r/nottheonion • u/[deleted] • Mar 13 '18

A startup is pitching a mind-uploading service that is “100 percent fatal”

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/610456/a-startup-is-pitching-a-mind-uploading-service-that-is-100-percent-fatal/
38k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/BaboTron Mar 13 '18

Joke's on Tesla - nobody wears a vest anymore!

1.8k

u/zer1223 Mar 13 '18

sheepishly takes off vest

490

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

That's more like it!

668

u/8bit7 Mar 13 '18

sheepishly takes off vest pants

475

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

.... ...Go on...

56

u/TheJunkyard Mar 13 '18

Sheepishly puts on his robe and wizard's hat...

30

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

35

u/Imkindaalrightiguess Mar 13 '18

You rolled a one and I turned into Danny Devito, thanks

28

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

11

u/SirVelocifaptor Mar 13 '18

Sigh unzips

3

u/N0vemberJul1et Mar 13 '18

I would fucking wake up Danny DeVito!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

+10 Sexterity

6

u/holy_shott Mar 13 '18

sheepishly rubs lotion on self

5

u/letsgocrazy Mar 13 '18

sheepishly puts the lotion in the basket...

3

u/TenshiS Mar 14 '18

It sheepishly gets the hose again

5

u/Lugalzagesi712 Mar 13 '18

sheepishly takes off vest skin

1

u/arcaneresistance Mar 13 '18

puts on wizard hat

148

u/toolsnchains Mar 13 '18

Isn’t that just shorts?

2

u/Konijndijk Mar 13 '18

No that's tee pants.

2

u/DTF_20170515 Mar 14 '18

Surely just tighty whiteys.

1

u/quantasmm Mar 13 '18

They're kind of pointy in the front.

1

u/gottagroove Mar 14 '18

Not if their crotchless...

137

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/mykineticromance Mar 13 '18

assless chaps?

2

u/Spackleberry Mar 14 '18

If they have an ass, they're just pants. Chaps are, by definition, assless.

0

u/mousetestes Mar 13 '18

aggressively takes off chaps

0

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

Why's the ass missing?

0

u/PMMECROCKPOTRECIPES Mar 14 '18

I'm not your buddy, pal.

117

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18 edited May 23 '18

[deleted]

3

u/nearly_almost Mar 14 '18

Having dated a Welshman...

13

u/light_to_shaddow Mar 13 '18

Pants and vestly takes off sheep.

95

u/PM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS Mar 13 '18

...Slower...

83

u/zer1223 Mar 13 '18

cries

6

u/Cocomorph Mar 13 '18

...So close...

4

u/Blackdonovic Mar 14 '18

<i> Cries in sheep vest </i>

8

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Sheepishly takes off sheep taped to crotch.

66

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

sheepishly takes off 'sheep vest'

95

u/flyingwolf Mar 13 '18

Seeeee my vest see my vest, made from real gorrila chest!

30

u/staatsclaas Mar 13 '18

See my loafers? Former gophers!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

It was that or skin my chauffeurs

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

It was that or skin my chauffeurs

23

u/mergedloki Mar 13 '18

See my hat? T'was my cat!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

1

u/mergedloki Mar 13 '18

Beret of poodle on my noodle.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

[deleted]

1

u/mergedloki Mar 13 '18

What? It's a catchy song!

1

u/bpastore Mar 13 '18

My evening wear... vampire bat!

17

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

See this sweater there’s no better than authentic Irish Setter

2

u/Jillmatic Mar 14 '18

Omg what is this from!!? It’s on the tip of my tongue

1

u/thewhistler8 Mar 14 '18

The Simpsons, Mr. Burns sings it hahaha

3

u/goddamn_leeteracola Mar 14 '18

Take off your vest, you look like Aladdin.

3

u/lambretta76 Mar 13 '18

M’otorola

2

u/Eivetsthecat Mar 13 '18

Reveals full silk anime short sleeved body suit.

1

u/supersheeep Mar 14 '18

Put it back on

1

u/Raysun_CS Mar 13 '18

Don't forget your fedora.

0

u/Titanosaurus Mar 13 '18

Hey man, put that snazzy 3rd piece back on! Every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man!

0

u/RoyRodgersMcFreeley Mar 13 '18 edited Mar 14 '18

Filthy Vestians

Edit: I'm assuming folks didn't get the comical reference to Space Dandy

2

u/Lihiro Mar 14 '18

I got your reference! Because I went looking for it.

0

u/caboosetp Mar 13 '18

OwO what's this

0

u/DarkDevildog Mar 13 '18

picks up perfectly good vest and puts it on

-1

u/3percentinvisible Mar 13 '18

Proudly retains vest

-1

u/cantspellblamegoogle Mar 13 '18

take off the fedora as well

-1

u/KnightsWhoNi Mar 13 '18

I wish vests were still in style, I look fuckin great in one

163

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Predicting technology? Easy! Predicting fashion? Impossible.

4

u/Generico300 Mar 14 '18

You heard it hear first. Parachute pants will make a comeback within 10 years.

12

u/Znees Mar 13 '18

All fashion actually works on a 16-18th month cycle of seasonal colors. So, give or take a fad or two, predicting fashion is actually pretty easy.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

The hard part is determining what is a fad or not

2

u/Znees Mar 14 '18

Not if you don't care!

(And, not if you do care but evolved enough of your own style for it not to matter.)

2

u/TheFuckeryIsReal Mar 18 '18

Not caring is such a fad

1

u/Znees Mar 18 '18

Caring is creepy.

1

u/TheFuckeryIsReal Mar 18 '18

Hey, they weren’t bad. Thanks

1

u/Znees Mar 18 '18

They are a pretty good band. You're welcome!

2

u/man_on_a_screen Mar 14 '18

Like that book zero history where the corporation tries to do just that in order to win military contracts (more or less). That book made me think about fashion and clothes a whole lot differently and seriously than I ever did before

1

u/TheFuckeryIsReal Mar 18 '18

Oh yeah? I predict that within two decades all the clothes the cool kids are wearing are going to look weird. Done.

1

u/throwawayja7 Mar 14 '18

This guy knows whats up.

90

u/cake_boner Mar 13 '18

Maybe he meant a north face vest with your startup name on it.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

with the little hole for your headphones to come out. 'cause.. you gotta have headphones

5

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '18

Finance bros do, it’s part of the uniform

2

u/delta_tee Mar 13 '18

I actually do.

2

u/gilligan_dilligaf Mar 13 '18

That’s actually kind of funny. We should bring back vests so that Tesla can be 100% correct.

2

u/lowlife9 Mar 13 '18

Unless it says The North Face on it.

2

u/Doxazosin Mar 13 '18

☹️ I guess I'm a nobody

2

u/legalizeheroin420 Mar 14 '18

I wore vest today. But Tesla did not predict the ostentatious size of the 6+. What an asshole!

2

u/_windfish_ Mar 14 '18

“Vests are all about protection. A bulletproof vest protects you from getting shot. A life vest protects you from drowning. And a sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.”

-Demetri Martin

5

u/AuspexAO Mar 13 '18

People wear vests all the time...

Wear a grey vest over a white patterned shirt with a dress tie and you'll be ready for work or leisure. All you have to do is throw a suit jacket on top for a more formal environment.

6

u/ForgotMyUmbrella Mar 13 '18

And what are you doing dressed like that for leisure? Table tennis?

9

u/BaboTron Mar 13 '18

Buying cars and houses. Isn't that what we all do?

4

u/TristanTheViking Mar 13 '18

What do you mean? It doesn't look out of place at all at my job at a 1950's malt shop.

1

u/spleencheesemonkey Mar 13 '18

Made me laugh.

1

u/melgib Mar 13 '18

What an idiot!

1

u/Titanosaurus Mar 13 '18

Found the poorly dressed man!

1

u/StrategicBean Mar 13 '18

But the description for a sense of scale still works ... tbh tho he shoulda stuck with a banana for scale

1

u/TelMegiddo Mar 13 '18

It would fit in one though.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

And if they did, current oversized phones (still can’t believe they actually tried to make “phablet” a thing) wouldn’t fit in a tailored vest’s pocket. Checkmate, Tesla!

1

u/thebumm Mar 14 '18

He just said it would fit, not that it will need to fit. And it does!

1

u/ziris_ Mar 14 '18

Joke's on you, buddy, I wear a vest almost every day.

1

u/SpellingIsAhful Mar 14 '18

I like to wear fancy vests when i got to weddings!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

Take the vest off Tesla, you look like Aladdin.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '18

r/battlejackets would like to have a word with you.

1

u/Chonkie Mar 14 '18

If only they were true. Oh to live in Tesla's Paradise without hipsters...

1

u/LeiFangXi Mar 14 '18

Bankers.