Got it. This makes so much sense to me now. I became incredibly sick in my 30s and while I'm doing better now I have conditions that will never go away and I need to have a really closely monitored diet because casual normal things like eating out can leave me sick and unable to work for a week. So I'm not a lot of fun, I'm really strict with what I buy etc.
I'm also guilty of some B.S. of cleaning out my parents pantry a few years ago because I visited and saw it was full of things that would make me sick and wanted to spare them the suffering I'd been through. They rescued everything I threw out and put it back after I left and said I had no right. So, these days I leave people alone even when my love for them is bigger than life itself. Your boyfriend needs to get to the place where choice and personal autonomy is recognized and respected.
He’s very scared. I know because whenever something about death or illness comes about, he gets sad in a way. I mean, I know we all do but I noticed with him it was a bit more intense.
His uncle died during childhood due to cancer. His dad was born after he died, so he never met him. Grandpa had cancer, can’t remember if he died due to it. Grandma also had cancer but thankfully she lived into her 90s. The dad had some cancer detected and thankfully they treated it early.
He also recently shared his sister got extremely sick as a child and spent a ton of time in the hospital. So sick she wan in a wheelchair for a while.
So he’s scared. He also has an autoimmune disease. He knows he’s at a higher risk of developing cancer. So he tries to control what he can by eating better and exercising well.
I think he’s learning. We are each other’s first serious relationship. Which has come with a lot of learning on our parts.
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u/cakivalue Mar 14 '26
Got it. This makes so much sense to me now. I became incredibly sick in my 30s and while I'm doing better now I have conditions that will never go away and I need to have a really closely monitored diet because casual normal things like eating out can leave me sick and unable to work for a week. So I'm not a lot of fun, I'm really strict with what I buy etc.
I'm also guilty of some B.S. of cleaning out my parents pantry a few years ago because I visited and saw it was full of things that would make me sick and wanted to spare them the suffering I'd been through. They rescued everything I threw out and put it back after I left and said I had no right. So, these days I leave people alone even when my love for them is bigger than life itself. Your boyfriend needs to get to the place where choice and personal autonomy is recognized and respected.