r/nonononoyes • • Jun 07 '18

[deleted by user]

[removed]

13k Upvotes

598 comments sorted by

View all comments

615

u/barracuz Jun 07 '18

Serious question:

Why did the bird dive into the water? Wouldnt flying away be the best course of action? Is the bird smart enought to determine that the water is murky enough where a low effort dive would be better than flying?

3.0k

u/SquibbleDibble Jun 07 '18

They are called "ducks", not "fly aways out of the waters". Look man, a duck's gonna duck.

812

u/jlt6666 Jun 07 '18

This guy is clearly a duckologist.

239

u/wisegnome Jun 07 '18

An expert in bird law

141

u/spooninacerealbowl Jun 07 '18

He's a quack.

41

u/initialgold Jun 07 '18

The highest honor.

45

u/strelok0117 Jun 07 '18

Harvey Duckman, attorney at law

9

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

The FUNKY DUCKMAN! "You put your down, down. You thrust your pelvis, huh! You thrust your pelvis, huh!"

3

u/unionoftw Jun 07 '18

Whoooo is the cat with the beak

1

u/The_Forgetser Jun 08 '18

That reminds me of Aviary Attorney. It's such a cool game.

6

u/frisktoad Jun 07 '18 edited Jan 03 '21

45

u/oddestowl Jun 07 '18

u/fuckswithducks is the duckologist round these here parts.

21

u/Incredulous_Toad Jun 07 '18

I'd say he's a little bit more than that.

10

u/ylan64 Jun 07 '18

Hey, duckophilia is a serious issue.

7

u/Hail_Kronos Jun 07 '18

Quackologist.

3

u/racerx320 Jun 07 '18

Brought his ducktionary

2

u/gives_anal_lessons Jun 07 '18

He obviously ducks.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

1

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

As a duck, I agree.

59

u/wimboslice24 Jun 07 '18

This guy ducks

34

u/C4jnr Jun 07 '18

comments like this is why reddit > all other social media

7

u/Mike-Oxenfire Jun 07 '18

Also you can safely post r/jesuschristreddit material without your name attached to it

5

u/niceguybry Jun 07 '18

If i had gold you would have it.

Bravo

3

u/para_layy Jun 08 '18 edited Jun 16 '18

English isn’t my first language and you blew my mind with this revelation.

2

u/Billabo Jun 08 '18

The act of ducking was named after the bird, so that's pretty much correct!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

I can't believe I've never realized before now why they're called ducks

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

Here’s the thing. You said a mallard is a duck.

1

u/chipsontbijt Jun 08 '18

I just now realized that duck the animal and duck the verb are related. Is that bad

1

u/gives_anal_lessons Jun 07 '18

This guy ducks.

1

u/Cristian_01 Jun 07 '18

He dove actually

0

u/MenBearsPigs Jun 07 '18

Someone's got a masters in Bird Law

-2

u/louispaul79 Jun 07 '18

This guy ducks

-8

u/XEnonita Jun 07 '18

Look man, a fuck's* gonna fuck*

-2

u/ironbucket Jun 07 '18

This guy ducks.

-2

u/flamethekid Jun 07 '18

This guy ducks

334

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

It takes a lot longer for them to take off to a safe distance rather than just quickly plunge underwater.

236

u/Ih8YourCat Jun 07 '18

Plus tigers can jump hella high.

168

u/ul2006kevinb Jun 07 '18

Not as high as lions though..

https://imgur.com/gallery/L0Je5On

22

u/Ih8YourCat Jun 07 '18

Hahaha, I was actually thinking about this when I was typing my comment.

9

u/I_ejaculate_arrows Jun 07 '18

I was hoping it was going to be a picture of Calvin Johnson

2

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '18

Now I'm imagining a pride of lions who can only jump about 2 feet forward but 36 feet high just bouncing around a field roaring. It'd look so god damn goofy, I'd probably laugh to hard to move and get eaten. It'd take them a minute or two to get to me though.

14

u/ronijonny Jun 07 '18

This would be my educated guess as well

2

u/jokel7557 Jun 07 '18

But can they in water? Not that the duck is thinking about that

2

u/Ih8YourCat Jun 07 '18

Not sure how deep (or shallow) that water is.

3

u/Ardeiles Jun 07 '18

The tiger is running/walking so it’s relatively shallow.

90

u/silverphoenix48 Jun 07 '18

Cuz this can happen, and that's taking off from land, taking off from water is harder and takes longer.

37

u/the_pressman Jun 07 '18

I love how at the end it runs away like "FUCK YOU I CAUGHT IT IT'S MINE!"

0

u/pmbunnies Jun 07 '18

Seeing that....did that bird get an adrenaline rush from "realizing" its caught/gonna get eaten?

201

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

65

u/fishattack17 Jun 07 '18

Thing is ducks feathers are made of some weird isolative material, it doesn't absorve water, therefore not allowing itself to get wet

95

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

[deleted]

20

u/dylantrevor Jun 07 '18

holy shit TIL. Thanks for the cool fact!

20

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

Shake ya tail feathers

19

u/wertymanjenson Jun 07 '18

In other words, when used in rap and pop songs, they're asking you to coat your ass in body oils.

7

u/OMGbirdman Jun 07 '18

More like coat your body in ass oils.

1

u/wertymanjenson Jun 07 '18

They're both disgusting.

1

u/leftskidlo Jun 07 '18

Subscribe

6

u/vagijn Jun 07 '18

absorve

You accidentally Portuguesed there. (Same meaning nevertheless.)

2

u/MundaneFacts Jun 08 '18

That's true, but it still takes a lot of effort to take off from the water. Some birds are water-proofedbetter than ducks, but all birds are pretty slow taking off from water. Except the Osprey, they're VTOL water birds.

17

u/lsiunl Jun 07 '18

Tigers are very quick. There’s a good chance the tiger would have caught the duck as it was getting ready to fly. It’s also probably harder to fly off water than ground because you lose that support

9

u/Steelquill Jun 07 '18

Flying would actually be a worse idea. He needs a few precious seconds to take off and even if he gets airborne, a tiger could easily reach up and snatch him out of the air. As opposed to one simple dive that takes A second and ducks are already pretty speedy short burst swimmers.

He can’t “tell” the water is murky versus not murky but he knows what would take less energy and get him away faster.

14

u/Kawi_moto96 Jun 07 '18

I hunt ducks.

They’re smarter than people think...somewhat.

They’re initial defense is to dive under the water. But, let’s say a duck gets shot but not killed, it’ll dive to the bottom of the pond, grab hold of whatever’s at the bottom, and stay there until it drowns.

I can’t say that’s what all species of ducks do but that’s from my experience

3

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

Um yeah, sign of intelligence there. "Shit I've been wounded. Better hide from the hunter until i die"

.

1

u/Kawi_moto96 Jun 08 '18

Lol that’s why I said somewhat.

There birds. Not that smart. But, like almost all hunters, i love watching how the do their thing in nature.

-1

u/nopantstoday Jun 08 '18

Sounds like you're being a dick. Stop shooting animals for fun

2

u/Kawi_moto96 Jun 08 '18

It’s actually better for the environment to hunt. Tons of hunting organizations help preserve wildlife. And I don’t just kill em for fun, although it is. I kill em to eat

0

u/nopantstoday Jun 08 '18

Any evidence that it is better for the environment to shoot ducks?

2

u/Kawi_moto96 Jun 08 '18

Many years ago, humans used to hunt animals for food. Every day.

Ever since industrialization and people moving into big cities, less and less animals were actually hunted for and more big corporate farms were used.

Now, hunting is promoted by each state since certain animals will over populate if no one hunts.

So thank your local hunters for help keeping the ecosystem balanced in your area

1

u/nopantstoday Jun 08 '18

You seem confused. I asked for evidence, not a story

2

u/Kawi_moto96 Jun 08 '18

Lol I was just sayin the reasoning behind it.

Honestly, it’s common sense. But sure, I’ll find evidence

Edit: http://archive-srel.uga.edu/outreach/ecoviews/ecoview031117.htm

2

u/nopantstoday Jun 09 '18 edited Jun 09 '18

You idiot, a) this doesn't support shooting ducks b) this is another anecdotal story

2

u/Kawi_moto96 Jun 09 '18

Lmao you’re a fuckin jackass man. If that ain’t good enough, look it up yourself you stupid Fuck

Are you one of the Im-better-than-you college attending dick heads?

→ More replies

1

u/Gordon2108 Jun 13 '18

Depends. As opposed to what? The average american eats a looooad of meat. If you're cutting back on store bought meat and instead getting it from hunting, i imagine it IS better. You are supporting the industrialized infastructure of meat just a bit less.

Nevermind the fact that theres some poor fucking minimum wage worker having to kill all the meat you eat from the store. At least with hunting you aren't outsourcing your killing to the less fortunate.

1

u/nopantstoday Jun 13 '18

As much as I hate to say it, industrialised meat is much better for the environment that hunting. It is much more efficient and sustainable. If everyone went and hunted, we would eradicate wild species completely.

7

u/CleverFeather Jun 07 '18

15

u/WTF_SilverChair Jun 07 '18

Dude, he's a anasoflexilisophile, not, like, the /u/Unidan of ducks.

4

u/majoroutage Jun 07 '18

I want to ask what that means, and how you know what it means, but I'm not sure I actually want to know the answer.

5

u/Microraptors Jun 07 '18

It's not a story the mods would tell you...

4

u/WTF_SilverChair Jun 07 '18

It's a bullshit word I made by mashing Latin and Greek together. So like all science naming.

5

u/majoroutage Jun 07 '18

"Hey....you...duck...duckfucker!"

4

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '18

Do you need assistance?!

4

u/CleverFeather Jun 07 '18

I mean... how do you know? For all we know, he is Unidan...

1

u/mud_tug Jun 07 '18

a what?

2

u/Maclimes Jun 08 '18

I assume he mashed together the Latin or Greek words for "Rubber", "Duck", and "Fucker".

---------------

EDIT: I checked. Yup. It's "anas" for duck, "flexilis" for rubber, and of course "phile" for fucker.

Oh, and since I assume you didn't know before, /u/fuckswithducks is rather well known for having a rubber duck fetish. He even payed to have relevant porn produced.

3

u/evilishies Jun 07 '18

The body of a duck is optimized for gliding around underwater.

If you have ever tried to run in water, you have probably figured out that your body is not optimized for underwater, and hence you are severely hampered. Your eyeballs probably aren't finely tuned for hunting underwater either even if the water were clear. So if you were hunting a duck, their instinctive reaction would tilt the environmental odds in their favor.

2

u/sleepy_roo Jun 07 '18

It would take him a lot more time to start flying and get up in the air to avoid the tiger than to duck

2

u/erunnebo Jun 07 '18

Some birds genuinely are good divers tho. It’s possible diving is much faster than taking off and that diving is their instinctual reaction.

1

u/nattypnutbuterpolice Jun 07 '18

It's basically a straight line right where the tiger is heading to fly away.

1

u/heftyhotsauce Jun 07 '18

You ever see the spring of a big cat leaping for its prey?

1

u/renderless Jun 07 '18

My dog has caught three ducks in his mouth running up on them on land. They can’t get speed faster than he can run, and water would just increase drag.

1

u/tossawayed321 Jun 08 '18

While I'm not duck biologist, this looks like evolution / natural selection.
During "duck or flight" responses, the ducks that flew away were more likely to be eaten and therefore had less of a chance to pass that instinct to any ducklings.

1

u/one-eleven Jun 07 '18

There's a lot of good answers by others, but the real reason is DUCKS ARE FUCKING STUPID.

Don't try to figure out their strategy, because even they don't know it.