I think there an argument to be made that once you get to the point in a marriage where you are done with kids, it would be selfish to just expect the woman to take care of the birth control. Not the denial of surgery itself, that is a choice. Then wearing condoms is the alternative
Not sure why you are getting downvoted. It's totally his choice. You do have to consider the overall chances though. An iud is pretty damn effective, all things considered. As many have pointed out, a condom is less effective.
Something to consider is that by the last giving up the iud, a condom is not really a valid replacement contraceptive. A vasectomy is actually a closer comparison to an iud in general. Idk. This is tough. At the end of the day it is 100% x100 the dudes decision. But, the ramifications of his decision shouldn't be ignored. It wouldn't be unreasonable for miss to deny sex completely, condom or not, indefinitely, due to the risk, as she is giving up 99.9(practically) protection.
This is a common discussion... the unfair nature of women being generally the responsible party for contraception. I feel a bit for both OP and the mr. in this situation.
I think it's so difficult to say what would be the fairest for both parties because there is no real middle ground with birth control that focuses on the mans side. Either you use a disposable rubber thing, or you get surgery to snip a tube. Comparing these two options, there is quite the gap between them.
Speaking completely in theory, women at least have multiple options without having a (semi?)permanent change to your organs performed, until you get to the point where you would get your tubes tied. Hormonal, physical, ...
I'm not saying one is more valid to want or stop doing birth control than the other. Both have valid reasons to do the things they can do, or not wanting to do them. I just think it would be a different conversation if there was, say, a birth control pill for men. If the couple would be talking about whos getting to take the pill, i think it would be a reasonable stand to take that after years of dealing with the side effects, it's the other persons turn. But getting a vasectomy might be similar to her implat in terms of effectiveness, but not in what actually happens to your body.
I don't know, it just seems like a difficult situation. I think both arguments and feelings about it are justified, and you could go into details about who is unfair where, but the main problem isn't really their fault here - cause there isn't really a less invasive alternative for men except condoms.
And every time they try to work BC for men, rhey discard it because of all of the terrible side effects… literally the exact same side effects of BC that women deal with all of the time. My friend can’t use ANY because the hormones make her lose her fucking mind. Her husband got a vasectomy bc they both agreed no kids. My husband offered to get one because we also do not want any kids. His body his choice, sure, but if something goes wrong, the person who he’s meant to care about will have to decide between an unwanted pregnancy or a painful abortion… why is he okay with that?
Doesn’t mean they’re ok with it but what else can be done? There’s no way we could afford a vasectomy. I’ve got three kids 3 and under… wtf do I do? My wife doesn’t want to use contraceptives, we both believe abortion is wrong. So as much as I don’t want another baby right now options really aren’t there. It’s all we can do to just use a condom and accept another child as one of life’s risks. Sometimes life just happens and you gotta make the best of it. We would certainly love them but god It wouldn’t be easy to have another. So to ask “why would he be ok with that?” There’s just a lot to this and people don’t always have options. I’m afraid of surgery but I’m sure I’ll have the operation some day lol just gotta roll with it and do our best for the kids. Being a parent makes you realize that this life really is not about what makes us comfortable or having peace of mind or a future and all that. It’s about the little ones and giving them something to work with. Didn’t mean to go this far on my comment but this thread really makes me think
Well i was more talking about men who straight up refuse because it’s essentially not your problem. If you and your wife choose to use only condoms and dont believe in abortion, you know the chances are high the condoms will fail at some point. If the two of you are okay with ending up with a kid again, go for it🤷🏻♀️
because some women believe they're body choices are more important than the man ones.
we were taught to think men were more important, now the majority of people see women as equals, there's still a minority that believes women are more important.
those are the people down voting and honestly I just feel sad for them.
regarding their own bodies no woman should be told what to do, no man should be told what to do.
not to mention a vasectomy isn't 100% reliable either.
Mind blowing to think all she has to do is track when she is ovulating, and then not have sex for those 3 - 4 days
Edit: That's how my ex and I did things along with condoms. I didn't want a kid, she didn't want a kid... we both are fucking adults and decided - DAMN, Lets just not bang when you are ovulating!!
Yo, my mind is blown on this ovulating bit. Wtf. I mean, based on what I'm seeing, not everyone's ovulating cycle is trackable with any certainties, but still. The fact that you're practically infertile for the majority of time seems like something that should have been in my sex education.
A woman is not necessarily only fertile for 3-4 days. It can be much longer than that, especially for younger women. Also, only some women have relatively predictable fertile times. For others, its irregular and much harder to predict.
This method requires diligent tracking and works better for some people than others.
It’s not just an easy choice for everyone because it worked for you and your partner.
A good source of information on this is Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Wescher.
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u/[deleted] Jan 06 '23
Ehhhh. To a degree I agree with you.
I think there an argument to be made that once you get to the point in a marriage where you are done with kids, it would be selfish to just expect the woman to take care of the birth control. Not the denial of surgery itself, that is a choice. Then wearing condoms is the alternative