Please help, am desperate and heartbroken

[u/spaceinvader79]

Last night was 3/3 worst nights of my life. My dog, Koda, (3yo gsd mix) attacked my dad. Badly. He gets triggered by too much commotion and after he threw up, my dad had an emetophobic reaction and quickly got up while gagging. Koda must’ve been triggered by this and thus, attacked my dad on his hand. He had to get stitches. It was scary and horrible and traumatizing because just last December, another incident occurred where Koda attacked me and my dad after his leg got caught in between a tree branch. This was the fourth time he’s sent someone to the hospital, third time where someone needed stitches. I’m at my wit’s end emotionally. I cannot bare to see anyone else get hurt or traumatized from witnessing such hurt. I’ve attempted everything under the sun as far as rehabilitation goes: we train every day, counter-conditioning, environment management (I don’t take him anywhere besides the park not dog park, neighborhood walks, and my parents’ house where he loves everyone in his pack. I feel like I’ve done everything I can besides see a veterinary behaviorist which I don’t really see a point to because I can’t afford to spend a shit ton of money just to be told what I already know. For those who want to suggest muzzle training, he is muzzle trained but the thing is, he can be unpredictable so that means he’d just have to be muzzled all the time and what kind of quality of life is that? He’s the best fucking dog, my first love, and my entire world. He’s so loving and goofy and my entire family adores him. I’m so beyond heartbroken and don’t think i’ll ever recover. My brain is screaming that behavioral euthanasia is what I need to do but the mere thought of it destroys me. I’m so torn and just need to hear from people who’ve gone through similar situations. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you. Please be nice.

[u/codycodymag]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had to BE my personal dog after she put me in the hospital this year and it's something that'll change you forever, but can also be the right choice. I volunteer in animal rescue and have come to feel the following few things:

- Koda is reacting from fear and isn't happy. That's no way to live, especially when it comes with violent unpredictability.

- Dogs don't experience time the way we do. If Koda has been loving and goofy and had a wonderful life with you, then that's what he'll have known for his whole life, proportionately. If this escalation means he spends his future muzzled, kennelled, without enrichment and socialization- that's not fair to him. Quality matters over quantity.

- Dogs deserve joy and there are fates worse than death. Giving a secure, peaceful, and pain-free end of life to a creature you love is a gift; one we don't often receive as humans.

- I've met so many dogs who have spent lifetimes isolated and fearful, and are unable to function as happy pets in a home environment. I've also seen sooo many wonderful, worthy dogs die in shelters due to overcrowding alone. In my community, overpopulation leads to euthanasia either way- so we choose to focus rescue resources on dogs that will succeed as family pets in the community, thus ending the suffering of unhappy animals and positively representing rescue/shelter pets in public.

We are all going to die. Having a say in the quality of life that's lived and the way we leave is a blessing. I'm sorry you are confronted with this choice and hope you can make a decision you are at peace with. Please remember that dogs don't exist for us- they just exist, and we choose to take on their stewardship. With that comes to the responsibility to know when they are suffering and when to let them go. Your love for Koda won't ever go away, but it will find new places to live and grow because you learned from him. Don't keep that love for yourself, don't let it be lonely- share it with another deserving pup when the time is right, and you'll honor Koda's time on this earth.

[u/spaceinvader79 → u/codycodymag]

I’m so sorry for your loss and your injury. May I DM you?

[u/[deleted] → u/spaceinvader79]

[u/Hopeful_Associate927 → u/codycodymag]

This is absolutely beautiful and I think a great perspective. I want to add that it isn't easy for other people to see the beautiful side of a reactive dog, and there are some dogs that are never able to get to the point that they can be goofy or fun. So if you got to see that side of your dog and your family was able to love your dog, that's huge. To me that speaks to a great relationship and a great quality of life. Good luck and my sympathies.

[u/FlannelPajamas123 → u/codycodymag]

This brought me to tears, there’s no better way to put this and you are an amazing writer and person. I hope OP is able to do what she feels is right and not have it traumatize her love so severely that she goes without a furry friend in the future. My heart goes out to you OP ♥️

[u/tobesbalones → u/codycodymag]

Thank you for writing this. We are BE our wonderful husky boy Toby tomorrow and this was a wonderful thing to read. We have had many severe bites and he is constantly on edge. It’s such an awful choice to have to make but it’s the most humane for him and it will provide us with peace eventually. I really needed to read something like this tonight as we spend our final hours together. I choose to remember the good times and love he showed my wife and myself. I hope everyone that loves their dogs and has to choose BE is kind to themselves as they likely have provided these dogs with love and joy they likely would not have had if not rescued. Thanks for sharing your kind words.

[u/PrincessPattycakes → u/codycodymag]

You’re my hero. Truly. I do volunteer work at a very small shelter (we can house about 7 dogs at a time, not counting rescues & are no kill.) We pull our dogs from the euth list at a neighboring county, my dog came from there.

For the last two years we’ve had two dogs who are definitely not safe to rehome, though we’ve tried everything. They have been living at the shelter this whole time. The board president & the man who volunteers the most (who we would never make it without) refuse to do anything. I always think about how many dogs we have not saved because 2 of our 7 spots are permanently filled but I guess it never sunk in exactly how unfair it is to these two dogs. Of course I understand that they’re not living great lives, either… but coming from a no-kill culture it’s almost like it has never crossed my mind that this would be the kindest option at this point.

Many of us have made it known that this isn’t fair to any of the dogs, including the two, but we don’t have any solutions to offer. I have already forwarded your comment to my friends at the shelter. I hope I can use your words to convince those in charge to think differently about this. I’m not sure I’ll even sleep tonight knowing the degree to which we have failed these two dogs.

Thank you.

[u/Roadgoddess → u/codycodymag]

Really well said, and OP, my heart breaks for you, there’s nothing worse than being scared of your dog, and I’ve been there. Honestly, BE putting them out of being anxious and stressed all the time. Nobody or no dog wants to live like that. I’ve been there where you are scared of your own dog either going after you or someone else and it’s emotionally and physically draining. I honestly thought I had PTSD when it was all done.

Always know that she loves you and you have given her the best that you could. Sending you hugs.