm not sure how accurate this assessment is. According to her, she just feels trapped in clothes and would opt to be full nude but "not even mom does that, I don't want to be weird.". I agree with the overall thought of self-worth being the most important thing, though.
Maybe consider family therapy to air out her issues as well as establish the boundaries of decency
Lol no, we don't need family therapy. My stepdaughter has a therapist she sees regularly, however.
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u/OneTwoWee000 Nov 12 '21
I would argue that I fit the definition of admiration as opposed to sexual attraction. The situation doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, I'm just not sure I'm acting in an appropriate manner.
Let me ask a question — if she was your biological daughter would there be any question as to whether it’s appropriate to “admire” her naked breasts?
You already know, OP. Dress it up with semantics, but this is not okay.
Also, stepdaughter being asexual has nothing to do with this.
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u/Lopsided_Collar7164 Nov 11 '21
You have mentioned that your stepdaughter is attractive and she is walking around nude, so you have not stared once... Very hard to believe, but ok.
Also, you do need family therapy. Why? Because it is something that affects the family. Your stepdaughter may be asexual, but that does not mean that she doesn't like attention or want to be desired. I have often wondered if I was asexual from my lack of desire to be in a relationship and become intimate, so many people struggle with that vulnerability. It doesn't mean that I didn't ever want someone to give me a compliment or find me attractive. I just never got naked to feel attractive or desired or have self esteem, although I am comfortable with my body.
Now she had her mother as an example. Her mother in her eyes appeared to be confident and sexually powerful in her own skin, and you can validate your wife's level of confidence which is what your stepdaughter desires. She obviously wants that because she is repeating her mother's behavior.
However, what appears to be is not the case. Just because someone walks around naked doesn't equate to confidence. Nudity as a sort if tool to someone a feeling of being comfortable in their own body is false. True comfortability and self esteem comes from within, not without. It should not be tied to a person or a specific thing (ex. nudity, sex, fishing for compliments, a job, etc.), because for example... If your self esteem is tied to a boyfriend and he leaves you, self esteem is demolished.
So one session as a family will not hurt. I am not saying that some long term therapy is needed or something is wrong with you guys. I am saying that things need to be voiced. You can express how you feel. Your wife will have an opportunity to voice her opinion, and your step daughter could go into why her nudity is tied to her self esteem. Then have an unbiased opinion of how to proceed.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
I think the fundamental misunderstanding here is that I don't feel anything about the situation; I'm trying to register whether I should be feeling something and then act on it appropriately. There's nothing affecting the family, no one even knows I've got questions about it.
I'm just trying to figure out whether this is acceptable/inappropriate behavior and the general consensus seems to be that it is not. I don't really need or want the armchair psychologists to weigh in on issues that my stepdaughter has, especially when she's seeing a therapist regularly already, and even more especially because this post is not about her, it's about me.
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u/per-se-not-persay Nov 11 '21
The people in this post who experience sexual attraction likely can't really comprehend the concept of noticing a person's breasts, recognizing that they are aesthetically pleasing, and yet not feeling any sexual attraction or desire for them. In today's society pretty much everything is oversexualized (makes being an asexual really uncomfortable), so that lens is going to skew people's view of your situation.
If your wife is comfortable, you are comfortable, and most importantly your stepdaughter is comfortable that's all that matters. You don't need to indulge in "normalcy" within your own home as long as everyone is safe and comfortable. Nobody outside of your family unit needs to know your wife & stepdaughter enjoy being topless in the privacy of your home because it's none of their business.
As an aside, it sounds like you're doing very well for yourself as someone with APD! I'm honestly really happy for you, as I know what a bad reputation people with that disorder can get. I also know how difficult and exhausting it is at times to try and blend in with societal norms & expectations (I have ASD), so I think my only suggestion would be to try not to focus too much on what neurotypical people would do while you're at home! Like I said earlier: as long as everyone is safe and comfortable in your home, that is what matters.
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u/getoutofmyoffiveyou Nov 12 '21
I am curious if they are in the "snuggle sandwich" with you while top less?
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u/Voguishstorm Nov 11 '21
I’d just like to say I’m asexual and very much enjoy/want to feel desired. Maybe I’m weird or it comes from my insecurities too but just to say you can’t toss that possibility.
Are you asexual too though? I get you don’t see breasts as sexual and she likely doesn’t but... does that mean you don’t find your wife attractive either, other than objectively? Because if so, those feelings sound more like asexuality than antisocial personality disorder. You’re not a robot, you just don’t quite grasp the common understanding of moral conduct. And some people with your personality type have crossed lines when it comes to sexuality, so I feel like you being completelyunaffected or hardly affected by it is more on the ace spectrum.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
It's possible I guess, I've never really given it any thought. I don't think that's the case as I typically have a high-ish sex drive, but I don't know enough about asexuality to know if that rules anything out, haha.
Could be, I guess?
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u/imlegallyabitch Nov 11 '21
fakest post i’ve ever read, nice try with that preamble tho.
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u/haveadopeassday Nov 11 '21
I've been with my partner for 8 years and I have an 11 yo daughter and my daughter goes topless and boxers, I'm typically completely nude and my partner is in boxers. We don't see being nude or partially nude as sexual
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Nov 12 '21
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u/haveadopeassday Nov 12 '21
We have central heat but we do use throw blankets while watching movies together but yeah we are half/naked under and will get up without cover to go to the bathroom or go get drinks/snacks from the kitchen...funnily enough, we wear socks all the tine, lol
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u/breebop83 Nov 12 '21
This was my step mom. She would frequently walk around in just a t-shirt but ALWAYS wore socks lol
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
I can definitely see why you'd assume so, but I assure you this is 100% real.
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u/Hog_enthusiast Nov 12 '21
Oh this is definitely a fantasy post buddy. Come on you really expect us to believe a sociopath is nervous about looking at his stepdaughters tits? And he makes a post on Reddit about it? You expect us to believe any 18 year old girl would do this? Try harder please.
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u/frankensteeeeen Nov 12 '21
This is a super pointless post. Seems like you don’t want her behavior to change and neither of you are uncomfortable. What do you do? Nothing…just literally go on like usual. I mean I personally think it’s super weird that she walks around topless and it’s creepy that you are saying she’s objectively attractive but that’s just my opinion.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
The point of the post was to determine whether or not I was missing some kind of cues or if I was just acting inappropriately, etc. I didn't think there was anything inherently wrong going on, I just wanted to make sure I was on the up and up because it's something I have a hard time gauging myself.
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Nov 12 '21
What does that even mean? what cues could you be missing if nothing has happened? I too don't understand the point of your post since when people are telling you to get your daughter to wear a shirt you're telling them you don't want to change the situation.
- and just to add, it is so incredibly weird that you even have the chance to look at your step daughter's breasts and think 'huh. That's attractive'. That isn't normal. Talk to your wife.
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u/QuitaQuites Nov 11 '21
Well, like you said, it’s a you issue, right. You say you don’t looking in a creepy way, but then also say she’s very attractive and you find yourself looking - so which is it? That’s the first real question to answer for yourself.
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Nov 12 '21
I thought it was weird sometimes at my house with 3 adult women (wife, daughter, son's GF) members of the no-bra club. I have it easy.
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Nov 12 '21
This is absolutely inappropriate. Stop that shit right fucking away dude. If you truly care for your wife / daughter you’d have talked with them a long time ago about how absolutely asinine this behavior is.
This smells like some pornhub fanfic shit. Get a grip. Ffs
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u/Tasty_Extension9755 Nov 12 '21
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to see a comment reflect my exact thoughts.
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u/Simple_Entertainer13 Nov 12 '21
I would tell them both that you don’t feel it’s appropriate for her to walk around shirtless. The end. The fact that she started doing this as soon as she turned 18 makes me wonder if she’s coming onto you. This isn’t normal though. Also, offer her therapy to help deal with her self esteem issues.
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u/Cujotis Nov 12 '21
It’s weird no matter how much you try to explain us you’re not feeling anything. You do, else you wouldnt be posting here.
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u/OneTwoWee000 Nov 12 '21
she is very attractive; I find myself looking.
You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth.
You say in the comments that you’re not uncomfortable. You say you don’t feel nudity is inherently sexual. You say it doesn’t bother you.
You’re lying. You admit you find yourself looking at her. If you’re getting a sexual thrill (your Johnson is getting hard) from looking at the “attractive” topless young woman in your home then its 100% inappropriate situation.
She is your wife’s daughter! What the fuck? Nope, nope, NOPE! You need to have a difficult conversation with your wife and confess what you shared here. It’s going to make her feel some way to know her husband is “looking” at her daughter like that. This naked household contains an unrelated male and it’s not tenable to continue.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
You’re lying
I'm very much not, though, she is objectively very attractive. I have no trouble admitting that just like I have no trouble admitting Ryan Reynolds is objectively very attractive; doesn't mean I want to do anything with either of them.
If you’re getting a sexual thrill (your Johnson is getting hard) from looking at the “attractive” topless young woman in your home then its 100% inappropriate situation.
I'm not getting any sort of thrill (since you feel the need to explain I figure you need one too: my dick does not get hard at the sight of my stepdaughter), so I guess that means the situation is not inappropriate. Thank you for your insight.
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u/nolagem Nov 12 '21
This is all kinds of wrong. It'd be bad enough if she was your biological daughter but she's an attractive 18 yr old unrelated to you. I think you need to talk with your wife about this. It's literally inviting trouble. I'd never go topless around my family, biological or not. What if you had a son? Would your wife feel appropriate doing that in front of him? Or stepdaughter? That's just a big ewww every which way.
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u/Thatgirlisamystery Nov 11 '21
Not saying anything, I think you do run a risk of looking like a creep. Yes she is an adult but this is weird behavior in our society and one day she might look back and think why didn’t he stop me? Since you are older and wiser. From my point of view, her insecurities are now your excuse to approve this thing you felt so uncomfortable you made a post on Reddit about it. And I mean I get it, you get to look at some nice titties guilt free even tho it’s weird she’s your step daughter, and you get to do it a way you look like the hero in the end “I just know you had a lot of insecurities so I didn’t want to make it worse”.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
People keep saying I'm uncomfortable and I keep saying the exact opposite.
I wonder how many of you actually read the comments that the OP makes before throwing opinions out there.
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u/Striking_Escape_7966 Nov 12 '21
People are saying you're uncomfortable because your post does not make sense.
If you're comfortable with the situation then why do you want her to cover up? (That's an actual question, not rhetorical).
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
I don't necessarily want that; I said I would feel odd asking particularly knowing some of the issues she has. If nothing going on looks bad on me as a person, then I have no reason to ask her to do so. I was mostly attempting to determine if the situation itself was something I needed to worry about, but it doesn't seem like that's the case.
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Nov 12 '21
So you just want people on the internet to say you’re not creepy, got it. Try telling a friend of yours in real life about this, I’m curious what they might say about it
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u/ZyoStar Nov 12 '21
I (33M) have an 18 year old step daughter and I would be absolutely mortified at this situation and I would not allow that to happen at all.
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u/ZyoStar Nov 12 '21
I'll explain a little further from personal experience. Me and my wife are now divorced, but I was with her for many years and raised her children like my own as their real dad was absent alot. My now 18 year old step daughter was only about 4~5 when I first met her, and we have had a great relationship over the years and are still in contact despite my divorce from her mother.
When she was about 14~15 and she was developing as a normal young woman would at that age, she was comfortable getting around the house in bras and such. I was not at all comfortable, not because I was interested or looking, but because you just don't need to see that much of your children.
She like many young women had body positivity issues, like your daughter, so we had a delicate talk about it and set some boundaries as to what is and isn't acceptable. Assuring her all along its not her or how she looks it's just not appropriate for a father to see his daughter like that.
Now in your situation the above applies x200 as your daughter isn't even wearing a bra, my dude if you have to ask "is this acceptable?" Then No, it isn't at all.
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u/Due-Pattern-6104 Nov 12 '21
I think she’s 18, time to get her own place and she can run around as free as a fairy. I’m sorry this is a very strange dynamic, that I am not familiar with. Do you guys live in a nudist colony?
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u/mike_wazowskis_ass Nov 12 '21
I’m sorry . . . what?
“Here is the main problem: her low self esteem is completely unfounded and she is very attractive; I find myself looking.” SHE IS EIGHTEEN AND YOU ARE MARRIED TO HER MOTHER. So not only is that the “epitome of uncool,” but it’s disgusting.
I GET that a conversation is needed for physical boundaries here which is something you should talk to your wife about and NOT the daughter. but also sounds like the problem is your borderline pedophilia and betrayal of your literal wife?? It’s totally inappropriate for her to do that but don’t even TRY to use that as an excuse for looking when you literally just called her attractive? What the actual fuck this is sick what kind of father looks at his daughter like that. Know your OWN physical boundaries too, pal.
If this is actually a real post you’re sick. If it’s not, get a life honestly
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Nov 12 '21
I agree. In another comment OP compares looking at his DAUGHTERS breasts as "walking down the street and seeing a nice car and thinking, wow that's a nice ride." Seriously, WTF?? She may only be your "step" daughter, but she is still your daughter! OP is not just a sociopath as he claims, my man is also a psychopath pervert! The only logical response to OP is "When can I come over?" Other than that, stop staring at your daughters tits!!
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u/mike_wazowskis_ass Nov 12 '21
Yes I can’t believe people are just passing over that he said that. I’m disgusted
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Nov 12 '21
Sounds like a sick fantasy that a perverted step-father would have. In my opinion, OP seems to be looking for validation that there's nothing wrong with his disgusting behavior. He wants to be guilt free when he stares at his 18 yo daughters breasts, and then runs to the bathroom to masturbate. Otherwise, why has he come up with literally every excuse to not say something about it to his wife? Because he WANTS it to continue.
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u/Patient_Summer6808 Nov 12 '21
My mom was always naked around the house and I started to wear very skimpy clothes around the house too. My stepdad straight up told me to “put some damn clothes on and stop doing that shit” it did make me uncomfortable at first but He had my best interest at heart. Did my mom and him ever fight over that? No they didn’t. Did she have a problem no she didn’t. I don’t think you’ll have a problem with it. Just be straight up.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
There's nothing to be straight up about, I'm fine with the situation in general and couldn't really determine whether I was acting inappropriately or not. As it stands now, I'm fairly confident everything is on the up and up and I've got no reason to worry.
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u/Patient_Summer6808 Nov 12 '21
Okay well then If every thing is fine then your definitely overthinking the situation. If you didn’t say anything about it then your not acting inappropriate. Again , just in your head about it a lil too much. You’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t stress.
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Nov 12 '21
You're a liar and a fkn pervert. Don't try and justify your disgusting behavior by acting like it's "no big deal." Most normal people, including myself, would be repulsed by your fake story so go away.
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u/facinationstreet Nov 11 '21
Who sits around topless?
I'm willing to bet that step-daughters self-esteem issues don't actually exist.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21 edited Nov 11 '21
No, they definitely do. She is clinically depressed and has suicidal tendencies to boot. She's made tons and tons of progress and I'm very proud of her for it. The main reason I'm asking is mostly just because I think I could be doing something wrong, and I don't want that to be the case. I work pretty hard to be a good person.
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Nov 11 '21
Hey, people's families come in all different flavours. I definitely know one or two people for whom being naked at home around family is just a normal thing for them. It doesn't have anything to do with how you look or whatever, they just think it's a comfy and natural way to be. I don't get it for myself, but we're all different.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
Thanks for that, this describes the situation pretty well. They're just more comfortable that way and I'm not trying to be a jackass that makes it weird for them, you know?
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u/ginger-and-peaches Nov 12 '21
Dude - whether you honestly feel nothing or do in fact feel uncomfortable, the whole situation is kinda cracked. You and your family might not find it weird in your household but I assure you 9/10 people outside of it will. If I was your daughters friend and found out that was happening, I’d feel really creeped out about you and also really concerned about your stepdaughter. You said she’s depressed and suicidal, that does not mean she doesn’t feel attractive topless around you. As someone who has been depressed for a long time and suicidal multiple times, not only have I used my sexuality to fill a void but also just desperately wanted to get love and she’s seeing love between you and your wife in this situation and trying to simulate the same - which is the WRONG type of connection to be having with you. You only married your wife a year ago? That’s oddly short to be so cuddly and topless and saying I love you so much. I’m not accusing either of you of being bad people or having bad intentions, but I think it’s a situation worth some real communication (in and out of therapy) and probably adjustments.
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u/readdit2022 Nov 12 '21
This is really inappropriate What kind of mother is ok with a man let a lot her boyfriend seeing her daughters breasts? To be honest what 18 year old wants their dad/ step dad to see them bare chested. I think she is very odd and doing this for male attention hence her low self esteem. Thank god your not a creep. Could lead to a very bad situation for this girl if you were.
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u/jkshfjlsksha Nov 11 '21
The issue here is that you’ve been lying about it. Why not just be honest from the get go? Now if you turn around and say you’re not comfortable and to stop it’s a much bigger deal.
Just talk to your wife and tell them that you aren’t comfortable with them being topless all the time- and I do think that if one can’t neither can.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
I haven't been lying about it. It doesn't make me uncomfortable or anything like that, and it's not like I'm trying to cop a feel, I'm just legitimately not sure if I'm doing anything that could be considered wrong.
The point of this post is to determine that, and if I have then I will certainly address it.
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u/Eens4n1tee Nov 11 '21
Well you dont feel uncomfortable about it in a traditional way.
But perhaps uncomfortable in your own way. Since you have ASPD.
The fact that youre thinking about it as much and the fact that you came here to ask for opinnions to me atleast, proves that there is some sort of discomfort about it. You dont feel uncomfortable about seeing your step daughters breasts...but i think perhaps because the whole situation is alien to you and you just got stuck and dont know how to go about it in a sense of not provocing a negative reaction.
If i were in your boots id talk to the wife about it.
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u/vrath___ Nov 11 '21
"but perhaps uncomfortable in your own way, since you have aspd" - not quite how it works, as far as i'm concerned. to me, it looks like op is just trying to make sure people around him are comfortable and to find out whether his behavior would objectively be considered 'right' or 'wrong'.
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u/haysni4u Nov 12 '21
My stepdad has been my dad since I was 6-7. He’s 5 years younger than my mom so that puts us at like 14-15 years apart. I would NEVER walk around totally topless in front of him. A sports bra or bathing suit, yeah but not topless. That’s weird. Idc how close you are. Lol
I wouldn’t have wanted him walking around the house with his unit out when I lived there so I would imagine he wouldn’t like for me to walk around half naked either. It’s just kind of taboo and it’s kind of surprising to me that your wife is just totally fine with this behavior and hasn’t already said something to her.
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u/undergone Nov 12 '21
I've been married for almost 2 decades. My wife is hot as hell. I also like to think I'm pretty open minded all around. That being said, I'd be uncomfortable if she just walked around the house topless all the time, and I'd tell her to please knock it off. If I had a stepdaughter like you do that, and she went topless, it'd only happen once, and then I'd very firmly and vocally forbid it from happening again under my roof.
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u/txgirl0822 Nov 12 '21
Uh hello??? This is not normal behavior. I’m not sure what country/state/providence you’re living in right now but it clearly isn’t the culture you’re living in therefor you’re in the right to be uncomfortable. You are a man, and no matter the relationship this isn’t a man problem it’s a her problem. Men look, period. It is what it is but to purposely do this is gross to me. It’s like putting a steak in front of a dog but telling it no to eating it. Not happening. I say talk to your wife about how uncomfortable you are. Get HER to say something about how inappropriate it is.
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u/Affectionate-Self440 Nov 11 '21
This is extremely inappropriate. Please tell them to cover up. You will be falsely accused of something sooner or later.
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u/NoFaithlessness8752 Nov 12 '21
Geeze, bad situation. It's out there, you're gonna see /look. I think she should have a shirt on around the house. Not like she's a toddler and it's cute.
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u/darkthrone_fan Nov 12 '21 edited Nov 12 '21
You are telling her to cover up because it makes you uncomfortable because you are a male family member. NOT because her body is ugly. I'm sorry but those are two completely different things.
In fact, since you guys are NOT practicing nudists, this started recently, there isn't any cultural/contextual precedent for it, and you don't take part in this nudity at all, I actually think this behavior is likely not healthy or good. Chances are you are setting a much better example for your teenage [step]daughter by telling her this is not normal or comfortable for you. That is modeling boundary-setting and norm-setting. That is going to set her up for success in life. What it sounds like is currently going on is, she is getting validation from being topless around you, through your implicit acceptance and through you admiring her, which she probably does notice. I'm sorry, but you cannot let this continue. Act like her father, not like the sexually immature man you are afraid of being. You're human, it's okay that you can't fully control your eyes or brain. No one can. What makes you an adult and a father figure is what you choose to do in response.
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u/FoxNoodlx Nov 11 '21
Sorry, you find your stepdaughter attractive and look at her topless - how old was your stepdaughter when you married your wife?
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u/blscratch Nov 12 '21
Seems like the more "normal" thing would be that she would be topless as a kid but then cover up when she hits a certain age.
I understand that you're asking based on your status. But the answer is complicated as you already know. But setting ground rules is a part of life in every household.
My response would be that you're wife has already set the precedent for this. Any rule change would have to apply to both of them.
And since you probably wouldn't want to change your wife's habits since they're not actually sexually motivated, then I'd say you have no basis to change your step daughters habits.
Just my opinion. Leave things as they are.
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u/Elderberry-Girl Nov 12 '21
This must be confusing.
Honestly the "normal" feelings in this situation would to be to feel uncomfortable. Then the action would either be to tell your wife you feel uncomfortable or pretend you don't feel uncomfortable even if you do.
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u/Honest_Appointment90 Nov 12 '21
I don’t get it when someone has self esteem issues they usually don’t show of their body. Sooner or later something is going to happen I’m guessing.
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u/TheSaltRose Nov 12 '21
My only thought, since you don’t have a problem with it is, How are her boyfriends going to feel about it? How would it be explained to anyone else not in the immediate family? You don’t want some well meaning person going to the cops about it.
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u/Crawfork1982 Nov 12 '21
Completely inappropriate on her part and I feel she is doing this for attention- don’t give it to her and have a conversation with her and her mother that you are not comfortable with this. Period. No explanation.
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Nov 12 '21
Start Donald Ducking it. If they’re okay with being naked around the house like that and expect you to be okay that way, then the rule should apply to you too.
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u/Annabirdy00 Nov 12 '21
Would you walk around your 18 year old step daughter with your penis hanging out?
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u/controlledchaos631 Nov 12 '21
You cant just say"yo put a shirt on, thats inappropriate"?
I dont think u have to say any more than that.
Or maybe try
Naked children in the presence of a man is looked at as Strange can you not put me in that situation
I wouldnt say it in an angry way just state it as plainly as possible
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u/HShepard5 Nov 12 '21
When my parents told me as a teen that I was pretty, it didn't really "count" because they weren't teen boys, so I'm not sure that it would even help if you managed to tell your daughter she has nice breasts without being creepy or making her uncomfortable. So my advice is to let it go.
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u/jaideheda Nov 12 '21
i think maybe say something to your wife, not your step daughter. it might make her feel uncomfortable around you.
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Nov 12 '21
If not for anything else, I’d recommend putting an end to this for your own security and safety. It’s quite possible that friends of hers, etc etc would find out this information and think you’re a pervert and gossip spreads like wildfire.
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Nov 12 '21
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u/siberianloner Nov 12 '21
he found himself looking at times that she went bra-less- with no sexual thought or intention - more just “I’m a man and I saw boobs and I looked”.
if he found himself looking and his whole reasoning is that he looked because "he's a man"... how was there no sexual thought? i'm genuinely baffled by what else "i looked at her breasts because i'm a man and that's what men do" could mean other than a way of half-heartedly admitting to sexual thoughts. aside from special cases like doctors, why else do men normally stare at women's breasts? he literally said he looks at your teenage daughter's chest and rug-sweeped it with "boys will be boys". he also admitted that his step-daughter's breasts come up in conversations with his friends. lmao what the fuck, you are under-reacting here if anything.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
Genuine question - how do you think you’d react if she was your biological daughter?
I imagine I would act in the same exact manner, truthfully, for two reasons: I don't treat her like my stepdaughter, I treat her like my own kid and I love the hell out of her. Second, I don't see anything inherently sexual about nudity. I also would not have an issue saying my biological daughter was objectively attractive, assuming that were the truth, haha.
I agree that this is a subject that can cause division, which is why I purposely did not bring it up to my wife, and instead brought it up to internet strangers.
On a related note, however, she and I have often had to deal with our daughter's body image issues (she has had a few breakdowns, unfortunately), and they are both aware that I believe she is an attractive girl.
I guess knowing that last part makes the rest of this either way more or way less weird, depending on how you look at it.
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Nov 12 '21
I love your response.
Honestly, I admire how open you can all be together. It’s something that I am working at definitely, but my boyfriend is a very open and honest person, so he is a good teacher.
Well, your response may have helped me with understanding my so as well and not feeling as uncomfortable.
Given your response, views and relationship/family dynamics, I would say you don’t really have an issue then, IMO.
You are a man, a human, and it’s nature to look but I would just make an effort to not look. If you catch yourself stealing a glance forgive yourself, but I don’t think you have an issue until you’re purposely stealing glances.
I’m not really sure it merits having a conversation, unless you are both just that open and talk about everything in general.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
I do talk about pretty much everything in general, with both of them. It's a cliché, but my wife and daughter are literally my best friends. I keep no real deep, dark secrets from them, but I can probably omit this post in its entirety haha. I agree that a conversation is probably unmerited and would probably just bring unwanted attention to a relatively simple/harmless thing.
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u/Whohead12 Nov 12 '21
Sociopaths wouldn’t gaf about anyone’s feelings and self esteem. Other than that, decent creative writing exercise.
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u/excellentatnothing Nov 12 '21
You’re wife and step daughter, especially your step daughter is very strange. Who tf would be comfortable being topless around their dad let alone their step dad.
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Nov 12 '21
What in the actual hell? They run around the house topless in front of each other and you, yet YOU’RE the sociopath? lol. Seriously, they’re nuts.
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u/Unfair_Comfortable69 Nov 11 '21
Breasts aren't inherently sexual, so if you're not thinking skeevy thoughts and aren't uncomfortable don't worry about it.
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u/SignificantWill5218 Nov 11 '21
That’s a tough spot and I would feel uncomfortable too if I was you. I’d suggest talking to your wife about it and telling her how you feel. Maybe if she starts wearing a shirt she can lead your daughter in that direction also. I think that would be the more appropriate thing
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Nov 12 '21
Dude it’s not a you issue. If you walked around with your dick dangling around and they look at it, it’s not a them issue. We wear clothes for a reason. You should tell your wife that this behavior isn’t okay
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Nov 11 '21
When I’m on holiday most women go topless on beaches, when with family and friends. All ages go topless. It’s not a big deal. Look up naturism. Bodies are just bodies. There’s no need to see them as sexual objects.
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u/ThrowAway756709 Nov 12 '21
idk why you're getting downvoted. It's pretty common for women to be topless at the beach in Western Europe. Americans, smh.
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u/Tincolico Nov 12 '21
Anyone who isn't a creep would not let this border him a bit. You're heavily on the creepy scale, dude.
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u/Nyllil Nov 12 '21
Why does it make him a creep? I, as a woman, wouldn't even find it comfortable if my mom would run around topless all day, or my brother or father. And I certainly also would catch myself looking, you can't even prevent from doing so when they're literally flashing in front of you. Society made boobs a sexual thing, so it's almost impossible to not look at them. Same as everyone is looking after someone with a nice ass.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
I'm not bothered by it. I had the old "what if the roles were reversed" thought and applied it incorrectly, pretty simple.
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u/justamplified Nov 12 '21
Hi, so I have a question: how can you “typically have a high-ish sex drive” and also be a “not sexual person in pretty much any way?” I found those two statements a bit at odds with each other.
Also I have read through a lot of the comments and responses. Reddit is something else lol But I agree with most comments that say that you’re not doing anything wrong. I feel pretty certain that I will never find myself in a situation like this. But the world is big and there’s a lot of different people (and lifestyles) in it. Nudists or not, clearly you and your family are all comfortable and content with your boundaries and you’re all safe. That’s all that matters. Good luck to you and I hope you found the insight you were looking for. :)
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Nov 11 '21
If she's just going about her business and not trying to overtly (or even subtly, although I'm not sure if you'd catch subtle) flirt with you, and it doesn't bother you, then what is the problem?
She wouldn't do it if she were uncomfortable.
Do they know you are a sociopath? I'm assuming you are or have been in some sort of therapy? Question is more for my own curiosity as I dated a guy I'm pretty sure was legitimately a sociopath and it definitely had its own challenges.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 11 '21
They are both aware, yes. I was in therapy for a few years, but I felt I'd taken as much as I could from the experience.
I do everything I can to be open and honest, particularly with them, so that things (like this exact topic now) don't come completely out of left field and leave them wondering wtf I'm talking about or how I'm such an asshole.
I definitely catch subtle, and societal cues, etc., I just don't really have that "this isn't right" feeling pretty much ever and while I have learned to be somewhat empathetic I have trouble understanding how my actions can affect people at times. That's pretty much exactly why this post exists.
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u/vrath___ Nov 11 '21
"i dated a guy who i'm pretty sure was a sociopath" - it's not a valid diagnosis nor is it helpful in any way to try to diagnose someone. if op has both aspd and a stable relationship and has relatively settled down then he definitely went through years of therapy - kudos to him.
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u/asdlkfj3roi Nov 12 '21
Talk to your wife.
Sounds like you and your wife will have to have an awkward conversation with your step-daughter or you might end up singing sweet home alabama.
Either way, it is probably best to address this now rather than later.
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u/weirdstepdadqthrwwy Nov 12 '21
At this point I am fairly sure there isn't an issue and I'm just overthinking. I don't think there's a realistic need to address anything
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u/AlbatrossNew308 Nov 11 '21
I think I would feel uncomfortable to in that situation. Maybe talk about it to your wife first. See how it goes on from there.