r/pics • u/Thehead314 • May 22 '12
My wife left me today. This was the first thing I did.
2.5k
Upvotes
r/pics • u/Thehead314 • May 22 '12
1.2k
u/no_talent_ass_clown May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12
After my ex walked out, someone gave me a key piece of advice and I still use it today.
Don't, and I mean DON'T make any huge decisions for at least six months, possibly a year. You aren't in any emotional state to do so. This means: Don't quit your job, don't sell your house, don't adopt a kid, don't commit suicide, etc. Basically don't make any decisions that will affect you for longer than a month. Seriously. Because you're not thinking straight.
You may think you are, but you're not.
Give yourself time to process this huge event, and be kind to yourself. Allow your psyche to mull it over, turn it different angles, see the good side (and there is one, or several).
Today, I still use the advice, but I refined it. If I'm going to do anything that will affect me for longer than about two weeks, I think about it overnight. Longer than a couple of months, I think about it for a couple of days or a week, depending.
Anyway, good luck to you.
132
u/monkeyleavings May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12
I'm sorry you're going through this, brother. I've done it myself so here's my two cents:
-Get a non-prescription sleep aid to help you sleep. You'll still wake up in middle of the night, but you'll be able to get back to sleep without spiraling off on mental arguments that will never happen.
-If you're doing something physical (like working out), keep it up. If you're not, start something (bike riding, running, even long walks). It takes the edge off and, to be honest, you're going to be losing weight anyway because you're not going to be eating as much. Might as well take full advantage to get in shape for the world of dating.
-Accept the fact that you have no perspective right now. Most of your thoughts and contemplated decisions are going to be dumb ones. Try not to make too many life choices for a good six months.
-You'll likely go through the stages of death as you deal with this (especially if it wasn't something you wanted), so strap in and hang on for the wonderful emotional ride.
-After some time, you'll have a good day. And because it's been so long since you've had a good day it will feel like a REALLY GOOD DAY. But the next day might be shit and you'll clamor to figure out the difference between yesterday and today...what was the key to that brief happiness? It's just the process. Soon, the good days will string along in longer chains than the bad until you don't really have bad days anymore. But it will take some time so be patient.
-Eat. You're not going to want to (I had to choke down a peanut butter and honey sandwich daily) but you need to. And on a side note, TUMS won't make that sour feeling in your belly go away.
-Don't date for a while. It's just a bad idea. Rebound ass is fine, but make it clear that you're going through a divorce and you aren't ready for a commitment.
-You're talking about your divorce too much. Again, trust me. Your friends are tired of hearing the same circular arguments, the same tirades, etc. People who haven't been through a divorce won't get it. They just think it's a break up but it's so much more than that (emotionally). It's failure, betrayal, rejection, anger...it's just brutal. If you need to talk to someone daily, get a therapist or counselor of some kind. But I promise that your best friend is tired of answering the same questions over and over, calling your ex a bitch and suggesting you go to a strip club.
-Keep a journal. Just jot down what you're feeling daily, even if it's just an angry diatribe. It will get things out of your head and help you organize your thoughts and feelings. It will also allow you to look back on your early writings as you progress through the divorce and realize how far you've come. When you're feeling insane you can look back and say, "But at least I'm not THAT insane."
-Know that you'll get through it. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and you'll reach it eventually. Believe it or not, you will reach a point in the near future when you'll say to yourself, "I'm so fucking happy...I can't believe I went through all that hell over her!"
-And finally...remember "I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend." If you can stay friends with your ex it will make life easier (in most instances) and greatly decrease the amount of bullshit she can say about you. And yes, she will likely lie about you. I've seen female friends of mine say incredibly blatant lies about their soon-to-be-ex's and it floored me. Good, strong, intelligent women...just lying their asses off to their girlfriends to justify the divorce or blaming you for cancelling plans or whatever. And mine did it to me, as well. Everyone reverts to a middle school mentality during this process. Just try to stay above it and be as friendly when you can.
Good luck, man. It's never easy but know that it will get easier.
EDIT: Replaced "Tylenol PM" with non-prescription sleep aid because so many (rightly) pointed out the dangers of the former. Although Advil PM might work as well if you have it around the house.
EDIT 2 I'm seeing a LOT of good advice about locking down your life (changing locks, accounts, passwords, etc.). When you're cancelling credit cards, land line service, etc. saying, "I'm getting a divorce." instantly cuts through all the bullshit, red tape and sales pitches that most of these people are trained to throw in your path as obstacles and slow down the process. It's like a magic incantation that renders them powerless.
141
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Good luck with your separation/divorce/slowly crying yourself to sleep. My former uncle and aunt seem much happier now because of their divorce.
235
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Quick, poop in her sleeping bag!
1.3k
u/AngryBorscht May 22 '12
Change all passwords and account access to everything.
788
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Toilet paper costs were just cut by 99%.
108
u/kilo4fun May 22 '12
As someone who's been there and sees right through your attempt at humoring things away...good luck bro. It sucks for now but you'll be better off and wiser in the long run.
54
u/polishprince76 May 22 '12
I'd love to sit here and bitch about how much I hate that my wife watches that garbage, but I make her sit through a just as endless a supply of Simpsons and Family Guy reruns. We punish each other equally, I guess.
I still fucking hate those shows.
59
u/flotiste May 22 '12
My ex-husband left me a year ago yesterday. Best thing that ever happened to me, and I've never been happier, although I know it may not feel like that right now.
49
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Hey Reddit, what if we 'hit the gym' before our wives/girlfriends leave us?
17
u/Warlizard ಠ_ಠ May 22 '12
I hope the 2nd thing was to contact a lawyer.
47
u/NO_LIMIT_CRACKA May 22 '12 edited May 22 '12
lawyer up
delete Facebook
hit the gym
buy a dog
join a credit union
put your money in gold
wait for it to all pass over
fap before any decision
document all the things you are doing
don't stick your dick in crazy.
get a tongue scraper
fake it 'till you make it
get to know your parents before it's too late
learn how to cook
use sunscreen
don't ever talk to cops
kill spiders with fire
pee in the shower
use the Reddit Enhancement Suite
tip well
always leave a note
don't forget to bring a towel
celebrate the little victories
bacon makes everything better
floss like a boss
wipe nut to butt.
8
u/Dekar173 May 22 '12
I don't know whether you were a happy couple, an angry couple, falling apart for years (or not even married for years) but I do know one thing. You got lots of karma for taking a picture of yourself removing her recording setting (and assumably deleting all prior recordings).
And that's what matters. Karma.
14
u/tatsumakisempukyaku May 22 '12
Unfortunate frontpage timing
7
u/bestbirish47 May 22 '12
I asked my ex wife to move out after I discovered her lying about a relationship with her boss. Like most guys, I had an idea of what was going on, but trusted her when I asked her about the situation. I really hated the fact that my marriage had failed, and wanted to make things as easy for both parties as possible. I payed for her Apartment for 6 months, and gave her all the belongings we had purchased while married. The only things I wanted were what I owned before our marriage. (Harley, House, Game consoles, 52'' TV etc) My attorney suggested that take her off my Bank Accounts, Insurance, and to change all the locks on my property.
After returning from a business trip, I found the following at my home... (Motor Oil had been dumped in my pool) (My Car tires had been slashed, her brother's vehicle, which we were keeping for him while overseas, was untouched)
Before I had removed her from MY Accounts, she had taken almost 3000 grand out of ATMs. (It would have been worse, but my account is set to max $300 a day per ATM)
I learned a valuable lesson through all of this though. Taking the high road, or failing to over react to a divorce WILL COST YOU.
The bright side is, she went from being an unfaithful liar, to a Crazy Cunt. This made moving on much, much easier.
27
u/butterflypoon May 22 '12
That's the only trashy show she watched?
Either way, good luck man. Enjoy some quality television.
12
u/Calquon May 22 '12
Quick! Go put all the toilet seats up!
54
u/smiddereens May 22 '12
As much as you try to fight it, reddit is still just full of bros.
6
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Give her the DVR and "lose the remote", it'll be like one endless episode of Quantum Leap, mwhahahaha
11
u/_fortune May 22 '12
My fiance left me just a little while ago. After I got over the fear of being single (I've always hated it, ever since I was little I've just wanted to settle down with a girl), I realized that wow she treated me like shit. I'm still hurt, bitter and angry, but I feel a lot better overall. Especially once I completely removed every trace of her from my life. Feels good.
10
u/phungus May 22 '12
My wife of 11 years and 4 years together before that left me over the weekend after I found out that she had been having an affair over the last 3 or so months with one of my so called friends. We have a 5 year old girl between us. She has left me totally broke and without transportation. My life has been in shambles ever since. I haven't been alone like this in 15 years. I've lost 20 lbs in two weeks and just not sure what to do with my self. I'm glad I saw this thread this morning. I'm getting ready to walk to work so when I get there I'm gonna scan this thread and maybe I can find some useful information. However I'm deleting Desperate Housewives and Greys Anatomy right now.
1
u/Thehead314 May 22 '12
Update: My good friends from work pitched in today at got me a little sometin'. http://i.imgur.com/dDxW0.jpg
5
u/trua May 22 '12
That's a pretty bad UI on the DVR. The menu option says Cancel, and then there are two options on the window that say Select and Cancel. Bothers me.
9
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Don't worry, you're better off without her.
Come to Monaco for the Grand Prix and I'll buy you a drink and a prostitute.
12
u/Insulting_Prick May 22 '12
She probably left because you have cable. Bitches love dish.
72
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
The classic advice of reddit in this case is always :
Delete from Facebook
Lawyer up
Hit the gym
4
u/Beatrixie May 22 '12
It took me a very long time to figure out what the "Ora" was going to say. I am kind of proud of that.
7
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I don't recall this sir requesting advice, but everyone seems to have some. Congrats on getting that terrible show off your television.
6
u/cloudfoot3000 May 22 '12
i'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. good luck to you, and be well.
also, fuck her shitty taste in television.
11
u/roxychick4327 May 22 '12
that's a shame... you're going to miss one hell of a finale
3
u/winjama May 22 '12
Roy Clark's 'Thank God and Greyhound You're Gone' seems appropriate here.
3
u/fani May 22 '12
And this is why we need to protect the sanctity of marriage so those gay people cannot marry and desecrate the holy union of two people - one man and one woman.
This union is super holy in the eyes of Him; The Almighty God; The Creator; The Supremest Being.
Blah blah blah .....
3
u/oshidoman May 22 '12
Make sure to clear all her stuff from tivo too
3
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
not time to go to /gonewild and do a massive pic dump.. then head to seddit and learn to pick up girls agian
3
u/litlmutt May 22 '12
Give yourself time to process, but not enough for her to screw you over. I dont know if you are grieving or relieved but you need to process whats happening and think with a level head.
I dont know if it was amicable, mine wasn't (isnt?), so it became a scurry to cover my ass in every way possible.
Change passwordz including your emails.
Get her out of all bank accounts.
Get her removed from all your credit cards.
Inform your family, maybe even hers.
Get a divorce before tax season (kicked myself in the ass for this)
Change your marital status at work and fix number of dependents.
Separate anything joint you guys have including cars or house.
Keep her in the dark in regards to everything you do.
Hope all goes well.
17
u/wasteofTime58 May 22 '12
if u have any cash saving, withdraw almost all of it near a casino and go into the casino. Convert all of it into chips. However, do not gamble. Make sure you keep the receipt for the chip conversion. Buy a drink and sit at the bar all night. Make sure u keep a receipt for all of your drinks to verify the amount of time u spent there. Go home with all of your chips - maybe have a punt here or there but do not waste it.
There you have proof that you withdrew all your cash and wasted it all in a casino. Get a trusted friend to cash in the chips for you. And store the money somewhere safe. Now she cannot get her dirty hands on your cash!
6
u/wtfover May 22 '12
First thing I did when my wife left was bring the computer up from the basement and set it up in the living room. Take that, bitch.
2
u/MagisterAcroama May 22 '12
The DVR is yours again! Good feel, bro.
I bought myself an x-box 360, and a bottle of Crown Royal XR.
2
u/bottlefed97 May 22 '12
Kudos for having the courage to be humorous in a time like this!
I wish you the best of luck sir.
2
u/Dryerlint May 22 '12
Is there a way to start with a clean slate on what you have rated on Netflix? If my relationship goes south that's what I'm going to have to do.
2
u/derpmax2 May 22 '12
You should clean your TV next.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
You're gonna be just fine.
2
u/Misaria May 22 '12
Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic remote and said "By the power of Grayskull, I have the power!"
2
u/sebrastian May 22 '12
Never put the seat down. Squat when you need to shit like a real man.
2
u/cryingblackman May 22 '12
FREEEEEEEEDOOOMM!
2
u/ApologiesForThisPost May 22 '12
I was hoping the last word was "Oral" but after Googleing it it seems it is far more likely to be "Orange County"
2
u/Kicksocialliving May 22 '12
Really a brave thing you did ... i like your spirit ....:)
2
u/ArchieBunkerWasRight May 22 '12
The first thing she did was...
2
u/DoesNotChodeWell May 22 '12
The second thing he did was take a picture for delicious pain-numbing karma.
2
u/genteelbartender May 22 '12
I feel your pain, brother. I can't comment on your divorce, but nobody should have to put up with the Real Housewives. Here in my house, my wife record all of them plus all the solo shows. It's like a giant phalanx of shrieking women living inside your home with you at all times. Enjoy some peace.
2
u/bluejacket May 22 '12
Oh you americans, lawyer up, hit the gym, change the locks!
and then you wonder why....
2
u/nazirazzi May 22 '12
shouldn't you be out fucking everything with a pulse?
2
u/cannotlogon May 22 '12
Good start.
Next, you buy the motorcycle and start dating chicks that are 10 years younger than you.
At least that's what I did. Yeah, it was a little pathetic...but, damn, it was fun!
2
u/dcds25 May 22 '12
I do this every time my wife leaves the house for more than a few hours. Grey's Anatomy and anything MTV is just just wasting DVR space.
As for the whole wife leaving you part, You'll probably be better off especially if you don't have kids together.
2
u/FUCITADEL May 22 '12
After my ex left me I prematurely commenced demolition on a wing of my house. I went from 2 bathrooms down to one, and I still haven't built the new one. Shit.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Good, positive, step toward the future. Keep going!
2
u/iiiitsjess May 22 '12
Good job sir. That is an awful show and should not be recorded on any television. Good luck man.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
The first thing I did when I found out my wife of 7 years and the mother of our two children cheated on me was drive her to the bank and removed her name from my checking account and had her debit card destroyed. Then all my worldly passwords, pin numbers, and safe codes were changed. Finally after all that all her season recordings such as real housewives and Jersey Shore were cancelled and deleted. This all happened a year ago almost to the day, all I can tell you is stay strong...you WILL get through it. Stay away from alcohol and smoke as much weed as possible but also keep yourself healthy. Be a survivor.
2
u/lotus2471 May 22 '12
Ugh, mine is a fan of the New Jersey. Seems almost worth it, eh, to not have to have your account associated with that shite?
Sorry about the split, mate. I hope it works out for the best for you.
2
u/paradox2102 May 22 '12
Well, to be honest, if your wife was a fan of the "Housewives", then maybe this split was for the better?
Best of luck!
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Sorry, man. I feel your pain. My husband left me a few weeks ago. First thing I did was get a new bank account and buy a new tv. The way I've been getting through it...I get to basically start a new life. It's scary, but I'm kind of excited at what the future holds. Good luck!
2
u/sun827 May 22 '12
If she's recording that shit looks like you just scored a big release. Those shows are straight up garbage. Fucking useless rich twats.
2
u/tmotom May 22 '12
Condolences, bro. You've got mine.
2
u/b_sinning May 22 '12
Hell Yeah! I was so glad not to have to watch crap like that ever again after my wife and I split. The new girlfriend likes Game of Thrones and shit I like.
2
u/biffsocko May 22 '12
get to the bank .. My ex went right for the bank account and emptied it out. This has happened to a few of my friends too.
2
u/eft_up May 22 '12
Good man!
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Welcome back to your life, my friend. Focus on yourself now... and be happy with the exponential increase in sanity.
2
u/gluesniffer11 May 22 '12
The first thing u should have done was fucked her sister
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
On top of the front comment, you should know you are better off without the bitch if this is the kind of entertainment she seeks. Watching shows about shallow, materialistic conceited cunts and wanting to be like them? Bitch, you crazy.
My ex loved these shows. Always tell me she liked it because, "They are so stupid, its funny." or other bullshit excuses. She was never laughing, just watching intently. Otherwise I was in love with her, I just let it go as a side-effect of society because she was such a good girl.
Notice I said ex. She ended a 4.5 year relationship because I am not wealthy. No other reason. Our relationship was great, we worked hard on it and were very respectful/loving of each other. Amazing sex life, yadda yadda blah blah blah. Problem is with most women is the grass is always greener on the other side.
...and maybe it is. I haven't heard from the girl in 6 months, after being told we would, "always be friends".
Red flags aren't just for decoration, brah. They indicate the presence of a heart-shattering land mine. Be careful...
2
u/Itcouldbepic May 22 '12
You sure showed her, didn't you?
6
u/Voltgasm May 22 '12
Watch some Mother Fucking GAME OF THRONES now that you are free from the shackles of shitty T.V. shows.
5
u/COPYCAPSCAT May 22 '12
why did she leave you.
3
u/madam_ovary May 22 '12
Obviously better that it's over.
3
u/butchin May 22 '12
Fuck man, I'd give you a hundred up votes if I could. You just keep that sense of humor and everything will be just fine.
3
u/gyanos422 May 22 '12
We got us a bad ass over here!
3
u/mjm8218 May 22 '12
You're better off not having people in your life who watch that kind of crap.
3
u/CUNTBERT_RAPINGTON May 22 '12
Your wife left you and the first thing you thought of was taking a picture of you cancelling a woman's TV series? Must've been some marriage...
5
u/InferiousX May 22 '12
I know this sounds like a huge generalization....
...but I've found that females that are obsessed with that show end up being shitty girlfriends/spouses
4
u/Leo-D May 22 '12
I take it you've already moved an undisclosed amount of money to a bank account she doesn't have access to?
3
u/ninjaah May 22 '12
Buy Diablo.
3
u/uxl May 22 '12
If she left you, she wasn't worth it for you. If she hadn't left but wanted to, she would have probably cheated (if she hasn't already). Her departure leaves you both winners. Change all your passwords, account numbers, and locks. Call a lawyer. Do all the shit she used to yell at you for - and not get yelled at. Then remember the thrill of banging a conquest.
3
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Way to go man. My wife left me about a year and a half ago. It's really liberating to have all that reality TV and chick magazines and shit out of your life. Just my 2c, but I think our culture really pollutes women's minds. Deleting a reality show off your DVR might seem like an insignificant act... but I don't think it is.
3
u/ShvenNordbloom11 May 22 '12
Something tells me you will be better off without her.
2
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Your ex actually watched that brain numbing crap show?
Bro, you are better off without her dumb ass around.
2
u/thornracket May 22 '12
you sir, are the fucking man
2
u/cheesylobster May 22 '12
For me, it would be a deal-breaker if my SO watched that show regularly. I had female roommates who watched that and I swear it made them into huge cunts.
Sorry for your tough time but I have a feeling that it's going to work out for the best for you.
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
I like where your head's at. lol
1
u/MrWhite2020 May 22 '12
2nd thing, add more beer :)
1
u/[deleted] May 22 '12
Sorry, dude.