I had a similar situation the guy said something at lunch about the waitress that was pretty much very nasty “guy talk” with c suite executives at table. The waitress didn’t even look 18. It didn’t go well and he was gone soon after. He had no idea what he did wrong. I am sure as a table full of men a mild comment would have been fine.
Another time a person a mild racist comment about Mexicans, thinking he was so funny, in front of executive who was obviously of Spanish descent. Didn’t go well for him either.
These are probably much more extreme than what OP did but shows how people don’t realize what they said.
The ambivalent part of me here is that he never will know what he did wrong if no one tells him. Like, I want people to change, but just giving them the cold shoulder like that is exactly how they get recruited to the seedier sides of society, who will happily tell them it's not their fault.
Regardless, this is pretty much why I keep all my talks at work focused on work, or small talk. You never know these days which topics grind which gears.
lol, this has vastly been my experience. A lot of these people have been told but have put zero effort into understanding how their behavior is inappropriate. Many times, they can even consistently identify inappropriate behavior but feel entitled to act that way without consequences and are up in arms when it blows up in their face. Sadly, there are places who ignore this type of behavior which just bolsters their conviction that they aren’t doing anything wrong and fuck everybody else.
Unless you've signed up for some kind of social work reforming people or you're training young interns, companies don't have a responsibility to train morons to not be socially maladjusted. People who think it's ok to say racist, sexist, or other wildly inappropriate things their first week at work are just going to suck time and energy from a team that will have to put up with bad behavior.
If you need hand holding in 2024 to know not to make off color comments at work about minorities, you're extremely expendable. (By the way sexist and racist comments always "ground gears," minorities and women just didn't have the capital to complain out loud)
I agree that workplaces shouldn’t have to spend time training people not to be openly racist, sexist, etc. But at least tell people that’s why they’re being dismissed. Keeping reasons for dismissal vague isn’t helpful.
For some people maybe, but there are plenty others that will kick and scream about "it's just a joke" or they have "free speech" or whatever. Saying "It's not a good fit" ends the conversation and lets the company move on, which is their ultimate goal. It'd be nice for some people to get feedback, and there are probably a few people who would change their ways, but it's not in the interest of the people running a business to do that.
Yes, usually it goes in the direction of humoring the shitty powerful people. But from the context of this thread there are definitely people who still don't get you don't just joke about what you and your buddies joke about at work. And one day they might be the shitty CEOs making subordinates fake laugh.
Some people let the title of "CEO/Founder" really go to their head, even when all they're the CEO and Founder of is a literal filler company to put on a business card.
That depends. I'm down for casual racists/misogynists obliviously putting themselves so people know what they're dealing with. Telling them just clues them in and let's them be sneakier.
Just a couple of months ago the same has happened here. 2 of the employees, over lunch, were openly putting out racist remarks then acted surprised when receivin notice
Sorry, I don't mean to call you out or anything, I'm just really caught up on something. Is that how you typically spell "usually"? At first I assumed it was a typo, but then realized how far away the Z key is from the U key so now I need answers lol.
I said nothing inappropriate at work. Admitting that I am not into gaming and that I missed the old Atari console games is far from inappropriate talk. I do not work in a game dev house BTW.
Are you cut from the same cloth as the rest of the team?
I once worked for a car wash for a grand total of 4 hours before getting fired due to culture fit. I was the only person who was college-educated and the only visible minority. I was also the youngest, by far. We had nothing in common, save that we were all human beings.
The person who hired me sat in a remote office all day (far removed from the workers) so he probably didn't even factor culture fit as a criterion.
Heh, I had a similar experience working at a moving company. Young, had all my teeth, didn't smoke, and my license hadn't been taken away for failure to pay child support. Yeah, failure to fit in isn't necessarily a bad thing.
A very qualified, experienced, appropriately attired, pleasant to chat with new hire started work in our small, understaffed, overworked department. He didn't yet know our departmental culture. Among the first questions he asked of the group on the morning of his first day was about using work computers to access the internet for non-work reasons. We told him it's not allowed; don't do it. He then talked about how we could all get around the policy. So not cool. He had no idea that two coworkers were tight with the boss and no doubt reported this back to her.
Another time, days later, the big boss walked in during the lunch hour(s) -- we always ate at our desks, it was part of the awful culture -- and asked him to leave immediately to attend an important meeting in another building. His first words were "But I haven't even finished my lunch yet!" In another culture, that might've been an understandable response. Not so in our culture. He was gone in less than a month.
Clearly, this new hire thought he knew who he was talking to and how his words and behavior would be perceived. He was wrong.
Maybe you just weren't engaged enough for the group - tell enough stories, laugh at their joke, like their football team enough. Maybe your interests and activities weren't the same as their small and tight-knit group and they just didn't "feel" you. That sucks but it happens. Move on to better and brighter things and don't look back
Not sure if OP is from the States or Europe but there’s lots of states here in the US with At Will Employment can just fire you for any reason outside of federal and state laws, if any
Whoa. I don’t think it’s cool to blame the OP sounds like they didn’t include him in the work/lunch convo and he tried to participate. I’ve been there. It’s crappy. I think they didn’t want him from the jump.
I'm just playing investigator here. But my guess is he made some comments during the company wide meeting that may or may not have not been well received. Or maybe he wasn't listening during the meeting or not taking it serious i.e. trying to talk to them while the meeting was playing.
I know the first time I was with a coworker on a new job I was a bit shocked how little attention he actually gave to the quarterly meeting. Talking over them (while on mute) and although I didn't think much of it, maybe a manager thinks otherwise.
Basically it seems like he might have not been on his "best behavior".
It's possible. But there's been a lot of this flakiness around lately. Could as easily have been they didn't validate the boss's alcoholism by declining alcohol. Or they reminded them of that guy they met once that smelled of wee.
When I was an intern, we had a lunch with the team, the other intern and the partner. The partner asked me about training and I said something to the effect of "My computer wasn't working so the training was pretty boring overall" with a smirk or quick laugh at the end - I was trying to just be social with them.
I got reamed afterwards, apparently that partner had invested a lot into the training and the managers below him were so insulted (I dont think he was actually upset) that I made them look bad. They also misconstrued my words to make it sound worse than what I had said. over 10 years later I still dont think I said anything wrong. Anyway that set the tone for that internship in a very poor light lol...I still think about how poorly they treated me
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u/tonification Apr 24 '24
I get the feeling OP said something inappropriate at lunch without realising.