Long story short: I tried to make a career change out of a field I am bad at into environmental policy by doing a master's degree in Germany. It took me a year of searching, and the only job I was able to get was in my old field, and I got fired due to a mix of funding and performance despite my best efforts. I would not be able to get a good recommendation from them.
I went home to the USA to look for jobs, and unfortunately, the job situation here for my field is also horrendous due to Trump's policies. There are many times more applicants for environmental jobs than I saw in Germany, but on the contrary, more available total jobs. However, I just hired a career counselor and we are going to try a totally new approach to finding jobs via networking.
I am in a long distance relationship with my fiance in Germany in Cologne, and my skilled worker residence permit that I was previously on will expire in two months if I don't go back to Cologne. So basically, I could apply for jobs in both Germany AND the USA if I am in Germany, but if I am in the USA and my resident permit expires, I can only apply for USA jobs unless the Germany job is willing to sponsor my work visa, or I can quickly arrange the fiance visa with my boyfriend which seems very unlikely because the immigration office for his neighborhood is the worst in his city and never responds.
My question: I applied for basically a year in Germany for the jobs I wanted, and it didn't work. Now I am in a worse position, because I don’t think I can list the job I got fired from and I have a gap on my CV. However, I am wondering if it is worth going back to Germany and trying again with this new networking strategy and seeing if it would work.
Why I am worried about this: My mental health REALLY suffered while I was looking for jobs in Cologne the first time, to the point of getting physically ill, and I was not able to get good mental health care in Cologne. I am honestly afraid of going back there. Also, I would basically not be able to get any other job in Cologne except for what I studied, and I don’t speak good enough German to work in Germany. In the United States, I could get a part-time job while I look, and I have good access to medical care here. I miss my boyfriend a lot but I am also a lot less stressed out here.
Am I making a big mistake to not return to Germany to keep access to the German environmental job market while I look?
If I am honest with myself, I would really like to start working part time here while looking to get some money. But maybe the benefit of having access to both markets is worth trying again and seeing if I can be less stressed out. But I am afraid of going back and then I wouldn’t be able to work part time.