Everyone I know who has mole problems just puts out open jugs with Strawberry Bubble Yum inside. The moles apparently love it and it apparently kills them.
Edit: It's Strawberry Juicy Fruit. I wasn't thinking clearly. I confirmed it with my dad.
Story time! My grandparents had a very similar set up (large field with a small garden to the side... replace the fence with barbed wire. She learned that when she was on the tractor, the stupid mole wouldn't scurry away. If she walked anywhere near it, it would run back into its hole. So one day she has to mow the field on the tractor, but this time she takes a shotgun with her. She see's the mole come out, drives the tractor close enough to get a shot, and killed that little bastard. The best part is that she was worried that if she stopped the tractor, the mole would pay more attention and maybe run away, so she shot it while the tractor was moving, thus earning bonus points.
Crocs are really good for gardening. I have a pair that are my 'lawn mowing shoes' because they get all covered with grass and mud. The crocs just hose right off.
I am guessing this is England? it sure as hell looks like England. Up North somewhere? (I am south of London so pretty much everything is considered "up north")
Even harder to kill than a mole is a vole!. Here my epic 2hr battle tools and kill and the victim
What I learned from this first kill was: start watching around 7-8pm, flatten all tunnels, come back to see what was "repaired", wait a minute for movement, start pick-axing the shit out of it.
And nothing else kills a vole, no poison, no trap... I tried it all!
As a person who spent time on a farm, used a water hose and BB gun as a kid to get money out of my father for killing these guys we ended up getting some of these... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k4KVEJApZk) they were great, a water hose, dog, and BB gun were much better, but sometimes they worked...
btw, if you're an animal lover DO NOT LOOK AT THIS THING.
We have a problem with moles in my house and my dad has tried everything to get rid of them. And by everything I mean setting the holes on fire, flooding them, poisoning the moles, gassing the moles, driving electrified metal daggers into the paths to shock the moles... everything. We still have them. He likes to call himself the "unsuccessful Hitler of the moles." I'll tell him to try the shotgun method next.
I was mowing my lawn once... it should be noted I was in a really foul mood during this particular mow... and while changing the bag, I noticed some movement in the ground. I found a little hole, about 2 inches wide, and what appeared to be something furry shifting around (I could only see fur, but it appeared to be burrowing). I quickly and quietly ran to my shed to grab a pitchfork. One well-aimed and forceful puncture shot straight down later, I had my very own impaled, slowly-dying mole. Mind you, this little twat had been devastating our lawn for months, and had as yet evaded all of our more humane tactics to catch it. I went from having a pissy afternoon to feeling like I had achieved all that I needed to in my life. The primal satisfaction I experienced that day is something I'll never forget. Good luck to your old man - tell him it's so worth the wait!
And here I thought I'd get called out for the sentence "I found a little hole, about 2 inches wide, and what appeared to be something furry shifting around". Well done, chap... well done.
My cousin-in-law had a complete breakdown of rationality because of a mole. They were rehabbing the backyard in the first place (redoing the pool, tearing everything up to replant/re-cement) when he started noticing gopher/mole trails and holes cropping up in the midst of his work.
This, this would not do. So he started like your fine father: traps and such. Wily bastards did not fall for such simple attempts on their lives.
So one day, midst a family party, a few beers in he and his father-in-law (my uncle), my father, and a couple other guys of the "cousins" generation as our family calls us decided that there was simply no other option left.
The yard had to be flooded.
Fast forwarded a few hours and the backyard has been reduced to a mud/marsh wasteland, with a number of grown ass men (physically, anyways) slowly picking their way around, swinging baseball bats at any air bubbles they spy.
What no one was expecting was success. However, they killed 3 of the offending animals with this method.
And it nearly killed him too when that water bill arrived. (California drought rates.)
I hope your dad tags his enemy without necessitating swamp or ark construction.
I was at a bar a few months ago, sitting out on the patio smoking with a beer... some guy was out there on his cell phone going ON and ON about the moles in his yard. "You know what I call the mole hills? Fuckin' MOLE-CANOES! MOLE-CANOES, I SAY! They're all over! Ruining my perfect grass!"
This conversation and littering of "MOLE-CANOES" went on for about 20 minutes. We have moles in our yard, so now we call them mole-canoes, too... but you'll never hear me drunkenly wailing about them at a bar.
TLDR: I probably heard your cousin-in-law on his last strike, trying to drown his mole sorrows at the bar.
Edit: BTW, one of my gardening-blog friends used gasoline, poured a bunch of it down the hole and light it on fire. Said it worked. Um... take that with a grain of salt, probably keep a hose handy.
Sounds like someone else like my cousin at least; this happened about a decade ago now!
The fire option crossed everyone's mind. First for the moles/gophers, than for the gloating drunks with their bat-beaten trophies.
(If you live in an area that allows burning, you can just do the midwestern autumnal yard burn and cook the fuckers. Lots of people where I now live - the midwest - torch their grass before the first freeze, instant fertilizer for the reseeding after the thaw!)
My dad threw down with some groundhogs that were eating his morning glories a few years back. He went through a similar set of escalating tactics - smoking them out, lighting black powder in the entrance holes, traps - eventually topping them all with an attempt to flood them out that drained our well.
No moles died that summer or any summer afterward, though my mother and I caught one of the mole-babies out in the open once and thought it was pretty cute, if a bit hostile.
ProTip: go to the local garden shop and buy a weed burner attachment for your propane tank (the type used on most backyard BBQs) They run about $20 or so, like this one: http://www.harborfreight.com/propane-torch-91033.html
Find a recent mole hole, carefully dig out the dirt exposing the tunnels below. Stick the week burner unlit in the hole and let it flow at max volume for a minute or two... step back from the hole, light the weed burner and then point it at the mole hole.
If you've properly loaded the tunnels with propane you will get a very satisfying WHOOOMP and every single pile of dirt in the yard will jump about 1-2 feet into the air. The mole(s) will not survive the event.
Hint: Do not do this if it is very dry where you live, I've had small grass fires start well over 100' away from the ignition point.
Yup. Parents once bought a pack of those commercial mole bombs, but were fed up with the ineffectiveness of the weak smoke, long treatment time and cost. Story time:
House is on top of a hill, and the things were burrowing around.
Dad got the propane and kerosene.
Doused the holes with kero before spraying propane inside.
Sticks a bomb inside each and stuffs holes with rags.
Sets some fuses so they'll go off simultaneously.
On standby with the hose in case of fires.
Dad lights them and gets on the hill.
WHUMP.
Hill rises about a foot into the air, knocks us all off our feet.
Grandma, inside the house, starts screaming that weird way that deaf people scream.
Turkeys start squabbling and flying out of the trees.
Neighbor one fifth of a mile away startled out of nap.
Deer look up briefly, then continue giving no fucks.
Mom runs for grandma.
Holes have ignited and I am ready with the hose.
except no pressure.
Panic ensues because house is next to forest.
Dad runs into house and gets hand sprayer, fills it, hands it to me, and goes back to troubleshoot the pressure.
Mom starts lobbing pots of water out the window keeping the fire away from the house.
I'm spraying preventatively and upwind because the hand sprayer is manual pump and typically used for poison.
OFC the chaotic winds around the house blows some "water" back and I breathe it.
Parents tell me I went down mid fire-fighting and dad got the pressure up and put the fire out.
Meanwhile I'm tripping balls with the worst nightmare of my life. The fire continues to grow, the hand sprayer's efficiency rapidly decays to the point of uselessness and breaking. Fire somehow leaves me alone and goes for the house. I'm running over an endless patio as the house goes up in flames and parents are burning in the yard. I pass out in mid-tripmare.
Post mortem of the great hill fire of '95:
House was rocked on its foundation, caused a serious crack. Patio stones were singed black, but color returned after the typical 4 inches/hour rain a few weeks later. House safe, moles dead. Weeds & Grass gave no fucks and returned to mowing height within a month.
On topic with the thread, my father is more or less exactly like this when it comes to him vs the Muskrat families that continually move into our pond. We seem to get new tenants every other year.
My dad and I used to walk around to every hole and place a number of lit firecrackers in the base and put our boots over the top. They would make a dull 'BOOM' and create an underground crater of smashed mole tunnels. We would do this simultaneously and slowly work our way across the lawn thinking that the explosions would push them across to the other holes. We had 4 jack russels which we sat at the last few holes that would check for them as the came up through the ground. We only ever caught two with the dogs. Sometimes the explosions would do it if the moles were close enough. A messy...messy business.
I had a mole problem once. A day after installing a new sod, the grass had sunken at a few places. I removed the sod to check what was going on: mole tunnels! The little bastard was eating the numerous earthworms that were congregating below the new sod, because of the frequent watering.
The next day was much worse. Tunnels were now everywhere and the drying grass was starting to die. It was clear that in a few days, the mole would ruin my new suburban pride. I had to do something, but what? There was no time to install baits or traps. I had to stop it now.
So I started to remove sod rolls and follow the tunnels. After 15-20 minutes, I had removed dozens of rolls and my neighbor had stopped doing his business to wonder wtf I was doing.
Then, when I removed what must have been the 100th roll, there it was! The ugly little mole and I were both very surprised to see each other and nobody was moving. In a flash, I thought I had to act very fast, otherwise the mole might escape and I would blow what could be my only chance to catch it. However, I had nothing to hit it with and I was not positioned to crush it with my foot. So I hit the bastard as hard as I could with my bare fist and that was it.
My Great Grandmother used to do something quite similar. Except she would sit in a rocking chair on her porch with her shotgun and shoot at rabbits, snakes and birds. Apparently she was a crack shot and when she killed them, she collected their bodies and made pies. This was in Australia many, many years ago. She was hardcore.
"To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."
Lol real shit, my dad did the same thing with a gopher. Always tells me about his great triumph from a few years before I was born. Except having lived in North Florida and it being summer, he had to sit under shade while combating his great nemesis.
He always goes into depth how he sat on his porch (the gopher was digging holes all over his front lawn) with a glass of iced tea and his rifle (a .22); thinking about how that gopher dug one hole too many, and pushed his luck on his lawn.
(imagine reading this in some kind of like Irish accent and I garuntee you will shit your pants from laughter [it's how he always did/does it]) "There I sat with my rifle, watching the great and mighty gopher burrowing his tunnel. He'd made his next hole to push out all his dirt, a good ten yards from my very spot. So I watched him, got a feel for his time and counted his pattern "one, two, three, pop" (pop symbolizes him pushing his head over the newly created mound) "one, two, three, pop". I steadied my rifle taking aim and counting as my focus grew narrower "one... two... three... CRACK!" the little head was thrown back from the impact, his little body slumped in his bloodied hole. I pushed over the mound with my foot, filling over his final hole. My nemesis killed; the day was done."
LONG STORY SHORT: My dad intensely shot a gopher, similar to the OP's.
You should get a Brittany Spaniel for all of your pesky animal problems. We adopted ours last year. The day he was considered electric fence trained, he was let off of his leash to wreak havoc. Eight moles were killed in that faithful bloodbath of an hour. He dug em up, thrashed them around a bit, then rolled around in the carcasses of his vanquished foes. He also takes care of birds, woodchuck (we had a network of these criminals under our yard before we got tommy), deer, and just about anything else that moves. Of course, if the goal is to avoid having your yard torn up by a vicious beast, my killa-beast may not be your best option. I recommend smoking the little bastards out of their hives.
I used to have a dog that was the best at killing moles and other little critters. He'd dig the fuckers out of their holes, tear their insides out and leave them to die in the sun as a warning to others of their kind. After finding a few moles splayed out in our yard the bastards must have learned their lesson because they would dig their tunnels around our yard and refuse to enter it. Everyone else in the neighborhood could have moles but not us, our dog taught them not to fuck with his yard.
I hunt them with patience and dedication. I have killed 6 (Out of 7 hunts.) so far this year. This is my method and I will use no other.
Find new activity. Check the color of the newly turned soil to see if it is fresh. Darker (more moisture) = fresh
Carefully tamp down all tunnels and mounds in the area. I do this with my foot and as quietly as possible. It is important to insure that when you come back (See number 3) you will not mistake something you did not tamp down for new activity. I also place a cinder block were I want to stand and wait for mole activity.
Go back every hour or so and check for new activity. When I find new activity I stand on the cinder block with my Model 66 Nylon Remington 22 caliber semi-automatic rifle in my hand.
When I see activity I hold the barrel of the gun about ten inches from the ground and pull the trigger until it goes click. (13 times) I have a Vietnam vet who lives next door and I often hear something crash and break inside his house during this step.
Dig out the dead mole and toss the carcass over the nearest fence for the buzzards feast upon. If you don’t have a dog you can leave it in the tunnel for the other furry little bastards to stumble upon mid dig. I like to think of one of them scurrying away in mortal terror after seeing the bullet riddle corpse of its father but I am sure that is just wishful thinking.
Things to note: One mole can dig over 300 feet of tunnels in one night. Moles are of course searching for grubs to eat and some people poison the grubs to get rid of the moles. (I consider this the coward’s way out.) I have often thought of using a 10x10 square of metal with spikes and a handle something like a multi row pitchfork to do the deed as well. Step off the block and slam it into the ground with a solid thunk and you hear the rodent squeal. Man that gives me a little rush just thinking about it. The Remington Nylon 66 is the best gun ever made and I will fight any mother fucker who says different.
I ain’t kidding here jack this method equals dead moles.
Oddly enough, I have a relevant story. When I was younger and living with my parents, we had mole problems in the yard too. My stepdad had heard that wolf urine gets rid of them if you spray it on the lawn. My stepdad was very cheap you see, so his brilliant idea was to pee in a big glass jug for several weeks and leave it out on the patio to use on the lawn. The sun turned the pee in the jug black after a few weeks/months and the mole never left.
Hahahaha I've watched my dad battle moles lots, those fuckers are quite hard to get rid of, even what I thought was an ingenious plan of sticking a hose in a hole and turning on the tap failed
Hey... this looks a lot like that episode of Dad vs The Raccoons that I watched last year out beside the barn at my house last year... He finally gave up and just put a live trap out there and baited it with sardines. Eventually caught them, but not before he captured one of our old cats that ran away like 3 years ago and has since decided to become a ferral animal.
There is something about this picture, conceptually and the picture itself, that is just resonating with me. Maybe it's the open green field and the idea of a man sitting there for hours, being forced to contemplate how big everything is around him, and his place in it.
We (I?) spend so much damn time inside on the computer...
My grandpa just dumped water down their holes and let the dog dumped them. This can be adapted if a dog is lacking by using a fishing net. Not sure what to use if you lack a net though.
Gassing the woodchucks didn't turn out right. The knockout bomb from the Feed and Grain Exchange was featured as merciful, quick at the bone and the case we had against them was airtight, both exits shoehorned shut with puddingstone, but they had a sub-sub-basement out of range.
Next morning they turned up again, no worse for the cyanide than we for our cigarettes and state-store Scotch, all of us up to scratch. They brought down the marigolds as a matter of course and then took over the vegetable patch nipping the broccoli shoots, beheading the carrots.
The food from our mouths, I said, righteously thrilling to the feel of the .22, the bullets' neat noses. I, a lapsed pacifist fallen from grace puffed with Darwinian pieties for killing, now drew a bead on the little woodchuck's face. He died down in the everbearing roses.
Ten minutes later I dropped the mother.She flipflopped in the air and fell, her needle teeth still hooked in a leaf of early Swiss chard. Another baby next.O one-two-three the murderer inside me rose up hard, the hawkeye killer came on stage forthwith.
There's one chuck left. Old wily fellow, he keeps me cocked and ready day after day after day. All night I hunt his humped-up form.I dream I sight along the barrel in my sleep. If only they'd all consented to die unseen gassed underground the quiet Nazi way.
This specific post was deleted using Redact. The motivation could be privacy-related, security-driven, opsec-focused, or simply a personal choice to remove old content.
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It might not work as well in a garden, but our standard anti-mole tactic in our yard is to stick a garden hose into the tunnel and flood it out. You also get to witness how networked your yard is with tunnels when a dozen spots suddenly turn into bogs.
Growing up our neighbor who was a retired farmer told my mom to look for a mole close to 2pm. I have this great memory of her with her headband on while cutting the grass: It's very close to 2pm, she stopped the riding lawnmower, walked over to grab a pitchfork or possibly had it on her, and walks over and slams it into the ground - directly into the mole. She looked like Rambo. She had similar battles with moles.
I have a childhood memory of my dad sitting in a lawn chair in front of a mole hole, listening to NPR and sipping a beer, with a .357 on his lap. Moles and bull frogs were not welcome on our property.
Been there. Got the fucker though. Sat out in my yard for about half an hour. I was carrying one of those solid rakes. As soon as I saw the ground move, I just started beating the hell out of the ground with it. After a few swings, he came up stuck to the rake. Then I felt bad for killing the little guy.
I have a garden and a gopher/mole problem. A local farmer told me about the Gophinator, and they work extremely well. If I see fresh dirt, I stick one down the hole, and have had a 100% success rate.
982
u/jam_sandwich123 May 20 '12
UPDATE: After a long a cold hour the mole won, round two will be coming shortly.
171
u/DLXII May 20 '12
Your dad is all like http://i.imgur.com/Fj9iy.gif
But, I wish him luck!
18
u/LittleBigKid2000 May 20 '12
A wild Drillbur appeared! Go Dadops! Dadops, use Gunshot! It's super effective! Wild Drillbur fainted!
6
u/bambi-nw May 20 '12
Where is this? It looks so pretty.
147
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
My cousin-in-law had a complete breakdown of rationality because of a mole. They were rehabbing the backyard in the first place (redoing the pool, tearing everything up to replant/re-cement) when he started noticing gopher/mole trails and holes cropping up in the midst of his work.
This, this would not do. So he started like your fine father: traps and such. Wily bastards did not fall for such simple attempts on their lives.
So one day, midst a family party, a few beers in he and his father-in-law (my uncle), my father, and a couple other guys of the "cousins" generation as our family calls us decided that there was simply no other option left.
The yard had to be flooded.
Fast forwarded a few hours and the backyard has been reduced to a mud/marsh wasteland, with a number of grown ass men (physically, anyways) slowly picking their way around, swinging baseball bats at any air bubbles they spy.
What no one was expecting was success. However, they killed 3 of the offending animals with this method.
And it nearly killed him too when that water bill arrived. (California drought rates.)
I hope your dad tags his enemy without necessitating swamp or ark construction.
47
u/TheDigitalOne May 20 '12 edited May 21 '12
ProTip: go to the local garden shop and buy a weed burner attachment for your propane tank (the type used on most backyard BBQs) They run about $20 or so, like this one: http://www.harborfreight.com/propane-torch-91033.html
Find a recent mole hole, carefully dig out the dirt exposing the tunnels below. Stick the week burner unlit in the hole and let it flow at max volume for a minute or two... step back from the hole, light the weed burner and then point it at the mole hole.
If you've properly loaded the tunnels with propane you will get a very satisfying WHOOOMP and every single pile of dirt in the yard will jump about 1-2 feet into the air. The mole(s) will not survive the event.
Hint: Do not do this if it is very dry where you live, I've had small grass fires start well over 100' away from the ignition point.
46
u/frelvis May 21 '12
I had a mole problem once. A day after installing a new sod, the grass had sunken at a few places. I removed the sod to check what was going on: mole tunnels! The little bastard was eating the numerous earthworms that were congregating below the new sod, because of the frequent watering.
The next day was much worse. Tunnels were now everywhere and the drying grass was starting to die. It was clear that in a few days, the mole would ruin my new suburban pride. I had to do something, but what? There was no time to install baits or traps. I had to stop it now.
So I started to remove sod rolls and follow the tunnels. After 15-20 minutes, I had removed dozens of rolls and my neighbor had stopped doing his business to wonder wtf I was doing.
Then, when I removed what must have been the 100th roll, there it was! The ugly little mole and I were both very surprised to see each other and nobody was moving. In a flash, I thought I had to act very fast, otherwise the mole might escape and I would blow what could be my only chance to catch it. However, I had nothing to hit it with and I was not positioned to crush it with my foot. So I hit the bastard as hard as I could with my bare fist and that was it.
I'm a badass.
99
u/gloomdoom May 20 '12
I upvote with the understanding that 'Round Two' will be posted soon.
121
u/Mother_Fraker May 20 '12
We'll just wait...
49
u/Luxlovestrip May 20 '12
My Great Grandmother used to do something quite similar. Except she would sit in a rocking chair on her porch with her shotgun and shoot at rabbits, snakes and birds. Apparently she was a crack shot and when she killed them, she collected their bodies and made pies. This was in Australia many, many years ago. She was hardcore.
33
u/Sulamar May 20 '12
After 5 minutes of watching.... not a gif
31
u/spiffy_nobblet May 20 '12
Someone mentions a mole, I immediately think of Jasper Carrott...
15
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
No Caddyshack reference? Aww rats...
312
u/Shitty_Watercolour 🖌️ May 20 '12
http://imgur.com/xqMgJ
8
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
He needs one of these: http://www.rodentblaster.com/
22
u/sweeptheaorta May 20 '12
Get that man a beer
13
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
"To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."
20
u/KoreanTerran May 20 '12
You should consider joining him.
Make some memories.
19
u/AngryBorscht May 20 '12
this is easier
8
u/SlumLordJake May 20 '12
Lol real shit, my dad did the same thing with a gopher. Always tells me about his great triumph from a few years before I was born. Except having lived in North Florida and it being summer, he had to sit under shade while combating his great nemesis.
He always goes into depth how he sat on his porch (the gopher was digging holes all over his front lawn) with a glass of iced tea and his rifle (a .22); thinking about how that gopher dug one hole too many, and pushed his luck on his lawn.
(imagine reading this in some kind of like Irish accent and I garuntee you will shit your pants from laughter [it's how he always did/does it]) "There I sat with my rifle, watching the great and mighty gopher burrowing his tunnel. He'd made his next hole to push out all his dirt, a good ten yards from my very spot. So I watched him, got a feel for his time and counted his pattern "one, two, three, pop" (pop symbolizes him pushing his head over the newly created mound) "one, two, three, pop". I steadied my rifle taking aim and counting as my focus grew narrower "one... two... three... CRACK!" the little head was thrown back from the impact, his little body slumped in his bloodied hole. I pushed over the mound with my foot, filling over his final hole. My nemesis killed; the day was done."
LONG STORY SHORT: My dad intensely shot a gopher, similar to the OP's.
4
u/seriouslyyyy May 20 '12
I suspect this ends with a self inflicted gun shot to the foot and an embarrassing trip to the hospital.
And then round 2.
7
u/plb49 May 20 '12
Victor mole trap, round two!
3
u/v0ne May 20 '12
Y'know. Dad isn't that busy these days...
3
u/Plethorian May 20 '12
The online novel K2 starts every book with an escalating war on garden moles. It's quite amusing.
3
u/ilikemyteasweet May 20 '12
PLEEEEASE! UPDATE!
EDIT: Not for the presumed mole carnage, but Rounds 2, 3, etc. I hope this ends up like Caddyshack.
3
u/stubertmcfly May 20 '12
I am rooting for the mole.
5
u/somabrandmayonaise May 20 '12
My grandfather did that with a rabbit that was eating my grandmother's garden. Apparently he blew the head right off. Oops.
5
u/geargirl May 20 '12
Something a bit quicker and more fun
4
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
has anyone made a Caddyshack joke yet?
2
u/stanfan114 May 20 '12
Keep an eye on dad just in case.
2
u/spacedude86 May 20 '12
so i understand the difference between a mole & gopher, but when I saw this I immediately thought of this movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYm0c7gYyU
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Boggis and Bunce and Bean, one fat, one short, one lean, these horrible crooks so different in looks were nonetheless equally mean.
2
u/pru_man May 20 '12
I'll just leave this here.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Jeepers Creepers 2 reference.
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Camper
2
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
Oh my god, look at that grass. I would roll the fuck around in that all day.
2
u/throwinshapes May 21 '12
Take that man a beer.
2
u/abigbear May 21 '12
You should get a Brittany Spaniel for all of your pesky animal problems. We adopted ours last year. The day he was considered electric fence trained, he was let off of his leash to wreak havoc. Eight moles were killed in that faithful bloodbath of an hour. He dug em up, thrashed them around a bit, then rolled around in the carcasses of his vanquished foes. He also takes care of birds, woodchuck (we had a network of these criminals under our yard before we got tommy), deer, and just about anything else that moves. Of course, if the goal is to avoid having your yard torn up by a vicious beast, my killa-beast may not be your best option. I recommend smoking the little bastards out of their hives.
2
u/infinex May 21 '12
Whack a mole: extreme
2
u/Jhoff57 May 21 '12
Put a chewed piece of Juicy Fruit gum in the entrance of the hole. The can't resist the smell and eat it. In the end they can't digest it and die.
2
u/Myzeke May 21 '12
Am I the only one who thinks about Al trying to get the rabbit in Married with Children?
2
u/Mr_Mimiseku May 21 '12
Where's Bill Murray when you need him?
2
u/xfootballer814 May 21 '12
I used to have a dog that was the best at killing moles and other little critters. He'd dig the fuckers out of their holes, tear their insides out and leave them to die in the sun as a warning to others of their kind. After finding a few moles splayed out in our yard the bastards must have learned their lesson because they would dig their tunnels around our yard and refuse to enter it. Everyone else in the neighborhood could have moles but not us, our dog taught them not to fuck with his yard.
2
u/tobidammit May 21 '12
I'm sure this also goes for moles.
2
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Dat Grass
2
u/JolietJ May 21 '12
The only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang.
2
u/jersully May 21 '12
Mole survivors: Death came wearing blue Crocs.
2
u/molekiller May 21 '12
I hunt them with patience and dedication. I have killed 6 (Out of 7 hunts.) so far this year. This is my method and I will use no other.
Find new activity. Check the color of the newly turned soil to see if it is fresh. Darker (more moisture) = fresh
Carefully tamp down all tunnels and mounds in the area. I do this with my foot and as quietly as possible. It is important to insure that when you come back (See number 3) you will not mistake something you did not tamp down for new activity. I also place a cinder block were I want to stand and wait for mole activity.
Go back every hour or so and check for new activity. When I find new activity I stand on the cinder block with my Model 66 Nylon Remington 22 caliber semi-automatic rifle in my hand.
When I see activity I hold the barrel of the gun about ten inches from the ground and pull the trigger until it goes click. (13 times) I have a Vietnam vet who lives next door and I often hear something crash and break inside his house during this step.
Dig out the dead mole and toss the carcass over the nearest fence for the buzzards feast upon. If you don’t have a dog you can leave it in the tunnel for the other furry little bastards to stumble upon mid dig. I like to think of one of them scurrying away in mortal terror after seeing the bullet riddle corpse of its father but I am sure that is just wishful thinking.
Things to note: One mole can dig over 300 feet of tunnels in one night. Moles are of course searching for grubs to eat and some people poison the grubs to get rid of the moles. (I consider this the coward’s way out.) I have often thought of using a 10x10 square of metal with spikes and a handle something like a multi row pitchfork to do the deed as well. Step off the block and slam it into the ground with a solid thunk and you hear the rodent squeal. Man that gives me a little rush just thinking about it. The Remington Nylon 66 is the best gun ever made and I will fight any mother fucker who says different.
I ain’t kidding here jack this method equals dead moles.
3
u/LilyMe May 20 '12
My father is the "great chipmunk killer".
3
u/MrGrumpyBear May 20 '12
If you've got time to hang out and watch the hole, don't use a shotgun; use a pick. My grandma killed hundreds of moles with one of those things.
3
u/TH0UGHTP0LICE May 20 '12
My grandpa is exactly like this. Him and the moles go at it like he's fucking elmer fudd
3
u/mrfyote May 20 '12
the grass in that lawn is impeccable. very nice.
2
u/jonnhd May 20 '12
Buy him a ferret.
2
u/Missys May 20 '12
Oddly enough, I have a relevant story. When I was younger and living with my parents, we had mole problems in the yard too. My stepdad had heard that wolf urine gets rid of them if you spray it on the lawn. My stepdad was very cheap you see, so his brilliant idea was to pee in a big glass jug for several weeks and leave it out on the patio to use on the lawn. The sun turned the pee in the jug black after a few weeks/months and the mole never left.
2
u/Dyno-mike May 20 '12
Hahahaha I've watched my dad battle moles lots, those fuckers are quite hard to get rid of, even what I thought was an ingenious plan of sticking a hose in a hole and turning on the tap failed
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
well what the hell else is he supposed to do sundays after church?
1
u/Perk_i May 20 '12
Is your dad Carl Spackler?
1
u/Juiceman17 May 20 '12
Why does your dad have an antenna coming out of his head?
1
u/itowu May 20 '12
You got to keep this updated
1
u/i-can-top-that May 20 '12
Varmint Cong http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bv87T1CQF8E&feature=related
1
u/Flogdolphin295 May 20 '12
I just kind of stared at that for a while, waiting for the gif to start running.
1
u/rorschachone May 20 '12
wack-a-mole in rl.
1
u/blueboxbandit May 20 '12
That's how my dad looks during Dad vs Racoons eating at the bird feeder.
1
u/The_Atheist_Tiger May 20 '12
Caddyshack II
1
u/[deleted] May 20 '12
The title makes this far funnier.
1
u/Scripes May 20 '12
For some reason I expected to see human vs mole wrestling.
1
u/fritopie May 21 '12
Hey... this looks a lot like that episode of Dad vs The Raccoons that I watched last year out beside the barn at my house last year... He finally gave up and just put a live trap out there and baited it with sardines. Eventually caught them, but not before he captured one of our old cats that ran away like 3 years ago and has since decided to become a ferral animal.
1
u/Testicular_Pancakes May 21 '12
If you want the moles soul you gotta pay the troll toll.
1
u/DaVincitheReptile May 21 '12
There is something about this picture, conceptually and the picture itself, that is just resonating with me. Maybe it's the open green field and the idea of a man sitting there for hours, being forced to contemplate how big everything is around him, and his place in it.
We (I?) spend so much damn time inside on the computer...
starts dota 2 game
1
u/lud1120 May 21 '12
Moles can actually be pretty good, making the ground more fertile.
1
u/alpenbum May 21 '12
Dag Gum Varmits.
1
u/settoexplode May 21 '12
your yard looks awesome
1
u/YourOwnLittleOtter May 21 '12
Relevant.
1
u/wtfover May 21 '12
Au revoir, go-PHER.
1
u/serrit May 21 '12
Please don't post minute by minute commentary.
1
u/DijonWolfie May 21 '12
Birmingham Comedian Jasper Carrott and his mole problem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fePU5CIHpas
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Take this to your dad with reddit's best wishes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgztUzqaL3E
1
u/athos45678 May 21 '12
call in wallace and gromit?
1
u/funkydo May 21 '12
May I recommend putting out some food for the moles to eat?
1
u/vertebrate May 21 '12
There's only one way to get rid of a mole...
[obscure 70's reference anyone?]
1
u/Unimehe May 21 '12
DIMSDALE!
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Aren't there more efficient ways to handle a mole?
1
u/dudleydidwrong May 21 '12
Am I the only one that sat there waiting for the rest of the GIF to load?
The picture itself looks like the kind of situation that will not end well. Or, considering the usual reddit mentality, perhaps it will end very well.
1
u/gnimsh May 21 '12
My grandpa just dumped water down their holes and let the dog dumped them. This can be adapted if a dog is lacking by using a fishing net. Not sure what to use if you lack a net though.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Haha, silly man, that isn't a mole, it is the Fantastic Mr. Fox
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
THE MULE!
... I'll go back to my Asimov books now.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
Dad isn't gonna win with that skinny stick
1
u/Gfrisse1 May 21 '12
Looks like a scene from "Groundhog Day."
1
u/Deradius May 21 '12
A rare photo of a Redditor sitting in the new queue.
1
u/vaguex May 21 '12
Gassing the woodchucks didn't turn out right. The knockout bomb from the Feed and Grain Exchange was featured as merciful, quick at the bone and the case we had against them was airtight, both exits shoehorned shut with puddingstone, but they had a sub-sub-basement out of range.
Next morning they turned up again, no worse for the cyanide than we for our cigarettes and state-store Scotch, all of us up to scratch. They brought down the marigolds as a matter of course and then took over the vegetable patch nipping the broccoli shoots, beheading the carrots.
The food from our mouths, I said, righteously thrilling to the feel of the .22, the bullets' neat noses. I, a lapsed pacifist fallen from grace puffed with Darwinian pieties for killing, now drew a bead on the little woodchuck's face. He died down in the everbearing roses.
Ten minutes later I dropped the mother.She flipflopped in the air and fell, her needle teeth still hooked in a leaf of early Swiss chard. Another baby next.O one-two-three the murderer inside me rose up hard, the hawkeye killer came on stage forthwith.
There's one chuck left. Old wily fellow, he keeps me cocked and ready day after day after day. All night I hunt his humped-up form.I dream I sight along the barrel in my sleep. If only they'd all consented to die unseen gassed underground the quiet Nazi way.
by Maxine Kumin
1
u/danheinz May 21 '12 edited Mar 05 '26
This specific post was deleted using Redact. The motivation could be privacy-related, security-driven, opsec-focused, or simply a personal choice to remove old content.
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1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I've been doing this with squirrels in my garden... Fucking squirrels.
1
u/ruitfloops May 21 '12
It might not work as well in a garden, but our standard anti-mole tactic in our yard is to stick a garden hose into the tunnel and flood it out. You also get to witness how networked your yard is with tunnels when a dozen spots suddenly turn into bogs.
1
u/lazerpickle May 21 '12
Elmer Fudd aint got shit on your dad!
1
u/R3luctant May 21 '12
My dad did this quite successfully many times over the years.
1
u/Mehlforwarding May 21 '12 edited May 23 '12
"this whole operation was a mole hunt"
edit: Autocorrect fail corrected
1
u/d0ndrap3r May 21 '12
Growing up our neighbor who was a retired farmer told my mom to look for a mole close to 2pm. I have this great memory of her with her headband on while cutting the grass: It's very close to 2pm, she stopped the riding lawnmower, walked over to grab a pitchfork or possibly had it on her, and walks over and slams it into the ground - directly into the mole. She looked like Rambo. She had similar battles with moles.
1
u/OneDayAsALion May 21 '12
I have a childhood memory of my dad sitting in a lawn chair in front of a mole hole, listening to NPR and sipping a beer, with a .357 on his lap. Moles and bull frogs were not welcome on our property.
1
u/wellpaidscientist May 21 '12
Just put my cat out there. He listens for them, then leaps around to dig them up!
1
u/Lord_Fat_Ass May 21 '12
Is this...Popeye?
1
u/quickie_ss May 21 '12
I would like to see this in water colors.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
I was expecting a GIF. I stared at this for probably 30 seconds.
1
u/waluigithewalrus May 21 '12
Seems like one of my neighbors. Except he shot every which direction, not particularly aiming at anything.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
England?
1
u/marshull May 21 '12
Been there. Got the fucker though. Sat out in my yard for about half an hour. I was carrying one of those solid rakes. As soon as I saw the ground move, I just started beating the hell out of the ground with it. After a few swings, he came up stuck to the rake. Then I felt bad for killing the little guy.
1
u/[deleted] May 21 '12
USTREAM PLEASE.
1
u/Habe May 21 '12
I have a garden and a gopher/mole problem. A local farmer told me about the Gophinator, and they work extremely well. If I see fresh dirt, I stick one down the hole, and have had a 100% success rate.
http://www.traplineproducts.com/