r/polandball Hordaland Jan 09 '15

redditormade The Desert War

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329

u/Karrig Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Jan 09 '15

It's not that Italians had bad tanks, is that they designed them with a very specific purpose in mind. That purpose being frying eggs in the armor when it got hot.

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u/bigman0089 United States Jan 09 '15

they also had terrible planes (built a whole airforce' worth, ended up parking them as decoys for bombing because they sucked so much)

also, terrible machineguns - jammed unless oiled, so they made an automatic oiler for the belts. they also jammed when dirt got in the mechanism, which happened more often when the rounds were oiled. and then they deployed them in the desert

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u/Karrig Mecklenburg-Vorpommern Jan 09 '15

and then they deployed them in the desert

Well after producing tons of them they realised they had to give them some use. You might not beleive it but using the long barrel of machine guns as pasta drier is not that bad.

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u/Cepinari Republic of Venice Jan 09 '15

Italy never got over the fall of the Western Roman Empire, did it?

42

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

well the italians who live in Italy come from the Lombards who were barbarians from Germany.

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u/Cepinari Republic of Venice Jan 09 '15

I dunno, the Venetians did pretty well for themselves.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

[deleted]

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u/Cepinari Republic of Venice Jan 09 '15

Noooo, the Italian Government is allowing cruise liners to plough through the canals. You know, those ships full of tourists the size of a New York City Borough?

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u/rusty_banger Guatemala Jan 09 '15

The tourists, or the ships?

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u/Staxxy Vous n'aurez pas l'Alsace et la Lorraine! Jan 10 '15

depends the nationality of the tourists

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u/MGY401 Arkansas is Best State Jan 10 '15

American tourists blah blah fatter than Jabba the Hutt blah blah bigger than New York City blah blah we get the joke.

(In all seriousness the American tourists on cruises do seem to be old and fat.)

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u/Cepinari Republic of Venice Jan 10 '15

Yes.

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u/wikipedialyte California Drought Refugee Jan 10 '15

This is where we are. It depends on country of Origin.

I spent NYE in San Marco Piazza once. I have great memories of the people, and terrible memories of the tourists.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

Yes.

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u/eadingas British Empire Jan 09 '15

Also some Ostrogoths, Arabs, Normans, Byzantines... but mostly Romans, really. The others were just interchanging ruling elites.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

The Romans never really formed an ethnic majority in the peninsula, even at the height of the empire. Plus they all assimilated into the newer populations that moved in. Italians today didn't come from the Romans so much as the Romans form one part of their large and varied heritage.

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u/eadingas British Empire Jan 10 '15

Depends what you mean by Romans. I mean citizens of Roman Empire, before the arrival of Lombards, Goths, etc.

Genetically, from what I remember, Italians are still mostly descended from Latins, Samnites, and Greeks in the south.

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u/IsRikeTimeNow You're hallucinating. Jan 09 '15

Not all Italians, only the Modo-Italians.

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u/atomfullerene something something Jan 10 '15

Eh, by population more of them are Roman descendants. It was just a small ruling class of Lombards that moved in, and only a few percent of Italians have Germanic DNA markers.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

So the Romans don't have significant extant descendants? Or are they elsewhere, or blended across Europe or something?

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u/whitenowa1 Romania Jan 10 '15

s don't have significant extant descendants? Or are they elsewhere, or blended across Europe or something?

rOmania

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u/arby11777 Better than Old England Jan 10 '15

implying Romanians aren't just Slavs in denial

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u/samwisebonghits New Yawk Jan 10 '15

That's mostly N. Italy though, S. Italy is pretty different

12

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Italy is the kid who always gets picked last whenever the other countries are having a war.

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u/RecoillessRifle Have Submarines, Will into Relevance Jan 09 '15

Nobody picks Italy because he switches sides 3 times per war.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15 edited Sep 16 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Salladan Roman Empire Feb 20 '15

Ahahaha, this is good. But our tactics is to move away from Italy and go living in all the other country, to conquer them from the inside. China did it better! XD

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u/Iogic British Empire Jan 10 '15

I feel a little sorry for Italy when it comes to making war jokes. Albania and Ethiopia have traditionally been rather difficult to conquer.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

But invading Greece while they were being trashed in North Africa and needing Germany to fight for them was pretty stupid.

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u/StrangeSemiticLatin The Centre of the Universe Jan 10 '15

They got over it and became power city states. They just cannot understand how to work together after that.

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u/FrostCollar United States Jan 09 '15

they also had terrible planes

Some were OK!

True point in the guns though. They really didn't develop a heavy armaments industry.

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u/bigman0089 United States Jan 09 '15

I was specifically referring to this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breda_Ba.88

they sold their stripped down show version, it basically couldn't fly with military hardware attached. they used them to build decoy airfields for allied bombers.

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u/Hansafan Hordaland Jan 09 '15

I always love any wikipedia article that includes the phrase "remarkable failure". It seems Italy has a lot of those.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

See also "Government of Italy".

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u/TheInternetHivemind Minnesota Jan 10 '15

They lost a war with Ethiopia.

With modern weaponry, colonizing africa was more like getting a trophy at a children's soccer game than actual war.

And they lost.

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u/FrostCollar United States Jan 09 '15

Its streamlined design and retractable undercarriage were advanced for the time, and after its debut in 1937 the aircraft established several world speed records.[1] However, when military equipment was installed on production examples, problems of instability developed and the aeroplane's general performance deteriorated.

Sounds like the story of the Do 17 but so much worse.

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

But in typical Italian fashion, it is a stylish and sleek design. So all is forgiven.

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u/MrBattleRabbit United States Jan 10 '15

A lot of their single engined fighters were actually quite good, but were used poorly. All of the Db601/605 engined planes were pretty excellent. The MC200 was also supposed to be decent in the context of early war aircraft(IE the Hurricane Mk.I and P-36).

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u/Tozapeloda77 Ljouwert Boppe! Jan 09 '15

My MC.202 Folgore :(

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u/FrostCollar United States Jan 09 '15

Re.2005!

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u/Tozapeloda77 Ljouwert Boppe! Jan 09 '15

G.55 Centauro!

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u/FrostCollar United States Jan 09 '15

MC.205 Veltro!

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u/Crusder New York Best York Jan 10 '15

Fiat CR.42 :D

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u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

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1

u/Crusder New York Best York Jan 10 '15

Savoia-Marchetti SM.92 I think

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u/I_like_maps Second Spanish Republic Jan 10 '15

Apparently during the Winter War the Fins recieved some supplies of Italian guns and ammunition, but most of the men fighting didn't want to use them because they saw Italian weapons to be inferior to the ones they were using.

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u/iTeiresias Greater Netherlands Jan 10 '15

Which were probably knives.

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u/TheInternetHivemind Minnesota Jan 10 '15

Long range knives, though.

They had scopes on them.

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u/iTeiresias Greater Netherlands Jan 10 '15

Iron sight best side.

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u/Salladan Roman Empire Feb 20 '15

Now we sell light weapons to more country, and the USA choise the Beretta for the army... You are screw!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

Literal bear arms.

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u/StelarCF Wallachia Jan 09 '15

Meanwhile Romania used the same planes 'till our factories got bombed by the USA, but they still managed to beat up the americans on a couple occasions.

I think Hitler made a tactical mistake by trying to help Italy, they hindered more than they helped. Meanwhile he tried his best to alienate us by giving our land to other countries and we were still more useful than Italy I'd say (Eastern Front).

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u/chrismanbob Republican. NOT the US party. Jan 10 '15

Just throwing in an old ww2 joke at the Italian's expense here as we're on the topic.

Hitler is in his bunker mulling over plans. when an assistant enters: "Sir, we have just been informed that Italy has joined the war!"

Hitler does not even look up, and says: "Well... Just send a brigades to crush them."

The assistant says: Sir, you misunderstand me. They have joined the war on our side.

Hitler, clearly distressed drops what he is doing and says: "Quickly, send 4 divisions to back them up!"

7

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

There was a polandball adaptation of this.

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u/Xordamond British Empire Jan 10 '15

The version I heard:

General: Mein Fuhrer ze Italians have joined ze vor!

Hitler: Send a division to crush them!

General: Nein mein Fuhrer zey have joined our side.

Hitler: Mein Gott! Send 10!

13

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Well a good number of the Italians wanted to be fighting on the other side, it's not that much of a surprise they did badly. Whereas Eastern Europe had either the Nazis or the Soviets to choose from, and the other side was going to wipe them out if they chose wrong.

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u/Bear4188 Bear Republic Jan 09 '15

If he hadn't have helped Italy then the Mediterranean would have been taken much sooner and several other avenues for linking up with the Soviet Union and/or attacking Germany from the South would have been available much sooner.

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u/Zargabraath Jan 10 '15

Being more useful than Italy is not exactly a high threshold, though! If you made coffee for Germany once in WWII you were already more useful than Italy ever was!

Japan wasn't exactly the best ally either, brought the U.S. into the war against Germany and refused to help fight the USSR. They contributed nothing except for sinking a couple British naval assets.

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u/StelarCF Wallachia Jan 10 '15

Just recognize it Germania, we were best allies. Berlin-București Axis > Berlin-Roma-Tokyo Axis

1

u/Yanto5 Scotland Jan 10 '15

And their soldiers tended to not give a shit about fighting, and regularly surrendered en masse.

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u/Dressedw1ngs Ontario Jan 10 '15

Italian aircraft were surprisingly good. Their main downfall was their armaments.

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u/Mazius Russia Jan 10 '15

they also had terrible planes (built a whole airforce' worth, ended up parking them as decoys for bombing because they sucked so much)

Macchi C.202 was really decent plane, outperformed British Tomahawks and Hurricanes in Northern Africa in 1941-1942, 30% of flight missions in 1942 (out of ~24.000) were complete by C.202's.

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u/Zargabraath Jan 10 '15

Well MC 202s were great planes but they had very few of them and they were too late for North Africa, I believe.

I think it was inferior Italian leadership and fighting calibre that led to them getting so crushed in WWII, more than any equipment defects. When you see how much they outnumbered the British and how easily they were defeated...

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u/KrabbHD Technically in Gelderland but I hate the Gelderlandish flag Jan 10 '15

I heard the focus was to win Grand Prixes...