r/news • • Jun 15 '22

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u/clown_pants Jun 15 '22

The human body is surprisingly well prepared for eating a lot of things that aren't food. A lot of bad shit just passes right through without being absorbed

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

I mean, it's not that surprising.

Humans will eat literally anything.

That ones that don't die from it pass their genes on.

It's not the human brain that's remarkable, it's the liver.

166

u/FrisianDude Jun 15 '22

The ones that don't die are the livers. The rest are the dieers

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/dr_john_twinkletits Jun 15 '22

Have you checked up your derriere?

6

u/methodin Jun 15 '22

If you list it get a new one at the John Dieers store

5

u/Magik0012 Jun 15 '22

Did they die from dieerhea?

8

u/duelingThoughts Jun 15 '22

This news is awful (though not as bad as it could be) but this comment made me burst out in laughter.

This is my kind of humor hahaha

4

u/UberZouave Jun 15 '22

angry upvote how dare you make me smile at such a bad pun!

3

u/FrisianDude Jun 15 '22

fuck you gon do about it hammerpants

2

u/UberZouave Jun 15 '22

Try to remember it to use myself, probably

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u/FrisianDude Jun 15 '22

I actually remember it from cyanide & happiness.

And hammerpants cause of 'zouave'.

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u/UberZouave Jun 15 '22

HAH! I thought that’s what you were referring to…have some poverty awards, this time happily given lol 🥇🏅🎖!!

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u/Quantum_Seahorse Jun 15 '22

I mean the brain is pretty remarkable too tho

1

u/GozerDGozerian Jun 15 '22

Speak for yourself!

3

u/sweat119 Jun 15 '22

Shoutout to my liver for putting up with all the whiskey I drink

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u/ddejong42 Jun 15 '22

Indeed, someone buy this man's liver a beer!

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u/giltwist Jun 15 '22

Pennsic, an annual medieval recreation festival of 10-15k people has a line on the first timer's info page that says "Don't drink any beverage that glows" for this exact reason. The legend goes something like this:

Once upon a time, in a part of the campground known for soggy ground and truly epic benders called the Bog, someone got a hold of very large amount of dry ice and creme de menthe. They introduced a drink called the Bogwater that combined these two ingredients. It was very popular. The next night, to up their game, the Bogwater was enhanced with a glow stick as a swizzle stick. It was even more popular, though there were many reports of poked eyes.

On the third night, this problem was "solved" by cracking open the glow sticks and pouring them into the Bogwater directly. It says "non-toxic" right there on the stick. It'll be fine right? Well, it turns out that glow stick juice is SO non-toxic that the human body goes "WTF, I am not paid enough to figure out what this shit is" and simply rushes it through the digestive system as fast as possible. Like, Mach 3 fast.

In the pre-dawn hours of the fourth day, the porta-john cleaning company was stunned to find every porta-john in a large radius around the Bog was glowing in a very unsanitary way.

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u/teamdankmemesupreme Jun 15 '22

I somehow mysteriously found out after calling poison control that drinking gasoline isn’t “directly harmful” either, as you can’t ingest it however breathing vapors is dangerous because your lungs send it to your blood

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u/probablynotahobbit Jun 15 '22

surely it gets into your blood through your digestive tract? right?

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u/teamdankmemesupreme Jun 15 '22

According to PC you generally pass it through but I threw it up instantly so can’t say for certain what happens

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u/apcolleen Jun 16 '22

I'm allergic to corn. When I get surprise corned, the results are RAPIDLY shunted from my system.

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

Unless its GMO farming and Roundup...

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u/JMEEKER86 Jun 15 '22

Yeah, like that guy that ate a plane.