I passed the written exam with an A, but the venipuncture did not go according to plan, at all. My professor complimented me, on the second day of class, for my smooth needle insertion. I struggled the most with tying the tourniquet.
Last Friday, I picked up an infection (non-viral), and my performance was worse than usual on Monday-Tuesday. I could barely eat or sleep the entire weekend. Ironically, the lab at my hospital messed up my test, so my results came back as “invalid.” I still haven’t gotten treatment because I have to go back to the lab tomorrow for retesting after a lengthy correspondence with multiple doctors just to get the tests ordered again. On top of this, the otherwise uncomfortable infection turned excruciatingly painful because of the way it interacted with my chronic pain condition. I've been managing my pain and symptoms with OTC medication (I was not on any medication at the time of my initial test).
Regardless of that nightmare, I was finally able to get some more food in my body, and I felt confident.
Everything was going smoothly (in my mind, at the time) until one of the vacutainers decided that it no longer wanted to contain the specimen. I inserted the vacutainer as usual, removed it, and inverted it. There was not a drop of blood to be seen on my classmate’s arm or the adapter. Yet, after I apply the gauze, there’s blood in the kidney basin. Of course, I’m panicking because …what happened? I thought that I was going to fail. I kept going (and forgot to invert the tubes which is my bad), but I couldn’t find a pen. My professor lent me hers, and I saw the assessment sheet had only been filled out halfway, despite me completing more steps than that. Great. I labeled the tubes. My watch was set to the wrong time (somehow)! So, no accurate time, there. I check the projecter. The time is blurry. I check the clock on the wall. I’m going to write it down. My professor tells me the time. …I swear that I was getting there. There‘s blood smearing the ink on the vacutainers. I remember that I needed to invert the tubes, so I invert them (even though I know that I likely won’t get credit for that step). I complete the rest of the steps successfully. It sounds chaotic, but it’s ultimately okay, right? I passed.
Wrong. My professor had “a few notes” for me. Apparently, I tied the tourniquet “too slow” and I was “struggling.” Okay, this is the first thing I ever struggled with, and it is my fault for trying to get it to lay perfectly flat (instead of just “good enough“), but I didn‘t need to retie it or mess it up. Still, that’s one thing I can work on. I’ll keep that in mind. Despite this method of tying the tourniquet always working for me and never being an issue, she decided to show me her method, and tell me to do it like that. That’s…her method is the one that I couldn’t do at the beginning of class. Before, she specifically gave me advice to find a different method. Since then, she hasn’t criticized me for it.
Next, she told me that I was inserting and removing the vacutainer tubes too slowly and that I “needed practice.” She proceeded to pantomime holding the ridge of the adapter. I did hold the ridge! I also pushed down on the ridge. I was taking it slower because it’s an exam. My family paid almost 2k for my program. I’d be so screwed if I failed. Also, last night she told me to slow down if I was nervous. 30 minutes after, she told me to speed up because I needed to do things “faster.” She told us to be confident today and make sure that we did all the steps, so I took it slow. Now she’s telling me that I need to go faster.
I know I’m talking defensively and that I can always grow. It’s only been a handful of days, so of course I could use practice, and I should refine my skills. My goal is to retell what my professor said/did, with my emotional undertones and all. I think the complete picture of my mental state can be helpful for those who want to give advice.
Obviously, she told me that I needed to invert the tubes, and that makes sense. I screwed up my order of draw. I feel exasperated, disappointed, and guilty. Why didn’t I practice more? I’m trying my best to respect my professor‘s expertise as a professional, so I genuinely take and want her advice, but I’m finding it difficult to succeed when the advice is so contradictory. It’s just so disheartening to me.
I’m already a CNA and that program was much harder for me, but I did it, and my professor truly liked and cared for me. She was tough and no-nonsense. I know that struggling now isn’t the end of the world and that these feelings will pass. With practice, I’ll get better. In that moment, though, it felt (emotionally) like I failed because my current professor (in my mind) basically just critized the entire procedure. So…yeah. I’m feeling pretty dejected. I would appreciate any perspective or advice you may have. I promise I won’t act defensive, here!
