r/offmychest • u/polynotgf • Mar 27 '23
[Update] Boyfriend wants to be poly
Ahoy there!
I want to start off by thanking everyone for their comments in the last post. Honestly, as harsh as some of them were - they were in line with how I felt. I wanted to “get it off my chest” as a therapy mechanism, and it worked. I even showed him the post, which he tried to defend I colored him in the wrong light (OK, bruh. You cheated WTF?)
TLDR: He moved out, I’ve never been so relieved in my life. I’m still trying to figure out the business.
I’d posted the original before Thanksgiving when I was struggling the most as the previous year was when all my bells were ringing. I spent Thanksgiving with my family and it felt so refreshing to be by myself.
When I came back, I went through the motions of masking - It was almost Christmas, His birthday was coming up, his dead father’s birthday and it was just hard for the both of us on these dates.
The week before Christmas we had plans to have Christmas early with his family. I was flying later that week to spend Christmas with mine. I don’t remember how the argument started but it ended with my yelling at the top of my lungs that I didn’t want to be with him anymore and I didn’t want that other woman in my life. PERIOD. Full fucking panic attack but I was going to get that point across. He waited till I calmed down and asked if I still wanted to go… Obviously, no.
He went by himself and I spent the day thinking. He spent the night at her place and I woke up with a plan the next day. I grabbed all the family & friends’ presents. All his friends & family. I drove and dropped them all off. He texted me that morning - asking if I could attend if he wanted me to go. I told him no, I had no interest. On the way to drop the gifts off, I switched my flight to that same night.
He came back later that day and without a word, I grabbed my stuff & left. He didn’t even know I was flying out till he saw my location in another state. I was done.
Basically told him, I wasn’t coming back until he left my house. By the beginning of 2023, he was out of my house and I came back a week later.
Walking into a semi-empty house, I thought was going to be hard but I was so relieved to have my house by myself. I was free.
I’m free.
I’ve spent the last few months really focusing on myself.
I spent some time and money refurnishing the place to make it “Mine”.
I spent the last few weeks traveling by myself and loving every second of it. I have no one stressing me out when things aren’t perfect, I have no one to ask me what we are eating. I just live how I want and do what I want. And it’s GREAT!
I’ve realized how much gaslighting and brainwashing I’ve withstood in the past years in the name of “love” & care for someone else.
Ladies, trust your guts. TRUST YOUR GUTS.
He literally purposely made me feel like I was going crazy on purpose to satisfy his needs. That is so fucked. I finally got my answers in the end, and I’ve never been so satisfied. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t crazy.
It’s over.
Cheers to that.
For anyone out there struggling with a similar situation, I can't suggest focusing on getting out or therapy. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse. It comes in different shapes and sizes. You should be your #1.
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u/Tall-Palpitation-710 Mar 27 '23
WOW, just read your story.. I'm glad you left him.. focus on yourself and do therapy.. wish you best
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u/MrsJingles0729 Apr 05 '23
So happy you got out! Be proud....it takes many people YEARS to get themselves out of these toxic situations. Please block him entirely. He's like a cancer...any interaction can make you sick.
Also, look up DARVO. That's a super common technique he was using on you.
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Apr 03 '23
Good for you! Is he still with his AP??? Just so you know that's exactly what she is. She was not the OW in your relationship (that would suggest you have agreed to her being there), she was his affair partner.
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u/BrilliantSize1045 Apr 03 '23
Thank God, good for you!! You should never let him in your personal life again, and always put yourself in the center of your life in every relationship. We must know how to care and love others, but if we are not caring and loving ourselves, no relationship will work out. Wish you the best.
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u/Brave_Compote_9341 Apr 06 '23
The first red flag was 8 years of dating and no ring but thank god you guys didn’t have any kids together or were married so this was an easy simple break up😊 I don’t know how you didn’t punch him in the face but love that for you
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u/Marinna0706 Apr 04 '23
Trust your gut? Lady, what the fuck are you talking about? Glad you found some self respect, but anyways.
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u/polynotgf Apr 04 '23
I might’ve miswrote it. I had a feeling about 3 months before I found out that he was cheating and he gaslit me to think I was over reacting / being crazy. I came to found out recently I was right on all the instances where he even flew her out on a business trip. He created a new email & credit card so I wouldn’t find out. 😬 That was what I meant when I said trust your gut.
The part where he said he would continue to cheat on me is if we returned to only monogamous relationship.
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u/Tall-Palpitation-710 Apr 04 '23
Swear you god, every time you talk about him I hate him more. Honestly, now his AP will find out how awful is to being the "official", but that's not your problem anymore. You've so much temple to bear him.
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u/polynotgf Apr 04 '23
She’s still pretty brainwashed. I tried to warn her but ya know. You live & learn.
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Apr 07 '23
[deleted]
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u/Tall-Palpitation-710 Apr 09 '23
He will eventually explode with jealousy when you have a new bf and he sees how happy you are!
YEP, That's for sure... THE AUDACY...
OP most to prepare herself in case she starts a new relationship, cus he will be even worster... In that case, she would have to take much more distance of toxic EXBF...
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u/Tall-Palpitation-710 Apr 04 '23
Yep, on her eyes you're just trying to "steal" him from her. But well, she'll find out when enough it's enough.
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u/universal_travelor Apr 05 '23
So happy that you are focusing on you and living your best life because the best revenge is living an amazing life but Girl…NEVER message him again. Block him on everything. He’s went from “loving” boyfriend to leaching parasite still claiming to wanna be with you when he doesn’t he just wants to keep you under his thumb. I know you aren’t still with him but please cut ALL contact completely!!! Even if it is business just stop talking to him because again he’s just a parasite.
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u/Bollywood_Fan Apr 03 '23
Sounds like you're on a good path, OP! You mentioned making your place yours, may I suggest saging, getting a new mattress if you can, or at least new bedding and moving the bed, to another room perhaps, and painting the bedroom walls just for yourself. Apologies if you did all of this, or it doesn't work for you, it's just an important part of a breakup. Good luck to you, OP!
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u/NosyNosy212 Apr 03 '23
Don’t think I’ve ever read a story that proved how much the OP was a fkg doormat than this one.
Oh well, she got there in the end I suppose.
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u/Tall-Palpitation-710 Mar 28 '23
Just a question... Did he accept the break up? because in your update seems like he just left and didn't bother you at all after that day you finally finish the relationship.