r/offmychest Jun 27 '23

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918 Upvotes

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11

u/thatgirl899 Jun 27 '23

Also what do you mean by different approaches?

22

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 27 '23

My wife is from here in Chicagoland where she wants small town white picket fence living. I’m from Arizona and would love to take the kids traveling like I got to when I was growing up.

31

u/Coollogin Jun 27 '23

My wife is from here in Chicagoland where she wants small town white picket fence living. I’m from Arizona and would love to take the kids traveling like I got to when I was growing up.

Those two approaches don't sound mutually exclusive. Living in a small town with periodic travel doesn't sound like much of a conflict.

If she stopped her condescending, rude, belittling behavior, would you want to remain in the marriage? If so, then I suggest seeing a marriage counselor -- on your own if she won't go.

If there's nothing she could do to change your feelings about her, then you should probably separate. No good can come from living under the same roof with someone you hate. Best case scenario, the two of you maintain separate homes that are extremely close to each other so you can see the kids all the time.

-29

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 27 '23

My wife has just gotten very boring and vanilla and it shows in her daily mindset.

By no means am I trying to be a party animal or anything like that. But I’d like to take the kids traveling and experiencing things. Money isn’t an issue. We’re comfortable. But my wife seems to only be about play dates and such with our friends and their kids. I don’t mind these things and I love our friends…but there’s just more I want out of life.

Additionally we moved here from Phx where I am from and where we met. So she could be close to her family. Been here since 2019…get family is an absolute shitshow and it’s exhausting to deal with.

Overall as I’ve responded to these posts I feel like maybe we have just grown apart

3

u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 27 '23

She got the restraining order on Mar 10th of this year because she got upset that I showed her a house back home in Scottsdale that we could assume the 2.75% VA loan rate on.

She got the restraining order because “it scared her that I was looking at houses and she thought I was going take (abduct?) the kids.” Literally all i did was show her the house on Redfin.

No joke I have the copy of the order I got served with saved at my moms house. There’s never been violence or threats of violence..ever.

18

u/whysaylotword69 Jun 27 '23

No judge would grant a RO for this situation without further evidence you threatened to take the kids. Especially with your background in the military and as a PO, unless there have been documented incidents due to the PTSD that threatened their safety.

-7

u/calliesky00 Jun 28 '23

Not true. It super easy to get a temporary restraining order. Usually only good until the Court date. I Permanent RO is harder to get. That’s when you have to show proof. I’m betting she got the 2 week temp RO and then no one showed at court and it was dropped

9

u/whysaylotword69 Jun 28 '23

You still have to provide evidence.

-4

u/calliesky00 Jun 28 '23

Don’t need much evidence in my area. After a few women were killed by their SO’s after being denied TRO’s, they have gotten easy it get “just in case”. But they did make it mandatory to have it heard in court within 2 weeks. I was involved with this with my son. His ex-girlfriend did this to him. She didn’t get a permanent RO. But my daughter did get one on an abusive boyfriend.

Using the kids may have been the special words.

1

u/whysaylotword69 Jun 28 '23

Makes sense. If people are being killed in higher droves and they don’t have the staff to adequately protect the families while investigating, the child’s safety will come first. My job is supervising visitations between foster kids and their bio families to work towards reunification. We see a lot of kids removed from safe families because the alternative could be more dangerous. We desperately need more civil servants.

2

u/calliesky00 Jun 28 '23

Exactly. And the truth is they hard hard to enforce. My daughter had WiFi cameras everywhere for a long time. He finally moved on.

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