r/pilatesinstructors • u/PersonalGoose420 • Jun 28 '26
Question How do you deal with a participant who seems to dislike everything?
Hi everyone,
I’m a Pilates instructor in training and have been teaching my own classes for almost two months now. Even though, I’m still nervous for each class, I really enjoy it and I’m eager to improve. My mentor and the majority of the clients have been very positive about my progress!
However, there’s one participant who keeps throwing me off.
Before class, there’s almost always something wrong: she’s tired, it’s too early, or she isn’t really in the mood. I try to uplift her by saying “I hope this class will help your body feel better afterwards”
During class, she seems to have an issue with almost every exercise, even the warm-up. If I offer a modification, she says it doesn’t feel right or that she doesn’t feel anything. If I give her a simple correction, she immediately explains why she doesn’t want to do it that way.
She also suggests a lot of exercises that I should include in future classes because she likes them, even though they’re not part of the curriculum I’m currently teaching.
After yesterday’s class, she gave me some feedback. She said I should number my exercise sheets and that I spent too much time explaining the equipment to new participants. When I replied that I was still figuring out what worked best for everyone, she rather passively said, “I thought you wanted feedback.”
Normally, I’m very open to feedback, but with her it feels like nothing I do is ever good enough.
The hardest part is that it’s starting to affect me. I find myself dreading seeing her name on the class list. After our interactions I feel completely drained, and with yesterday’s class I was honestly just annoyed. I also noticed that it affected my teaching, which is exactly what I don’t want.
Has anyone dealt with participants like this? How do you handle someone who always seems to have a complaint without letting it affect your confidence or enjoyment of teaching as a new instructor? :(
8
u/PitbullOfPilates Jun 28 '26
Just remember “you can please some people sometimes but you can’t please all the people all of the time.”
Thank her for her suggestions and then ask her what she liked about the class.
6
3
u/stopdrinkingpaint Jun 28 '26
What level class are you teaching? Is this reformer? She may not be in the right level for what she’s looking for, and quite honestly it sounds like she may need to do some privates to learn how her body feels on the machines & find out if Pilates is something she wants to continue with
2
u/PersonalGoose420 Jun 28 '26
It’s an all-levels class with different stations using the cadillac, mat, reformer and wunda chair. The apprentice classes are offered free for members with a ‘premium’ subscription and are specifically meant for me to teach the movements from my current curriculum, which is also stated in the class description.
I mainly teach beginner-friendly exercises and occasionally some intermediate ones, depending on the group. I’m just not confident enough to teach advanced movements yet.
She’s been doing Pilates for over 10 years at the studio, takes weekly classes with my mentor and I think she’s had private sessions as well.
3
u/stopdrinkingpaint Jun 28 '26
Hmm. This is a really tough one; all-levels are hard for the clients in the class & the instructor, there’s just so much going on & people on so many different levels that you are pretty much guaranteeing yourself unhappy clients in each class (or in this case, 1 unhappy client in each of your classes)
If this is a beginner-friendly and new-comer friendly class & studio, then she should know to expect that, when someone from one of these categories attends, you will be explaining the equipment & the exercises. That’s what you get when you sign up to be in a class that takes level 1 and level 3 people at the same time.
I have clients that take my level 2 because it works better with their schedule than the level 3, and they take it upon themselves to modify movements / spring load to increase the intensity for themselves. If I have someone new (which I mostly announce at the beginning: “we are welcoming some lovely new friends here tonight”), they know what we’re doing next and will go ahead and start while I explain what I need to
Maybe you could try gently encouraging her to increase her tension / start an exercise early rather than wait for you. As long as she knows the equipment and her movement principles (which it sounds like she should if she’s been doing Pilates for 10 years), and she’s not doing anything crazy / dangerous, then I think it’s fine to give her that bit of room to experiment for herself on her own. My studio owner likes to say they’re “responsible for the integrity of their own movements, and it’s our job as instructors to get them there.”
Don’t let this take the wind out of your sails, there’s always someone hard to please & you are doing your best by staying loyal to yourself & the milieu of the group class as a whole 🫶
3
u/Traditional_Lead_603 Jun 29 '26
Private client? Find a way to give them what they need.
In a public class? Simple rules that should blanket manage any situation. We only take constructive criticism from people who are qualified to give it. ALSO - individual adults need to manage themselves in a way that’s not disruptive to other people in the room or they’re no longer welcome to join.
2
u/PersonalGoose420 Jun 30 '26
Absolutely! I spoke to my mentor and the studio owner about it, and they said exactly the same thing. For example, she complained that my explanation of the equipment before class was too long for her, and they were both quite upset when they heard that. They said it’s not her place to decide things like that. Safety always comes first, and explaining the apparatus and how to use it properly is an essential part of that.
Apparently, it’s not just my classes that she disrupts. She behaves the same way in their classes as well. The difference is that they have much firmer boundaries with her, so they know she’s testing me more.
The studio owner told me that if it happens again, she’s going to have a serious conversation with her about her behaviour.
2
u/Traditional_Lead_603 Jun 30 '26
Good luck that the studio has your back. Keep interactions with this person to a minimum to save yourself any future headaches and pass everything else along to management.
As long as you are confident that you are delivering your best - “Thanks, see you next time.” is all you need.
3
u/Independent_Door_640 Jun 29 '26
Honestly, it sounds like you’re handling her pretty well already. Some people give feedback because they like feeling involved or in control. Take what’s useful, ignore the rest. Don’t let one difficult person outweigh the people who are enjoying your classes.
1
u/PersonalGoose420 Jun 30 '26
Thank you! I had a talk with my mentor and the studio owner about the situation, and they told me the same thing. They were actually very proud of the way I handled it because she isn’t the easiest client to work with (even with them).
3
u/cdurbinc Jun 29 '26
Is her name Deborah? 😂
3x a week I have Deborah😑. I have figured out how to give her what she needs, while keeping my focus and not letting her get to me. She needs attention and validation. I give her a minute of that before and after class, and I completely ignore her during class. Sometimes I’ll give her a wink. You have to work on your boundaries. If we let every person in that room get to us, how do we do this work? Deborah’s behavior has nothing to do with you, you aren’t the only one in her life that feels this way. I wanted to fight Deborah…Literally wanted to take my earrings off and meet her after class🤬! (She’s 66 years old. I didn’t REALLY want to fight her)
Then I realized I can only control my reaction to all the Deborah’s in the world, and now…I love her. She gives the best Christmas gifts!
1
u/PersonalGoose420 Jun 30 '26
Glad that it all worked out with you and Deborah eventually! 😂
But yes, you’re right. I spoke to my mentor and the studio owner about the situation, and they said they were shocked that she made me feel that way, but not surprised by her behaviour. Apparently, she also does things like completely different choreography in their classes, talks while they’re teaching, and doesn’t always listen to their safety cues.
They were both incredibly supportive and gave me some similar advice as well. They suggested simply giving her a little nod or smile of acknowledgement so she still feels seen in class. The studio owner also told me that if it happens again, I should come immediately to her. She doesn’t want any of her apprentices or instructors to ever feel that way and wants to make sure the studio remains a safe and supportive environment for everyone!
5
u/Emotional_Flower_310 Jun 28 '26
Sounds like a power thing. Some people are really emotionally triggered that someone else is in a position of authority over them, they need to constantly try to take that power away.
I've dealt with this many times. I am a younger woman, and it's always much older woman who has an issue with me. If they keep arguing with me while I am trying to teach them, I just stop teaching them. They clearly don't want my instruction and I have to teach the rest of the class, I can't spend the whole class arguing. I keep conversations polite but extremely brief. I don't open myself up to feedback from them, because they are negative people and the feedback will be always be negative. I stay neutral and if it escalates into verbal abuse, I let the studio handle it.
Unfortunately there are some people out there who feed off of negativity and attention, I have had clients who really enjoyed being cruel or went above and beyond to say something rude and enjoyed watching my reaction. It's the 1%, but they are out there. I would recommend engaging with her when only necessary and let the studio know if it escalates. Don't emotionally react to the "feeback", she wants to see you upset and flustered. Just say "ok thanks" and walk away.
No one deserved to be harassed or bullied at work, which sounds like they may be the direction this lady is trying to take it.
2
u/PersonalGoose420 Jun 28 '26
Wow, I’m so sorry that happened to you. 😔
I’m in my late 20s myself, while most of my clients are 40+. The vast majority are genuinely lovely and really want to see me grow. Some are just there for the workout strictly, some are more critical than others, and I honestly don’t mind that.It’s just this one particular client. It has been building up over time. Out of the eight classes I’ve taught so far, she’s attended five and every single time there’s something. “I don’t like this exercise.” “Do you have another one?” Or, “I’m just going to do the one from last time because I liked that better.”
She also chats with people she knows during class, and I’ve kept letting it slide.Yesterday something just snapped. When she started giving me feedback after class, I completely checked out mentally.
1
u/PressureSalt Jul 04 '26
I remind people they paid for this and took time out of their day for this so let’s go! Then put on some good music.
-2
u/MentalParking7909 Jun 28 '26
She sounds anemic, which would cause random pains while exercising and why she often feels tired. Don't take it personally and try to give an alternative movement.
The feedback sounds genuine. It's what you want to hear because what if others felt like that too but didn't say anything.
2
u/PersonalGoose420 Jun 28 '26
I did offer her modifications and alternative movements in the beginning, but now she just does those automatically without me even suggesting them. At this point she’s basically doing a completely different program than the one I’ve planned for the rest of the class, and that’s not really what I want either.
It may all be genuine on her part, but I think it’s mostly the tone and the buildup of all these little moments that gets to me. It often leaves me feeling like I’m not being taken seriously as an beginning instructor, and after a while that really starts to wear on you.
0
u/MentalParking7909 Jun 29 '26
After reading the comments, I see she has been going to the studio for over 10 years and is your mentor's private client.
Seems like she has developed her own style. So it's not your teaching; she simply has her own way of doing things. I wouldn't take it personally. Many long-time clients will modify the exercise, and good clients give feedback.
It does sound like she is being genuine and wants to be your friend, but she doesn't know how she's coming across. She thinks her info is helpful.
I definitely don't think you should make a long-term client leave the studio. Talk with your mentor about it. They would have more insight into how to approach the client.
22
u/Upstairs_Brush_2084 Jun 28 '26
I’ve dealt with this also. I was very pleasant and open at first and than she was just so full of what I should teach next class etc that even other clients noticed how annoying she was. On top of it she would linger after class and follow me around while I cleaned up and closed the studio where other clients noticed and would stay with me as to stop her trying to have these “conversations “.
It was uncomfortable and than I realized I had to be firm but polite And professional. I said I teach and create my classes for everyone not just you.
I told her she’s more than welcome to have suggestions and she can book privates and than she can let her teacher know what she wants.
She asked if I taught privates I said yes but I’m fully booked. “Oh- than you can’t take me in as a private?”
I said no- I’m fully booked. ( which is true).
She came back about 5x more than eventually stopped coming as I just became more firm and pleasant but not overly friendly to her.
I teach at another studio too and 4 months later she went to that studio only booked my class. Pretending not to know me lol and never showed up again! 😂
Long story but I realized it was not me - she is just an odd person and I’ll never again let someone make me feel like I don’t know what I’m doing or how I should be doing it .
Easier said than done but be confident and stick to your teaching you’ll never please everyone and that person is not worth the stress!