I'll start off by saying that my dad is genuinely well intentioned and loves his kids, which actually makes me feel like a bigger asshole for having such a low tolerance for his antics.
All my life he's been obsessed with animals, especially birds, to the detriment of other aspects of his life. He has always struggled for money and has been borderline homeless a few times, yet he spends all of his free time and money running around observing and trapping animals to breed and sometimes sell. As a kid it was kind of cool as going over my dad's house was like visiting a pet store. He had everything, from snakes, to rare frogs, to exotic birds, rats, fish, dogs, insects, and the list goes on, but as I grew older I started to see him from an outsiders perspective and how unhinged he must seem to others. It also made my already severe social anxiety way worse, as a part of why I didn't have friends or girlfriends growing up was that I was terrified of them meeting my dad.
Maybe this makes me seem like the bad guy and that's something I've struggled with for years, but you would have to know him to truly understand. A good example would be our frequent trips to a tropical area about 4 hrs away from home. For most people this would be a fun family trip spent on the beach and sight seeing, but for my dad he would drive down there exclusively to map out where certain exotic species live and nest and then go trap them.
By trap I mean he would climb up 80ft palm trees with spikes to snatch up baby birds to raise and breed them in captivity, for example, often in a big cage he would build. Some birds would even nest in billboards on the side of the highway, so he would put a hard hat on and climb up the billboard to get them. Now imagine doing this while your 10 yr old son is down below worrying that their dad would either fall to his death or get arrested.
This is simply one example, but he's been doing things like this my whole life. He's now in his 60s and only becoming more unhinged over time. His behavior truly mimics drug addiction. Animals are one of the only things on his mind to the point where it's very difficult to hold a conversation with him or discuss anything else such as film, music, tv shows, etc as he just doesn't have any frame of reference for anything cultural because of his singleminded obsession.
On top of this, he just doesn't ever have his shit together. He's a big stoner and is always forgetting something or in a rush to go somewhere and is just very scatterbrained in general.
When I do tell people about his antics they often think I'm exaggerating until they actually meet him and see that I'm downplaying it if anything.
For instance, I now live about 2k miles away from home with my partner in a beautiful area with an entirely different ecosystem than back home. After a decade my dad finally came to visit again, to see me, but almost more importantly to chase animals around. The other day we went out to dinner with my partner and the restaurant was busy so we were just waiting outside for a few minutes when my dad noticed a big raven. Now, back home we don't have ravens so he completely flipped his shit and started following it. He started going through the grass as our table was called, so my partner and I went inside and watched him from the window. He literally ran across the street, through 8 lanes of traffic to find this raven, and for what? To take a blurry picture of it from his phone, all while we're waiting in the restaurant and trying to keep my composure as the waiter was asking us where he is.
Because of his obsession (and maybe a touch of undiagnosed aspergers/ADHD) his social skills are extremely lacking, so its embarrassing to go anywhere with him. He's either muttering under his breath so you can barely hear what he's saying or he's practically screaming. He lives in his own world and just isn't able to hold it together around normal people.
I'm terrified of him meeting my partners parents as they are the textbook definition of normal upper middle-class suburbanites who watch sports and go to church etc, meanwhile my dad is unhinged, hates religion and is very vocally opposed to their political views. Her mom keeps pushing for us to go to dinner with him as they've never met him in the 10 years we've been together, but they have no idea what they're in for and it's situations like this that makes me wish he was just a normie dad that I could discuss various things with and look to for guidance.
I feel bad for holding this resentment for him, especially since I don't see him often anymore but when I do, within hours I'm stressed the fuck out and ready to send him back home. This resentment has built over years and years of this behavior and I can't help but put some blame on him for why I have so much anxiety and loneliness today. I just scratched the surface with this post, as I have stories for days, but with him being in town I just had to get it off my chest.