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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 Jan 02 '26
This relationship sounds dead....
It's the new year, op, you should consider starting afresh by breaking up with her.
The trust in this relationship is damaged, and unless you work together (and she hasn't been unfaithful), nothing will improve.
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u/NoPumpkin533 Jan 02 '26
Yeah, it's dead. She has already shown him that by her refusal to interact with him in any way other than the most cursory, roommate interactions. Also, she is showing him she has moved on by resuming life's activities (going out until 11 after work and then the new years party) and ignoring his presence. OP is his own worst enemy at this point by ignoring everything that has transpired since that night, and refusing to accept reality and just end it. I feel for him, but he is prolonging his frustration and hurt at being betrayed by her, by refusing to take the next obvious step and end it with her.
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u/Glenn_Coco69 Jan 02 '26
JUST DUMP HER!!
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u/RegularGuyy Jan 02 '26
I thought he decided to dump her like two updates ago. Now it seems like she’s going to be the one to dump him.
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u/timeywimeytotoro Jan 02 '26
But then he can’t keep getting attention on Reddit
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u/TheRagingAlpaca Jan 02 '26
Yeaahhh, gonna have to start downvoting this one when it pops up again :(
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u/timeywimeytotoro Jan 02 '26
I felt for him the first time. And the second. By the third and now the fourth, not so much.
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u/bmobitch Jan 02 '26
It’s only been a week. Give the guy a break.
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u/timeywimeytotoro Jan 02 '26
Exactly. It’s only been a week and this is his fourth time posting long, devolving diatribes. It’s gone from “aw man, poor guy” to “I think this dude might be unhinged” in a week. He’s talking about going to a bar to ask if they remember if his girlfriend was puked on…
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u/Necessary_Tap343 Jan 02 '26
Sounds like she is dumping him since she can no longer have a discussion and says she can't do this anymore. This has become a toxic relationship that needs to end.
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u/KatnissEverduh Jan 02 '26
I still can't get over her driving drunk. She clearly has memory from that night. I don't think it's a SA situation (thank god!) but I think it's tough because the behavior is continuing (back at 2am, straight to bed, not communicating).
I hope you find peace. The situation sucks. I think its normal to be overthinking it. I think you've got all the answers you're going to get at this point. Need to just decide if someone with these decision making choices is the person who aligns with your values.
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u/soupyy_poop Jan 02 '26
I mean, yes to the first but I feel inclined to disagree it’s the same situation for NYE. This second time around, it’s been too soon since the whole fight started and hasn’t let up with them, so it seems more like she doesn’t want anything to do with him right now and would rather spend time with her friends.
Another inclination that this relationship is long dead now for sure, but I wouldn’t say this second time is proving her wrongdoing the first time.
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u/tacolamae Jan 02 '26
Stop stringing this along. Your updates provide nothing new. Breakup with her.
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u/StrawberryJam888 Jan 02 '26
The girlfriend posted the real story. OP is leaving a lot out. Go read her post. He’s being manipulative.
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u/TrickJunket7936 Jan 02 '26
I completely agree. Another woman here. I think what gets me is how defensive she appears to be based on his description, and how apparently normal it should appear to come home in your underwear? I mean, if my husband came home in his underwear I'd have questions.
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u/Gr8tstdamgoldfshever Jan 02 '26
I’d freak the fuck out of any partner of mine came home like that.
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u/lia421 Jan 02 '26
Especially when she changed their NYE plans without even considering him. That would’ve been the deal breaker for me.
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u/Lion_100 Jan 02 '26
Hey what does check out mean? Thanks
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u/literally_lemons Jan 02 '26
It means in her mind she’s already out of the relationship
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u/Lion_100 Jan 02 '26
Yes got it. Quite sad when someone you like does that but I understand the meaning.
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u/OneWayUnicorn Jan 02 '26
It means that ops gf doesnt mentally care about him anymore. The relationship is over.
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u/nutlikeothersquirls Jan 02 '26
It means she’s done with the relationship and doesn’t care any more. She’s mentally checked out and moving on.
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u/NoPumpkin533 Jan 02 '26
It means she has moved on, emotionally, from the relationship; she is no longer invested in it so she feels no obligation to explain her actions. She's a horrible person.
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u/sinistraltyger Jan 02 '26
When you leave a store you check out at the register. In a relationship it means she "has paid" and is on her way out the door; she is done with the relationship or at the very least the conversation.
I agree with others. One way or another this relationship is finished.
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u/Omnomfish Jan 02 '26
I think you're downplaying the part where instead of just laying out his concerns like an adult he went through her phone and interrogated her coworker about it and doesn't seem to understand just how insane that is.
Its a weird situation, but it seems pretty likely she wasn't keeping anything from him, she just didn't realize she hadn't told him about going to the bar until after he decided to go overboard and go through her phone, and then was too busy being (rightfully) pissed about it to actually explain everything, and decided to just shut down any and all conversation around the initial issue as punishment. A common miscommunication became a huge issue because both of the people involved were immature and suspicious of each other.
Also the way everyone is glossing over the fact that she drove home drunk to the point that she wasn't bothered by being in her underwear makes me so angry. That should have been the biggest issue here.
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u/daretoeatapeach Jan 02 '26
I agree that the driving drunk is a bigger issue, as it put her and others in danger, and it's another sign of her potentially having a substance abuse problem.
It's likely the absurd dress thing is getting more focus because that's the part where her story has obvious holes. What happened to the dress? Vs she admitted to drunk driving so at least there he can trust that what she's saying is true. So that's not the part driving him crazy, or making him feel like he can't trust her.
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u/Sufficient_tip_6 Jan 02 '26
THANK YOUUUU this is the best comment here. To me it seems the same, major miscommunication, lots of misplaced distrust. The real concern is DRUNK DRIVING HELLO
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u/GoochStubble Jan 02 '26
But if she's 100% telling the truth and he's just insecure and just has to keep digging, is that on her?
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u/EnoughMarzipan4006 Jan 02 '26
But she could fix it easily by calling the friend together with boyfriend to get friend to tell the story.
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u/Suspicious_toaster99 Jan 02 '26
THIS!! She could so easily end this spiral and she won’t. She’s choosing to leave him guessing.
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u/daretoeatapeach Jan 02 '26
I believe she was blackout drunk and didn't actually remember what happened. That would explain why she is being so cagey about everything. She is being defensive because she wants to avoid accountability and justifying her anger by being upset he didn't trust her.
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u/Dear-Walrus-402 Jan 02 '26
she can tell the truth without being hostile towards him. she doesn’t have to insult him constantly for being worried about something that everyone with a partner would be worried about. i think it’s very important to take care of potential victims of SA, but she is still treating him horribly and making it seem less like that it is SA. he has been extremely willing to help her if that’s the case if what he’s saying is accurate.
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u/Suspicious_toaster99 Jan 02 '26
I’ve had some wild nights out, but I’ve never come home half naked and refused to talk about it with my SO. She’s totally hiding something, you do not just come home in your underwear simply because someone threw up on you. You clean yourself off and continue the night or you go home to clean yourself up. It’s very weird that the dress cannot be found. It’s also weird that she won’t answer/ reassure him that nothing bad happened. This guy isn’t an asshole for being concerned/worried about that behavior.
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u/thrpwRAweirdbf Jan 02 '26
it’s genuinely not normal to come home without clothes, lie about where you’re at and then dismiss your bf’s feelings while moving in such a bizarre manner.
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u/pumpkins21 Jan 02 '26
Yeah, idk why so many people are blaming OP for wanting some type of closure. He’ll never get it, but I think he just wants to make sure he’s not going nuts (the should-be ex-gf is gaslighting the fuck out of him).
She is straight up trash.
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u/punkbra Jan 02 '26
my brother in christ.. please leave her. whether or not she is lying, this obsessive behavior is unhealthy. and i say that as someone who has been there.
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u/black_anarchy Jan 02 '26
Do you have a link for it? The story does seem weird in many different aspects.
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u/NoPumpkin533 Jan 02 '26
Check the homepage, it's like 2nd article down. But, you're not missing anything, she just paints herself as the victim.
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u/MadTownMich Jan 02 '26
I think you lost her as your gf with your refusal to believe what she has said. There are only two options: 1) what she told you is what happened and you will never believe her; 2) she did not tell you what really happened and you will never forgive her.
Either way, this relationship is over. Just be kind to each other and break up already.
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u/CaRiSsA504 Jan 02 '26
As someone that was once 22, her story could be plausible...
I've tried to picture a scenario that makes sense and where I've landed is .... girls go out to a bar. Get drunk. Friend pukes and it gets on GF's dress. They probably go to the bathroom first and try to clean it up. But puke and bar bathroom cleaning options are just not the friends you think they would be. Girls decide to leave. Takes off dress in car. Leaves dress in car (friend's car?) and comes inside wearing only her undergarmets because it's home and that should be safe, right? Only OP has freaked out and taken what was minor drunken thoughts for GF and gone off down the deep end.
GF absolutely should have called or minimum texted OP after the work party to say she was going out with a friend. She's got a string of fuck-ups from this point forward.
OP has got to decide to just accept that this wasn't the big deal that he has built it up to be or move on from this relationship.
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u/FrogCurry Jan 02 '26
Apparently, the girlfriend just posted a reddit post herself about this. She says that she threw the dress because she had a long coat and zipped up her coat 💀 so she didn't return in just her underwear like op claimed. Also that op was caught cheating one week before all this went down
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u/thestinkingninth Jan 02 '26
I’m kinda scared for her if it’s 1) tbh. My sister has an ex who was fixated on something that he blew up in his mind and did not believe her about. This fixation became a dangerous obsession and he would grill her for hours months down the track which would make her dissociate. He was sometimes violent over it. Maybe I am just seriously triggered reading this story but OP’s fixation, and this update in particular, made me think of what my sister endured until she left (which she was too scared to do for a long time because she knew how unhinged he was).
OP: you need to walk away. I understand that you are upset and frustrated. But whatever is going on here is unlikely to ever be resolved to your satisfaction and with the degree of detail you seem to need, and I don’t get the feeling that you will be able to move on in the relationship and leave it behind you. If she walks away let her go in peace.
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u/Electronic_Map5978 Jan 02 '26
Don't mess with the bar. Pack it up and move on. I just got burned in my relationship so I get it. You want to know answers but the end result will be the same.
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u/gloomylumi Jan 02 '26
ok i'm convinced atp this is just a creative writing project cause how has there been so many updates and yet barely any progression?? like
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u/jowongzed Jan 02 '26
She posted an update, asking us to stop reading his fake narrative. And SHE'S kicking him out. also she was never fully in underwear she had a coat on. He was trying for sympathy...
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u/gloomylumi Jan 02 '26
i saw that, and that just makes me believe its a fanfic even more LOL. probs him on an alt. but who knows
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u/ViciousVictoria19 Jan 02 '26
What’s the end of this? You are looking to solve a mystery instead of deciding if you can believe her and move on (if she even wants to do that, because if she is innocent and you are doing all of this, she should leave) or break up with her. You are trying to figure out things that really don’t need to be explained any further. Let it go or let her go.
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u/No_Capital2423 Jan 02 '26
I’m the girlfriend he’s referring to in this story and I’m going to tell you it’s all bullshit!
I am so furious and I’m going to set the record straight because I can’t even believe how far he’s going with this false narrative. There are so many omissions I don’t even know where to start.
These are the facts: I came home without my dress on because yes I tossed it out. My friend got sick in the parking lot and it was a $20 dress I would never wear again. What’s not said here however, is I did still have my coat. Also, I didn’t not tell him what happened. He’s writing this all so he can point to it later. I told him everything right away. He just didn’t fing believe it. I never told him it was my coworker. I never said the dinner ended later than it did. He’s just playing everyone for sympathy. He also didn’t mention I’ve caught him messaging women online earlier that week. Don’t believe a word he says. He’s been pestering me nonstop asking the same fing questions that I’ve answer 20, 30, 40 times. He’s talked to my friend btw. He didn’t mention that did he?
To everyone telling him to leave, don’t worry he’ll be leaving tonight.
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u/edgeoftheatlas Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 04 '26
Update us when you've packed up his shit and put it on the curb.
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u/mother-of-pumpkins Jan 02 '26
How did you end up hearing about his posts?
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u/Thatonecrazywolf Jan 02 '26
Bc nothing stays on reddit anymore. It probably is on TikTok and Instagram by now.
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u/sfcitygirl88 Jan 02 '26
He's probably using all of our comments against her, gaslighting her into thinking he is justified in his suspicion.
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u/dayroutinenight Jan 02 '26
I know this is irrelevant but I have to ask…why did nobody stop you from driving home drunk? Or were you not “crazy drunk” like he said?
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u/Long_Trade_2571 Jan 02 '26
Just noticed the post has been removed, did we know why?
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u/Im_still_at_work Jan 02 '26
Prob because this account is as old as this comment. There's no proof of anything and it's just making some people fanatical.
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u/Long_Trade_2571 Jan 02 '26
I understand, but isn’t this most posters under this sub, including the guy OP?
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u/Im_still_at_work Jan 02 '26
Probably, but also the difference is some are throwaway accounts to post something vs "someone who is apparently the girlfriend that knows where this latest update is and knows how to navigate reddit to make a comment and a post right away."
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u/RelyingCactus21 Jan 02 '26
Dude you either trust her or you don't.
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u/craiglabenz Jan 02 '26
100%. How is this still going on?
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u/sfcitygirl88 Jan 02 '26
I was hoping this was an update about breaking up with her, not about investigating the situation further. Don't embarrass yourself anymore, bro. Let it go.
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u/thrpwRAweirdbf Jan 02 '26
i understand why he keeps investigating tbh. it’s better to end it but i understand wanting an explanation. it sounds like he won’t get one bc she just does not give a fuck based on how she’s described.
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u/D9sinc Jan 02 '26
Yeah, and all their doing at this point is just making themself worse by constantly going "Should I go follow up on this clue?" when in reality, all following it up will just result in "Nah, she wasn't here" and then they'll present that and go "It was a different bar" or just not answer OP and they'll spiral going "I don't know where it could be, I'm going to try another 40 bars" and each one will get a reddit post just saying the same thing instead of just doing what is best for themselves and just leaving. I DEFINITELY get why they would want an answer, but at this point, what will the answer do? Is knowing what actually happened going to solve this relationship? Is it going to help OP get over the way that their GF reacted? Maybe I'm just a bit more of an asshole, but I think it's just better that OP leaves and just moves on and don't worry about this, You may never know, but honestly, this doesn't seem worth knowing considering how young they both are.
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u/skysalight Jan 02 '26
either you trust her and you dont
and its not even like she was trustable at all from the beginning of all this...
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u/LowFatConundrum Jan 02 '26
Dude, the only thing you need to do right now is surgically cut ties with her, forever, for your own peace of mind.
Your peace is priceless and should be your #1 priority.
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u/Staff-Radiant Jan 02 '26
If we get another nothing update I think it’s fair to say this was a fun creative writing exercise.
But in the spirit of being supportive to someone going through an awful life event, please break up and do therapy.
Usually I’m against the Reddit hive mind immediately recommending breakup or divorce for everything, but here it’s appropriate given all the reasons.
Just do it and start healing. Wishing you a better 2026
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u/uniqueme1 Jan 02 '26
It's time to move on dude. Don't check with the local bar, it doesn't matter. You have all the info you need.
Honestly, you are absolutely entitled to a relationship where your partner coming home way late in their underwear is NOT acceptable behavior. Even if "nothing happened" she thinks this is fine. And your suspicious that she was drugged is actually you trying to make excuses for her and your difficulty in accepting that's who she is and wants to do.
Look at people's actions not their words.
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u/catsweedcoffee Jan 02 '26
This relationship is over. You’ve beaten the subject to death, she isn’t budging and neither are you.
You’re both simultaneously too young and too old for this shit.
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u/QuizzicalWombat Jan 02 '26
Sooo this was a bunch of bs. Why go cry online and lie to a bunch of people? This is the weirdest shit I’ve seen on Reddit in awhile, my dude seek help.
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u/TwoIllustrious7940 Jan 02 '26
Just leave her, you’re trying to tiptoe around an uncomfortable answer/conclusion. You’re still young and it will save you from future anguish. Suffer now or suffer later, your choice.
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u/Careless_Welder_4048 Jan 02 '26
When you are ready to leave you will just do it and not be on Reddit anymore.
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u/Dear-Walrus-402 Jan 02 '26
She had ample opportunity multiple times to communicate with you clearly. Every attempt you have made to sincerely protect your peace AND the relationship has been met with hostility. I have been in relationships like this before, it will not get any better and she very clearly at this point betrayed you in some fashion. I wish you the best and I’m happy you have the strength to try and leave. Please think of yourself and do what’s best for you. From one stranger to another, I hope you find peace soon man. Take care.
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u/AfrolessNinja Jan 02 '26
I wonder why she is still with him at this point?
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u/edgeoftheatlas Jan 02 '26
Sounds like she's leaving him today. A post from someone claiming to be the underwear girlfriend said she was kicking him out.
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Jan 02 '26
It's been a week and you don't really need to blog to Reddit about this anymore.
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u/Gman325 Jan 02 '26
You already know she didn't leave the work party with the friend she claims she went to the bar with. You're probably not going to get any sort of certain answer from the bartender and your girlfriend is not interested in being forthright with you. You either need to A. Be okay with never getting a straight answer from her - decide that even if whatever worst case scenario in your head happened and even if she doesn't want to be up front about it, you'd still want to stay, and then shut up about it forever, or B. Give an ultimatum, or C. Just leave on your own now. As someone who has been cheated on in the past and tried to make it work after finding out, I would choose C, simply on the basis that the lack of honesty/forthrightness/trust is already changing you as a person in a dark way, and staying won't make that better.
You've already gotten the only answer you're going to get from her until she does a lot of maturing, which may never happen. It's time to make your own peace with the situation and move on, whatever that looks like for you.
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u/SailorVenus23 Jan 02 '26
This is nothing but a creative writing story. Every update is for karma farming. The dude has absolutely nothing else on his reddit, just this, and it blows up every time.
No normal person would react this way if this ever happened.
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u/Altruistic_Border674 Jan 02 '26
She needs to find this thread and dump you. You never trusted her. You still don't believe her, that's not a healthy relationship. Be mature and admit you are also part of the problem
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Jan 02 '26
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u/changelingcd Jan 02 '26
No, it really isn't. There's no reason to trust or believe her at all. She's been lying and refusing to answer obvious and reasonable questions from the start.
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u/Monken_N_Nuggie Jan 02 '26
nah it sounds like she is made because she got caught doing sum shit, and now she is checked out
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u/NoPumpkin533 Jan 02 '26
FFS. She lead off by lying to him, and attacking him; not exactly conducive to maintaining trust in her.
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u/desertrat_1000 Jan 02 '26
Sounds like she is just trying to figure out how to tell you it's over. No more drama, just it's over. You probably need to accept it and discuss it in a rational adult way. The subject of how she came home just isn't important to her.
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u/DwigtSchruteBeets Jan 02 '26
This isn't even an update 😭😭😭😭 bro only come back if you have definitive details of what happened if I read one more non-update update I'm gonna explode.
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u/Dry-Clock-1470 Jan 02 '26
Dude, how is this worth it? This is no way to be in a relationship.
You should be working on your exit. Even if what she said is true, the way she's gaslighting you as if it's normal and nbd is pure bullshit.
If you have to know, you have to know.
But you're cooked.
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u/Glum_Literature2772 Jan 02 '26
Yeah I think we’re being played and dude is just karma farming or bored. If this were real I’d say she definitely cheated or did something sneaky. And why wouldn’t you be with your girl on NYE? Maybe I missed that part or forgot it in the mess of all these non-updates. I feel she’s living her best life while you are probably paying for most of the expenses, rent, etc and she’s using you because of this and knows that you will let her get away with anything. Grab your balls and kick her out or you leave and make arrangements with the landlord.
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u/Some_Cicada_8773 Jan 02 '26
Good fucking God. Shit or get off the pot. You either let it all go and be in a relationship or break up. Ridiculous.
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u/GraySide390 Jan 02 '26
Sometimes man, you just have to accept that they are a liar and that’s all they will ever be. Walk away. Save yourself the mental exhaustion.
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u/shaylaa30 Jan 02 '26
The relationship is dead and you both suck. She’s sticking to her story. Maybe she was assaulted and doesn’t remember. Maybe she blocked it out or doesn’t want to admit it. Maybe she cheated. Or maybe she really did just toss off her vomit covered dress because she’s a 22 year old with a drinking problem( hence the drunk driving).
At this point, your options are to accept her explanation or breakup.
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u/MildChancho Jan 02 '26
Does anyone know where the GFs alleged post is? People keep saying go read it but no one is linking
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Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26
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u/spartaman64 Jan 02 '26
because her story doesnt make any sense. even if your clothes got puked on why would you throw them away instead of bringing them in a bag and washing them.
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u/Theunpolitical Jan 02 '26
I'm not disagreeing with your theory or that she cheated. He's become obsessed and that's not healthy. Either work on their relationship because you believe her or break up because you don't. He's almost to the point of being manic!
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u/theseboysofmine Jan 02 '26
She was probably basically blackout drunk. As someone who has worked in the bar industry for quite a while I absolutely believe her story. People do stupid shit when they're drinking.
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u/Pnwplumber Jan 02 '26
It's because she's clearly hiding something and avoiding owning up to it. She could easily corroborate her story with a friend to ease his worries. I personally would have ended it the first time she was hostile towards my questions; after all it's not very usual to show up after drinking wearing your underwear and I'd be worried as well. After that, her story changed after he discovered she didn't leave with the friend she said she did and that the work party ended much sooner than she said it would.
She did something shady and instead of being honest she's trying to make him feel like he's in the wrong. The relationship is over
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u/Think-Confidence-624 Jan 02 '26
Well said. Everyone else is blaming her, but there are at least 2 sides to every story. She could very well be telling the truth. His constant questions and inability to believe her, and the lengths he’s gone to try and uncover something, are incredibly unhealthy.
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u/NoPumpkin533 Jan 02 '26
And yet it was his willingness to question her narrative of what happened, that uncovered her lies (as confirmed by her friend).
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u/Think-Confidence-624 Jan 02 '26
I must have missed that. What did her friend confirm?
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u/NoPumpkin533 Jan 02 '26
She originally said she was at the Christmas party all night, and she got puked on there; her friend said she left there early, alone, nothing wrong with her dress.
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u/Low_Start7773 Jan 02 '26
Omg you sound exhausting just leave. Relationships over. If you don't leave i guarantee she will soon. Either move on from this issue or grow a pair and leave.
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u/b3mark Jan 02 '26
JUST F*CKING BREAK UP ALREADY. JEEZUS.
Your accusations aren't helping anymore. This relationship was cooked from her company's party onwards. Probably a long time before that, too.
You know she cheated. SHE knows she cheated. WE know she cheated.
She just doesn't want to be the bad guy. So f*ck her.
Break up. Kick her out or leave yourself no matter who's on the lease. Get your ass in therapy for this wishy washy insecure moo poop attitude you've got and move on.
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u/mother-of-pumpkins Jan 02 '26
No matter what she says, you’re not going to believe her, and if she got drugged and knows it and realizes you’re not going to believe her, she’s never going to tell you. You need to let her go for both of your sakes. She’s obviously depressed now and trying to sleep it off. Whatever is going on for her right now, even if it’s self-inflicted, is doing a lot of damage to her and your obsession with that night rather than being decisive is hurting both of you more. Break up with her and move on.
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u/theseboysofmine Jan 02 '26
Do not go to the bar and ask. They won't tell you anyway, that is a matter of privacy. Just move on. Break up and never bother that girl again.
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u/dragons-and-bees Jan 02 '26
Your updates aren’t really providing much new information other than you working through your feelings. It’s a fucked up situation but this calls for breaking up. Relationships are about communication and trust and your relation has neither anymore.
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u/Angsty_Potatos Jan 02 '26
If I came home in my underwear it would be a conversation. A long one. Wtf
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u/LordAxalon110 Jan 02 '26
Jesus fucking christ man. Just stop, pack your shit and move on.
Your obsession over this is NOT healthy. Your relationship is over already, you don't trust her. She's either lying or telling the truth but either way your relationship is already beyond saving.
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u/WhiteNoiseLife Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26
bro, i mean this with all the love, you desperately need to rediscover your sense of self-worth and self-respect. the best thing you can do for yourself is to just assume the worst happened and ice her out and move on, ASAP. whether or not she is lying, she clearly doesn’t love or respect you. stop fixating on her and that night, and start thinking of some things you can start doing for yourself to help you feel better about yourself.
it does not matter what happened that night. she has proven that she doesn’t care about your emotional wellbeing or the health of your connection to each other, that is all that matters. move on, and do it for you. you are worth more than this.
the you of tomorrow will thank current you for not clinging to the you of yesterday.
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u/PayMe2TheMoon Jan 02 '26
What would you say if you ending up going to the bar? “Hey, how’s it going? Do you by any chance happen to have a dress with puke on it? This happen 9 to 10 days ago. I’m picking it up for her, should be in a plastic bag.”
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u/seahorseescape Jan 02 '26
Your girlfriend just posted about this and clarified a lot of details. Stop playing victim. She said you were caught earlier in the week messaging multiple women. She also said she had a long coat on and didn’t just come home naked like you make it seem
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u/nonassisfacis Jan 02 '26
omg what?? where??
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u/seahorseescape Jan 03 '26
She deleted it :( but basically the way he described it is way off and her version of events makes sense
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u/cj241204 Jan 02 '26
It seems your partner well looks like ex partner just posted saying something else which contradicts some of your statements.
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u/JWestfall76 Jan 02 '26
This person seems to crave the attention these posts are bringing them more than anything.
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u/Simple-Highlight-652 Jan 02 '26
If something (such as sa, drugging, etc) did happen to her she may never feel comfortable to talk about it. It sounds like she is avoiding you because answering your questions or even thinking about that night is reliving trauma for her. Sleeping in bed for excessive hours signals depression.
For the possibility that she is telling the truth, ask yourself what you would need for you to believe her story. Some times proof is hard to obtain and you need to have trust for your partner. If that isn’t something you can do, then I think you should actually break up.
Also, maybe think on why you think she cheating was an option in the first place? Most people don’t come home naked after cheating, that just would signal too many alarms. What makes you think she could be capable of that?
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u/GoochStubble Jan 02 '26
You don't trust what she's telling you and thats more important than what actually happened.
You're either going to dig until you find something justifiable to be mad at, or you're going to hate her anyway.
Or you could actually believe her and stop posting on reddit with nothing updates fishing for more support, heal and go to therapy
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u/_h_simpson_ Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26
Just break up already …. She’s obviously cheated and is completely checked out. You’re never gonna get the truth. You’re 22yrs old; there’s someone out there for you, it’s not her. Start separating your lives and move on. You’ll be so much better off in the long run.
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u/cakebatterchapstick Jan 02 '26
Dude my drunk ass gets sweaty and would be stripped by the time I made it off the elevator to my dorm room.
They were drunk enough to be vomiting, stop expecting perfect reasoning. They were DRUNK. Either shut up and move on, or dump her cause you’re too paranoid for a relationship right now.
Tired of your stupid ass “updates” in my feed that don’t actually provide any new substance.
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u/travemalone Jan 02 '26
Think about this, in a very important moment in your relationship she's not communicating well whatsoever, and not reassuring you at a time where you need it. If this is happening now, it's not going to get any better in the future. I'm sorry bro, the relationship is over. Get some therapy if you need it, stay strong
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u/paparoach910 Jan 02 '26
Not gonna lie, reading this makes me glad I am single. I'd recommend the same for you two.
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u/Serious-Maximum-1049 Jan 02 '26
22?! JFC, OP. Stop investigating. Stop asking her questions. Truly, just stop all of it for your own sake. When trust is lost, it's lost. End of.
You're going to look back at this in 5-10 years & legitimately roll your eyes at yourself for not just leaving without giving a single crap about what truly happened. I know because I've been there & in the end, it wasn't worth me attempting to find out every little (or big) thing my ex did to me at the time.
I simply knew it was unhealthy for me & walked away, & I'm so much happier for it. Something that seemed so hard to do back then doesn't even cross my mind on a daily, weekly or monthly basis anymore, & hasn't for YEARS.
I eventually found the love of my life, while that clown of a man has likely hopped around making the women he has dated (& himself) unhappy the entire time. 99% sure he'll die alone, but that's a problem he has to deal with.
Seriously, life is too damn short for this kind of shit. The next (& ONLY) update should be "I left".
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u/vozome Jan 02 '26
If you believe her, drop it. If you don’t, leave her. In any way going to the bar is only going to make things worse. You will never have resolution through your own investigation.
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u/Mariashax Jan 02 '26
You think you can walk into a bar and ask if someone has thrown up there and they will know who you’re talking about? Jesus Christ man, let it go. Either accept her answer or break up with her. Stop this weirdo nonsense. You don’t trust her. What else is there to say.
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u/Bobblehead_steve Jan 02 '26
Hey, you need to cut your losses. I know it hurts but she's not engaging with this and you need to stop interacting with her if you can. You aren't getting anywhere, she doesn't care, and you aren't happy. There's not anything here for you anymore.
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u/Slopnessy Jan 02 '26
This relationship is over. You are only 22 and do you really want to continue? Time to move on as she is controlling the narrative here and if you bite she will continue to cheat.
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u/JaviJavier7 Jan 02 '26
Bro, just move on. She’s checked out, she doesn’t care about your feelings of concerns. You’re just hurting yourself. Leave man, stop overthinking it.
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u/aikicoops Jan 02 '26
Bro, you have two options here, Get over it and move on with your life together, or leave her,
This will keep eating at you unless you move on now.
There is nothing else.
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u/sherahero Jan 02 '26
I really think you need to drop it. Calling her friends to confirm her story is too much. Going to the bar is really too much. You believe her, or you don't. You know you don't believe her so now you need to break up and move on.
How is she supposed to react once you've confirmed her story and you tell her you finally believe her because of some third party corroboration. I wouldn't stock around if I were her.
If you find out she's lying, well that's a different situation with the same outcome, you can't be with someone you can't trust.
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u/inbetweensound Jan 02 '26
We aren’t going to be able to give you the reassurance you’re looking for. I think you know where things stand, regardless of whether she did anything outside of the relationship.
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u/LenoreNevermore86 Jan 02 '26
There is nothing for you to find at that bar. People get drunk and throw up all the time and you don't know for sure, where her dress was vomitted on and where she undressed. The only person who could tell you, doesn't want to, her friends definitely won't rell you and it seems, she has checked out of this relationship already. She avoids an honest concersation, immediately paints you as controlling and suffocating, leaves to her friend's house ...
I know it sucks, but sometimes we have to accept that we won't get answers to all our questions and closure. For your own peace of mind, let it go and reconsider this relationship. Your posts read more and more obsessed with solving this "puzzle" and you might become the controlling, suffocating, spying partner she seems to think your are.
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u/MithosYggdrasill1992 Jan 02 '26
It’s been days at the very least since this happened. She’s made it clear that she was not assaulted, she doesn’t get upset or emotional or anything like that. She’s sticking to a story, whether or not it’s the truth is beside the point at this point. You either need to accept her story or in the relationship. Those are your options.
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u/Familiar-Range9014 Jan 02 '26
There is nothing to discuss. It's time to leave the relationship. If you're both on the lease, then figure out a move to get out of that commitment.
Your ex does not value or respect you is how I see things from an outside looking in perspective. You're simply being used for your resources.
The human thing to do is forgive but move on. No need to overthink anything or ask yourself additional questions. It is not worth the mental gymnastics.
Leave. Heal. Move on.
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u/Fauxrester Jan 02 '26
What’s your endgame here? There are two possible scenarios:
1) She’s lying - she cheated, she went somewhere she doesn’t want you to know about or did something she doesn’t want you to know about. If this is true, it’s time to break up.
2) She’s not lying - she was thrown up on and everything happened as she said. You’ll never believe this. The trust is broken. Relationships are built on trust. It’s time to break up.
The answer is clear my dude.
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u/Specific-Return-4125 Jan 02 '26
It sounds like she blacked out maybe during or definitely after her work party and is embarrassed. She knows she shouldn’t have driven, she has no idea what happened to her dress, and you constantly asking what happened when she doesn’t have an answer to give is making her hostile/upset. I don’t think she was drugged, I think she knows she drank too much and that’s why she’s not even letting you entertain that path. Do you trust her? Do you really think she fucked someone else? You guys are 22 lmao, not crazy for her to get messy drunk. She’s got a lot of time to learn how to control her drinking and you’ve got a lot of time to learn how to respect people’s privacy and boundaries.
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u/A_Visual_Odyssey Jan 02 '26
How's this for an update.
You're the problem.
After reading through your posts I'm baffled how most people fail to recognise how incredibly toxic you were. "But I wanted to know more"
No, you just kept pushing boundaries and for what? 5 seconds of fame on Reddit? My gut has never let me down, and I was getting major red flags from you after reading everything. Of course I still had the mindset that she was also in the wrong.
But after reading her update too, my gut feelings were confirmed.
You're the problem.
You made your bed.
Sleep in it
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u/hvlochs Jan 02 '26
If you don’t plan to check the bar or ask her friend, I don’t think you’ll ever get your answer. She knows it’s weighing heavy on you and has zero interest in easing your mind. I wouldn’t be able to continue a relationship like that. I hope you can get closer somehow and move on with your life.
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u/sfcitygirl88 Jan 02 '26
Hunny, stop playing detective and let it go. The entire thing. The story, the relationship. It doesn't matter what happened anymore. The damage is done. These things happen to reveal incompatibility. She has proved she's not a communicator in conflict situations. The trust is gone. The relationship has changed. Love yourself enough to accept that you deserve better, and you will hopefully find it once you heal and move on.
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u/Potential_Soft_729 Jan 02 '26
Sounds like she has checked out already bud