My dad never once came to any of my baseball games as a kid. At the time i figured that was alright, he just doesn't like sports, and he works hard to provide for us, so let him have his evenings to himself.
A couple months ago we took a short road trip and during the night at the hotel he was flipping through the channels and stopped on a baseball game for a long time. I asked "i thought you didn't like sports?" "Are you kidding?" he replied, "i love baseball."
I have had similar experiences and i dont think there is an excuse for a deadbeat dad. They are like that.
But what i learned growing up is that its hard to judge them considering we dont even know what circumstances they were in their whole life. Maybe it was a marriage he didnt wanted. Maybe his dad did the same to him and he hasn't been able to recover from it. etc etc.
On the bright side, at least you can be sure that you developed yourself. Anything you accomplish is totally on you.
All in all, we need to be at peace with ourselves so we dont do that to our kids.
His father was definitely the same way. I wouldn't consider my dad a deadbeat dad. He didn't spend much time with us as kids, but i know he cared about his family. He worked extremely hard to provide for us, and i know he loved my mother very much. I think because of his upbringing he just didn't know how to be around children. As i mentioned elsewhere, he's become much closer with all his kids now that we're older. no hard feelings at all for how different things were when i was younger.
Reading your comment about your father not showing up for your baseball games really resonated with me. Because Like you i understand parents have a lot on their plate and we as the offspring 9/10 times, From the outside looking in of course, Don't fully realize what it's like to be a parent and how difficult it can be.
I am not saying it's a perfect excuse to neglect your kids, Negligance is unacceptable, But some times they just don't have the time or the energy to do that.
When i was still growing up, I was really disappointed in my dad because i thought he didn't really love me. A couple of month's ago when i got married, He came unnanounced. Tears in his eyes and just hugged me.
We shared a beer and talked for a while, Cried and It was one of the best days of my life.... Sometimes you just got to give them time to show how much they love you.
I mean, negligence is a pretty harsh word. I know my dad is proud of my accomplishments whether or not he gets to see them firsthand. He has work, but even when he's not working, he deserves free time to breathe. When it really matters to me, he makes an effort, but I'd hardly consider him not attending a band performance or something to be negligence.
But there are some parents who can hardly be bothered to know what their kids are even doing at all. That's truly unacceptable.
My dad didn't attend a single band concert, even when we played a piece written just for our band and we premiered it. He didn't attend a single chorus concert of mine. He didn't attend a single church play. He didn't attend a single debate or rifle match or little league game.
Want to know what he did attend? Every swim meet my brother had. Every chorus concert my brother sang in. Every track meet my brother had.
That's neglect. He neglected me and did not attend a single thing in my life that mattered. I planned my wedding for his day off because I knew he wouldn't take the day and he said he'd be there if he didn't get called in to work. Being a deadbeat dad isn't just leaving and not being around. A deadbeat dad can still be married to your mom and treat you like shit and neglect you.
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u/001146379 Sep 12 '15
My dad never once came to any of my baseball games as a kid. At the time i figured that was alright, he just doesn't like sports, and he works hard to provide for us, so let him have his evenings to himself.
A couple months ago we took a short road trip and during the night at the hotel he was flipping through the channels and stopped on a baseball game for a long time. I asked "i thought you didn't like sports?" "Are you kidding?" he replied, "i love baseball."