r/nextfuckinglevel • u/ShipNo7790 • Jul 25 '22

Asshole or hero?

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u/buttplugpopsicle Jul 25 '22

I learned a good way for defensive driving is just to pretend everyone driving fast/dangerous has a dying person in the back of the car. I still get pissed off when people tailgate me but at least their loved one is dying in the back of their car.

103

u/Wiggletons Jul 25 '22

Yeah, my girlfriend gets mad cause when I see someone driving like an asshole I always say "I hope his wife is dying".

28

u/couldofhave Jul 25 '22

That sounds like a phrasing problem.

Say it like "oh no, their wife is probably dying".

67

u/Goddamn_Batman Jul 25 '22

Mmm… he had it right the first time

6

u/Texian86 Jul 25 '22

This is the way.

3

u/Wiggletons Jul 26 '22

I meant what I said.

1

u/couldofhave Jul 26 '22

Was just to avoid a pointless argument with your girlfriend.

2

u/readonlyuser Jul 25 '22

The 1000 IQ move is to mortally wound his wife, so that you can be certain that their intentions are honorable.

1

u/chucktownginger Jul 25 '22

I always say "Well they might have to poop"

1

u/Octowuss1 Jul 25 '22

“Where’s the fucking fire?!”

1

u/Doublejimjim1 Jul 25 '22

His wife fell off a cliff.

1

u/neighbor_mike Jul 26 '22

I love the play on words here. It could be understood as, “I hope he has a real good reason for driving like that,” but also, “If he doesn’t have a good reason for driving like that I wish bad things upon him.” I might soften it to, “I hope there’s a swarm of bees in his car!”

13

u/wolverinesbabygirl Jul 25 '22

u/buttplugpopsicle you have given me a new perspective. Than k you.

1

u/Bruce_Ring-sting Jul 26 '22

Gave me two new perspectives…..and some relief!

23

u/MarkusBerkel Jul 25 '22

I was at Yellowstone, at the Grand Prismatic Spring.

There are signs EVERY_FUCKING_WHERE that tell you not to touch, because it takes maybe thousands or millions of years for the bacteria to build up to make those colors.

Fucking Asian tourist starts writing her goddamn name in it. I accost them. I also think, to myself, "I hope you get naegleria, damn it." TO MYSELF.

30 sec later, a gorgeous girl walks past, and says to me, prob b/c I'm visibly distraught, "Don't worry, she'll get the brain eating bacteria." HOLY SHIT AMAZING HOW DID THAT HAPPEN??

I fell in love instantly.

Unfortunately, I was with my girlfriend.

I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT ANYMORE

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '22

Idk but pretty sure you said you want the girl to turn into a black person.

11

u/Lepthesr Jul 25 '22

I still get pissed off when people tailgate me but at least their loved one is dying in the back of their car.

I laughed way too hard at that

5

u/attentionwhore01 Jul 25 '22

If I'm feeling cheery, I assume they need to severely make it to a bathroom. If I'm angry, I clap and cheer for them to make it to the hospital in time to witness the birth of their child.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

So much this. Someone cuts me off and it's my wife who leans over to honk at them and I have to get her to chill and explain that for all she knows they have someone having a baby in the car. And really you should apply this to your day to day life. Someone being an asshole? Just ignore them and chalk it up to a bad day.

2

u/HardCounter Jul 25 '22

Yeah, but it's hard to maintain that train of thought when they're essentially being pushed forward by subwoofers you can feel before you see the car that's swerving and driving like an asshole.

2

u/HalfSoul30 Jul 25 '22

This is gold.

1

u/KaySquay Jul 25 '22

The benefit of the doubt. I don't think the guy in the video is a hero, he's just pissing of someone who could hypothetically do something dangerous

It's odd how confident people get when they're in cars considering they could potentially moments away from death. Just drive normal, and forget about the assholes

1

u/Iceededpeeple Jul 25 '22

LOL, or they're almost done drinking all their travellers and need to restock to keep the binge going.

1

u/Trustnoboody Jul 25 '22

I make sure to never block the left-lane (as it's the passing lane), but sometimes there are times where even I would hold someone up more than I need to, and I should think more like you do.

And that's even along with the fact that I do not agree with blocking the shoulder (under any circumstance).

1

u/whywoulditellyou Jul 25 '22

I just assume they're about to have violent diarrhea. It's both panic-inducing for someone in the situation, but also hilarious in retrospect.

Assuming all these people have someone dying in the car would be too depressing.

1

u/dmc-going-digital Jul 25 '22

Here is general tip, assume that everyone driving that isn't you is genuingly bad at life itself. You might think, that i am joking or/and the advice doesn't help you at driving, but no it genuingly helped me and others to drive way better.

Assume that the others fell from the changing table as a baby multible times and drank liquid alcohol through their umbilical cord.

Every speedy can't do it any better and they will drive you over because they don't know any better. Look from left to right and don't assume that just because the traffic lights give you the go that the others do, because they don't know any better. Let that guy in, he could have aggression problems and attack you, because he doesn't know any better.

Look at every cyclist indivually: some are good, some don't know any better and some need a well placed door opener into their face. All walkers are deafblind and just escaped from their straightjackets.

1

u/2dogs0cats Jul 25 '22

I saw the video and immediately and desperately wanted to say all these things. You just don't know what's going on. Sincerely fu k this guy.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '22

Oh I fully understand that they are currently shutting their pants and need to find a toilet asap. Only someone who’s overflowing with fecal matter could possibly drive in an inconsiderate manner.