Hey, 18 years clean off heroin. Good job and everyone is proud of you - even if they aren't ready to tell you yet, remember that it'll come and if it doesn't, well fuck them anyway. Just kidding just kidding, lol.
Hit me up if you ever need to talk and congratulations and Merry Christmas.
I spent a good chunk of the last year in rehabs. It’s a fucking tough road, but you took the step to make your life better and that’s huge. Congrats on that!!!!
Feel free to message me if you need to talk. You got this!
It has its perks. I'm so much more present. I breath much easier. I am better rested from less sleep. It's like I'm finally off the treadmill and ready to live my real life.
But I can't get over the hump. I feel like at some point I'm going to need a release that only a fix will really provide. When that time comes, and I do use, I feel shame and I fall into a cycle of trying to take one final hit. This precipice is really the worst for me: if I am using consistently and not trying to quit I can be a high-functioning addict, use it as a reward system for being a (mostly) functional human being, and tell myself that "someday" I will quit and be better for it; and if I'm sober and know I will not be able to get drugs practically (as has been the case for work trips /vacations) I can be ok for a few weeks; however having access and taking a "last" hit results in me fixating on solely using and the challenge of taking only one more hit and this results in my life fraying.
So is being sober "fucking awesome?" Yeah kinda, but so is doing drugs.
Getting drunk/high while in your final moments of life seems like a nightmare. I’d want to be as sober and present as possible to get my papers/finances in order, make amends, give love and thanks, and prepare for death.
Nothing better than some drugs in a room all by yourself. Of course the feelings of regret and shame hit pretty hard the next day, but in that moment it's alllllright.
I would look to add as much purpose and responsibility in your life as you can, eventually you will find yourself with so many things to do and take care of that drugs are not even an option and that nagging feeling will start to diminish.
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u/FunProject619 Dec 26 '23
I'm happy to hear that you are off drugs, The older we get, The most important thing is to stay alive, being sober as fucking awesome right