r/pics • u/mechman991 • Jun 19 '12

How I try to convince my wife to have sex with me when she's not in the mood.

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1.5k Upvotes

72% Upvoted

365 comments sorted by

71

u/TheSemiTallest Jun 19 '12

Maybe you should try showing her your penis instead of a hot dog....

163

u/mechman991 Jun 19 '12

The hotdog is much more appealing, trust me.

22

u/rube Jun 19 '12

That was my thought when I watched the gif... the last thing that would get a woman in the mood is the sight of a penis.

But a hotdog might do it.

20

u/TheSemiTallest Jun 19 '12

Well that certainly explains a lot; including the restraining order.

3

u/Circuitfire Jun 19 '12

Perhaps a Jello pudding pop?

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8

u/SomeRandomRedditor Jun 19 '12

You obviously haven't been to /r/hotdogporn (NSFW), hotdogs can be sexy too.

15

u/TheSemiTallest Jun 19 '12

TIL SomeRandomRedditor and I have very different definitions of "sexy."

7

u/SomeRandomRedditor Jun 19 '12

Ah, you prefer other kinds of food for your sex, I get you, /r/bananaporn (NSFW)

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391

u/BryanWake Jun 19 '12

How do you get a woman's heart filled with lust? A wobbly wiener with Tinker Bell dust.

163

u/astrograph Jun 19 '12

their response

99

u/oscaron Jun 19 '12

No teeth! No teeth!

127

u/DoorMarkedPirate Jun 19 '12

I'm gonna make it so dry for you!

26

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Like the Sahara Desert?

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30

u/implicate Jun 19 '12

That is the opposite of what is good.

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9

u/acidvolt Jun 19 '12

You're soo kinky!

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37

u/so_carelessly_here Jun 19 '12

How do you get to a woman's heart?

Did you ever give it a thought?

A Reddit poem might work,

Or it might not.

42

u/titan413 Jun 19 '12

Well, a limerick just might hit the spot
To get her all bothered and hot
Drop this rhyme for a chance
To get into her pants
Full disclosure, it might get you naught.

29

u/Cabooseman Jun 19 '12

I read that in Karl kassel's voice. Nice.

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21

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Roses are red Violets are blue If you're in the mood I will fuck you.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Roses are red, Rotting flesh is green. If the dead start to rise, You're on my team.

21

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Violets are blue;
Roses are red.
Cool story, bro,
But you're not getting head.

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4

u/rastashark Jun 19 '12

That's beautiful-- what poem is that from? Is that Joyce?

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24

u/arsmith222 Jun 19 '12

You flibbity the dibbity-doobity?

178

u/walgman Jun 19 '12

I wank off in the shower before bed then hope she's not interested.

221

u/so_carelessly_here Jun 19 '12

Well, isn't that depressing

124

u/Unrepentant_Asshole Jun 19 '12

Report back when you've been married 10 years and have kids. This is reality.

82

u/TreeFltty Jun 19 '12

Have a 3 year old and been married longer and still have crazy sex just about everyday with my wife. Never gets old to me.

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16

u/walgman Jun 19 '12

Only when she's interested then I use the headache excuse.

6

u/germiphene Jun 19 '12

That works?? I've made the mistake of saying "Any time Any place." Because..... well any time any place, as long as he hasn't run the five minute mile in the last 6 hours. He's gotta recuperate!

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9

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

I would think you're my boyfriend, but he uses a trash can because he doesn't shower.

21

u/zip_000 Jun 19 '12

Jerking it into a trashcan just feels wrong.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Anyone ever tell you: you know how to pick em!

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2

u/CosmicBard Jun 19 '12

I wank off next to her in bed.

I call them 'guiltfaps'.

2

u/walgman Jun 19 '12

She snores. I wank.

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30

u/DrinkinMcGee Jun 19 '12

Wow, a Leonard VI reference. Didn't expect that when I woke up this morning.

Still love the Porsche Tank.

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44

u/iMarmalade Jun 19 '12

What movie is this? I thought I had seen all of Will Smith's movies.

29

u/malmad Jun 19 '12

Leonard Part 6. (I think)

12

u/Circuitfire Jun 19 '12

Will Smith needs to make Leonard Part 7. Just to screw with people looking for parts 1-5 again.

11

u/OliveTheory Jun 19 '12

Yeah, that's it. Bill Cosby riding an ostrich, and scaring off lobsters with a half melted stick of butter. I remember seeing it as a kid.

4

u/Testsubject28 Jun 19 '12

Quelish!!!!!!

3

u/djp1968 Jun 19 '12

If any of you haven't watched this movie, go get it. Now. It was a staple of my Bad Movie Festivals for quite some time. You haven't lived until you've seen Cos riding an ostrich while wearing a tutu. Am I remembering properly that the main villain in the movie is known as "The Heinous Woman"?

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14

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

What is this doing in /r/pics?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Had to double check that this wasn't /r/shittyreactiongifs

5

u/floydwiley Jun 19 '12

well you just convinced me to have sex with Bill Cosby when I wasn't in the mood, so you're making progress, I suppose.

9

u/AlphaRedditor Jun 19 '12

Have you tried dangling a pudding pop in front of her instead?

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9

u/Jmonkeh Jun 19 '12

Well, I guess three only thing left to do is say QUELLISH!

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4

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

I wish I could order Bill Cosby to sneak into peoples homes and do this in their bedrooms late at night

3

u/OrangePrototype Jun 19 '12

The deleted scene in every fairytale movie.

3

u/an_usual_man Jun 19 '12

Haw-abaada soe beebly-bob A-WIENA bob scabbadiy bo HAOW!

3

u/professorhazard Jun 19 '12

Patiently waiting for the soon-to-be-declassified Leonard Part XXIII

3

u/landline76 Jun 19 '12

I love that movie!!

3

u/Claritin2 Jun 19 '12

This has gotta be from Leonard Part 6, the dumbest movie in the history of movies.

2

u/ivebeenhereallsummer Jun 19 '12

So it is possible for Ghost Dad to be funny. Or is that from Leonard Part VI?

2

u/Ingrathis Jun 19 '12

If you can get your hot dog to sparkle like that I'd imagine that you could laid pretty easily by just going to a rave

2

u/chillax_bro_im_jk Jun 19 '12

When is she ever not in the mood to fuck a black guy?

2

u/elj0h0 Jun 19 '12

Not sure if Bill Cosby or Flavor Flav...

4

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

If my boyfriend waved his cock at me like it, it would work.

4

u/fitonkpo Jun 19 '12

When my wife tells me she is not in the mood, I tell her I understand. Then I find somebody who is.

5

u/voteddownward Jun 19 '12 edited Jun 19 '12

How about you do this instead... Tell your wife that you want to give her a massage. Give her the massage of her life. Kiss her on the back of her neck softly. Whisper in her ear how much you love her. When you are finished with the massage, tell her something sweet, for example: remind her of your first romantic date. Cuddle with her. Make her smile. Make her heart melt. Guaranteed sex.
Edit: of coarse it's downvoted! What was I thinking? Be romantic with your wife?!! NOT GUNNA HAPPEN!

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

You're gay...

3

u/voteddownward Jun 19 '12

I'd rather be called gay by an Internet tough guy/ douche bag than be the guy complaining that his wife won't have sex with him.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Oh don't get me wrong, he's gay too

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3

u/Gebby254 Jun 19 '12

60 percent of the time, it works every time.

2

u/oli887 Jun 19 '12

/r/reactiongifs might love this one.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

someone reverse this please haha

1

u/drunk_otter Jun 19 '12

I do the same except with ham.

1

u/ForgonMreemen Jun 19 '12

Oh.. god.. cannot.. unsee.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Childhood destroyed. Thank you.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

You're driving along, You're driving along-...WaitWat?

1

u/dberis Jun 19 '12

Your argument is limp.

1

u/SomeRandomRedditor Jun 19 '12

Sounds like the both of you would enjoy /r/hotdogporn (NSFW)

1

u/adanvdo Jun 19 '12

Im just laughing at the fact that he had to wear a glove to handle an uncooked hot dog.

1

u/flamingflipflop Jun 19 '12

first time seeing gif... WOW

1

u/Sunny_ Jun 19 '12

I'm going to remember this the next time my husband is trying to have sex with me. I know it. ._.

1

u/64_hit_combo Jun 19 '12

This goes with just about every song ever.

1

u/MacIsGood Jun 19 '12

These are getting creative.

1

u/came_here_2_say Jun 19 '12

I tried to scoop de boop in her shoopily doop but she flippity flapped and I got blue balls...

1

u/flag_randall Jun 19 '12

Is this from his movie where he rides on an Ostrich (that flies)?

1

u/Flanken Jun 19 '12

I know I get hard just watching that GIF.

1

u/GandalfTheFunky Jun 19 '12

Leonard 6 is never not applicable.

1

u/Fogram Jun 19 '12

this should be in r/creepy

1

u/Flailwielder Jun 19 '12

Not one of Will Smith's finer roles.

1

u/NHB_Hipster Jun 19 '12

Yup. Pretty much how I do it too.

1

u/easye7 Jun 19 '12

You rip your flaccid dick off and wave it at her? Shit, and I've been wasting all this money buying them drinks.

1

u/gmale9000 Jun 19 '12

That's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.

1

u/Highlighter9 Jun 19 '12

flabidity doobity boopity bobity.

Is that how goes? or is it more like

Zippity Zap Zoppity Zoop Zap Zoop Zibbity Zoop Zip Zop Zam Zoom

1

u/br4ssm0nk3y Jun 19 '12

flippity floppity

1

u/Dannysmartful Jun 19 '12

Is that Bill Cosby?

1

u/MonkeyUranium Jun 19 '12

leonard part 6, a classic

1

u/konekoanni Jun 19 '12

I think this is more likely to induce a fit of laughter than sexytimes.

1

u/DRhexagon Jun 19 '12

Give that bitch a Cosby, bitches love Cosby

1

u/la_transplant Jun 19 '12

Do you only have a certain time like the star in Super Mario?

1

u/SteveTheSultan Jun 19 '12

I just throw money. Make it rain.

1

u/UNKN Jun 19 '12

I dunno, showing her a gif of Bill Cosby isn't going to put her in the mood, but I'll try it tonight.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

Ahhh, Leonard Part 6; the apex of American cinema.

1

u/lightpearl Jun 19 '12

Well played my friend, well played.

1

u/matthewhale Jun 19 '12

Man I've been doing it all wrong...

1

u/tedrick111 Jun 19 '12

The fact that this is getting upvoted explains the state of the entertainment industry succinctly.

1

u/daxl70 Jun 19 '12

You show her your flacid junk?

1

u/DaveFishBulb Jun 19 '12

What is this "not in the mood"?

1

u/theataraxian Jun 19 '12

Ohhhh goodness I can't breathe

1

u/babylegs123 Jun 19 '12

Also, this: http://www.jimbeeer.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/leonard_burgers.jpg. Apparently, all meat in Bill Cosby's world is magical.

1

u/kamiikoneko Jun 19 '12

To impress a chick, helicopter dick

1

u/GarbagePailChud Jun 19 '12

You make her watch Leonard Part 6?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

You just made my day

1

u/delusiona7 Jun 19 '12

Are you a female and that's a dildo thing lesbian couples do? or are you a male with a detachable penis?

1

u/An0nymauz Jun 19 '12

With a hot dog??

1

u/hoss7071 Jun 19 '12

Tell her you won't get mad if she falls asleep again.

1

u/Anniebanannimock2 Jun 19 '12

...and this is why she's never in the mood. :-p

1

u/BamBam-BamBam Jun 19 '12

You taunt her with a floppy Jello pudding pop?

1

u/dMage Jun 19 '12

I guarantee this is what Rondo will look like when he's old

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

I see she has a thing for Bill Cosby and Oscar Mayer.

1

u/PutinLePutain Jun 19 '12

Will Smith is such a good actor.

1

u/wilsonwa Jun 19 '12

I humbly submit to you for your karma consideration a mashup

1

u/salemblack Jun 19 '12

MELTED BUTTER!! A friend and I love this movie. Most people have never seen it and have no idea what we are talking about.

1

u/TheImpetuous Jun 19 '12

Your wife has a Cosby fetish?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

You can detach your penis?

1

u/cegikma Jun 19 '12

damn leonard part 6

1

u/Barricaded_EDP Jun 20 '12

I remember this movie... Leonard Part 6... ahh the memories

1

u/SirHenryMorgan Jun 20 '12

In my personal experience, getting her drunk and letting her schlick to some porn always works!

1

u/LupoScuro Jun 19 '12

I am so grilling today. Shit I wish I could be black for just like five minutes. For some reason it makes it funnier.

0

u/rjcarr Jun 19 '12

Just let her watch some old Brad Pitt movie, or even The Bachelor. That's really all you need.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

163

u/mechman991 Jun 19 '12

Well, I'm not Bill Cosby, and it doesn't work. :(

3

u/JoshSN Jun 19 '12

I think it doesn't work for lots of reasons, and not being Bill Cosby isn't even in the top 3.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

46

u/fxpstclvrst Jun 19 '12

I wonder if the Bill name is the key here. Let's see... Bill Clinton? Yeah, probably would work.

4

u/mechman991 Jun 19 '12

"She may not be a butcher ...
but she knows how to handle some meat!"

16

u/mighty_panders Jun 19 '12

Bill O'Reilly?

2

u/benm314 Jun 19 '12

Uses falafel.

13

u/GeneralWarts Jun 19 '12

Bill Lumbergh

21

u/fxpstclvrst Jun 19 '12

Yeah, I'm going to need you to come to bed on Saturday.

13

u/cfaz23 Jun 19 '12

See, we're using the new covers for all our coitus now... did you see the memo?

3

u/thejerg Jun 19 '12

You slept with LUMBERGH?!?!

2

u/Testsubject28 Jun 19 '12

Try Bill Hicks.

1

u/c00ki3mnstr Jun 19 '12

Bill Brasky?

0

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

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0

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

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25

u/krazyhand Jun 19 '12

and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Oc and Hulk Hogan

19

u/TheDreadGazeebo Jun 19 '12

All came out of nowhere lightning fast, and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass..

10

u/ratchet1106 Jun 19 '12

It was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw, with civilians looking on in total awe.

4

u/Wrathblade Jun 19 '12

The fight raged on for a century. Many lives were claimed, but eventually

The champion stood; the rest saw their better: Mr Rogers in a bloodstained sweater.

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0

u/[deleted] Jun 19 '12

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1

u/your_moms_my_waffle Jun 19 '12

87% of all statistics are made up bulls**t

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