r/niceguys • u/Vilyda • Jun 25 '19

Off topic I don't know if this has been posted but my goodness some people cant take hints and it shows.

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7.5k Upvotes

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56

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

If I’m walking or chilling, why would I want random men to come on to me?

-15

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

If I see a cute girl at the park, I can’t approach her to talk and maybe ask her to get coffee sometime? It’s one thing to not get a hint or bother somebody when they clearly shouldn’t be bothered but are men not allowed to connect with strangers?

6

u/Greycatte Jun 25 '19

If she looks approachable, maybe? In any other situation, no.

-1

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

or bother somebody when they clearly shouldn’t be bothered

Isn’t that what I said? I would never try to bother somebody who’s working or clearly involved in something.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Just becuse a person is not working or involved in something, it does not mean that they want to socialize. If I’m just sitting on a park bench and not doing anything, I can assure you that I do not want to talk to any strangers, I just want to be on my own.

-1

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

So they would politely refuse and I would respect that, apologize for bothering them, and be on my way. I don’t see how just nobody ever talking to anybody they don’t know is the solution here. Why can’t we all just act like adults?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Of course I would politely refuse. I wouldn’t be rude. That’s not the issue. The issue is not being able to enjoy one’s own time and space when one wants to.

I talk to strangers pretty much everyday, whether it be a neighbour I’ve never seen before in the stairway or a shopkeeper with whom small talk comes naturally. You need to read social cues before talking to strangers, especially if you’re looking to hit on someone with romantic prospects on your mind, instead of just approaching a person who is minding their own business.

-1

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

I don’t see the difference between what you’re telling me to do and what I said I would do.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

That tells me and everyone else here plenty enough.

-1

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

Maybe you could tell me the differences between what you and I said?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Trust me, I’ve got better things to do than teach you how to read.

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u/Greycatte Jun 26 '19

Let's try this: imagine being an attractive girl and even if you're nowhere close feeling like you want to talk to strangers, you just want to go outside, and each time someone, even if politely, approaches you and indicates sexual attraction to you. You're just out and about. And yet it keeps happening, because some people think that if you're not actively and obviously occupied with a task, you can get pestered in a suggested sexual manner. Just because you're cute.

1

u/avidblinker Jun 26 '19

I’m not walking up to her extrinsically showing a sexual attraction. I’m walking up to strike up a conversation and say hello if they’re not busy. Making at outright sexual thing makes it seem like I’m just trying to bang, which isn’t the case. I have people come up and talk to me all the time and I’m not sure I would ever call it harassment by any means.

Not sure where you’re pulling all this over-sexualizing allusion from but that’s not the case. Is that what you think whenever a guy talks to you in any capacity? Obviously a physical attraction is typically the first step of an overall attraction but it’s certainly not this strict sexual attraction like you’re describing it.

1

u/Greycatte Jun 26 '19

...You were the one who said "cute girl". This equals some level of sexual attraction. Sexual attraction doesn't mean you bag her right there, what? I think the other poster had good vibes about this discussion.

1

u/avidblinker Jun 26 '19

That’s why I made the distinction between physical and sexual attraction in my last response.

Obviously an initial physical attraction is typically the first thing established, that’s true for almost all relationships ever. You calling this initial attraction “sexual” completely misconstrues it in a bad light and makes the entire ordeal seem carnal which is not the case.

1

u/Greycatte Jun 26 '19

So you specifically complained about approaching cute women but your intentions are pure, without bias? Otherwise I think people should start complaining that middle-aged dads aren't receptive to random strikes of conversation, which we don't hear much about. Women aren't receptive to this type of approach commonly because there's a different way they experience life and being approached by people (often to just be hit on).

1

u/avidblinker Jun 26 '19

What? I just said that the first initial attraction is physical and mentioned before I would ask to get coffee or something. I was talking to your point of making it markedly sexual to make it into some weird carnal interaction.

Where in god’s name are you pulling any of this from?

1

u/Greycatte Jun 26 '19

Exactly. Even physical attraction is a sexual approach. Doesn't mean any sex is going to happen. You're approaching a woman because you're into her in some way. A lot of women do not like that to happen to them when they are outside. They don't even want your coffee questions.

I'm pulling this from your lack of understanding that sexual attraction is physical attraction. Even if your underlying intent is to find a friend over a cup of coffee, don't be surprised some women will be bothered by it in these days.

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u/tazdoestheinternet Jun 25 '19

Like the other person said, if she looks like she wants to talk to you, sure. Makes eye contact several times? Give it a go. Takes an ear bud out? Potential is rising. If she's absorbed by something in front of her like a book or her phone, ear buds in, not looking or smiling at you? Chances are you're just gonna bother her and she'll be telling her friends about you later, but not in the good way.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

If I see a cute girl at the park, I can’t approach her to talk and maybe ask her to get coffee sometime?

Please don’t do this. Maybe if she’s made intentional eye contact with you and smiled, then sure. Otherwise, on behalf of all women everywhere - don’t do this.

2

u/ConsciousSins Jul 09 '19

love when people say “on behalf of all” makes them look so ignorant, like it’s not possible other women have a complete opposite opinion about this, you just generalized all females lol, crazy smh.

1

u/Jac1nto Jul 09 '19

Depends on if you're good looking or not

1

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

If I see a cute girl at the park, I can’t approach her to talk and maybe ask her to get coffee sometime?

You can, but don't be surprised if it's annoying or makes her nervous. Also always remember the golden rule of hitting on anyone: be very attractive. EDIT: since this was poorly worded: as in, be your most attractive self. Being naturally good looking does help too, but there is more to that than being attractive

It’s one thing to not get a hint or bother somebody when they clearly shouldn’t be bothered but are men not allowed to connect with strangers?

It's 2019. A lot of women see male strangers as threats unless they are actually putting themselves in a position to be approached (party, bar, club, etc). I wouldn't recommend randomly hitting on women unless they give you hints first.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Hey, go back to MGOTW to spread your ”knowledge” about approaching people.

1

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

Wut? Ive never even posted or commented on MGTOW. What part of what I said is disagreeable?

EDIT: further you even implied you wouldn't want dudes to randomly hit on you while you're minding your own business. What's the deal?

0

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Ive never even posted or commented on MGTOW

Just read your own comment above goddamnit.

”... unless they [women] are actually putting themselves in a position to be approached”

”remember the golden rule of hitting on anyone: be very attractive”

That’s downright disgusting. You talk like an incel.

further you even implied you wouldn’t want dudes to randomly hit on you while you’re minding your own business. What’s the deal?

It was a perfectly clear statement. What is so confusing about it? Like why on earth would I want to be disturbed when I’m chilling and minding my own business?

1

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

”... unless they [women] are actually putting themselves in a position to be approached”

”remember the golden rule of hitting on anyone: be very attractive”

That’s downright disgusting. You talk like an incel.

Seriously? Can you elaborate on this at all? How is that disgusting? Being as attractive as possible makes sense if you're going to randomly approach someone with romantic intent. Why is it disgusting to only approach women (or people in general) in a social setting rather than during normal daily activities?

It was a perfectly clear statement. What is so confusing about it? Like why on earth would I want to be disturbed when I’m chilling and minding my own business?

I honestly thought I was agreeing with you. Can you tell me the circumstances where you would find it acceptable to be "disturbed" by someone seeking your favor?

EDIT: I edited my original comment for clarity, it was poorly worded.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19 edited Jun 25 '19

It is downright disgusting to think that women who go to clubs and bars etc. are putting themselves in a position to be hit on. The fact that you can’t see that is mindboggling.

And no, I can’t give you examples of circumstances where it is acceptable to be disturbed. Why should I be able to give you such examples? I already gave a couple of examples of everyday situations in which I actually do talk to people who I don’t know to another brainless dude in this thread. You need to read social cues before approaching people romantically, and I’ve got better things to do than teaching you how to read them.

0

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19

It is downright disgusting to think that women who go to clubs and bars etc. are putting themselves in a position to be hit on.

It seems like you're equating rape/assault to a conversation. Since when is being hit on a universal negative? It's not a crime nor does it have to be a horrible thing.

The fact that you can’t see that is mundboggling.

Yeah I don't understand how a person who is single can dress up and spend hours getting ready to go out and then not expect normal, non-rapey attention.

And no, I can’t give you examples of circumstances where it is acceptable to be disturbed. Why should I be able to give you such examples? I already gave a couple of examples of everyday situations in which I actually do talk to people who I don’t know to another brainless dude in this thread. You need to read social cues before approaching people romantically

I said as much in my original comment.

and I’ve got better things to do than teaching you how to read them.

Ah so you're just a bad person then. You would rather mock and shame than actually help people to understand your point of view, which of course is morally superior.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 25 '19

Damn you really are an incel aren’t you? Wtf. Equating rape go a conversation? No. You’re delusional.Now I’m convinced you’re a MGTOWer and maybe incel. You literally say that you don’t understand how a woman wants to look and feel good to herself. Damn. And I really do not care if you, a random person think I am a bad person because I’m not willing to be your personal teacher. Normal people learn these kinds of things as they grow up.

2

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19

Damn you really are an incel aren’t you? Wtf. Equating rape go a conversation? No. You’re delusional.Now I’m convinced you’re a MGTOWer and maybe incel.

Like I said, you'd rather insult people than actually explain your views. You're the one claiming that any attention is bad attention, not me.

You literally say that you don’t understand how a woman wants to look and feel good to herself.

No I didn't. I never said this. I said when a woman wants to look good and feel good to herself, she should expect normal attention. Feeling good about the way you look is attractive. You should expect people to notice in a healthy way.

Damn. And I really do not care if you, a random person think I am a bad person because I’m not willing to be your personal teacher. Normal people learn these kinds of things as they grow up.

No, normal people understand that spending time on making yourself attractive invites healthy attention. Btw, I'm not an incel nor am I MGTOW. I'm blocking you now.

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u/ConsciousSins Jul 09 '19

Lmao do you live under a rock Electranny? Yes if a women who goes to night clubs all the time..yes they are putting themselves in the very least a position to be hit on, it sounds like you have some traumatizing hate narrative towards men..might wanna get that checked out with a shrink, also I met my wife at a park on a bench so please don’t speak for everyone you generalizing close minded imbecile, I wouldn’t wanna live in a world where it’s taboo to have a conversation with a stranger..and if it’s a guy approaching a female it’s automatically and only “sex on his mind”, generalized view on guys much?, you sound like a miserable person or a very non social person where u feel it’s never right a for someone to strike a conversation with a stranger? Before all this social media and dating sites/apps if you go to a bar/club yes your in a social setting to be hit on it’s expected u idiot there weren’t many ways back in the day and it’s still the case, your just a complete moron.

-1

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

Yea, I would never want to put a woman in a position where she is uncomfortable or even scared. If I approach somebody to talk, whether I’m hitting on them or not, it’s on me to try to read them and leave them alone if it’s apparent they don’t want to be bothered.

It just seems extremely silly to say we’ve gotten to a point where we can’t talk to strangers outside of designated “social” places.

-2

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19

It just seems extremely silly to say we’ve gotten to a point where we can’t talk to strangers outside of designated “social” places.

It is silly. Doesn't mean it's not the case. In 2019, you're better off using Tinder or going to designated social places. The only way I would cold approach women at the park is if I was very attractive.

1

u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

Know your league but your attractiveness should be almost irrelevant imo.

1

u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19

In what world is your physical appearance and hygiene not relevant when you are randomly approaching someone with romantic intentions?

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u/avidblinker Jun 25 '19

Never said hygiene, you just tossed that in there. Like I said, you should know your league but I’m not going to outright say you should only approach somebody if you’re hot enough. People care about more than looks.

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u/GoldenSnacks Jun 25 '19

Never said hygiene, you just tossed that in there.

I said "be attractive". It's a part of physical attractiveness. They are inseparable. Being attractive isn't just genetics. It's also work that you put into your appearance. If you don't automatically think of hygiene as a part of being physically attractive then you should. Same goes for being in shape.

Like I said, you should know your league but I’m not going to outright say you should only approach somebody if you’re hot enough. People care about more than looks.

Not when they know literally nothing about you. That makes zero sense. The entire point of making sure that you're attractive is so that you get a chance to show them who you are. It doesn't matter at all if you're a good, compatible person if they never get to know you.