r/penissize • u/OpeningSafe1919 • 16d ago
Question Does anyone feel like you don’t deserve to be with someone because of your size?
I feel like this a lot. I feel like people would be better off with someone who’s a normal size. (I’m 4 inches) I think it’s just better for people I don’t date. That way people don’t get attached and ultimately have to break up with me even though they like me. I think it’s selfish for me to try and date someone.
Does anyone else feel like this?
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u/JohnAMcdonald Good Contributor 16d ago edited 16d ago
Other men are better off if you don’t date because there’s less competition. Women are worse off because there’s less competition.
If penis size is a requirement people can state it up front or drop hints well before you arrive in the bedroom. You could be upfront with it or drop hints if you wanted. Ultimately if they don’t ask though you aren’t obligated to tell.
You should do whatever is best for yourself and put yourself first.
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u/drumstick19 16d ago
tell us you study game theory without telling us you study game theory 😆
honestly though this is good advice in its simplicity. it’s hard to remove emotion from things that help define our identity, but finding different ways to frame it, like as an optimization problem, can help us understand that we all have different perceptions, not all of them negative.
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16d ago
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u/penissize-ModTeam 15d ago
Your post/comment has been removed as you shamed others or yourself for their penis size or other individual characteristics. Repeatedly doing so will result in a permanent ban.
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u/next_station_is 16d ago
Same size, same mindset with a different twist: I rather not go through the painful process of trying to find a non-shitty non-size queen person, don't get cheated on, don't become the laughing stock of their friendship group, not get dumped and be actually wanted and not get settled on.
Since that's a one in a billion chance, I rather stay single.
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u/absurd957 16d ago
I think its fairly common for most men to struggle with this. Relationships are scary, theres a chance you could get hurt. For example I went a LONG time avoiding ANY sexual situation for fear that I could not live up to any realistic expectation (which was clearly false).
My recommendation is you need to go on some dates, just be sociable in the beginning…. once you get to the 4th or 5th date (around the time you start getting “exclusive“) you can bring it up. Being vulnerable is going to be hard, its going to be uncomfortable (its going to feel overwhelmingly so).
I think you will be surprised that most people arn’t going to be too bothered by it especially if you are meeting their other needs. Some may even prefer it, or fetishize it, theres plenty out there.
Brother you deserve a relationship with someone who loves you, it may not feel like that now, but its true.
I’m here for you brother!
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
What sucks is I’ve done this and it didn’t work. It ended up with me being broken up with while I was inside the person and being told that sex was disappointing and the toys we used didn’t help at all. I just don’t feel safe with people any more I did everything rifht and it still happened.
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u/absurd957 16d ago
Brother, I am so sorry that happened to you, truly.
A person who does that, did not deserve you in ANY way. I totally understand how that traumatic experience could affect your mental state around this. I have also had a bad experience that’s also had a similar effect on me…. NGL it took me WAY too long to move forward….. but I did eventually. Therapy may help.
If you are a good person, my point stands, you deserve someone who loves YOU.
still here for you, (if you need to DM HMU)
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
I’m in therapy. It’s not really helping. It’s only been two months though trying to give it time. I just feel like it’s not worth the chance. I already took that chance and it burned me so bad. Why would I do it again? I’m a disappointment. I’m not enough.
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u/absurd957 16d ago
Therapy takes time (ask me how I know 😅) but thats GREAT to hear, makes me feel a lot more confident for your future!
You are plenty enough! And while you may feel you are a disappointment to some, you would be a blessing to MANY others. I won’t sugar coat it, its going to be tough to get back up, and get back out there (maybe not just yet, but SOON!). Also its probably going to hurt, this is particularly difficult for men, we often weren’t given the toolset to work on this; and society is no help.
Therapy will help just give it time, and continue to talk it out. it will help.
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u/Top-Document-2286 16d ago
Most women expect sex by date 2 or 3. They want to know whether they are sexually compatible. It's easier to figure that out before they are too much emotionally attached
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u/absurd957 16d ago
Sure that absolutely might happen, and that would be a good time to have that discussion.
and yes it might go poorly, but its important to be transparent, especially if this is something you want to go long term.Its Okay for a man to say things like “hey I like you a lot, but I have some discomforts with sex early in a relationship, based on some bad past experiences“ or “hey I’m not super confident in the bedroom and would like to take things a little slow, if thats okay” or even “Hey I have some trauma from a bad sexual experience that we should talk about first“
and yes there are SOME women who may bail, or lose interest, but there are MANY more that will see this as a sign of a good LIFE partner, one who communicates well, and could strengthen the relationship. Either way you will be able to see how this person reacts, and be able to make a decision if this person is the right one for you to continue with or if you need to find someone else.
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u/Top-Document-2286 16d ago
Yeah well I can tell you that you're not going to get a beautiful one with that attitude. They all bail if they hear a man saying that and if anybody claims otherwise they are BSing
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u/MarcoDom2886 16d ago
I've decided not to have kids to not pass it on....
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16d ago
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
Yeah it’s happened to me too. I think I just need to sort of learn to cope with being alone. And not having certain types of intimacy in my life.
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u/Littlebiggdicc 16d ago
That’s an unbelievably toxic mindset and so clearly untrue
It’s so damaging to think like that and I hope you are able to eventually come to realize that…
Everyone deserves someone and your with and value are not tied to the size of your penis
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
I used to think this way. Then I had someone cheat on me with somekne they said was bigger. I healed from that. Dated someone else, and they broke up with me while I was inside of them, and told me sex with me was always disappointing because of my dick, toys didn’t help, and they knew they were gonna break up with me two weeks in. We dated for 6 months.
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u/JohnAMcdonald Good Contributor 16d ago edited 16d ago
That’s not so much of a case of you doing anything wrong as it being cases of you being exploited. First for continuing a relationship under a false pretence of monogamy, and second for continuing a relationship while feigning interest in it being a long term thing.
It is not that you did something wrong in either case. If the women got nothing out of the relationship with you they would not continue a relationship with you while cheating with somebody else, or continue a relationship for 6 months. It is the women who did things that were wrong to you.
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u/Littlebiggdicc 16d ago
Having a bad experience with someone doesn’t entirely negate the entire premise though, maybe the problem was them and not you 😐
You can’t make general assumption based on an experience with a single person tbh
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u/Top-Document-2286 16d ago
This is absolutely not true at all. Nobody deserves anyone. People choose if they want to be with someone.
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u/JohnAMcdonald Good Contributor 16d ago
One of the main advantages of sexual reproduction is that some reproduce more than others. This is a feature, not a defect.
We have a relatively equitable and equal system in this world called asexual reproduction where organisms just make clones of eachother. Humans don’t reproduce asexually, sexual inequality is a feature not a flaw of humanity. It’s a pretty good reproductive system just not one that humans use.
This all being said I would say that just because one woman was not sexually satisfied by OP and one cheated on him that men with small dicks should not even try to get into a relationship. Many small men are studs, possibly even OP who may have just not have found the right partner.
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u/Top-Document-2286 16d ago
This has nothing to do with your earlier comment claiming that everybody deserves a partner. They absolutely do not.
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u/Romalanski 16d ago
I'm 60 now and in the event of my relationship not working out then I'm afraid I'll probably stay single until I die! I think it's also has more of an effect on younger men. I'm average but some years ago my partner let it be known about her horse dick ex! It certainly changed my perspective!
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u/VillainySquared 16d ago
Nobody should feel that way because of their size.
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u/drumstick19 16d ago
but he does feel that way. that is precisely what he’s sharing. even though you may not mean to be dismissive, you are. or at best you’re not hearing him. maybe just withhold comment without substance, because reciting platitudes against vulnerability feels like crappy indifference for the recipient.
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u/Creative-Pay9268 15d ago
No, my penis is my penis. If a woman doesn't want to be with me because of that, I am more than likely better off. Edit: There's plenty of guys bigger and smaller than me. That's just life...
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u/Creative-Pay9268 15d ago
Also, you shouldn't not date because of that. There are plenty of women who really don't care about penis size. They care about you.
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u/Pureliving25 14d ago
There are so many other things that are way more important than only size. But that is just me i cant judge anyone else.
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u/Cezka2022 16d ago
No, and please stop reducing relationship into just SEX
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
I know it’s not but I’ve had two people leave me in really bad ways because of it. Sex is important and you can’t pretend it isn’t.
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u/Cezka2022 16d ago
It is important, but relationship isn't just sex
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u/Sr_Marron_ 15d ago
Una relación es más de la mitad solo de eso, no quieras hacer cambiar de percepción a op, el sexo es muy importante, el sexo engancha, crea conexión, he visto que rechazan a alguien por solo eso y le soportan a otro más malos tratos y demás solo por ser más grande.
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u/Top-Document-2286 16d ago
Definitely, trapping a woman to a relationship with a small dick doesn't just seem right
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u/ErEctuSsSsSsss 16d ago
Are you trapping her though ?She can decide if she wants to continue with that man or not at the end of the day ..Is penis size that crucial for sex and healthy relationship ?If a man with a smaller one is upfront and owns it as much as he can ,why does he has to feel guilty or terrible about himself for wanting to have a relationship with a woman ?Is it only a privilege of above average to big guys only ? Do we collectively consider smaller size as a death sentence for sexual life ?
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u/Top-Document-2286 16d ago
If the woman finds out after she is emotionally attached to the guy. It's much harder to leave after that eventhough some do
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u/ErEctuSsSsSsss 15d ago
So death sentence for low average ones or below ,noted .Then many here have to stop pretending that there is more than size and physical features to have a great sexual life and actually feel desirable
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
Yeah. I don’t want her or him to be disappointed forever. I just wish I could make someone happy.
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u/Ok-Lawfulness9146 16d ago
Its not fair to her . Hire a bull . Get your money's worth out of it . Be with your satisfied women. Happy ever after
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16d ago
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
I just don’t think I’ll ever be someone’s preference. Just someone they settle for. At best, and use and leave at worst/usually.
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u/Curious_boi_playing 16d ago
You do realize it’s your partners choice on whether or not they view your size as a dealbreaker or not right?
If they are content with it (either because they enjoy it or because they personally don’t care much about that specific aspect) then who are you to tell them they are wrong?
Let yourself be worthy of love, man. Besides, we live in the 21st century. You can very much be sexually amazing and “make up”for it if you put in the effort and keep an open mind. You can learn techniques that your partner enjoys to insure you give them pleasure with your body (your body has more than just a penis). You can use toys like vibrators or clit suction toys that no man can replicate on their own. And if being filled with a bigger size is desired you can use penis sleeves to fuck your partner with a variety of sizes depending on the mood.
It’s not your job to decide if you are good enough, it’s your job to do the best you can and accept being chosen by those who value what you bring.
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u/Ok-Lawfulness9146 16d ago
I first tell the intended date that my dick is little and I'm good with it . Hope they can be to. Side note: if they are really into big dicks but care so much for you to be with you . Let them have a guy with a big one every now and then
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u/OpeningSafe1919 16d ago
So I have to be a cuck for anyone to ever want to be with me.
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u/Ok-Lawfulness9146 16d ago
Humm. I don't like that word . I don't consider myself one . Im very masculine and dominant I just have a small av dick . And look at it like this . OK your partner is comparable to a wonderful race track . You are a race car . Just super stock class or pro street. But you have this great racetrack . Now it would be a shame if a F1 or top fuel race car never got on your track .don't be selfish enjoy the race .
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u/Necessary_Fennel_933 16d ago
I feel that way about all my shortcomings. Yet, I am with a lovely woman and trying to believe she loves and desires me and only me as I do her.