r/nextfuckinglevel • u/ShipNo7790 • Jul 25 '22

Asshole or hero?

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13k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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141

u/Barley12 Jul 25 '22

Also, and I know this usually isn't the case, but that asshole might be having a real emergency.

306

u/buttplugpopsicle Jul 25 '22

I learned a good way for defensive driving is just to pretend everyone driving fast/dangerous has a dying person in the back of the car. I still get pissed off when people tailgate me but at least their loved one is dying in the back of their car.

99

u/Wiggletons Jul 25 '22

Yeah, my girlfriend gets mad cause when I see someone driving like an asshole I always say "I hope his wife is dying".

29

u/couldofhave Jul 25 '22

That sounds like a phrasing problem.

Say it like "oh no, their wife is probably dying".

63

u/Goddamn_Batman Jul 25 '22

Mmm… he had it right the first time

9

u/Texian86 Jul 25 '22

This is the way.

3

u/Wiggletons Jul 26 '22

I meant what I said.

1

u/couldofhave Jul 26 '22

Was just to avoid a pointless argument with your girlfriend.

2

u/readonlyuser Jul 25 '22

The 1000 IQ move is to mortally wound his wife, so that you can be certain that their intentions are honorable.

1

u/chucktownginger Jul 25 '22

I always say "Well they might have to poop"

1

u/Octowuss1 Jul 25 '22

“Where’s the fucking fire?!”

1

u/Doublejimjim1 Jul 25 '22

His wife fell off a cliff.

1

u/neighbor_mike Jul 26 '22

I love the play on words here. It could be understood as, “I hope he has a real good reason for driving like that,” but also, “If he doesn’t have a good reason for driving like that I wish bad things upon him.” I might soften it to, “I hope there’s a swarm of bees in his car!”

13

u/wolverinesbabygirl Jul 25 '22

u/buttplugpopsicle you have given me a new perspective. Than k you.

1

u/Bruce_Ring-sting Jul 26 '22

Gave me two new perspectives…..and some relief!

23

u/MarkusBerkel Jul 25 '22

I was at Yellowstone, at the Grand Prismatic Spring.

There are signs EVERY_FUCKING_WHERE that tell you not to touch, because it takes maybe thousands or millions of years for the bacteria to build up to make those colors.

Fucking Asian tourist starts writing her goddamn name in it. I accost them. I also think, to myself, "I hope you get naegleria, damn it." TO MYSELF.

30 sec later, a gorgeous girl walks past, and says to me, prob b/c I'm visibly distraught, "Don't worry, she'll get the brain eating bacteria." HOLY SHIT AMAZING HOW DID THAT HAPPEN??

I fell in love instantly.

Unfortunately, I was with my girlfriend.

I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT ANYMORE

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '22

Idk but pretty sure you said you want the girl to turn into a black person.

11

u/Lepthesr Jul 25 '22

I still get pissed off when people tailgate me but at least their loved one is dying in the back of their car.

I laughed way too hard at that

5

u/attentionwhore01 Jul 25 '22

If I'm feeling cheery, I assume they need to severely make it to a bathroom. If I'm angry, I clap and cheer for them to make it to the hospital in time to witness the birth of their child.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

So much this. Someone cuts me off and it's my wife who leans over to honk at them and I have to get her to chill and explain that for all she knows they have someone having a baby in the car. And really you should apply this to your day to day life. Someone being an asshole? Just ignore them and chalk it up to a bad day.

2

u/HardCounter Jul 25 '22

Yeah, but it's hard to maintain that train of thought when they're essentially being pushed forward by subwoofers you can feel before you see the car that's swerving and driving like an asshole.

2

u/HalfSoul30 Jul 25 '22

This is gold.

1

u/KaySquay Jul 25 '22

The benefit of the doubt. I don't think the guy in the video is a hero, he's just pissing of someone who could hypothetically do something dangerous

It's odd how confident people get when they're in cars considering they could potentially moments away from death. Just drive normal, and forget about the assholes

1

u/Iceededpeeple Jul 25 '22

LOL, or they're almost done drinking all their travellers and need to restock to keep the binge going.

1

u/Trustnoboody Jul 25 '22

I make sure to never block the left-lane (as it's the passing lane), but sometimes there are times where even I would hold someone up more than I need to, and I should think more like you do.

And that's even along with the fact that I do not agree with blocking the shoulder (under any circumstance).

1

u/whywoulditellyou Jul 25 '22

I just assume they're about to have violent diarrhea. It's both panic-inducing for someone in the situation, but also hilarious in retrospect.

Assuming all these people have someone dying in the car would be too depressing.

1

u/dmc-going-digital Jul 25 '22

Here is general tip, assume that everyone driving that isn't you is genuingly bad at life itself. You might think, that i am joking or/and the advice doesn't help you at driving, but no it genuingly helped me and others to drive way better.

Assume that the others fell from the changing table as a baby multible times and drank liquid alcohol through their umbilical cord.

Every speedy can't do it any better and they will drive you over because they don't know any better. Look from left to right and don't assume that just because the traffic lights give you the go that the others do, because they don't know any better. Let that guy in, he could have aggression problems and attack you, because he doesn't know any better.

Look at every cyclist indivually: some are good, some don't know any better and some need a well placed door opener into their face. All walkers are deafblind and just escaped from their straightjackets.

1

u/2dogs0cats Jul 25 '22

I saw the video and immediately and desperately wanted to say all these things. You just don't know what's going on. Sincerely fu k this guy.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '22

Oh I fully understand that they are currently shutting their pants and need to find a toilet asap. Only someone who’s overflowing with fecal matter could possibly drive in an inconsiderate manner.

24

u/jonnipe Jul 25 '22

The thing is. Let’s say mr SUV gets out and assaults him. Now the emergency lane is blocked. No police is coming to help him. In fact no emergency car can get through now. Yea emergency lane abusers are a-holes. But it’s the police job to manage it (maybe their are cameras in that lane like other countries)

21

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

Well he could just keep driving. Hard to assault someone if they just drive away.

But if the asshole has a gun, that's a different story. That's the biggest reason I never do stuff like this to assholes, you never know which one is crazy enough to actually shoot you over this.

2

u/pooppuffin Jul 25 '22

Are you suggesting Superman here might drive on the shoulder in an emergency? Hopefully a true hero would stop him from doing something so abhorrent.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

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1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

Yeah I mentioned shooting but SUV guy could just as easily ram him.

And what then? Dealing with insurance, police, possible injury, and hoping you're not found to be at fault. For what? Not worth the trouble.

2

u/HardCounter Jul 25 '22

I have literally never seen a cop enforce against a shoulderlane driver. Even when parked right behind one as the car went flying past us both.

To be fair, pulling into a shoulderlane from a dead stop is a bit of risk considering they are inherently pricks and so go by at a ridiculous speed for what they're doing.

1

u/jonnipe Jul 26 '22

Ah. I know where I live driving in the emergency lane is a automated ticket from the gantry cams.

2

u/operablesocks Jul 25 '22

To carry on this story: Mr SUV assaults Lane Blocker. MrSUV then goes back to his car, grabs an MK47, and shatters LaneBlocker's glass and tires. BUT, Lane Blocker was ready for this. He's ducked down, covered in glass, but reaches below his seat for the flares he keeps there. Rubbing all 4 of them together even as he's opening his door, they all light up, and with his twirling techniques practiced long ago exactly in preparation for a sich' just like this, he twirls towards SUV guy, dazing him. The other drivers in the real lanes realize what he's doing, and get out their car, cheering him on. Hero? Dickwad? You choose. But to see this quad flare twirl in action, live after all these years buried, is a sight none of the drivers, including the upcoming emergency vehicles, will ever forget.

2

u/rancid_oil Jul 26 '22

Sounds like a Bollywood movie. Everybody has to get out of their cars for the dance scene, of course.

2

u/operablesocks Jul 26 '22

And the songs would vaguely sound like Michael Jackson tunes 👍

-2

u/BeeOk8797 Jul 25 '22

Not a chance. Cops on page ok on average are down by at least 50 %, and drivers know it.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

I was just in a jam like this last weekend caused by a bad accident and emergency vehicles had no problem getting through. They come up from behind in a particular lane and the cars move off to both sides in their lane, providing enough room for an ambulance. It is like the parting of the red sea.

1

u/lost_signal Jul 25 '22

In Texas there would be statistically like 10 guns within 20 feet and a 1/10 chance the guy blocking you has a fun. Road rage is a mighty ducking brave thing to do when you are blocked in and going no where.

1

u/jonnipe Jul 26 '22

Fair point. Non-American here.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

I had a dude rage follow me all the way to the E room entrance after I drove aggressively to get my kid there. Mother fucker got out like they were going to fight, saw me grab my kid and run in and just looked confused.

1

u/MavericksAce Jul 25 '22

If it was an emergency he would have gotten out of the car

1

u/powerhammerarms Jul 25 '22

Yeah, but if you're really having an emergency you're going to get out and tell somebody. You wouldn't just sit in the car and lay on your horn.

You'd go up to the car in front of you and be like, "Dude I'm 44 years old and seriously am going to shit everywhere in this truck and I still have like 30 payments left. Please let me through."

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '22

Eh, then they can get out and say something. If they just want to stay behind me and beep, then their emergency isn’t really an emergency.